Tears of a confused mind.

Disclaimer: you no that I don't own Harry Potter.

Ok I want to thank all of you who have reviewed. They mean so much to me!

Angles-faith: Thank you and I am still writing, ive started to other Fanfic's Check em out and tell me what you think.

Luvinganglebaby: Ok I've continued and thank you so much that means a lot to me. I didn't think my writing was any good.

Pinapplecube: Hey thanks for the Reviews and I loved reading them. I'm not saying if they get together in the next chapter or not, you have to review this chapter and find out!

HarpieBird: I've updated now! I'm sorry it took forever but im writing two other stories as well. Ill try and update regular. read on and see if he comes back.

Hawkswell: Thank you for the reviews, ive taken everything into account. Please tell me what you think of this one. Any suggestions are welcome

A.N its been along time since I updated this story so I think ill refresh your memory

It was dark in the common room and she couldn't see anything. She waved her hand and a dim light shone through the room. She looked around and found Ron asleep on the sofa. She wondered why Harry wasn't there. He probably didn't want to see her. Some tears fell from her eyes. She walked over to Ron and put the letters on the table, she saw that his eyes where red a puffy, it looked like he had been crying. She put a blanket over him and turned away. She was sure that someone would come and find him soon, so she had to get away. She turned from him and faced her portrait hole. She looked up and her eyes met a pair of green ones. She gasped and wiped the fallen tears.

'H-h-harry.'

Ok so on with this chapter. This chapter has a lot of dialect in it and may get confusing. Please read and review.

Chapter 7: One long night

Part of her wanted to run and give him a hug, but her mind and heart were telling her to run, go away. He hurt you. She listened to this side and turned away from him hoping to escape out of the main portrait hole. Harry wasn't going to let his best friend get away that easy. As she turned around he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

'No 'Mione, please stay and talk.'

'Harry I can't please let me go.'

''Mione you asked for us to be here, now you are going to run again?'

'I can't do it. Not now Harry please.'

She yanked her arm out of his grip and fled to the other side. Her eyes stung with tears, all she wanted to do was get away from here. But once she got to the portrait hole, she looked up and met a pair of red puffy swollen blue eyes. They shone with tears.

'Ron.'

Nobody said anything. Hermione and Ron eyes were locked. Both shone with tears of hurt, anger, fear and confusion.

'Please Ron, I just-I just want to- I need to. Please just let me go.'

'No. 'Mione we've waited far to long to talk to you and we are not letting you go that easy. We just want to talk to you. Find out what happened to you 'Mione, please just lets talk.'

'Ron I can't. No now, I will talk to you but just not now. I want to go. I don't want to talk now.'

'No. you are going to stay until we've talked about this. We want our old 'Mione back and we will stay here all night if we have to. We just want our 'Mione back.'

'I'm not your old 'Mione Ron. I haven't been your old 'Mione since you ditched me last year. I haven't been your old 'Mione since I cut my self, or that night at the Riddle Mansion. I'm not 'mione anymore. I'm not Hermione. I'm a murderer.'

Hermione turned again to leave them in the common room, but didn't have anywhere to go. Ron was blocking the main entrance and Harry was at her portrait. She was trapped here and all she wanted to do was run. She didn't want to face them yet. She couldn't face them yet.

Ron was getting really angry at her. She run away and not let them in her life, they were worried about her and spend weeks looking for her. He cried himself to sleep at night, muttering, preying that she would come back to them safe. And now that she was here, she didn't want to see them. He was not giving up that easy. She had to no how he felt.

'Do you no what we've been through? Looking for you day and night? I-'

'How dare you? How dare you stand there and shout at me about what you've been through. Have you any idea what I've gone through? Have you?'

''Mione I-'

''Mione he means that he's glad that you're back and that he just wants to talk to you. Hopefully work everything out.'

'O shut up Harry, he didn't mean that at all. When did he say that he was glad I was back? Or that he wants everything to work out? He didn't! He just thinks I'm a selfish bitch. All he thinks about is himself, not what others have been through. I'm sorry Harry but all you do is defend him! That's what I couldn't stand between you to, it would always be Harry and Ron, I also had to fight for you to notice me! Stop defending him Harry, he said what he thinks and nothing else.'

