*Walks in 6 months late with a new chapter and a lot of excuses* Uh, hey, all. So, it's been a while. I really am so sorry for the wait. It's been a ridiculously long time. I have a few reasons for this. One is that my job is insane. Teaching is hard work ya'll and it's just a really tough time for teachers right now and I'm exhausted. Second is that I caught COVID from a student and was out of commission for like two weeks. I tried to write during that time but the fever and body aches wouldn't let me. Then my uncle passed away suddenly and we had to fly across the country to be there for my aunt and attend the funeral. By the time I got back it was well into March and I had to make up for all the time lost from being sick and being with family. Anyway, it's my spring break now and I told myself I'd take a day to sit down and finish this dang chapter. And that's what I did. now, I come bearing a new chapter complete with angst and...well, I would say feels but it's honestly just a lot of angst. Maybe some feels. But most of the feels are in Part 2. Yes, this is a two-parter. Sorry. It's just too much to put in one chapter. But I do hope you enjoy this one. Next update could be soon. Depends on my work.
Summary: After a mission Obi-Wan is left in a Force-created alternate reality that is, essentially, a perfect world. Back in the real world he is asleep and no one can wake him up. Except his former Master-turned-Force Ghost. Qui-Gon reaches Obi-Wan in his perfect world but is unable to convince him to come back, leaving the Force Ghost to seek answers elsewhere while his Padawan continues to sleep.
Chapter 22: Perfect World
He woke up to the feeling of lips on his neck. He smiled and leaned into the touch. The lips trailed up to his cheek and along his jaw line. He held back a moan but couldn't help the shiver that went down his spine.
"Good morning, my darling," a voice whispered sweetly in his ear.
"Mornin'," he mumbled groggily on the brink of falling back asleep.
"Oh, no you don't," the voice said louder. "You aren't going to laze about all day and leave me to deal with our holy terror. Up you get, Obi."
His eyes suddenly flew open and all traces of drowsiness disappeared in an instant.
"Satine?!" he gasped sitting up in a panic.
"Shhh, my love. It's alright. Breathe, dear. What is it? Another flashback? A nightmare?" she asked smoothing his hair back from his face.
"No. No. It's…it's just a dream."
"Yes, whatever it was, it's just a dream. You're here. You're safe. I'm safe. Iyla's-"
"Iyla! Where is she?"
"Safe. Hopefully still asleep in her bed and not wreaking havoc somewhere in the estate."
"She's here?" he asked.
"Of course she is. She's here and she's safe. Obi-Wan, are you alright?"
"I…yes…no… I mean…"
"Breathe, dear. All is well."
"I'm sorry. I just…I need a moment…"
"Don't apologize, love. It's alright. Take your time. I'm going to check on our ad'ika ," Satine said with a kiss to his lips and a stroke of his face.
Obi-Wan watched in confusion as Satine walked out of the room. Satine. His Satine. Alive. And they're together. With Iyla. This…this had to be a dream...right? This isn't how it happened. Satine is…this had to be a dream. He wiped a hand down his face and lowered his head to his chest. Why did he feel so weird? Everything was…off. It wasn't right.
Suddenly his head snapped up at the blaring bright Force presence hurrying toward the room.
"Papa!" a familiar voice was shouting, tiny rapid footsteps slapping against the floor.
"Iyla! Papa isn't-" Satine started to say but a strawberry blonde blur came barreling into the room before she could finish.
"Papa! You waked up yet?" Iyla said coming to a stop by his side of the bed. Her bright smile immediately warmed his heart and he found himself relaxing and smiling back at her.
Satine rushed in looking exasperated. "Iyla, love, I told you Papa isn't feeling well and that he needs a few minutes to feel better."
Iyla frowned and looked at him in concern. "You not feel good, Papa? You have a bad dweam again?" she asked putting a hand on his hand.
A shock went through Obi-Wan at her touch. She felt familiar and right but yet…
"Papa?" she asked quietly. When he didn't reply she climbed up on the bed and settled herself in his lap. "It's ok, Papa. It just a dweam," she said reaching a hand up to rub his cheek.
Obi-Wan felt his eyes start to water and he pulled her closer to him. On a morning that felt so strange and confusing, her grounding Force signature and steady feelings of love, affection, and peace gave him comfort.
"I gonna give you happy motions, ok? Then you'll feel better."
Obi-Wan felt his signature mixing with hers and it suddenly struck him why Iyla felt a bit different. There was something missing. She was clean. Untainted. Not burdened or scared. She was missing the trauma that lingered just below her warm and glowing presence. The stain that would always remain from her painful first few years and abusive treatment from the Jons Home.
This little one he held in his arms wasn't stained. She wasn't traumatized. She didn't have pain lingering below the surface of her smile or fear swirling in her bright blue eyes. She was…pure. Which meant…she hadn't suffered. She hadn't been abused and neglected. She hadn't had to endure what no child should ever have to. She was whole. As she was always meant to be.
Tears spilled over and he buried his face in her sweet-smelling curls. Everything he'd ever hoped for her to be, pure and truly innocent, was now a reality.
Or was it? This was most likely still a dream. Right? This wasn't real. But…did that mean it was bad? Real or not, his little light was perfect and beautiful and that's all that mattered.
He felt a warm hand cup the back of his head and lips press against his temple.
"We'll give you another few moments, my darling," Satine said quietly. "Come, ad'ika. Let's let Papa get up and ready. We'll go make him some breakfast, hmm?"
"Ok, Mama," Iyla replied and shifted to climb out of her father's lap but a strong hand wrapped around her stomach and pulled her back.
"No!" he said urgently. "No…I…she…she can stay. I'm alright," he cleared his throat. "I'm alright. How about we all go get some breakfast? I could use something to eat," he said forcing a smile.
"Yay!" Iyla cheered and grabbed his hand. "I helped Miss Vania make the sweet cakes, Papa. And I putted some sugar in your tea too. One spoonful just like you like it," she beamed.
"Why thank you, my darling. I can't wait to have them both."
Iyla continued to talk excitedly about her breakfast making adventure with the midwife-turned-ladies maid. Obi-Wan stared down at her fondly as he allowed himself to be led out of the room, grabbing a robe as he went. He caught Satine's eye and they shared a content smile. This felt...good. Right. Perfect. And he found himself no longer worried about dreams and impossibilities.
