Tears of a confused mind

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything J.K Rowling has created. I just use some of her characters in my stories.

A.N: Thank you to all my reviewers.

Mrs.Drew Malfoy: Thanks I'm glad you like it. And there is lots more to come!

GryffindorBabex13: Thanks it means a lot to me that you like it! thanks a lot!

Paprika90: Glad you like it! you'll find out about the voices in this chapter so i won't ruin it for you! And I'm not saying about the powers because it will spoil it but yes they are growing. Here's the next chapter!

ScreamingChild: Read on and you'll find out about the voice! I'm sorry about the chapters, I'm going as fast as i can! i have three stories!

Chapter 10: Dreams that uncover the truth.

Hermione heard this voice again and started to shake. She couldn't find her voice to shout or anything. She was too weak. Her eyes began to droop and she felt dizzy. She collapsed on the floor knocking a vase on the floor. She hit her head on the floor and closed her eyes. She could hear a faint banging and somebody calling her name.

'Maya!'

Blackness.

Hermione was by the lake. Lying cold and lifeless on the floor, the wind blowing around her. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked around confused. Where am I? The lake? How the hell did I get out here? Where is everybody? Hermione rubbed her eyes and looked up at the castle. No one. There was nobody around, nobody looking for her, not even Finch and his flea ridden cat. A particularly sharp wind sent shivers down her spin, so she hugged her self. She turned to walk up to the castle to find someone, anyone.

She wasn't sure what made her do it but she turned to the forbidden forest. She saw a figure leaning against one of the trees watching her. When they saw that Hermione had turned around so it moved towards her. Hermione didn't really know what to do, she just stood there and watched the figure approach. It was about her height and was wearing a black robe, she couldn't see it's face, but there was something familiar about it. When it got within a few feet of her she asked who it was.

'Who are you?'

'All in good time Hermione.'

'How do you know who I am?'

'Because I am you.'

The figure was now standing in front of her. She still couldn't see it's face. How did it know my name? Because I am you? What the hell?

'I'm sorry, what do you mean because I am you?'

Chuckling the figure opened her arms to the surroundings.

'Hermione, do you know where you are?'

Confused, Hermione gave the figure a curious look. Of course she knew where she was.

'Yeah, I'm at Hogwarts.'

'Yes and no. You are at Hogwarts yes, but in the dream world. You are currently dreaming. So you are here and you are not. Do you understand.'

'Yes I think so. But why am I here and who are you?'

'Like I said. I am you. I am your thoughts, your feelings and your emotions. I am your conscience, your mind, your soul. I am you.'

This didn't really help her at all. How can this thing be her soul and feelings when they don't take a solid form. They are a emotion not a person.

'I-I-I don't understand.'

'Have you ever heard someone say 'my intuition?' or 'I just have that feeling?''

'Yeah.'

'Well that's their inner self. Their true self.'

This made slightly more sense to her. She was also wondering why she had never read about the 'dream world' before.

'Ok. I think I understand. But why are you here? Why am I here?'

'I think I should also tell you, that the voice that you've been hearing is also your inner self. That's how you really feel.'

'That was you? I mean me? I mean us?'

'Yes.

Hermione's anger rose inside her. The voice she was hearing, that was telling her that she should be dead was standing right in front of her. She was trying to process everything in her mind.

'So th-th-the voice was me?'

'Yes, what you've been hearing is exactly how you feel. I've been telling you nothing more nor less of exactly how you feel, or what you really think.'

Hermione was taken back by this. She wasn't expecting it. I really do believe that I'm a murderer don't I? Now that she thought about it, it did make some kind of sense. She had been telling everyone that she was a murderer, so why had this come as a shock? She supposed that hearing somebody else say it made sense.

The figure watching her could read every emotion she was going through, confusion, anger, acceptance.

'I'm a murderer.'

'Yes, you are. You didn't just kill 40 people that night Hermione no, I want to show you some things that your actions caused.'

Not waiting for a reply from Hermione, The figure placed a hand on her arm. Hermione felt a sick a dizzy sensation in her head and stomach, much like a portkey she thought. To save her self from being sick, Hermione closed her eyes. When she felt solid ground beneath her, she opened her eyes.