''Mione I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. But you don't no what we've been through-'

'I'm not your 'Mione! stop calling me it. And I don't care for your apologies anymore Ron it's to late. I don't care. I can't care! I would have expected your apology 8 months ago when you totally ignored me because you found girlfriends. Or when you stood me up all those days when we were supposed to go to Hogsmead or do homework. I would have even accepted your apology when you fucked off after new years. You found me in that room after I cut myself, brought me down to the hospital wing and left me. You never came to see me. You never cared if I was ill or not. You only cared about getting laid. But I would have still accepted your apology. But after that your weren't my friends any more. It was just the two of you. It was too late after I saved your arses after the Riddle Mansion, It was to late when I had a curse put on me . And it was defiantly to late when I became a murderer. Don't you see Ron I can't care anymore because you might get hurt. Fair enough you hurt me bad last year but I can't change that. And if I let you back into my life then there's the risk that I will hurt you, worse than you've ever hurt me. I tried to block myself out from the world. Hoping people would find me, but then when the Death Eaters came to my house and tried to kill me I lost it and flipped out, I nearly killed them. That's why I fled again. I can't be around people. Muggle or Wizard because I will hurt them. That's why I came back here. I thought I could be safe here for a bit after that Death Eater in the club. But I'm not because you found me. I'm petrified if you come to close that you might get hurt. Just stay where you are. Please.'

He boys just stared at her. They watched her get angry and a red glow form around her. They watched as her eyes turned black and her hands begin to shake. They listened to every word she said and tears fell from both of their eyes. Hermione wiped away her tears and calmed her self down. There was a tinge of red around her but not as fierce as before and her eyes changed back to the amber colour. Ron still wanted her to try and understand what they had been though. He felt so bad and guilty after what she just said and wanted to make it up to her but she had to no.

'Hermione I'm sorry you feel like that, believe me I am, but you are not a murder and you are not the only one who has had it hard. Over the last few months when you left we've been frantic. Bill, Charlie, Fred, George and dad have been at the ministry till 12 o'clock most nights helping with the search for you. They'd have a few hours sleep and then leave again at 5. Hermione me and Harry scribed for you day and night, but we found nothing. You obviously weren't in the country but we tried anyway. Mum and Ginny were worried sick. Mum never ate and cried all the time. I cried my self to sleep every night. Hoping that you were ok.'

There was silence. Hermione was crying so hard. She didn't want to hear this, it was to hard for her. She didn't want anybody to still care about her because they would just get hurt by either her or the Death Eaters. She wished that they would stop. She was a murderer and should be treated like it. She sat on the floor and leaned against the back of the sofa. she hugged her knees and Harry and Ron came and sat down beside her. But they didn't sit to close. She heard Harry start to talk.

'After the Riddle Mansion we felt so guilty about the way we treated you, that's why we tried to apologies. You saved us Hermione. We could have dies that night but you came on your own and saved us. We are forever in your debt. Hermione you killed the people that would have killed us and that killed hundreds before us. All those wizards and Muggles they killed twice around. Hermione they killed my parents and Sirius. They killed your to. You rid the world of an evil. God knows what we would be doing now if they were still alive. You saved to worlds 'Mione and if you like it or not, you are a hero. Our hero. You see the picture over there with the candles? We put it up. After the Riddle Mansion. People should thank you for everything you do and that's just our way to say thank you. We love you 'Mione and we will bring you back.'

'No Harry you won't. I won't let it. I never asked for any of this. I never asked for you and the Weasley's to search for me. I told Dumbledore before I left to tell you not to bother to search because you wouldn't find me. I'm sorry if I put you under any stress or anything but I never asked for it and I wish you didn't bother. I wanted to be alone. I still want to be alone and that's the way it's got to be. So I won't kill or hurt anyone else. Harry I'm a murderer if you can accepted that or not. I killed all those Death Eaters. I killed my parents and I almost killed again. I can't put anyone else through that pain again. I'm sorry but I can't. I'm not prepared to take that risk.'

Hermione got up and left the two boys, tear stained and hurt. They wanted their best friend back but she wasn't having any of it. McGonagal was right when she said that she had changed and not just in her appearance. They never realised that she felt this bad about what had happened. They never thought that she blamed her self for her parents murder or that she considered herself a murderer.

Hermione couldn't let herself get attached again. If she did then she might hurt them. No. she couldn't but she preyed that they would understand. They had to. She reached her portrait and looked back at the boys. Harry was still where she left him, on the floor with his head in his hands. Ron had moved to the sofa and he to had his head in his hands. Then Harry looked up and stared at her.

'But we want to take that risk. We want to be with you. It's our choice. We want to take that risk.'

'Harry No. I can't let you. I'm sorry.'

'But we want to take that risk!'

She didn't hear him. She heard Something else instead. That o so familiar voice in her head.

Go away and don't come back. They don't love you. They never have and never will. No one does. Go leave now before you hurt them. Before you kill them.

Hermione was turning around frantic.

'I can't. I can't go. I won't, I won't kill them. Please please leave me alone!'

Harry and Ron's head shot up to see Hermione falling to her knees clutching her head and screaming at someone who wasn't there. Harry ran over to her and shock her shoulders.

'Hermione, Hermione. Stop. It's me Harry. Look at me.'