"Has he woken up yet?" Padme asked sliding into the small healing room.
"No," Anakin muttered darkly with a frustrated growl. "It's been nearly 3 days, Padme. He should be up by now."
"Has Healer Che said anything else?" Padme asked sliding her hand into his and giving it a squeeze.
"She said they've done all they can. He's healing physically and will recover completely. He's just not waking up."
"Did she give any idea of when he might?"
Anakin lowered his eyes and shifted uncomfortably. "No. She said there's no reason for him not to be awake yet. The brain activity is normal. She said she…she doesn't know when or…if…he's going to wake up."
"If?" Padme asked looking alarmed. "Surely he won't be asleep forever."
"I don't know, Padme. He…he should be awake right now," Anakin sighed.
"How's Iyla doing?"
Anakin scoffed. "How do you think?"
Padme laid her head on his shoulder and stared sadly at the young girl curled up in a chair by the medical bed. There were dark circles under her eyes and her brows were furrowed in stress even as she slept. The low lights of the room and silent hum of machinery only seemed to further the hopeless feeling settling around the space. Obi-Wan's still form was illuminated by the small lamp on the bedside table casting his face in a pale light and throwing shadows around the room.
"Did she eat?" Padme asked.
Anakin smirked. "Between myself, Healer Che, and Bant, we managed to get her to eat something. She refuses to sleep anywhere else though. She's been here every night and we can't get her to leave. Said she doesn't want to go in case he wakes up while she's gone."
"She can't be sleeping well in that chair. I set up an extra bed in the twins' room for her. I'll try to talk to her about it and see if I can get her to come home with us."
"Good luck. She's a Kenobi-Kryze. Stubbornness is in her DNA."
Padme grinned. "And tenacity is in mine."
She quietly made her way over to the chair and knelt down in front of it. Iyla shifted and frowned before settling down again. Padme smiled sadly as she reached up to settle her hand in the soft strawberry blonde waves. She began to stroke it while her other hand rubbed lightly against the girl's shoulder
"Iyla," Padme whispered. "Iyla, dear, wake up."
"P'pa?" Iyla mumbled.
"No, sweetheart, it's Auntie Padme."
"A'tie Pa'me?" she asked groggily.
Padme chuckled, reminded of when the preteen in front of her was too young to pronounce her name correctly.
"Yes, love. It's time to sleep in a real bed. Come home with me and your uncle," she urged bringing a hand up to cup her face.
"Gotta stay with Papa," the 12-year-old insisted.
"He would want you to be comfortable in a bed, kiddo," Anakin spoke up.
"But…but what if he wakes up? I have to be here," Iyla said sitting up.
"Master Eerin promised to contact us the minute he wakes up."
"But I want to be the first thing he sees. He doesn't like the Halls. He might be nervous or upset if he wakes up alone here. I don't want that to happen," she said looking anxious.
Anakin didn't have the heart to tell her that Obi-Wan had woken up alone in the Halls many times before. He also didn't have the heart to tell her what Healer Che had said about the chances of him waking up at all. He locked eyes with Padme and saw they were both in agreement. Iyla didn't need to know.
"I understand, kiddo. And it's nice of you to think about that. But I think what will make him feel the best would be knowing you've been taken care of while he's been asleep."
"But what if he gets cold? Or…or what if he needs something? Like…like a new pillow or an extra blanket? I can get it for him. And he likes to read before bed. Except, he can't really read right now, so I've been reading to him. He's gonna wanna know what happens to the special agent Twi'lek who's posing as a double agent. We just got to the best part. I can't leave him not knowing," Iyla rambled looking genuinely upset.
Padme gave her a gentle smile and took her hand. "You can read to him once you've had some proper sleep and a good meal, dear."
"But…"
"Iyla, kiddo. The best thing you can do for Obi-Wan is to take care of yourself," Anakin said moving to put a hand on her shoulder.
Iyla looked up at him then down at Padme who was still kneeling before her. Her lip started to tremble and her eyes welled with tears as she stared at the still form of her father in the bed next to her. Anakin felt her shoulders start to shake under his hand.
Padme pulled the girl into a hug when she started to sniffle and rubbed her back as a small sob escaped her.
"Shhh, sweetheart. It's ok. It's alright, little one," Padme soothed.
"I miss P-Papa," she choked out.
"I know, love. I know."
"I'm so t-tired, Auntie Pa-Padme," Iyla cried.
"I know," Padme replied pushing her hair back from her face and wiping her tears.
" I…I…just…I just w-want Papa so b-bad."
Padme didn't reply except to make soothing sounds and hug her close as she cried.
"Auntie Padme?" Iyla spoke up after a moment.
"Yes, dear?"
"Can…can I come home with you? I…I don't wanna be alone anymore."
"Oh, Iyla. Of course, little one. Of course. Your Uncle Anakin and I will always be here for you. Always."
Iyla sniffled and nodded. Padme gave her a minute to wipe her eyes then guided her out of the chair and away from the bed. Anakin ran a hand through her hair and pulled her to his side. Iyla turned and buried herself against him in a tight hug. He stumbled a bit at the force of it but brought his arms up to pull her closer.
"Alright, sweetheart. It's alright. Let's go home, ok?" he soothed as he pulled away and went to lead her out of the room.
But Iyla held on tight and squeezed him harder, leaning against him heavily. Anakin looked at Padme over the girl's head and gave her a puzzled look.
"She's exhausted, love," Padme whispered. "I think she'll need some help getting home."
Anakin looked around awkwardly trying to figure out how to get her from the room. Surely a guiding arm around her shoulder should work, right? But she wasn't letting go and, now that he focused on it, her breathing was slow and even. Was she…asleep?
Padme stifled a chuckle at the look on her husband's face as he stood there with a sleeping 12-year-old slumped against him.
"Come on, dear. Let's get our little one to bed," she said motioning for him to pick Iyla up.
With one last uncertain look at his wife, Anakin reached down and lifted her up into his arms, settling her head on his shoulder. Padme reached up to kiss Iyla's head then pecked his cheek as well. Anakin returned her kiss then adjusted Iyla in his arms to make sure his hold was secure. He turned back to the bed that held his sleeping Master.