She was in somebody's house. She didn't recognise it, but just by looking around she could tell that they were rich and defiantly pureblood wizards. One thing she did notice was that the figure wasn't there with her. Hermione was standing at the bottom of a staircase in front of the main door. She jumped when she heard the door bell. She spun around when she heard footsteps coming from behind her. A woman of about 35 came out of what looked like the living room. She walked straight past Hermione without even battering an eye lid. She went straight to the front door and opened it.

'Can I help you?'

There were two men in dress robes at the door. They too didn't seem to acknowledge her either. She figured that she was probably invisible to them.

'Are you Mrs Ariana Avery?'

'Yes I am. Is there something wrong?'

The two men took of the hats they were wearing and their faces became solemn.

'We are from the Ministry. Department of auroras actually. May we come in? It's about Mr Fredrick Avery.'

'Fredrick? What's happened? Where is he? What's happened?'

'Who is it dear?'

The woman turned her head to face the room she just came from and shouted to somebody in there.

'It's the Ministry.'

She opened the door and beckoned the Ministry officials in. Hermione followed the three of them into the living room, where there was two elderly people sitting by the fire.

'The Ministry? What do they want?'

'It's about Fredrick pops.'

'My boy? What about him?'

The elderly man turned to the men in the door way.

'We are not sure if you are aware of Fredrick Avery's activities last night-'

'He was working at the Ministry, He told us that he had some unfinished business to attend to with his boss.'

'Um, we regret to inform you Mrs Avery, but he wasn't at the Ministry last night. He was at the Riddle Mansion with 39 Death Eaters and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.'

'Preposterous! My son? A Death Eater? Working with the dark lord? No, I won't believe it. Where is he? Let me talk to him.'

Then it all clicked for Hermione. This was the morning after the attack. And Avery must of been one of the Death Eaters she killed. The ministry must be telling them what happened. She was surprised that his family didn't know he was a Death Eater.

The ministry officials shifted uncomfortably on the spot.

'Well Mr Avery. We are not sure if you are aware of the attacks the happened last night concerning You-Know-Who?'

'Yes there was a major attack where lots of his followers were killed-'

'Please tell me it wasn't my Freddie. Tell me he wasn't there.'

The women was now in tears. The elderly man was staring into the fire with disbelief and the elderly woman had silent tears coming down her cheeks.

'I'm sorry, But Mr Fredrick Avery was a Death Eater and was killed last night in a freak attack, with You-Know-Who and 40 Death Eaters.'

Silence. The woman was crying, she couldn't believe her husband had just been killed. The elderly man was in shock and was consoling his wife who was weeping. Hermione was seeing the effects of her actions, and what it did to a family.

'I'm sorry, but we are under orders to check any known Death Eaters family for the dark mark.'

The elderly man shot up and made his way to the men. He was furious. He pulled up his sleeve and shoved it in the men's faces. There was no mark. He pulled his daughter-in-laws arm up as well as well as his wife. None of them had the mark.

'I'm sorry Mr Avery but we are under orders.'

'Yeah, we've just lost a son and found out he was a Death Eater. You should take that into account next time. We are grieving. My son! He was a good man. He never did anything wrong, he just worked for a living to support his family. Why would he get into such things?'

'We don't know Mr Avery.'

Then Mrs Avery's head shot up. She still had tears down her face but she looked directly at the men. Hermione was standing against the wall, not really knowing what to do or say. She couldn't really take it all in. She had ruined this family.

'Can-can you t-t-tell us wh-wh-what hap-happened?'

'The Ministry are not sure their selves. As far as we are aware, You-Know-Who had Harry Potter and a friend captured and was planning on killing them, when a young witch turned up, we believe a friend of Harry Potter's and sent a freak killing curse on the Death Eaters and You-Know-Who.'

'A y-young wit-witch? How can she kill 40 Death Eaters in one curse?'

'We are not sure our selves. It seems like a freak accident or something.'

'Who was she? Her name?'

'We cannot disclose that information at this time Mrs Avery.'

Mrs Avery nodded her head. The two men turned and left leaving Hermione in the room with a family distraught from loosing a son she had killed. Nobody said anything for ages until a little blond girl of about 6 years old came running into the room and straight for her mum.

'Whys mummy crying? Where's daddy mummy? Is he coming home?'