She pulled her head up and looked at Harry. He saw fear in her eyes, he was worried about her. What was she doing, he was frightened. She was shaking and sweating. He wrapped his arms around her and picked her up. She was so light but this was claming her down. He walked over to the sofa where Ron was watching him. He turned her around so she was sitting on his lap and his arms around her waist and her legs were over Ron. She had stopped shaking and The boys where making 'Shh' noises to calm her down. Harry wiped her hair from her face and Ron held onto her hands.

'I-I-I'm sorry.'

'It's Ok, what happened?'

'I, well since I've got here I've been hearing voices. In my head I think. And they keep telling me that I should leave and never come back. They say I'm a murderer and that I'm going to kill again. That one just said that you don't love me, no one does and I should leave before I hurt you. Before I kill you.'

'But the thing is 'Mione. We do love you, you're not a murderer and you aren't getting rid of us that easy.'

Harry tightened his grip around her waist. Bringing her closer to him and Ron put his hand on her thigh bringing her closer to him. She linked her hands with Harry and Ron and they sat in silence. Hermione still had her doubts.

'But I-'

'No but's 'Mione. We are not going to leave you alone. We are here for you if you like it or not. Look we are really sorry about how we treated you. We really are. We were so consumed in our own lives and girls that we didn't take any notice of you or include you in anything. We should have been there for you when the Slytherin girls were beating you up and what Zambini did. We are so sorry 'Mione. Please forgive us.'

Both boys stared at her and waited for her reply.

'You really hurt me you no. We came back in September and everything was ok. But then as the weeks went on we stopped hanging out and you would totally ignore me. You ditched me so many times so you could hang out with Lavender and Ginny, and I thought I did something wrong. Then when the girls stopped hanging around with me or even acknowledging me I felt so shitty. They were saying stuff behind me back and you would laugh at them. I wanted you guys around so much and I really wanted to tell you what they were doing to me. But you didn't care about me anymore so why should you care about that?

'Hermione-'

'No let me finish.'

She stopped to take in some breath while Ron and Harry just continued to look at her. Not quite knowing what to say. Tears formed in all of their eyes, she looked at them and continued.

'I was so alone. When I found out that you had gone to the Riddle Mansion without me, I was so mad. It was the three of us on the adventures. Not just the two of you. So I went, I still cared about you even if you didn't care about me. You would have been killed if I didn't show up. I was still alone when my parents died. I arranged and went alone to the funeral. In a way I still had hoped that you to might have been there, but then the other side of me was screaming that they hurt you and don't care for you. I have had no one for the past year, No one to talk to anything. It has been the worst year of my life.'

'But things have changed between us now if you like it or not. I'm still a murderer. I killed all those Death Eaters. Ruined so many family's. Killed my own family and hurt the people I love the most. I can't face hurting any one else, it would kill me to do that. That's why I can't be around you anymore. Please understand.'

Ron and Harry still had tears in their eyes. She had poured her heart out and they felt so bad.

''Mione you don't understand that it's killing us, you not being around. Me and Ron- we need you. And we don't care how many times you say it, you are not a murderer. To us 'Mione you are still our hero. Why can't you see that?'

'Because I'm not!'

Ron was getting angry again with her.

'Hermione Granger! Listen to me! You. Are. MY. Hero! You are Harry's and Dumbledore's and Snape's! You are the Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and in a way the Slytherin's hero! You saved the Muggle and Wizarding world from total death and darkness. Why can't you see that 'Mione?'

'Because I'm a murderer.'

''Mione you only killed people that would have killed hundreds more! You killed evil and rid the world of the dark lord. 'Mione you only killed the people that would have killed those you loved. They did kill those you love. 'Mione it wasn't your fault, they did it not you!'

Hermione didn't no what to say. She had tears streaming down her face and looking at her hands that were still linked with theirs. Harry then spoke to her.

''Mione you no that you have us don't you. You've got friends and family that love you. Me, Ron all the Weasley's we're your family now. You've got Dumbledore and McGonagal and even Snape! We all love you and want to bring you back from the shell you've created. Please all we're asking is that you try now. For us. And if you find it to hard or to much to handle then we promise you that we won't pressure you to do anything else. You can do what you want. Please 'Mione?'

She thought this over. She DID have people around her that were willing to risk getting hurt by her power. SHe DID have people around her that love her and who was she to deny them? they wanted to be around her and it was their choice wasn't it? She took a deep breath and squeezed their hands.

'Ok. Ok I'll try. But if I can't handle it or hurt any of you with this stupid curse then you'll leave me alone? for good?'

They nodded and she smiled. Her first genuine happy smile in a long time. Their eyes lit up and they hugged her. They were all crying with happiness now. Something was still nagging at her so she decided to ask them.

'Wht bot r grilfnd?'

They pulled away confused

'What?'