"Don't worry, Master. We've got her. You just wake up soon, ok?"
Anakin shifted anxiously next to the bed as he stared down at Obi-Wan. He didn't know why Bant and Healer Che had called him here. They'd already attempted to reach his Master through the Force. Repeatedly. And each time came up with the same results…nothing.
Obi-Wan was still present in the Force, a fact that relieved all of them, but he was closed off to everything and everyone around him. His shields were air-tight and no matter how much Anakin tried to get through them he couldn't. He sighed and turned to face the two women.
"We've already tried this, Masters. I don't see how doing it again is going to change anything," he said.
"I know we've tried this many times, Anakin but this time we want to try something new. We have a way of possibly getting deeper in the Force and trying to go around the shields," Bant replied.
"Obi-Wan has the strongest shields of anyone I've ever met. Besides me. If there is any way to get through them I would have been able to find one."
"Perhaps, but we thought that another familiar and soothing presence might help you get further."
"I just got Iyla to go back to the crèche and she's actually eating now. I won't bring her back into this stressful situation, she-"
Vokara held up a hand to silence him. "Relax, Skywalker. We weren't talking about Iyla. The poor girl doesn't need to be anywhere near this. Let her be among the other children in the crèche to distract her."
"But…if you weren't talking about Iyla, who were you talking about?" Anakin asked.
Bant and Vokara side eyed each other.
"Well, I've heard you and Iyla talk about Master Jinn before and how you can…see him and communicate with him, so I thought maybe, since he's with the Force, he might be able to help us. Plus the fact that he's always been able to get through to Obi-Wan even with his tightest shields. Do you think…could he maybe…help?" Bant said looking very unsure and anxious.
Anakin was reminded that Bant is one of Obi-Wan's closest and longest friends and was surely being affected by this situation just as much as the rest of them. She just didn't have the luxury of removing herself from it when it got to be too much. He could see the same desperation and fear that he felt reflected in her eyes. How much she must be hurting and looking for any kind of solution.
"If you think it might help. I can ask him," Anakin said, looking towards Vokara.
The Twi'lek Healer shrugged and her lekku seemed to droop a bit. "I am out of ideas as of now and I don't see any harm in it. How do we conjure him? Is there a special phrase or something?"
"It's not a séance," Anakin laughed. "But I don't actually know how to contact him or get him to come. I think Obi-Wan and Iyla always just called out to him and he showed up. I'm…I'm not sure if it will work for me," he admitted.
"Don't sell yourself short, Skywalker. Jinn cared for you a great deal. Just try and call for him," Vokara encouraged.
Anakin nodded and cleared his throat awkwardly. "Umm, Master Qui-Gon?" he called out.
Silence.
"Master Qui-Gon, um, can you uh, come here please. It's about Obi-Wan. He…he really needs you."
The three of them waited a moment for any type of response. Just as the two healers were about to leave the room, a light presence settled around them.
"Anakin?" a soft voice asked.
"Master Qui-Gon?" Anakin replied turning to stare at the blue form hovering by Obi-Wan's bed.
"Yes, Anakin. I am here. You said you needed me."
"By the Force," Vokara whispered with wide eyes.
Qui-Gon threw the healer an amused look. "Hello, Vokara, Bant," he said nodding at each of them.
"Master Jinn," Bant replied with a bow. "It's nice to…see you."
Qui-Gon chuckled. "You as well, Bant, or rather, Healer Eerin."
Bant smiled and inclined her head in amusement.
Vokara leaned forward and squinted her eyes as if not completely convinced that what she was seeing was real.
"I assure you, Healer Che, I am real," Qui-Gon said with a twinkle in his eye.
"I admit I had my doubts, but it turns out you are a true Force Ghost after all, Qui-Gon. Of course it would be you who figured out how to cheat death. You always were a maverick. And you've passed on your ridiculous tendencies for trouble to your Padawan," she said nodding toward the bed by the wall.
"Why thank you, Vokara," he smirked. "Now, what has my ridiculous Padawan done now?"
"He won't wake up," Anakin replied with a frown.
"Wake up? What do you mean?"
"He's been asleep for nearly a week now. Master Che says there's no real reason for it. He was injured on a mission, but he's healed physically already. And there's nothing wrong with his brain activity. We think it has something to do with the Force. I've tried to reach him many times, but I can't manage to go deep enough or get past his shields. Bant thought, since you have a connection to him and experience with his shields, that maybe you can get through to him. And maybe the fact that you are with the Force might help as well," Anakin explained.
"I see," Qui-Gon said looking concerned. "Something similar to this happened when he was a Padawan. It was difficult to bring him back, but we did manage it. I can try the same technique we used back then but seeing as he's a fully grown Master now, his control over the Force will be much stronger."
"It can't hurt to try, right?" Bant spoke up looking a bit hopeful.
Qui-Gon gave her a reassuring smile and nodded. "Of course, I will try."
"What will you need to do?" Vokara asked. "Is there anything medically that I need to be aware of?"
"No, nothing will be affected medically. But I will need you here in case the process gets too deep and his Force presence starts to be affected."
"Is that likely?" Anakin asked anxiously.
"It's not, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Especially because my presence is with the Force and I'm not sure how it will affect him, still tethered to the living."
"We will monitor him," Vokara replied.
"Thank you. Now, I am unsure how long this will take. It could take a while so do not be alarmed if it does."
At their nods of understanding Qui-Gon approached his former apprentice's bed, placed his hand on his forehead, then disappeared back into the Force.
"Mama?" Iyla asked as she chomped on her sweet cake getting crumbs and sugar all over her face.
"Yes, dear?" Satine asked with a fond smile.
"When we gonna go to Nuboon?"
"Naboo, darling, and I told Padme we'd meet her there on Friday. So we'll be leaving tomorrow morning."
"Naboo?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Yes, Padme's parents invited us to spend a few weeks there. They want to see the twins and Padme thought it would be a good idea if we all took some time off. You don't remember me telling you about this?" Satine asked looking concerned.
"Uh, no, I don't. Perhaps you caught me at a time when I was distracted."
Satine laughed and put her hand in his. "You are often distracted, my love," she teased.
"So, we're leaving tomorrow? And Anakin and Padme will be there?"