'Baby girl daddy's not coming home. Mummy's crying because shes upset darling.'

The little girl sat on her mums lap confused. She wiped some of her mums tears away. Hermione just stood there, she didn't know what to do.

'Why isn't daddy coming home? Doesn't he love me anymore?'

'No, no he loves you baby, he was just taken away from us by a very bad person.'

Hermione had tears falling down her cheeks. A little girl didn't have a father now. And she did that.

'He doesn't love me. I was a naughty girl and that's why he's not coming home.'

Hermione couldn't believe that she was blaming herself.

'No honey, you were a good girl. He loves you so much and he loves me and pops and grams. But he-'

Mrs Avery couldn't continue. The elderly man stood up and picked the little girl up.

'Pops-'

'It's ok sweetheart. Daddy isn't coming home because he was taken to a better place. And don't worry the person that did this to him will be punished for taken your daddy away from us ok? Now go and play hun.'

This was all her fault. To this family they had lost a husband, a son and a father. And she did that. She made this family lose something so important to them. She ruined this family. It was her fault the little girl didn't have a father. It was her fault the wife lost her husband and is now a widow and has to raise a child on her own. It was her fault that the elderly couple has lost their son. No parent should outlive their child. Hermione closed her eyes and let some tears fall.

She felt that familiar sick feeling and knew she was moving somewhere. When she opened her eyes, she knew she was back at Hogwarts. This time the figure was in front of her.

'Have fun?'

'I'm sorry, I never meant for that to happen. I never wanted to ruin anybody's family. I'm so sorry.'

'Well that's not all what you did.'

For the second time the figure placed its hand on her arm and yet again Hermione felt like she was going to be sick. Then when she opened her eyes she knew exactly where she was. Her living room. Her house. She looked around and saw her parents sitting in each others arms on the couch. Just seeing that brought tears to her eyes. Her parents were dead and now she was seeing them alive.

'Mum? Dad?'

The was about to move closer to her parents when 4 Death Eaters apperated in to the front room. Hermione stood rooted to the spot. This was the night her parents died and she was about to witness it. She saw her father jump up from the couch and stand in front of one of them. He shielded his wife from view.

'Who are you? Why are you in my house?'

'Shut up Muggle. We will be the ones to ask questions. You just sit down and shut up.'

He didn't back down. No. He stood his ground.

'Tell me who you are and why you are here.'

The Death Eater laughed. Hermione thought there was something oddly familiar about him but she couldn't put her finger on it.

'Do you know your daughter is a murderer?'

'My daughter is no such thing! Get out my house! You are trespassing.'

'You'll find that she is actually. She killed 40 Death Eaters the other night and my Lord. We think that she should be punished for that.'

'Well I'm glad she got rid of scum like you then! Makes the world a better place!'

She was so proud of her father. He was a brave man and never went out with out a fight. The Death Eater turned around and hit her father. He wasn't a very big man so it sent him to the floor.

'No! Dad. He didn't do anything to you! I did! I killed them!'

Hermione really didn't want to witness the deaths of her parents. She was shouting and screaming at them to stop. But they couldn't hear her. She was invisible to them. Her mum jumped up from the sofa and went to her bleeding husband.

'Leave them alone! It's me you want.'

'Leave our house. We have done nothing.'

'No, but your daughter has. She took something precious from us, so we will take something precious from her.'

The Death Eater grabbed her mother by her hair and flung her across the room. She smacked her head against the wall. Her dad tried to get up but it resulted in a swift kick in the stomach and another punch in the face.

'Please leave them alone!'

Hermione was frantic. She wanted to save her parents, but she couldn't. All she could do was shout and not be heard and watch as the died.

Two of the Death Eaters held back her dad as he tried to get up and the main death eater pulled her mum up.

'I think I will have a little fun with you first. And I'll make dear husband here watch.'

'No leave Natalie alone. Take me instead. Kill me.'

'Please stop! Leave them alone.'

'O don't worry we are going to kill you, yes but we are just going to have some fun with her first and then kill her.'

He threw her down on the floor and got one of the Death Eaters to hold her down. Hermione was trying to push his away but nothing. She wasn't about to watch her mother being raped and killed. She couldn't do that. It was all her fault. It was her fault that her parents were being killed. And it was her fault that her mother was about to be raped.