'What about your girlfriends? won't they be upset that firstly you've made up with me and that your sitting with me like this?'

Harry and Ron looked at each other.

'Actually 'Mione me and Lavender aren't together anymore.'

'What why?'

'Well we split up just after the Riddle Mansion. She said that all I talk about is you and how you weren't talking to us. SHe got fed up with it.'

'O I'm sorry Ron.'

'It's not your fault!'

'Yeah but still, I'm sorry. Well what about you and Gin Harry?'

'We broke up at the end of term. Sorta the same reason.'

'O.'

'We're better off without them anyway. Now we can have a three some!'

Ron and Hermione looked at Harry shocked.

'Excuse me?'

'Hey I'm kidding! just wanted to make you laugh.'

'Sure Mr Potter.'

The three of them laughed, just like it used to be.

'So come on 'Mione what's this about some guy in a club?'

'O well he was a Death Eater. I don't no how he found me. We were just dancing and whatever and I saw the Tattoo on his arm. He said his dad made him get in last year and he hated having it. He didn't no who I was because I went by the name Maya out there. But the thing is I felt like I had a real connection with him. Not just those lust things. It was like electricity ran though us every time we touch and it was so intense when we kissed-'

'Too much info 'Mione! But I like the name Maya. You don't mind if we call you that do you?'

'No.'

'Don't worry Maya we'll find this mystery guy for you. Even if we have to punch him up a bit first. You don't mind do you?'

'Yes i do mind thanks Ron!'

'Don't worry we won't hurt him to much, why don't you describe him.'

'Ok well he's our age-'

'Good I thought for a second it might be Snape.'

The three of them looked at each other and shuddered.

'Eww. No it wasn't Snape. He's about 16/17 tall about 6'1 ish. He's got shirt spiky blond hair almost white, beautiful grey eyes. So deep and loving. He had these soft pink lips and toned 6 pack.'

'Maya. We meant his build and such?'

'O right well like I said he's abut 6'1. Not to built like one of those muscle men but built enough to no he works out. Quite strong arms and totally soft skin.-'

'Again kind of getting of the subject here.'

'O sorry and he said his name was Dray. He looked so familiar.'

Harry and Ron stared at each other. They both knew who it was that she was describing, they had been tailing him once term ended. Dumbledore said for them to keep an eye on him because they weren't sure if he was a death eater or not. But then when he left the country they couldn't watch him any more. Harry shook his head at Ron. He wanted to tell her it was Draco Malfoy but Harry was telling him not to.

'We can't Ron.'

'She has a right to no.'

'What? What's going on?'

'Ron, no it will crush her.'

'She'll kill us if we don't.'

'Hello! I'm still here.'

Hermione looked between the two boys who continued to have a silent battle with their eyes. Finally Harry gave in.

'Fine, on your head be it.'

'Can some one tell me what's going on?'

'Look Maya just before the end of term Dumbledore told us we had to keep an eye on some Death Eaters that weren't put away or anything yet. And the one we were tailing sounds exactly like the one you just described. And we not sure if you are going to like who it is.'

'Well tell me then. Who is it?'

'Draco Malfoy.'

She didn't say anything. She just looked at her hands. Malfoy? Could she really have such a connection with Malfoy? The she thought about what he said in the club. my father made me get it for my birthday. it doesn't mean anything. Was he really forced to do it? Does he really want her dead? Was she ever going to see him again?

'Were sorry Maya.'

'What for? It's not your fault. And I'm not sure if he is a Death Eater. He told me before he knew who I was that he hates the tattoo and it doesn't mean anything and he was forced to get it.'

'Well if Malfoy's the one you want, we aren't going to stop you. Just be careful that all we ask.'

The three of them soon fell asleep in each others arms. Hermione was still on Harry's Lap and Ron was still holding her legs up. They also had one of her hands each. At about 2.30am the portrait hole swung open and Dumbledore, McGonagal, Bill, Charlie, Fred, George and Snape walked through. They all looked at the sleeping figures on the sofa in front of them. Dumbledore looked at Snape and they both smiled. The Weasley's look relieved while McGonagal was just confused.

'What's gone on here?'

'Isn't it obvious McGonagal?'

'Charlie I would much appreciate it if you would just explain.'

'They've brought our 'Mione back.'

The seven of them looked at the sleeping figures with smiles on their faces. If Harry and Ron couldn't bring Hermione back to the folds of the light side then nobody could. They were so relieved that the Golden Trio was now re-united. But for how long nobody knew.

A.N That was a long chapter to write! whoo, I'm glad it's over. It shouldn't be too long till I update but I'm also working on two other stories. I only want to be excepted (that's a Harry/Hermione FanFic) and Nobody ever said love was easy (a Hermione/Sirius FanFic) Check them out.

Ok tell me what you think about this chapter. Any good?

dark raven

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