"Yes, as well as Ahsoka, Cody, Rex, and the other troopers. Apparently the Naberries have a very large estate and have invited all of us to stay there. Oh, and that reminds me, Qui-Gon arrives this evening. I told him we'd pick him up right before dinner," Satine said reaching over to wipe some food off of Iyla's cheek.
Obi-Wan choked on his tea.
"You ok, Papa?" Iyla asked. "Did you dwink too fast?"
Obi-Wan continued to cough and sputter. Satine looked at him in concern and started to rub his back. His brain was short circuiting and his throat wasn't cooperating with him. This wasn't possible. They had to be talking about the Force Ghost right? But…why would they need to pick up a Force Ghost and why would he need a ride? And Satine can see him? But, well, Satine really shouldn't be here either. Technically, he shouldn't be here. Wherever here is. In this universe. In this reality. He was so confused and overwhelmed but the soft hand on his back and the warm fingers threaded with his were chasing away the questions and the haze around his mind.
"Why don't you try to get more rest, Obi. Iyla and I are heading out to get some supplies for our trip and some gifts for the Naberries. We can do that without you," Satine said softly.
Obi-Wan cleared his throat and squeezed her hand then gave her a teasing look. "Are you sure you can handle that little monster on your own?" he asked with a smirk and a nod to the little one who was licking her fingers.
"Hey, that nehutyc ad'ika gets that all from you," she replied.
"Whatever you say, cyar'ika," he smiled.
"Iyla, ad'ika, put your plate in the sink and go find Vania so she can help you get dressed. I'll come help in a moment," Satine said turning towards the 4-year-old.
"Ok, Mama. You and Papa gonna get ready?"
"Papa is going to stay behind today, love. He's still not feeling well."
"Ohhh, like when I eated that fower that looked like a lollow-pop?" Iyla asked with wide concerned eyes.
Satine laughed and reached over to kiss her head. "Something like that."
"Poor Papa," Iyla said reaching over to pet Obi-Wan's hand. "Make sure you dwinks lotsa water and twy to go potty. That helps me wif my yucky tummy."
Obi-Wan stifled a laugh and schooled his expression. "Thank you for your help, little one."
"You welcome, Papa," she replied kissing his cheek. She skipped off to put her plate in the sink but had to pull a chair up since she couldn't reach.
Obi-Wan watched her with a fond smile. The sight was one he'd seen many times when Iyla would help with the dishes. Those were some of his favorite moments with his daughter.
"Do we have a few minutes to spare?" he asked Satine.
"Of course," Satine replied bringing her plate to the sink as well.
Obi-Wan grinned at the prospect of all of them washing the dishes together as a family. Nothing sounded better to him in that moment.
"Shall we do the washing up?" he asked standing and rolling up his sleeves.
"Washing up?" Iyla asked.
"Yes, the dishes," he clarified. "It's one of my favorite morning activities with you."
Iyla looked confused. "We not wash the dishes, Papa," she said.
"Of course we do, darling. It's our daily routine after breakfast. You love it."
"I never done the dishes afore. We gots the dwoids to do that," she replied.
"Droids? We don't use cleaning droids."
"Yes we do, Papa. You silly!" Iyla giggled jumping down from the chair and racing from the room.
Obi-Wan's eyebrows furrowed and he frowned. He'd never used cleaning droids before. For the very reason that they made Iyla feel uncomfortable and insecure. She often struggled with feeling useless and having to earn her keep. Ever since she left the Jons Home to—Oh. Oh. This Iyla was never in the Jons Home. This Iyla never grew up feeling like she had to earn her keep. This Iyla was comfortable around cleaning droids. She was happy and normal and well-adjusted. And he was thankful for that. He was elated and relieved that she didn't have that burden anymore.
But, at the same time, part of him was a little sad. He really did love cleaning with Iyla after breakfast. It was their time to talk and bond with each other. It often got messy and most of the time they both ended up with soap and bubbles in their hair and on his beard. Iyla's giggles and wide smiles warmed his heart and lit up his Force signatures like a supernova. He cherished those soggy soapy mornings that, although stemmed from a traumatic situation, resulted in some of the sweetest moments between him and his little one.
He felt Satine's lips brush against his cheek as she slipped from the room and he couldn't help but feel a small pang of loss at the missed opportunity for the mundane.
After Satine and Iyla left, Obi-Wan was left to wander the estate. It looked as he remembered, except for the clear signs that Satine was alive and living there. Her toothbrush in their bathroom, robes and clothes draped over armchairs, little notes to herself stuck in various places covered in her tidy loopy writing, an extra cup sitting next to his on the table with lipstick marks on it. If he had been skeptical about her really being alive he wasn't now. What illusion would go through all the trouble of adding these details? This reality, as confusing and mind-boggling as it was, included everything he ever wanted in his life. Happiness, family, love, contentment. He should be ecstatic. But yet…it all felt weird still. And he couldn't put his finger on it. He still felt like something was missing. Like there was a faint tugging on his mind that wouldn't leave him alone.
He took his thoughts to the garden, seeking solace in nature and in the living Force. Obi-Wan smirked. His Master would be so proud. As he wandered the rows of plants, he remembered bringing Iyla there and the radiant excitement and warmth she exuded as she skipped among flowers. He suddenly drew to a stop at the place he knew Satine's grave to be. His feet taking him there automatically. Only now, where once was stone and rows of lilies, was fresh green grass matching the grass around it. Gone was the evidence of loss and old memories. Because now, the memories were still being made. Nothing was lost. The ground wasn't tainted with sorrow and grief. Obi-Wan stared at the spot for a long moment, his brow furrowed.
Satine was still there. Iyla didn't need to talk to her mother through the ground or learn about her through old photographs and yellowing pages in a leather journal. She didn't need to cling to stories and memories passed down from other people to feel close to Satine. She didn't have to deal with a grieving father who still felt pain when he saw her smile. She was getting to know her mother the way she was always meant to. In person. It was the way it always should have been. The way he'd prayed to the Force every day to be a reality. That morning he'd woken up to his deepest desires come true. He wasn't sure who or what to thank for this opportunity but he chose to push the nagging feeling away and live in the moment. His Satine was alive. His daughter was happy and whole. His life was all he hoped it would be. With a deep breath and one last look at the untouched ground in front of him, he headed back inside.