The Death Eater climbed on top of her and with his wand he banished her trousers and top.

'Dam for a Muggle she's got a good rack.'

'LEAVE HER ALONE! I'M THE ONE YOU WANT PLEASE!'

The Death Eater slapped her mother across the face after she said he was a filthy piece of work and she was glad the Hermione killed their lord. She saw her mother whimper in pain as he groped her breast. Her father was constantly struggling to get to his wife. Hermione was horrified at what was about to happen. She heard her mum scream with meant that he had obviously forced himself into her. She saw her mothers tears coming down her face, she was looking directly at her husband. She flinched every time he re-entered her. Hermione's eyes were streaming with tears. Her parents locked eyes. Her mother mouthed the words

'I love you.'

'I love you too.'

'I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen mum. It's all my fault. I'm so sorry!'

Just as she felt the dizzy and sick feeling again she saw a bright green light engulf her whole living room. She knew they were dead.

Hermione collapsed on the floor in tears when she was back at Hogwarts. She just saw her mother and father being killed because of her. It was all her fault.

'Why? Why are you showing me this?'

'You need to know. I have one more thing to show you.'

'No, I can't no more. I've seen enough. I know I'm a murderer. I get it. Please don't'

It was to late. She was already somewhere else. This place was cold and had hard tilled floors. She looked around and saw two beds. Hospital beds. She was at St. Mungos. She got up and went to check the names.

MR ANDREW PAUL GRANGER

MRS NATALIE LOUISE GRANGER UNNAMED

'Unnamed?'

Hermione was really confused by this. Unnamed? Who or what was that? Two white double doors opened and in walked in Dumbledore, McGonagal and she assumed a healer.

'Is this the Grangers, Healer Johnson?'

'Yes Dumbledore it is, the killing curse I'm afraid, we couldn't do anything for them. Death Eaters?'

'Yes. When can they be released?'

'Tomorrow. We need somebody to come down and sign the three death certificates.'

'Three?'

'Yes three. Mr and Mrs Granger and the unborn baby Granger.'

Dumbledore looked at McGonagal. Both had gone as white as a sheet.

'She was pregnant?'

Hermione stood there staring at her mother in disbelief. She was pregnant. Now not only had she killed her mother and father, but her little brother or sister.

'I take it you didn't know? Yes she was 13 weeks pregnant. A boy I believe.'

She killed her unborn baby brother. Why didn't she know about this?

'Is there anyway we can have two death certificates instead of the three. If we tell Hermione her mother was pregnant. God knows what she might do. She already balms herself for her parents death. This was crush her.'

'I understand. Yes we just don't remove the foetus from the womb. Are you sure this is what she will want?'

'It has to be. While she's at Hogwarts she in our care. This is the best option for her.'

They didn't tell her. They weren't going to tell her. How could they not? She killed her baby brother and they weren't going to tell her. How dare they decide what is best for her? The had no right to do that. Hermione stared at Dumbledore and McGonagal, she couldn't believe that they had kept this from her. After everything they had been through, they still hadn't told her. Were they ever going to tell her.

Before Hermione knew it she was back at Hogwarts and staring into the lake. Tears streaming down her face. She was so angry and upset at the same time. She couldn't speak or move. The figure approached her.

'You did all that you know.'

'I know.'

'You are a murderer.'

'I'm a murderer I know. I killed my unborn brother. I killed 40 people at the Riddle Mansion. I killed my mother and father. I took their lives away from them. I took a life away from someone who hadn't experienced a natural breath. I should be dead not them. I hurt anyone I get close to'

The figure left Hermione alone. She was thinking about her mum and dad. They must have known she was pregnant. They must hate her for killing their baby.

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It won't ever happen again. I won't let it. I won't get close to anyone any more. They will only get hurt because of me. I won't let ANYONE feel that kind of pain because of me again. I can't.'

She was so ashamed of her self. How could she be so evil? So heartless? She was a murderer and didn't care who she hurt in the process. Because of her she killed the people she loved. Because of her, her brother never got to experience life. Hermione continued to cry, watching the lake.

'I'm a murderer. I'm alone.'

A.N that was one long chapter!!!!!!!!! my back is killing me! Well tell me what you thought. Any good?

dark raven

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