As Sheelagh walked into her living room that evening, she looked down as she kicked something and nearly fell over, her mind some where else she hadn't seen where she was walking. Cursing she bent down to pick up the object which had gone rolling behind the sofa, her bad mood seemed to vanish when she pulled out a purple teddy. Looking at is she let out a sigh and placed it onto of the washing basket which was under her arm and walked into the kitchen. Placing the basket on the kitchen table, she looked down at the toy in front of her and smiled. Reg had given her this, the day after Naimh was born, he and Marilyn had come to see her. And brought it for her to give to Niamh, Don, Jenny and Becky had been visiting her at the time. And Sheelagh remembered feeling alone, although she was surrounded by the people she loved, the one person who, she loved more and should have been there but wasn't, the father of her child. When the doorbell sounded, at first she thought it could be Des, but when she opened the door she let a little sigh after seeing who it was.
Jenny: Hey, I thought I'd see how you are.
She smiled and stepped out of the way to let her in.
Jenny: So how you feeling.
She said as she closed the front door and followed Sheelagh into the kitchen.
Sheelagh: Oh you now like my whole world is falling apart again.
She nealed against the kitchen bench.
Sheelagh: Do you want a coffee.
Jenny nodded and took a seat at the table. While Sheelagh put the kettle on. Ten minuets latter they were both sat a the table a steamy mug in hand.
Jenny: Where's Niamh?
Sheelagh: Don's took her out to the park, he said it was to give me some 'thinking time'
Jenny: Really?
She sounded surprised.
Sheelagh: Yeah, then he gave a me a warning lecture that, I'd be a mad fool to let him back into our lives, and that he's gonna thump him at the next opportunity.
Jenny: Great.
Sheelagh put her head in her hands.
Jenny: Honey are you OK?
She looked a little concerned.
Sheelagh: I don't now what am gonna do. I mean If I tell Niamh about Des then, she might want to see him and if I do and he lets us down again, then I would have to pick up the pieces. Then again if I don't tell her about him, then she could grow up and then hate me for stopping her seeing and knowing her dad. But if I let her see him, Don will go ballistic, and if I don't let her see him then Des's family will go ballistic, so basically I can't win either way.
She put her face back in her hands in frustration.
Jenny: Look this is no body else buiness apart from you, Des and Niamh, if Don wants to behave like a child then let him and if Des' brothers want to act like bully's well tell Des that if they don't back of he can't see his child, that's if you agree to let him.
She added not sure if she should be siding with Des on this.
Jenny: Hey look it's your choice and your life, but think about it, when she's older and she wants to now who her father is, you wont be able to stop her.
Sheelagh: Yeah I now it's just, I want her to now her dad, I don't want my child to grow up with out knowing who her father is, and if I'm honest I don't want Des to not now his child, but after everything he did to me, and Reg and everyone at Sun Hill, can you blame me not trusting him.
Jenny didn't say anything.
Jenny: I guess you can only do what you think is best.
There was silence.
Jenny: look I'd better go I've got to go and pick Katie up, but if you wanna talk.
Sheelagh: Thanks.
Jenny smiled at her before getting up and letting her self out, leaving Sheelagh deep in though.
Des sat at the bar, staring at his third vodka. While Gary and his brother Stuart played pool watched over by Gabriel and Smithy, Mike spotted Des and walked over to him.
Mike: That won't help.
He said looking at his brother.
Des: No but it's gonna make me feel a lot better.
Mike: Come on Des.
He began, but was cut of.
Des: Why did I think I could make this work.
He said downing his drink.
Mike: Look She's just had a shock, once she's cooled down she might see things differently.
Des: You don't no Sheelagh.
Mike: Look in the end you've got to say to yourself what's more import here, OK she hates you.
Des quickly looked at him.
Des: Yes I got that much thank you Mike.
He said sarcastically
Mike: Well she dose but at the end of the day, there's a child involved in this, and I'm guessing she's more scared then she is angry, that your gonna hurt her again.
Des: Yeah but I'm not going to ever.
Mike: Yeah but she doesn't now that, and she's got a child to consider. I'm betting if there wasn't, she wouldn't be reacting so badly.
Des: Mike I haven't got a clue what your talking about.
Des said as he ordered another drink.
Mike: Look at it from her point of view, she's not just scared that your gonna hurt her, she's scared that your gonna hurt her daughter as well.
Des looked at him for a minuet but didn't say anything instead just stared into his vodka glass thinking, hurting Sheelagh was bad enough, but he didn't no if he could live with hurting his only child too.
Sheelagh: All right madam, you've got two minuet's to clean those teeth before bed.
Sheelagh said as she pulled down her daughters bed covers, she was straitening them out, when Niamh came into the room in pink pajama's, Sheelagh turned to look down at her.
Sheelagh: Have you brushed your teeth?
She said nealing down so they were on the same level. Niamh nodded.
Sheelagh: Are they sparkling.
She teased, Niamh, gave her mum a wide grin, showing just how clean her teeth were making Sheelagh laugh.
Sheelagh: Good girl.
She kissed her on the head then picked her up in her arms and placed her on the bed.
Naimh: Mummy why do I have to brush my teeth every night.
She asked as she picked up her purple teddy.
Sheelagh: Because if you don't, you wont have nice sparkling teeth and the tooth fairy won't come and see you.
Naimh: Why dose the tooth fairy come?
Sheelagh: The tooth fairy comes to give treats to good little girls who brush there teeth.
She held up the bed covers as Naimh climbed into bed.
Naimh: Yeah but mum, Sophie's dad says there's no such thing as the tooth fairy.
Sheelagh: Well Sophie's dad must not have white teeth.
She said tucking her daughter in.
Naimh: Yeah but Sophie's dad say's the tooth fairy's not real.
Sheelagh: Well Sophie's dad must have not been a good boy.
She said kissing her daughter on the head and walking towards the door.
Naimh: Mum
Sheelagh let out a sigh and stopped her hand on the light switch
Sheelagh: Yes Naimh
Niamh: Why dose Sophie have a dad and I don't?
Sheelagh stopped dead not quite sure she had hear right. And slowly turned to look at her daughter who was looking at her in a way, Sheelagh had never seen before, it was almost longingly.
Sheelagh: You have got a dad.
She said slowly.
Niamh: So were is he.
Sheelagh looked at her not sure how to answer this, she slowly walked over to her and sat on the bed next to her.
Sheelagh: He's not here.
Niamh: But why?
Sheelagh: Well you see some times adults they, get scared.
She was think how best to put this, she had expected this question to be asked one day, but she didn't think she would ask it no, not when her father had just returned, and she was still debating over should she tell her the truth or not. So she decided to compromise
Sheelagh: Just like children and when they get scared, they find it easier to go away, but that doesn't mean they love you any less.
She said gentle, trying to read her child's mind, which for a four year old was pretty impressive.
Niamh: So my dad got scared?
She looked like she was trying to understand
Sheelagh: Yeah.
She said softly
Sheelagh: Look sweetie when your older you'll understand, and you won't get any older if you don't get some sleep.
She added more cheerfully
Sheelagh: Come on bed time, you've got school tomorrow
She lifted up the blanket as she lay down, pushing a bit of hair of her face she kissed her on the check
Sheelagh: Good night sweet heart.
Walking quietly over to the door, as she dimmed the light she looked over at Niamh before silently closing the door.