disclaimer : i wish i owned harry potter! it all belongs to J.K!

Chapter one – The life she'd like to forget.

'AHHHGGGGG'

'I will take the utter most pleasure in doing this Harry, for to long have you escaped me and now it must come to a end.'

Withering in pain Harry looked up into the red eyes of Voldermort. He could feel himself slowly losing his strength and all he wanted to do was die, the pain he was too much for him to handle. He watched as the 40 Death Eaters circled him and unconscious Ron.

Someone crept into the room and hid while the Death Eaters closed around them. Watching Harry being threatened, the impostor raised their wand and shouted -

'STUPEFY!'

The powerful spell hit 10 Death Eaters in the back, everyone turned to look at where the spell had come from. The intruder raised from the hiding place to face them all. A shrill laugh filled the room.

'You are a powerful witch aren't you? But do you think that you can save your precious potter, from the dark lord and my faithful servants? You want to take on 30 Death Eaters, and me?

The Death Eater's laughed which sent a shiver down Harry's spine. With a casual flick of his wand, Voldermort sent a curse flying towards the unknown person. They did nothing to stop it or protect them self, instead their instinct told them to just lift their hand. As they did the curse was deflected onto a wall causing a hole to appear. Voldermort turned to the person with a bewildered look.

Still facing him, the intruder felt something come over them, something waking up in the depths of their body - an energy. Their eyes turned black and hollow, a red light shone around them, the Death Eaters didn't quite no what was happening. Something told the person to raise their head and shout

'VOLCA PETRIFICA.'

There was a flash of white light and a violet a beam hit each of the Death Eaters and Voldermort, sending them to the ground screaming, holding their heads in agony. Watching from across the room, Harry was confused and frightened. He could hardly see but who ever it was, was standing there shaking and sweating with this red light surrounding them and their eyes, their eyes black.

The screams and pleads of the Death Eaters subsided. The room was silent. Just before Harry passed out, the person approached him. Harry looked up and whispered

'Thank you. You saved me but who are you?'

The person came out of the shadows, just as Harry saw the face he fell unconscious. Walking towards the collapsed Death Eaters, Harry's saviour saw that all of their lips were ice blue, their eyes white and open in shock. A trickle of blood came from the sides of their mouths. Breathing heavily the person approached the figure of Voldermort. Kicking him over to see his red eyes now white. He was dead. They were all dead.

The person didn't know how long they stayed there looking at his body but it seemed like hours when in reality it was only seconds. The red glow had faded and their eyes were back to normal. They could hear footsteps approaching and they panicked. They had just killed 40 Death Eaters and the Dark Lord. Just as they turned to run into a corner, not wanting to be seen, 30 people stormed into the room wands raised, however they stopped when they saw the scene infront of them. All of their expressions were shocked, only one person saw the shaking figure in the corner. Silence. Finally a female witch spoke –

'Oh my goodness. Albus –'

She was cut short by a wave of Dumbledore's hand, never taking his eyes of the trembling person in the corner.

'Find Harry and Ron.'

Just as some of them were about to leave the room, a voice came from the corner.

'They are over by the window.' With their hand they pointed towards where the unconscious bodies of Harry and Ron were.

They all jumped at the voice, they didn't realise any one else was in the room. Several of the wizards went to Harry and Ron. The rest went to the Death Eaters. But Dumbledore stood still watching the quivering figure. By now the figure had pulled themselves up to the wall and hugged their knees and spoke to the ones by the Death Eaters.

'There's no point. They are all dead,' paused for a second 'including Voldermort.'

Gasping, all of the wizards turned to look at Dumbledore, shocked and confused. Never did he take his eyes off of the now violently shaking figure. A few seconds passed then he spoke.

'She's right. Take Harry and Ron back to the school, I need to talk to Miss Granger and find out what happened here.'

At the mention of her name, Minerva McGonagal, Tonks, Lupin and Mad Eye Moody rushed to her side to check if she was ok. However they got within 2 feet of her and they were sent flying back. They all watched in amazement as a red glow surrounded Hermione. She was still shaking and crying.

'Take the boys back, now. I must speak with Miss Granger immediately.'

They all turned to leave, levitating Ron and Harry infront of them. Minerva McGonagal gave a backward glance to Hermione and Albus, confused and continued with the rest of the order. After a few minutes of silence Dumbledore could hear sobbing. He went over to her and sat down beside her. The red glow had gone and now all that was left was a vulnerable young witch, to scared to speak.

