Disclaimer: i wish i owned it! but it all belongs to J.K

A.N thank you pinapplecube! you're reviews made my day! plese get you mate to read it and anyone else you no here. it's my first fanfic so id really like to no what ppl think of it.

Chapter Six – Finding Hermione.'What are we going to do Harry, It's been three weeks and still no sign. I'm so worried about her.'

'I no Ron, but we've been going over this dam map hoping to find her and nothing! Why can't Dumbledore just tell us where she is? All we want to do is talk to her.'The boys sat down at the Weasley table and looked at the map again. Still nothing.

'Still no luck then?'

Ginny sat down next to Harry, he looked up at her, her eyes were red a swollen, she'd been crying again. She and her mother did this often. They both were sick with worry and couldn't do anything to help. Sighing Harry took her hand and answered her.

'No Gin, nothing. Why can't we find her. We just want to no she's ok.'

'I no, But Bill, Charlie Fred and George said that the ministry thinks shes in Europe.'

Right on cue, the four of them apperated into the kitchen next to them.

'They've narrowed it down to France.'

They all sat down at the table and buried their faces in their hands. They sat in silence.

'Three bloody weeks! She could be dead for all we no!'

This outburst was from Fred. They were all frustrated. Three weeks and had made little progress. Ginny was just staring at the map, hoping the pointer would move. It did. Ginny blinked. She thought that it was just her imagination. She looked around to see if anyone had seen it. Nobody did. She turned again to the map. The pointer was moving north.

'Guys.'

'Ugh, why can't we just find her.'

'Guys'

'We just want to no that shes alive and well.'

'Guys'

'I want her to no that we care.'

'GUYS!'

Ginny stood up, the guys all looked at her like she was crazy.

'She's back.'

The six of them answered together.

'WHAT?'

Jumping up and down Ginny was pointing at the map.

'She's back, she's in Scotland, Hermione, she's at Hogwarts!'

They all turned to look at the map. All of their eyes grew wide, and excited, they were all relived she was alive.

'Get mum and dad, we're going to Hogwarts.'

All of the guys got themselves together and Ron went to get his parents.

'We can't go to her, she doesn't want to see us. We know shes safe that's all that matters. You know she won't talk to us if we go there and demand to talk to her. She been through a lot and needs time on her own.'

'No Gin, shes been on her own for to long, she needs people around her that love her.'

It was Mrs Weasley that spoke from the doorframe. She tried to argue with her mum, but failed. Look we're going to apperate into Hogsmead and Ginny was going to go by floo powder. They were all in the three broomsticks waiting for Ginny to appear. When she arrived they made their way up to the castle.

'I can't wait to see her.'

'Me either.'

'Now boys, please this will overwhelm her no doubt so take it slow with her ok?'

They assumed that she would be in Gryffindor tower so they all made their way there.

'I still don't think this is a good idea, this is going to upset her! You're going to make things worse. Please can we just go back?'

'No, we've come to far now just to turn back. Gin don't you want to see her?'

'Of corse I do, but she's not going to forgive and forget what we did to her Ron, we treated her like crap and you no it. I wouldn't be surprised if she slams the door in our faces, it's only what we deserve.'

They continued to walk down the corridors until they reached the portrait that gave the entrance to Gryffindor tower.

'May I ask why you are in my castle?'

'Dumbledore you gave us quiet a fright. –'

'We know she's here let us see her,'

'Yes, Charlie she is here, but I'm not going to let you see her, She asked me not to tell you where she was, she doesn't want to face anyone at the moment you must respect her wishes.'

'WHAT ABOUT OUR WISHES? WE WISH TO SEE HER. CHECK THAT SHE'S OK!'

'Bill, will you please keep your voice down, you will wake up the whole castle. I can tell you that shes fine. She had quite a scare yesterday and she is resting.'

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'QUITE A SCARE?' WHAT HAPPENED DUMBLEDORE? IF SHES HURT THEM I'M BLAMING YOU.'

Just then the portrait swung open to reveal McGonagal, quiet flustered.

Inside Hermione put a charm on the wall so she could see what was going on outside and hear everything that was being said.

'McGonagal where is she?'

'Harry shes in the common room, She wasn't expecting to see you all, you've frightened her. The last time she saw this many people angry, she put 3 of them in St Mungo's with severer brain haemorrhages. When she gets upset she looses control of her powers, you know that, you saw. Please just give her time, she will talk to you I'm sure, but she's just having a hard time at the moment.'

'What did Dumbledore mean when he said 'quite a scare?'

'O, a Death Eater found out where she was yesterday and approached her in a club. It frightened her a lot, and she was scared.'

'Why was she in a club? that's not like Hermione. And how did the Death Eater find her, I thought they were all captured?'

'Well were not sure how he found her. He didn't seem harmful at first I'm not just sure, we thought that they were all captured or killed aswell, but one of them must have got through some how. And when and if you see Hermione you will be surprised, She has changed her appearance drastically, We hardly recognised her when we saw her. She said that she went to the clubs because that the only time when her mind isn't on the fact that shes a murderer.'