Obi-Wan wasn't aware of how much time had passed since he started wandering but he was brought out of his thoughts by a cheerful voice.
"Papa! Look who we finded!"
He turned toward the voice and smiled fondly.
"Papa!" Iyla called again from around the corner her voice echoing off the walls.
"Has your Papa disappeared again, little one?" a deep familiar voice asked.
Obi-Wan froze and his breath hitched. It couldn't be.
"Papa dispeapears lots," Iyla giggled.
"Such a silly Papa," Satine said. "I'll go find him."
He straightened up and forced himself to move his feet. He came around the corner and was met with a sight he never thought he'd see again. His Master was standing there smiling widely, his eyes full of mirth and warmth.
"There you are, Papa," Iyla said exasperatedly. "Look! Momma and me finded Ganpa Qwi!"
"M-Master…" Obi-Wan breathed out shakily.
"Padawan," Qui-Gon nodded smiling.
"This…this is a surprise," Obi-Wan said clearing his throat and blinking rapidly.
"Yes, well. I decided to leave early. But," he said picking up Iyla who squealed in delight, "not before I made a visit to the crèche to see three little ones who miss you very much."
Iyla laughed as Qui-Gon tickled her chin. "You tolded them I gonna be back soon, right? After Nuboon."
"Yes, yes, I told them. They are anxiously waiting for your return. Flynn said their block towers aren't the same without you."
"I tolded them we had to come to Manlore. For Kowkie's cornernation! It's vewy portent, Ganpa Qwi. It means Kowkie gonna be the boss of Manlore." she said seriously.
"Oh really," he grinned playfully.
"Uh-huh," Iyla smiled.
"Really?" he asked again, fingers wiggling toward her stomach.
Iyla twisted in his arms and shrieked, her laughter and joy spilling out into the Force around her. Qui-Gon's deep laughter joined hers and his wide smile took over his whole face.
Obi-Wan watched them, his throat closing and his heart squeezing in his chest.
"They really adore each other, those two," Satine said coming to stand next to him and slipping her hand in his own. "I haven't seen Qui-Gon smile so much in my life. It's nice."
Satine's head came to rest on his shoulder as she smiled at the two now chatting away about the status of Qui-Gon's garden.
"Yes, it's…n-nice," Obi-Wan replied swallowing heavily.
Satine turned to look at him in concern. "Darling…"
But Obi-Wan didn't respond. His eyes were still on the man in front of him now being led over to him by his daughter.
"Papa, say hi to Ganpa Qwi! He missded you! He telled me in the speeder while we was coming here. Did you miss him too?" Iyla asked innocently, completely unaware of just how much he had missed and ached and longed for the man in front of him.
Qui-Gon chuckled and ruffled her hair. "You haven't been away for that long, dear. But, yes, it was a bit lonelier without you down the hall, Padawan. And how has it been here without me, hmm? Have you longed for the company of your old eccentric Master as well?" he joked.
Satine laughed and Iyla giggled but Obi-Wan's eyes began to tear up. Before he could stop himself he closed the distance between himself and the older man and threw his arms around him. He gripped his tunic tightly and buried his face in the warm strong shoulder.
Qui-Gon's arms came up around him despite his surprise at the ferocity of the hug. He felt the younger man shaking as his breaths hitched. Decades of practice led Qui-Gon to rub his Padawn's back with one hand while he cradled his head with the other. He shot a confused look at Satine who returned it. Obi-Wan was holding on to him as if he was going to disappear at any moment.
"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asked warily. "Are you alright, little one?" he asked soothingly.
The nickname seemed to set him off further and soon Qui-Gon felt his shoulder becoming wet with Obi-Wan's tears.
"Hey, hey, what is it?" Qui-Gon lowered his voice to his ear.
Obi-Wan's response was to dig his face further into Qui-Gon's shoulder.
"Papa's havin' a hawd day," Iyla said sympathetically as she patted her father's leg consolingly. "Mama says he not feel vewy good."
Qui-Gon looked at Satine.
"Nightmares," she mouthed to him.
The older Jedi's eyes clouded over in pain and sadness and he held his former student a bit tighter.
"Perhaps some meditation might do us some good," Qui-Gon suggested.
Satine nodded knowingly and took Iyla's hand. "Ad'ika, let's go get some snacks ready for your Papa and Grandpa."
"Is Ganpa Qwi gonna make Papa bettew, Mama?" the 4-year-old asked.
"Yes, love. And then they're both going to be very hungry so we must prepare something for them, right?"
"Uh-huh!" Iyla nodded eagerly.
Qui-Gon gave Satine a grateful look and smiled at Iyla as she followed her mother down the hall.
Once it was clear that the two of them were gone, Qui-Gon pulled back from Obi-Wan a bit.
"Padawan?" he asked.
Obi-Wan let go of him and stepped away, making an effort to look anywhere else but his Master. He cleared his throat and tried to discreetly wipe at his eyes. Qui-Gon watched him fondly and shook his head.
"There is no need for shame, little one. All of us are haunted. Let me help you."
"I-I'm alright, Master. Really. Don't worry about me," Obi-Wan replied with a forced smile.
"That's impossible, Padawan mine," Qui-Gon chuckled. "Now, come. I want to go see this amazing garden your little one keeps raving about."
"Missing being around your native kind already, Master?" Obi-Wan snarked.
Qui-Gon cuffed him over the head affectionately and pushed him in the direction of the courtyard.
Force Ghost Qui-Gon Jinn followed what was left of his faint bond with Obi-Wan, focusing on the presence he could feel getting closer. This wasn't the first time he had to find his wayward Padawan through the Force, but it was the first time he'd done it as part of the Force. He really hoped it worked.
As he continued to make his way towards the presence, voices grew louder around him. Scenery was becoming clearer and he could smell the scent of water and grass. The sound of rushing water could be heard mixing in with laughter and birds chirping. Wherever his Padawan was, it sounded like a paradise.
Things around him became clear and he saw that he was standing on the shore of a large lake.
"Master!" Qui-Gon heard from off to his left. He turned instinctually at the moniker out of habit even though he knew no one could see him.
The title wasn't directed at him of course but it was directed at his Padawan who stood a few feet away from him, eyes closed and a wistful smile on his face. Qui-Gon tilted his head curiously. It looked like Obi-Wan was on…vacation. But his overachieving and workaholic former student would never take a vacation unless it was literally forced upon him. Perhaps it was.