'What happened Hermione?'

She couldn't bring herself to tell him what happened. She continued to cry with her knees in her chest. Finally she took a deep breath and said,

'I I I did it, I I I killed t t them. The Death Eaters, V v v voldermort. I k k killed them.'

She put her hand to her face and cried. Dumbledore rubbed her back and tried to comfort her. It was no use, she continued to cry.

'I'm a murderer.'

Waking up from her nightmare, Hermione Granger found herself drenched in sweat and shaking. This was a nightly occurrence for the young witch. Ever since that night at the Riddle Mansion 4 weeks ago, when she killed 40 Death Eaters and defeated one of the greatest wizards in history, she had been having nightmares about that night over and over again.

She got up and went to her window. Gazing over the clear night sky, tears began to fall from her amber eyes. She thought about her life over the last year. It had been the worst year of her life. Her parents were murdered by remaining Death Eaters less than 3 weeks ago and had to arrange the funeral alone. Her two best friends had stopped talking to her when they went back to school in September because they were more interested in girls and sex and not 'plain Hermione.' The Slytherin girls had beat her up numerous times throughout the year because she was 'too pretty.' Her so-called best girl friends Lavender, Ginny and Pavatil had ignored her from the start of the year because guys paid more attention to her and not them. She didn't understand why they were ignoring her or why the guys paid more attention to her. She hadn't changed much. She grew taller so she was about 5'9, she wasn't a stick thin girl either but she wasn't fat (a small 12 in English sizes) she wore clothes that complimented her curvy figure. Her hair was toffee coloured, wavy and fell just under her shoulders and she wore little makeup. She consider herself average not at all pretty. Hermione couldn't take having no friends, one night just after the New Year, she tried to take her life.

Running her figures down her scar on her arm, she leaned on her arms on the window and recalled that night and how she felt.

She was alone. Nobody to turn to, nobody to talk to. She took a knife from the great hall at dinner and made her way to the room of requirements. She remembers taking the knife across her stomach twice and then across her left forearm down to her wrist. He watched as the blood trickled down her arm and she immediately began to feel faint. The next thing she remembers was waking up in the hospital wing with Madam Pomfrey holding a cold wet towel to her head. She looked around to see if Harry or Ron was there but they weren't. She was alone again. The headmaster visited her and had said that Harry and Ron had found her when they went there with their girlfriends. This made Hermione feel two inches tall. They hadn't gone to look for her, they had found her by chance. The headmaster told her he would keep a close eye on her.

Walking away from the window she wiped away her tears and sat on her bed. Looking at her bedside table she saw a picture of Harry, Ron and her. They had their arms around Hermione and they were all smiling. It pained her to see them like this and angry memories flooded back.

The night she came out of the hospital wing, she made her way to Gryffindor tower. She entered the portrait hole to find nobody in the common room. She thought that maybe Harry and Ron would be there to see if she was ok. But they weren't. Nobody was. She went up to her dormitory and to her relief Harry and Ron were sitting on her bed. She smiled and made her way over to them, but seeing the expression on their face she stopped. They turned to her and Harry said in a quiet voice,

'How could you?'

'Excuse me?'

Ron jumped in and started shouting at her.

'You selfish bitch! How could you do that to us? Did you ever think how that might effect us? We were the ones that found you god dam it!

Startled, Hermionejust stared at them, numb with anger. Shacking in fury and her fists clenched. Ron's face was as red as his hair and his eyes wide. Harry just looked at her in disgust. They just stared at each other for what seemed like minutes. Finally Hermione spoke.

'How dare you speak to me like that? You haven't said more than two words to me whole term and now, now you concern yourself with my welfare? Well no you don't actually care about me or how I'm doing, I've been in the hospital wing for 3 days and neither of you came to visit me, it's all about you! If you had taken any notice to me then you would no what I had been going through. But your still oblivious to the fact that the Slytherins beat me up when ever they feel like it. None of the girls will talk to me. You never noticed that I was almost raped twice by Blaise-'

'Hermione I'm sorry we never new-'

Tears began to flow from her eyes.

'OF CORSE YOU NEVER KNEW, YOU NEVER BOTHERED TO TALK TO ME SINCE YOU GOT SEX HAPPY AND GOT GIRL FRIENDS!'

She stopped to take in some breath while Ron and Harry just continued to look at her. Not quite knowing what to say. Tears formed in all of their eyes, she looked at them and continued.

