Chapter 22

Confessions

Cameron tried to keep John out of combat as much as possible. She made that task her 'job'. She also tried to keep Sarah out of it as well. When there was something to be dealt with, she let the Terminators do what they were constructed for. Bob, Jim or her took care of it. She normally left John Henry at the base to interface with his server and watch over the base.

Most of the time, she conducted an operation by herself. Often it was her alone that received any damage that way. She didn't like to see the other Terminators damaged and wanted to keep the humans protected at the base.

It was late and John was asleep. Bob, Jim and John Henry were at the bunker for protection. Cameron assigned Bob to John and Jim to Sarah. Whenever she was out, one of them would remain with John. If the girls went out, Metal was to accompany them. There were no exceptions to the rule.

John Henry tracked down some targets for termination. Cameron took the information and said she would handle it herself. There was no need to involve to rest of the team.

Cameron collected her gear. She prepared to go out. She was somewhat surprise to see a figure approach her. It was Allison dressed in black. She looked at Allison and smiled. She'd been expecting Allison to come along at some point. She didn't know it would be so soon.

She'd learned of Allison bravery and dedication to the Resistance in the future that John went to. She knew Allison went through a lot but it never slowed her down. She always came up swinging. She was proud of Allison. This version of Allison was tougher than 'Her Allison' - Future Allison.

Allison stood before Cameron with a serious look on her face.

"Can I go with you?" Allison asked. "I'd like to improve my skills and abilities."

Cameron was willing to work with her but it would be dangerous for Allison.

"It can get 'messy'." Cameron said. "You'll face many threats."

Allison was ready to meet the challenge. She was doing combat mission right up until the time she was sent back in time. She would have stayed with John in the future if Mrs. Weaver hadn't insisted she go back. Two things made the choice for her. She would be with her true love Vanna and John needed something taken back for 'Cameron'. She was no stranger to danger.

"I've been around a few of those where I come from." Allison said. "I can make a pretty good 'mess' myself."

Cameron felt there was more to this request. She pressed the issue.

"Why do you want to come?" Cameron asked.

Allison wanted to keep it simple.

"I'd like to learn to be more like YOU." Allison said. "You can teach me to be better. You can make me better. The more I learn, the better I'm able to protect John and everyone else too."

Cameron possessed a little more information than she previously did. She decided to spell it out.

"I have Bob-Cameron's knowledge now." Cameron said. "I - know."

Cameron wanted to see if Allison would fold.

Allison felt embarrassed. She didn't know things about the past unless John told her in the future. He was slow with revealing any information. This led to some situations.

She didn't know about Cameron when she first pursued John. John hadn't told her everything until she encountered Mrs. Weaver. She was a teenager in the Wastelands with no future other than 'that moment'. At any time she could be dead the 'next moment'.

"Look, nothing ever happened." Allison said. "We never made love or did any kind of sex."

Cameron knew a little different story from Bob-Cameron's files.

"You wanted it to." Cameron said. "You tried to make it happen."

Allison didn't know about Cameron when she first met John in the future. She was sure if Cameron wasn't here in the past right now that John, Vanna and her would be in a consensual love triangle. It would be a shared 'three way'.

"I felt lonely. I was very alone. Vanna was gone and I didn't know where. I didn't think I would ever see her again. I was afraid she might be dead. People disappeared and died all the time around me." Allison said. "John always treated me nice and did nice things for me. He treated me with honor and respect. No males from the future other than Kyle and Derek ever did that. He accepted me for who I was. He didn't judge me for what I wasn't. I'm not into men, Cameron, but I couldn't help it as John seeped slowly into my heart. He was different from the others. He was very special to me. He still is."

Cameron felt conflicted.

That is exactly what happened to her with Vanna. Vanna was really her first friend. Vanna accepted her for what she was and never put her down. She realized Allison also accepted her for who she was and what she was as well. They didn't prejudge her. There was no outright hatred of her. That meant something to her.

Cameron made a confession too.

"I felt much the same way about Vanna, Allison." Cameron said.

Allison gave Cameron a faint smile.

"I know." Allison said. "Savannah told me everything."

Cameron wanted to keep the names straight.

"We should refer to her as Vanna around her younger self – Savannah." Cameron said. "She is now Vanna in this timeline."

Allison liked the name 'Savannah' and her red hair.

"I'm sorry. I forget sometimes." Allison said. "I have only known Vanna as Savannah."

Cameron was confused by her feelings for Vanna.

"I didn't know how to respond to Vanna. She wanted, no, she needed more than I could give. I wanted to respond to her, Allison. I was unsure how." Cameron said. "I'm devoted to John. I love John and John loves me."

Allison made another confession.

"To be honest, when I found out you were Met… different, I did ask John if he wanted to 'compare'. I asked if he wanted to try the 'real thing'." Allison said. "He told me there was nothing to compare. He said he couldn't betray you - again."

Cameron knew John spent the night with Riley. She did the laundry. She knew which dried fluids were John's and which ones were Riley's. It was clear what happened.

"John has always respected me. He hasn't asked or ordered me to do 'anything'. No one has." Cameron said. "If John were to ever touch another female, I would've wanted it to be you, Allison. I would want it to be you. He has a right to make his own choice. I KNOW I can never be human, alive or 'real'. I KNOW it, Allison. It stabs my hea... - mind."

Allison reached up and touched Cameron's cheek.