He needed to learn more.
Qui-Gon moved toward Obi-Wan as Anakin pulled up to stand next to him.
"Padme says dinner will be ready soon," Anakin said. "She wants us to round everyone up for her."
Obi-Wan groaned dramatically. "Must we?"
Anakin laughed and patted his back. "Don't worry, I put Snips on round up duty."
"Shirking duties again, Anakin?" Obi-Wan smirked.
"What's the point of having a Padawan if you can't make them do things you don't want to."
Obi-Wan laughed and rolled his eyes. "Well, normally I'd say that's an abuse of power, but…"
"But you'd be a hypocrite if you did?"
"No," Obi-Wan protested. "I never used you like that."
"Uh-huh," Anakin replied sarcastically.
"Brat," Obi-Wan muttered affectionately. "What I was going to say was, I'd be disappointed in you but I'm enjoying the peace and quiet."
"Me too," Anakin agreed. "No yelling babies, no snarky teenager, no overbearing-"
"I hope for Padme's sake that you weren't about to say 'wife'," an amused voice said from behind them.
Qui-Gon gasped at the smirking figure standing behind the two men.
It couldn't be. It was…impossible. Surely his eyes were deceiving him. There was simply no way that she…surely this was a dream. Because only in a dream would Satine be here. Only in a dream would…oh. Oh. This wasn't real. This was a dream. He was inside his Padawan's head after all. His Padawan, who was so lost in the Force. Lost in his own mind. In his own…paradise. Oh, Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon sighed sadly.
"I wasn't!" Anakin replied. "I was going to say…uhh…"
Satine raised an eyebrow and smirked at him. "Go round up the others like you were asked and I won't mention anything to Padme."
"Fine. But I'm taking Obi-Wan with me," Anakin said.
"Obi is staying with me," Satine replied.
"But it will go faster if we're both doing it."
"I'm pretty sure I overheard you saying you set Ashoka on the task as well. Surely that's enough people."
Anakin scowled and crossed his arms. "Then what? Obi-Wan's off the hook? What's he going to be doing?"
Satine smiled and ran a finger over Obi-Wan's cheek. "Oh, I'm sure I'll think of something for him to do," she said grinning suggestively.
"Ugh, gross. Ok, ok, I'm leaving," Anakin said making a face.
Obi-Wan and Satine laughed as they watched him walk away. Obi-Wan grabbed Satine's hand and brought it to his lips.
"Thank you for saving me, my love," he smiled.
"You're welcome. I wanted you to enjoy your last few minutes of peace before going back to the madhouse."
"It has been nice here, don't get me wrong. I've loved it. But, well, there are a lot of people around most of the time. It's gets a little…" he trailed off.
"Crazy?" Satine asked.
"Yes. And time alone is definitely needed sometimes."
"Would you like me to leave you alone then," she asked running a hand through his hair and kissing his neck.
"Mmmm, no," he smiled. "Never," he grinned.
Satine laughed and took his hand in hers.
"Speaking of crazy," he began. "Where'd you leave our little monster?"
"She's with the vode. They're playing some game they made up in the barracks one night. Though there's much more arguing going on than playing."
Obi-Wan chuckled. "Typical."
"I figured they could handle her while I went to look for my wayward husband," Satine smiled.
Qui-Gon, now feeling like an intruder, watched them with sad eyes. Husband. It really was all Obi-Wan had ever wanted. A family. Happiness. Love. No wonder he had stayed asleep for so long.
"Well, your wayward husband was simply trying to find some peace and quiet amidst the chaos. There hasn't been much time away from our little terror, has there? We've barely had time alone too. Besides when she's asleep. But even then, it hasn't truly been alone time, if you know what I mean," he said raising his eyebrows suggestively.
"Careful. Talk like that will result in more little terrors," Satine warned him playfully.
"Is that such a bad thing?" he asked.
Satine was silent for a moment before she grinned. "No. Not at all."
"Good. Then I think we need some alone time. Isn't Iyla having a sleepover with Ahsoka and the vode tonight?"
"Hmmm, yes," Satine replied. "That should give us plenty of opportunity for peace and quiet."
"Oh, there's going to be nothing quiet about it, darling. You should know that by now," he said kissing her neck.
"Obi-Wan Kenobi!" Satine laughed in shock. She felt his lips twitch into a smile against her neck. "Isn't self-control something they teach to Jedi?"
"Doesn't apply on vacation," he smirked.
Satine rolled her eyes. "Ok, Master Flirt, calm down. We can't go back looking like two flushed teenagers. I'm heading up to help set up for dinner. You enjoy your last few minutes of peace and sort yourself out."
Obi-Wan pouted playfully as she pulled away. "No, akk pup eyes, dear. They don't work on me. I'll send Qui-Gon down to retrieve you in a few minutes. He's immune to the eyes too."
Obi-Wan smiled as he watched her walk away then turned back to the lake to stare at the water again.
Force Ghost Qui-Gon stood next to him and thought about all he'd seen. This was…bad. Not the scene itself or the reality that had been built but…the fact that Obi-Wan had built it in the first place. This Force illusion was very powerful and strong. He'd have a hard time distinguishing it from reality as well.
But why had his Padawan retreated here in the first place? Well, it wasn't really too much of a mystery. This world has everything Obi-Wan had ever longed for. Of course he'd come here. But Qui-Gon was worried about the effort it would take to get him out. This wasn't simply a fever dream. This was…a whole world. Conjured and sustained by the Force of course but still an entire reality too good and too inviting to leave. Obi-Wan didn't appear to be making an effort to leave either. He'd clearly accepted this new reality and adapted to it.
As he watched this reality's version of himself walk down to greet Obi-Wan and give him an affectionate hug then lead him up a hill, he understood why his Padawan had so readily accepted it. After all, he would too, if given the chance to live happily ever after.
Qui-Gon continued to follow the pair as they made their way up to the estate laughing and enjoying each other's company. He watched through dinner as Obi-Wan interacted with his family, smiling widely, eyes sparkling in delight. He couldn't help feeling sad at the thought of Obi-Wan having to leave this all behind when he looked so happy. But he needed to. This wasn't real. And it never would be no matter how long Obi-Wan stayed asleep.