'No girls will talk to me and just when I thought things couldn't get any worse you both stopped talking to me! I'm the selfish one? Ever since you got girlfriends, you never looked at me twice! I never did anything to you, I tried to take my life because I didn't have one any more! I had no friends, nothing! And I no things are only going to get worse! I couldn't give to fucks what it would do to you, because you didn't care any more. It was all about you two. I was always in your shadow. SO FUCK THE BOTH OF YOU. YOU'RE THE SELFISH ONES AND I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL!

With that she turned and ran from the dormitory.

Hermione looked at the picture again, picked it up and threw it against the wall, smashing the glass. Her anger was getting the best of her, she could feel the red glow forming around her. She had to calm herself down or she would do some damage. Taking deep breaths the glow slowly faded and tears formed again in her eyes. This often happened. She made her way to the bathroom and got a glass of water. She splashed some on her face and looked in the mirror at herself. She didn't recognise the girl staring back at her. She was pail and thin. She had no colour at all in her face and her eyes were grey. Bags formed over bag under her eyes and her hair was matted from the sweat.

Walking back into her bedroom she looked at the clock. It read 05:29am. Sighing she looked around her room once more she came across a picture of her parents. Her dead parents. It was taken just before she went back to school for her sixth year. This was one of the last times that she saw her parents. They had taken her out just before she went back to school because they wouldn't see her in almost a year. Little did they know that, that was one of the last times that Hermione would be smiling happily with them? This was the last straw for Hermione this morning. She dropped to her knees and covered her face with her hands. The tears flowed and she became angry. She looked up at the window and shouted.

'Why me! What terrible thing have I done to deserve all this pain? I haven't done anything to justify any of this!'

She continued to cry. She hated what has happened to her. She hated herself. She believed that she was the cause of the problems. She felt as if she was the one the brought trouble to the people around her. She had this power now, and she didn't understand it. She didn't no why she had it. She feared it. It seemed to trigger when she was angry and upset. She was scared for the people around her incase they were on the receiving end of it. That's why after the night at the Riddle Mansion when she sent Tonks, McGonagal, Lupin and Mad Eye flying, she distanced herself from teachers, her school work and her peers. She didn't want to hurt the people she loved. She couldn't go through losing anybody else.

After that night Harry and Ron had tried to thank her for what she had done, for saving them and to apologise for everything. But Hermione ignored them. She ignored all of the people that came up to her and to congratulate her on defeating the dark lord. They called her a hero, their saviour from death. She didn't feel like a hero, to her she was nothing more than a murderer. She should be sent to Azkaban for what she did. She thought it best now if she didn't have any friends. It was her fault her parents her dead and it was her fault that she ruined the lives of other families when she killed the death eaters. Because of her people were motherless, fatherless, and childless. Because of her she was motherless and fatherless. All due to this unknown power she had. If she didn't have any sort of relationship with anyone they wouldn't be put at any sort of risk. Being friends with her they were putting themselves in danger incase she got angry and hurt them. She couldn't do that to anyone.

She missed Harry and Ron, she so badly wanted to accept their apology, wanted to take them back. But she wasn't prepared to take that sort of risk. She couldn't take that risk with anyone. She wanted to shut herself out from the muggle world as well as the wizarding world.

If she returned to the magic world then she would be treated in so many different ways. People would fear her and her new power, they wouldn't want to be on the other end of one of her curses. Some people would constantly question her about that night and how she got her power, she didn't know her self so she couldn't explain it any one else, and just thinking about that night at the Riddle Mansion brought her to tears, she couldn't bare talking about it. The rest of the people would make her famous. She knew this because of how some of the students and teachers treated her when she was at school. She didn't want people to be nice to her and thank her. She didn't deserve it.

This way she could go into the muggle world because they didn't no who she was or what she was, she could pretend that the last year of her life never happened and act as of nothing had ever happened to her. She couldn't do this either. She was scared incase she got angry with a muggle and killed them. She couldn't put innocent people in danger. So she cut her self from both worlds. This way nobody would get hurt.

Getting up from the floor Hermione made her way over to the shards of glass. Clearing it with a wave of her hand the picture was restored. She could do wandless magic now because of her new power, so she hardly ever used her wand. She walked to her bed and thought that she would try and get a few more hours sleep before she faced the day ahead. She pulled the covers up to her neck and whispered

'I'm sorry'

She then drifted into a dreamless sleep. The first time in a month.

A.N thanks for reading! please read and review i'd really like to no what you think

dark raven

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