Tears of a confused mind
Disclaimer: I own nothing
A.N:
Paprika90: thanks a lot, I'm glad you liked it! you don't have to wait any longer! but you might have to for the next one though :s
Chapter 11: Dream laps
Draco sat in the hospital wing holding her pale, cold hands as she lay in the bed. He had been with her all night long, the second they found her in the bathroom to this very moment. He hadn't left her side for one second, he wanted to be there for when she woke up. He watched her every moan, turn, sweat bead and cry she let out. He didn't any idea what was going on, all Dumbledore told him is that she would wake up soon. Great comfort that was. He was so worried about this girl. He had only just got her back and now she lay in a hospital bed, unconscious for 18 hours. He didn't want to loose her, it would crush him if she died. He blamed his self for this, if he hadn't left her at the main hall then she wouldn't have gone back to the common room, she wouldn't have found that letter and had to deal with it on her own. She wouldn't be lying here.
It was about 7am and Draco had drifted off to sleep about 30 minutes ago. His head rests on the side of the bed, his hands never leaving hers.
'I'm a murderer.'
Draco woke up at the sound of a voice. He looked at Hermione and she was sweating again but this time she was shaking. He shouted out for the nurse and she told him to fetch Dumbledore.
Draco and Dumbledore came rushing back in a few minutes later to see Hermione thrashing around in her bed, shouting and screaming.
'Leave them alone! It's me you want.'
She stopped moving and tears began to fall down her face. Draco was worried about her and wanted something done. The nurse kept taking her pulse while Dumbledore just looked at her. He looked in deep thought.
'Please leave them alone!'
'Dumbledore do something!'
He put his hand up to silence him. Draco was furious, how can he stand here and watch her go through so much pain and he not do anything.
'LEAVE HER ALONE! I'M THE ONE YOU WANT PLEASE!'
There were a few moments of silence where Dumbledore quickly checked her eyes. When Draco got a glimpse of them he saw that the colour of her eye was black and the outside was white. He jumped back in surprise. Dumbledore gave him a sympathetic look. He knew how the boy felt for her and it couldn't be easy for him to see her like this.
'I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen mum. It's my entire fault. I'm so sorry!'
When Hermione seemed to be calm Dumbledore turned to Draco who still watched Hermione. He never took his eyes off of her.
'Mr Malfoy, do you know what a dream laps is?'
He didn't even face the headmaster, he just shook his head in reply.
'Well a dream laps Mr Malfoy, is a state of consciousness - a potentially fatal one.'
This is when Draco's head shot up.
'Fatal? She could die?'
'Perhaps. A dream laps is when a person becomes unconscious and goes into a state of mind. It basically means that their inner self leaves their body and goes to a place where she feels safe. She is constantly in and out of consciousness - hence the screams. I fear that if she goes too far into her 'safe place' that she will leave us. She might die if we don't save her.'
'Die? DIE? Why aren't you doing anything to save her? Isn't there a way?'
'Yes there is Mr Malfoy, that is what I need you to do. Professor Snape is in his rooms, I need you to go and tell him we need the potion now. We've been waiting for the screams to administer the potion.'
Draco didn't hesitate. He ran from the room and down to the potion masters. Dumbledore watched the boy leave and turned back to Hermione. He hoped that they could bring her back. He really hoped.
'I'm a murderer. I'm alone.'
Draco came running back in a few minutes later out of breath and sweating. He raced to her side and asked the headmaster if there was any change. He shook his head and turned to the potions master.
'Do you have it Severus?'
'Yes. Minerva should be here any second, do you want me to get Poppy?'
'What? Why do you need so many people?'
'Mr Malfoy, the potion we will be giving her isn't you normal, everyday potion. It forces the person awake. It's actually more like a poison. Most of the ingredients are illegal and it burns the person's throat. One drop can kill you if you are awake. We have to get three drops into her throat. Don't worry it won't kill her because she is in a dream laps. But it's most likely that she will have a fit, and with her powers it could be quite difficult.'
With that McGonagal and Madam Pumfrey came to her bedside. They all looked scared at what they were about to do.
'Ok, Poppy, Minerva. Can you hold down her legs? Severus pass the potion to Mr Malfoy. We will hold her shoulders down. Mr Malfoy you must put three drops in her mouth, any more will kill her. I'm not sure what will happen now, so lets just hope for the best.'