Qui-Gon finally found his chance to talk to his Padawan after dinner. Satine had gone off to get Iyla ready for the sleepover and Obi-Wan was taking a walk around the estate gardens. Qui-Gon hated to interrupt his serenity but it needed to happen.
He focused his energy on taking form then cleared his throat loudly as he stepped out from behind a wall.
Obi-Wan immediately turned to look at him, his head cocking in interest. "Master? I thought you said you were tired and retiring for the night. Clearly you had to come spend some time with your native kind before you go to sleep," he teased.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon smiled at him. "It's good to see you."
Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at him. "You as well, Master but we did just see each other. Are you growing soft and sentimental in your advanced age?"
Qui-Gon chuckled. "Come, Padawan. Sit with me. I have something I wish to discuss with you."
They moved to a nearby bench and Qui-Gon was surprised to discover that here he was able to actually sit down. Clearly being in a Force dream allowed for some different forms of interactions. Obi-Wan hadn't commented on his blue transparent form either which probably meant he appeared normal to him.
"What is it you'd like to discuss? Is everything alright?" Obi-Wan asked looking concerned.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon began. He looked into his Padawan's eyes and sighed. "You have to go back," he said.
"Go back? Where? Coruscant? Did something happen?"
"No, not to Coruscant. Well, yes, in a way, but that's not what I meant. You need to wake up."
"But I am wake Master. I'm speaking to you right now. Are you…are you sure everything is alright?"
"No, Obi-Wan. Things are not alright."
Obi-Wan looked alarmed. "What's wrong? Is it Satine? Or Iyla? Did something happen?" he asked jumping to his feet and looking around frantically.
Qui-Gon chanced a touch to his arm and was pleased to see that he could in fact make contact with the younger man. "Obi-Wan, please, be calm. It's not like that," he said giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "Sit," he commanded.
Obi-Wan obeyed but still looked anxious.
Qui-Gon put his hand on his shoulder and gripped it firmly. "Obi-Wan, look at me." He said.
Obi-Wan turned to face him and looked him in the eyes.
"This isn't real," Qui-Gon said gently. "You have to know that, Padawan."
Something flickered in Obi-Wan's eyes as his brow furrowed. "I…I don't know what you mean," he said looking away.
"Obi-Wan, please. I know you know this. What you're in right now isn't reality. It's a conjuring of the Force. A fantasy."
"It sure feels real," he said looking defensive.
"No one here is real," Qui-Gon replied.
"I can touch them can't I? I can feel them in the Force too. And everyone is here, Master. They're all here and they're all perfect. It's all…perfect," he said looking desperate and pained. "I just want…all I've ever wanted is…"
Qui-Gon looked at him sadly. "I know, Obi-Wan. I know. And I'm sorry. But you can't stay here. You need to come back. You have a family waiting for you to wake up. A little one desperate to see her Papa."
Obi-Wan took a shaky breath. "But Iyla's here too, Master. She's here and she's so pure and clean. She hasn't been traumatized or abused. She's as she should have been all along. Everything I've ever wished and prayed for her to be. Everything I could never give her is here. A mother. A family. Stability and a home. She…I can't leave that, Master."
"You must, Obi-Wan. Because there's an Iyla back in reality who has been abused and traumatized and needs you to be her stability and her family. She needs you to continue to chip away at the pain and fear that lies within her. That's what you can give her, Obi-Wan. That Iyla needs you much more than this one," Qui-Gon said looking at his Padawan imploringly.
"But this Iyla…she's...It's all I've ever longed for her to be. I can't…" he trailed off.
"It's not real, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said firmly. "None of this is real. You can't stay in this fantasy forever. You can't continue to be selfish."
"Selfish?" Obi-Wan asked looking incredulous. "Selfish? Is it selfish to want what's best for my daughter? To want to see her happy and healthy and not broken? Is it selfish to want to give her everything she deserves?"
"It's selfish to continue to pretend that this Iyla is real and ignore the one who is. It's selfish to leave her alone because what you want is more important than what she needs. Your life isn't just your own anymore, Obi-Wan. Your choices don't only affect you," Qui-Gon said angrily.
Obi-Wan looked taken aback at his anger and slightly ashamed. "Perhaps…perhaps I have been selfish, Master but I didn't mean to be. I just want what's best. That's why I'm still here. Here is the only place that can truly happen."
"I know, Obi-Wan. But you're playing a dangerous game. The longer you continue to live in this reality, the more your real life will slip away. And eventually, this life won't sustain you anymore. You won't find contentment and happiness among illusions, Padawan. This too will start to crumble and it will be too late to go back."
Obi-Wan looked back at his with the most heart-broken and desperate eyes. Qui-Gon felt his heart pang in his chest. Oh, Obi-Wan. Oh my dear, dear, Obi-Wan. He took in the misty blue eyes and the hard clenched jaw and drew him in for an embrace. He felt the shaky breaths against his ear and rubbed his back gently.
"I am so sorry, my little one. But this can't continue. I know that you know this. And I know that you will make the right decision. Now, I must go back. But I will return for you. Please don't make my return be in vain."
Obi-Wan pulled away and fiddled with his tunic anxiously. Qui-Gon took his hands and squeezed them. "Peace, my Padawan. All will be well," he whispered before allowing the Force to pull him away.
Qui-Gon spent a few moments in the Force regaining his strength and ruminating over what he was going to tell the Healers and Anakin once he returned. How was he going to tell them that Obi-Wan didn't want to come back? That he'd spoken to him and he hadn't been able to convince him. That he'd failed his friends and his granddaughter. There was a high chance that Obi-Wan would choose to stay in his Force-made fantasy and waste away from the land of the living. They would be devastated. Iyla would be devastated.
Qui-Gon knew he would need to go back and convince Obi-Wan completely. He knew he needed to bring him back to them and he'd drag him back kicking and screaming if he had to. But for now, he needed rest. He'd break the news to Anakin, Bant, and Vokara, then he'd seek out the Force and find some answers. He needed some time but he knew he'd find what he was looking for. He just hoped that things wouldn't deteriorate while he looked.
The first thing he heard when he came back was a gasp from Bant and a 'thank the Force' from Anakin. Vokara wasn't present but Bant quickly commed her when she saw the Force Ghost appear.