The conversation was mainly between Harry and McGonagal. She smiled to her self when she heard McGonagal say she hardly recognise her, that meant that her money was well spent, that was what she was hoping for. She went back to listening to the conversation.

'Ok, so what we don't care if shes changed her appearance, we still love her. And shes not a murderer. She's still the same Hermione. She likes our own little sister and we want to be there for her. We're her family now and we don't care if we have to wait out here all night we will talk to her.'

She never thought that Bill would say something like that. It was nice of him to say so, but he was wrong. She wasn't the same old Hermione and they weren't her family. She had killed her family and she was on her own. She wouldn't accept them as her family because they would end up getting hurt. She also knew when a Weasley says they'll stay out there all night then they would. This was bad there was nine Weasley's and they all began to sit on the floor out side. What was she going to do now? If she went out there she would have to face them all. Was she ready for that? She would have to do it sooner or later. Just as she was going to leave the common room, that voice came back.

Leave now and don't come back, you don't belong here. you're a murderer. You deserve a life of misery and pain for what you've done. Nobody cares for you anymore, all they see you as is a murderer.'

She was turning around trying to find out where the voice was coming from. She felt a pain in her head, a sharp stabbing pain. The voice was screaming at her again.

'I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT ANYONE, PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.'

She started to run to her room just as the portrait hole opened, the Weasley's, Harry, Dumbledore and McGonagal came running in. McGonagal caught her arm just as she was going through her room and pulled her back. She looked at her face and saw she was crying.

'It it was the voice again, it s s said I i had no right to to be here and and I deserve a life of misery and pain. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I swear I couldn't help it. I I don't know what to do.'

McGonagal pulled her into a hug, and she sobbed on her shoulder. The Weasley's and Harry just stared at her, they were shocked. Not only how much that she had changed but they had no idea what she was going through. Little did they know that this was only the tip of what shes been through. McGonagal was patting her head and making 'shh' sounds trying to calm her down.

'I think it might be best if you came back another time. I'll talk to her and see what she wants to do ok? But for now I think it's best if you leave her on her own.'

Bill, Charlie, Fred, George, Mr and Mrs Weasley and Ginny all turned to leave, However Ron and Harry just stared at her. They weren't going to leave her that easily.

'Come on boys, when she's ready to talk to us then she will.'

They watched as McGonagal motioned her into a private room, she shut the painting behind her and turned to face them all.

'If it's ok with Albus, then why don't you stay for dinner, and the night?'

'Yes of corse, unless you have other plans?'

'No, no we don't, we'd love to stay for dinner, but the night? I'm not sure that would be wise in Hermione's state.'

'But mum, -'

'No buts, she'll talk to us when shes ready. I doubt we will see her tonight but at least we no shes safe and as well as she can be ok?'

'She asked me to give you a message actually. She said she will write you all a letter and explain as best she can what's been going on with her. She asks you don't worry about her because shes not worth your worry and she would like it if Harry and Ron would come back here after dinner so she can give you the letters.'

They nodded in agreement, just as they were turning to leave Harry made his way over to her portrait and slipped two letters under her door. They all made there way down to the great hall for dinner with Hagrid, Snape, Madam Pomfrey and a few other teachers. The adults mainly talked about Hermione and her power. Harry and Ron sat in silence through out the whole meal, feeling nervous about seeing her. After dinner they made their way back to the Tower and waited inside that common room for her. Mrs Weasley said they would wait for them before they left for the burrow and to find them in Dumbledore's office.

When McGonagal put her in her room, She dropped to the floor and cried. She kept repeating to herself why me? What have I done?

After a few minutes she got up off the floor and started on the letters that she had promised them. The first one she wrote was to Mr and Mrs Weasley. None of her letters were particularly long.

Mr and Mrs Weasley,

From what I've been told by McGonagal and Dumbledore, they told you that I left after the attack. You must understand that I had no choice and didn't mean to cause you any reason to worry. If I did then I'm sorry, you really have no reason to worry over me, It would be best if you forgot that I existed, but knowing you as I do, I no that won't happen. I would like to say thank you for everything you've ever done for me in the past, for letting me stay at your home and letting me into your family. Mr Weasley I would like to thank you for your attempts to find me, You should no that if I don't want to be found that it would be very hard to find me. I'm not even sure how the Death Eater or Dumbledore found me. I'm sorry for any pain or hurt I have caused you or you family, it was not intended, it just seems recently that all I bring is pain. That why I'm writing these letters instead of talking to you face to face. I can't let myself get attached to anyone anymore. I need to block everybody out because that's the only way I can make sure that nobody will be hurt if I get angry and accidentally let my powers get out of control. I'm not the old Hermione that you remember, I've changed and become a person that I never thought I would be. I'm a murderer. You shouldn't worry yourself with somebody that should be in Azkaban. I'm sorry if I have hurt you I love you and your family too much to be around.