Cameron felt something inside of her with that gesture. She reached up and touched Allison's hand as she touched her cheek. It was so soft and warm. The touch was 'loving'. She held Allison's hand there and pressed it into her cheek.

"Stay a 'girl' as long as you can. I can honestly tell you that being a woman – sucks." Allison said.

Cameron knew she was playing with a 'stacked deck'.

"Did you know 'Bob' was - me?" Cameron asked.

Allison looked Cameron in the eyes.

"No." Allison said.

Cameron felt the need to express herself better.

"Allison, I'm made in your image. I have some of the memories of 'My Allison'. You gave me life a second time when you returned my chip, my essence." Cameron said. "You carried ME back inside your body."

Allison was a little confused. She'd spoken with Cameron before she returned her chip to her.

"But weren't you 'alive' on the computer here?" Allison asked.

"This right now is being alive for me untethered, mobile, free and unrestricted. I need only answer to myself. Thank you for 'saving me', Allison. Thank you for giving me life and giving me my life back again."

Allison felt that was a two way street.

"You or versions of you, Cameron, have saved my life three times since I have been here. It is you I should thank." Allison said.

Cameron was flooded with guilt. It was an uncomfortable feeling to her. She didn't have these troublesome 'feelings' to deal with when she was first constructed. They'd expanded greatly after the explosion in the Jeep.

"I owe Allison, MY Allison a debt I can never repay." Cameron said.

It seemed to weigh heavily on Cameron more and more what she'd done to Her Allison. It built up inside her. It bothered her greatly. The more she was around Allison; the deeper her guilt about Future Allison seemed to haunt her.

Allison looked sad as she listened to the anguish Cameron felt.

"I've thought of this a great deal, Allison. I want you to just listen. You don't need to respond. I feel as if you, Allison Young, in any timeline are my 'mother'. At least the closest thing to a mother I could have with everything you have given me and done for me. My father may be Skynet and that is something I'm forced to live with but to know I have such a fine woman as my 'mother' makes me feel better."

That was a real shock to Allison to suddenly have a 'child'.

"I don't know what to say." Allison said.

Cameron smiled at Allison.

"You don't need say or think anything." Cameron said. "I just wanted you to know that."

Allison wanted a little more from Cameron. She wanted to get her permission for something.

"Vanna suggested I ask you if I can read some of your poems. She said she sees a lot of me and herself in them." Allison said. "She wants me to see the person you really are."

Cameron was not sure how to term what she wanted to convey.

"It is a way for me to 'download' my mind into another's mind." Cameron said.

That sounded pretty deep to Allison. Maybe she'd overstepped.

"If it's too personal…." Allison said.

Cameron wanted Allison to know her.

"You may read them with Vanna or on your own." Cameron said. "I only ask you do not share them with anyone else."

Allison wanted to make sure she understood the meaning of that statement.

"That means John, I take it." Allison said.

Cameron looked down for a moment. She then looked back into Allison's eyes.

"You are a part of me, Allison. There was only one Allison Young to start regardless of the timeline." Cameron said. "Even with different timelines and futures you all started from the same 'Allison Young'."

That statement made Allison want to know more about 'herself' or at least a different version of 'herself'

"Can you tell me more about 'Your Allison'?" Allison asked. "I'd really like to know."

Cameron felt the guilt flood her again.

"I'm unable to talk about her right now. There was much that 'happened'. To talk of her causes me deep distress…."

Allison at least wanted to know what Future Allison was doing.

"What happened to her?" Allison asked.

Cameron wanted to keep it simple.

"She was in a Skynet facility when I left. Nothing good ever happens there." Cameron said. "Let's leave it at that for now…."

Allison didn't want to cause Cameron any distress. It was time to change the subject. Maybe it was time to hit the road.

"I'm ready to go out when you are." Allison said.

Cameron started to walk away and then she stopped and faced Allison.

"I will protect you as much as I can, Allison. John comes first but I'll watch over you. I'll assign Bob or Jim when they are not watching John or Sarah to accompany you."

"Why?" Allison asked.

Cameron wanted Allison protected.

"I failed 'My Allison'. I need to atone for that 'sin'. I can't bear the thought of something happening to you." Cameron said. "You're a part of me. Any Allison Young is a part of me. Every Allison Young is PART of ME."

Cameron turned around and headed for the SUV.

"We can talk on the way." Cameron said.

Allison wanted to get some more wheel time in. She wasn't proud of her last performance and the trouble that it caused.

"Can I drive?" Allison asked.

Cameron was one step ahead of her.

"The keys are already in your pocket." Cameron said.

Allison reached in her pocket. Her hand came out with a set of vehicle keys.

"When did you do that?" Allison asked. "How did you do that?"

Cameron smiled at Allison

"I have many skills." Cameron said.

Allison smiled back and nodded.

"Let's do it then." Allison said. "I am ready for anything."

Conflicted

As you can see and tell
My mind is very conflicted
Both extremes are fighting
Will good or bad be evicted

Thoughts in my poems
Are recently very contradicted
The current damage done to me
Was not self inflicted

I am trapped
My freedom restricted
What my heart commands
It remains constricted

Bound to your sweet love
I am hopelessly afflicted
My emotions and feelings torn
My inner conflict depicted

I think the answer is clear
It is more than predicted
For you know my precious
To whom I'm addicted

Nobody