"So? Did you find him?" Anakin asked jumping to his feet, impatient as always.
"Yes, I did," Qui-Gon replied.
"Well?" he asked.
"Give the man a moment, Skywalker," Vokara chided as she came inside. "He's been gone for the better part of four hours now."
Anakin grumbled but nodded.
Qui-Gon sighed and looked at them. "I did find Obi-Wan. It appears he is deep in a Force-made reality that is holding his mind and his Force presence captive."
Bant looked shocked. "The Force isn't letting him come back?"
"Not exactly," he corrected.
"But why is he in a Force vision anyway? How did he get there?" Anakin asked.
"I might be able to shed some light on that topic, Skywalker," Vokara replied. "I had to do some digging of my own of course. But I found the mission details from Obi-Wan's most recent mission. Why the Council never thinks to share these things with the healers, I'll never understand. Would make our lives a lot easier to know the why and how of the things we see every day. But, I digress. Apparently the native species of the planet he was visiting are telepaths. Not Force-sensitive but their telekinetic abilities do rival most Force users. Thus, Obi-Wan would have needed to have very strong shields in place in order to interact with them and negotiate. On the off chance that he was captured and questioned, the telepaths must not be able to enter his mind. So it could be that he unintentionally created a reality to reside in should he become compromised during the mission."
"So, basically he's an overachiever," Anakin rolled his eyes fondly. "We already knew that."
"And his mind doesn't realize that the mission is over and it's safe to come out. That's why he's still asleep," Bant said.
"Yes, and no," Qui-Gon replied. "I visited Obi-Wan in his reality and…he does know it's not real but he is reluctant to come out of it."
"Why? Is he afraid?" Anakin asked.
"No, not afraid. Just…reluctant."
"Please explain yourself already, Qui-Gon. I had enough of your waffling when you were alive," Vokara said exasperatedly.
"Always so charming, Vokara," Qui-Gon teased.
Vokara rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. She motioned with her hands in a 'get on with it' gesture and narrowed her eyes.
"When I visited Obi-Wan in his fantasy I saw some interesting things. He seemed to be on vacation. In Naboo, I believe. Some kind of family retreat of sorts."
"So, he wants to take a trip to Naboo? Well, wake him up and tell him I'll take him. That's easy enough," Anakin said.
"It wasn't just Naboo, Anakin. There were things and…people there that also affected his hesitancy to return," Qui-Gon explained. "You see, Obi-Wan has created for himself a 'perfect world' so-to-speak. A reality in which everything he's ever wanted exists. Every part of his life there is exactly how he's always dreamed it to be. Even the parts that are impossible."
"Like what?" Bant asked.
"A wife."
"Satine was there?" Anakin asked looking shocked. "She is alive in his reality?"
"Yes. She is very much alive. As am I. As is everyone he has ever loved and longed for. They are all there with him. In his perfect world."
Anakin sighed heavily. "No wonder he doesn't want to leave."
"But surely he knows it isn't real. He's aware enough in the Force to realize this, right?" Vokara asked.
"Yes, he is. I spoke with him about it. He knows it isn't real but he cannot bring himself to leave. His heart and his mind are at war. And his heart is winning."
"Did you talk to him about Iyla? About how much she needs him?" Bant asked.
"I did. But he has an Iyla in his reality as well. And she is pure and whole. She isn't haunted or broken by the abuse she suffered in the past. She's grown up with a mother and a stable family and has known nothing but love and nurturing. She's…essentially perfect. And that's what's holding him back. Right now he has all he's ever wanted for his daughter and she has all she's ever needed. She is perfect and clean and he can't bear to leave her, not when she's finally as she's supposed to be," Qui-Gon explained.
"But…that's bantha shit," Anakin replied, scowling. "The real Iyla is still pure and light despite what she's suffered. All she's ever needed to be is how she is now. She's more than her past and she's more than her trauma. Can't he see that? Her past experiences have shaped her into exactly who she is supposed to be. She wouldn't be Iyla if she hadn't been through what she went through. It's part of her, just as it's part of him as well. He is who he is because of her. And he's better off for it."
"Unfortunately, Obi-Wan is unable or unwilling to see it this way. All he sees is the life he could never and can never give her happening right before his eyes. He sees all she's ever needed and deserved being played out in front of him and he cannot bring himself to walk away from it."
"But he's all she's ever needed," Anakin said looking pained. "Why doesn't he understand that? That Iyla isn't real. She won't ever fulfill him like this Iyla, his Iyla, can. I wish he'd realize that."
"Perhaps there is a way to make him see," Qui-Gon said looking contemplative. "Perhaps there is a way to make him understand that he will only ever find joy and peace by coming back to his real daughter. That the perfect one he's conjured isn't what he really needs."
"You have an idea?" Bant spoke up.
"I do. But I need time."
"Take it," Vokara said. "But don't linger too long."
"I will not. I promise."
"May the Force be with you, Qui-Gon," Vokara said with a bow as he faded away.
The adults in the room sat for a while longer talking and discussing what they'd heard. What Qui-Gon had told them.
But they didn't know that they weren't the only ones who heard. For there was a 12-year-old Initiate standing just outside listening, her heart breaking with every word her grandpa spoke.
Her Papa didn't want to leave. He'd found a perfect life. A perfect family. A perfect…her. An Iyla who wasn't tainted and broken. Who didn't get anxious over little things. Who wasn't hesitant and scared and worried all the time. An Iyla who didn't have nightmares and panic attacks or flashbacks that left her skittish and in tears. An Iyla who wasn't haunted. An Iyla who was perfect.
She knew she could never compete with perfection. But, maybe, if she was close enough to perfect, her Papa would come back. It would be hard and she wasn't sure if she could do it, but she had to try. For her Papa, she would try.
Part 2 will be here...hopefully soon. I'm sorry! I can't make any promises! But I really really hope it isn't too long. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope it was at least somewhat worth the long wait. I appreciate you all and would love to hear your feedback. As always, thanks for reading, commenting, favoriting, and following. I love you all!
Mando'a translations:
Ad'ika-little one
Cyar'ika-sweetheart/darling (romantic)
nehutyc ad'ika-feisty little one
Vode-brothers