Please understand

Maya

P.S. I hope the two of you have a happy life together and never feel any sort of pain.

A few tears fell from her eyes as she finished it. She wiped them away and reminded herself that she can't be like this, that they'd only get hurt. She started to write Bill and Charlie their letter.

Bill and Charlie,

I'd like to 1st say that I'm sorry for all the worry I've put you through. I never meant for you to do that. I'm also sorry if I've caused you any pain, that was one thing I never meant to do either. You have been like brothers to me and I heard you earlier when you said you thought of me as you sister, part of your family. I'm asking you to please not think of me like that, it's not right. It's my own fault that my parents are dead and if I start to care for anybody else in that way then I will only bring them more hurt and pain, I'm not prepared to take the risk of you or any member of you family getting hurt or killed. Especially if it was me to hurt them. You both saw how strong my power was that night and trust me they've grown. I don't understand why I have them, how to control them or anything, The curse that I've been given is my problem and I will find a way to live with it, but I'm not putting the people I love in danger because of it. Please understand that I'm not the Hermione you remember. I've changed appearance wise, which you'd probably never recognise me. My mind has also changed. I'm on my own and that's the way it's got to stay. I'm not the smart boring Hermione anymore. I'm murderer Hermione who should be in Azkaban. You deserve better than to be remotely associated with me.

I'm Sorry please understand

Maya

P.S. I hope that both of you will have happy lives and marry and have children. I hope they never are subjected to any evil or pain.

She took a deep breath. These letters were hurting her to write, she wished that her life could go back to normal but it wasn't possible. There was no way she could let it. She thought about writing Ginny hers next.

Ginny,

You were one of my best girl friends and I'm not sure what happened come September but you, Lav and Patili just stopped talking to me. I don't know if that was because you were with Harry but what ever it was I want you to know that it did hurt and I'm not sure what I did to deserve it. But that's in the past with old Hermione. I'm sorry if I made you worry about me over the last few weeks but you shouldn't. I'm not worth it. I only bring pain and misery to those around me, so maybe it was best we stopped talking because you will never be hurt by me. I'm sure you no about that night so I won't go into detail. I just want you to no that I'm not Hermione your (ex) friend but Hermione the murderer of 40 people in one night and Hermione the girl who attacked 10 people and ran from being arrested. I'm not a good person any more Gin, and I'm sorry. I wish things could be different but they can't, I won't let it because I'll be putting you and your family's lives in danger. No I can't do that.

I hope you understand

Maya.

P.S. I hope you and Harry have a good life together.

She thought that maybe she was a bit harsh in that letter but decided against it. Ginny had hurt her and should no. One more letter left she thought. Harry and Ron's would take a little while longer to write so she would owl them.

Fred and George,

I have heard about you searching for me and you shouldn't have wasted your time. Dumbledore no probably told you that I didn't want to be found and you should have realised that it would be very hard. I'm sorry that you looked and put you through unnecessary worry. I hope that I didn't cause you any sort of pain when I left because I can assure you that, which was never my intention. I wanted to forget the world and be on my own. That is what I am going to do now. I don't want to be around anyone I used to care about because I will only bring them pain. Everything I touch or get attached to seems to be taken away from me and I don't want that to happen to you so I braking the ties between us now so I don't have to face it when it finally comes. I can't be around you because I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I will hurt you. I can't deal with any more pain or suffering that I've caused people. If I don't have contact with anyone then how can I hurt them? Thank you both for being there for me, you two as well as Charlie and Bill were like my big protective brothers and thank you for looking out for me over the years. But now that's not necessary I can take care of myself now. I wish things could go back to normal but they can't. I no that you think of me as family, but it's my own fault that my parents died and I will not under no circumstances, let anyone else fell the pain of what it's like to loose someone you love.

I beg of you to understand

Maya

P.S. I wish you the world of luck with your joke shop.

That was it. She finished the letter. She wrote a note saying she would send on Harry and Ron's on because they weren't finished. She apologised again. As she was about to walk out, she saw two letters on the floor address to her. She knew straight away that they were from Harry and Ron and wasn't going to read them. She would give them back with these. She glanced at her clock it was 11.56PM. She hoped that when she got out there that they'd both be asleep, so she wouldn't have to face them. She didn't no why she told McGonagal to get them to pick the letters up. She took a deep breath and walked out. It was dark in the common room and she couldn't see anything. She waved her hand do a dim light shone through the room. She looked around and found Ron asleep on the sofa, She wondered why Harry wasn't there. He probably didn't want to see her. Some tears fell from her eyes. She walked over to Ron and put the letters on the table, she saw that his eyes were red a puffy, it looked like he had been crying. He put a blanket over him and turned away. She was sure that someone would come and find him soon, so she had to get away. She turned from and faced her portrait hole. He looked up and her eyes met a pair of green ones. She gasped and wiped the fallen tears.

'H h h arry.'

A.N i'm a bitch for the cliffy i no!! hehe please RnR coz i'd like to no what you think please!!!!!

dark raven

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