The four adults and Draco positioned them selves around her.
'On three...one...two...three.'
Draco got one drop in her mouth, when Hermione turned a violent shade of red and the five of them went flying across the ward. Draco was slammed against the wall behind him, The two women were sent across the floor, while Dumbledore and Snape went over beds.
'Is everyone ok?'
'Yes Albus, we're fine.'
'Well we've got to try again come on.'
They all got up and went back to the bedside. However Draco was not impressed that they wanted to do this again.
'I'm sorry but no. We have to stop, it's not fair on her. It's hurting her. We can't do it again. I refuse to.'
'Draco, you foolish boy. Don't you understand if we don't do this then she will die?'
'Severus, I'll will not stand here and poison her and watch her go through pain we are inflicting. No, I'm sorry but I can't.'
'What would you prefer? To stay by her bedside and watch her die? Or save her? Let her live Draco! She's done so much good, let the girl live. It won't hurt for very long.'
'How would you know? You've never taken the potion! I can't stand to see her like that!'
'Well suck it up boy!'
Draco took a deep breath and looked at her motionless body. He couldn't live without her, he would just have to endure some pain, to save her. He nodded his head and the professors got back into the same position. Draco dropped to more drops into her mouth, but his time she didn't fight, she didn't turn read or scream. She just took it.
'Did it work?'
'Lets hope so.'
Draco sat again beside her while the professors remained at the end of her bed. About 30 seconds passed when they heard a groan. McGonagal rushed to her side and Draco stood up still clutching her hand. Hermione opened her eyes to see several people around her.
'O thank god! Maya I thought I lost you.'
She turned to Draco who was on her right. She noticed that he held her hand. She snatched it away, remembering that she wasn't allowing herself to get close to anyone, including Draco.
'How are you feeling? Are you ok?'
He was trying to feel her forehead. She just brushed his hand away and made a tutting noise.
'Yes Malfoy I'm fine stop fussing.'
Since when did I become Malfoy? What's wrong with her? Why is she giving me the brush off? Draco was really confused by the way Hermione was acting and he wasn't the only one. McGonagal, Dumbledore and Snape had all noticed the way she had dismissed him. Hermione didn't see the confused glances that she got, because she was trying to sit up. Madam Pumfrey was fussing over her, checking her pulse and temperature. Hermione looked up at the headmaster and felt a rush of anger towards him. She hated him now, the fact that he had never told her about her brother. Dumbledore noticed that Hermione was staring at him, he thanked Madam Pumfrey and looked at the floor. He knew that she would have seen things in her dream laps. What, he wasn't too sure of. He hoped it wasn't St Mungo's.
'Maya - '
'Tell me Albus, when you were at my parent's side, their death beds, at what point did you think it was in my best interest for me not to know about my brother?'
She knew. He feared this. He would have to tell her now. McGonagal was shocked, how did she know? However Snape and Draco looked between Hermione and Dumbledore confused.
'Were you ever going to tell me?'
Dumbledore continued to stare at her, he stepped back slightly knowing she would get angry but didn't answer her. He made a mistake not telling her, he knew that. But what could he say now that would keep her calm and make her feel better? Nothing. She was getting more and more annoyed at his silence.
'ANSWER ME DAM IT.'
When she started to glow, the others around the bed stepped back. She was breathing heavily. She had tears rolling down her cheeks but never took her eyes of the headmaster.
'Maya, would it have been easier for you to know? Would you have preferred me to tell you?'
'I would have preferred to know that I had killed my unborn baby brother yes! I would have never excepted the position of Head girl! I would have never spoke to Harry and Ron and never come back here at all if I had known! You had absolutely no right to keep that from me!'
Hermione was fighting back the tears. She had calmed her self down but still there was a tinge of red around her. Dumbledore remained calm in this situation. McGonagal was shocked that she knew and her behaviour towards the headmaster.
'Yes, I know I had no right to keep that from you, I thought it was for the best -'
'That is not your decision to make! You are not my guardian to even make that type of decision. You have no idea what I went through seeing that. You betrayed me Dumbledore. I thought that perhaps I could trust you. How wrong I was.'
'Maya! That's quite enough. You should have more respect for your headmaster. He was doing what he thought was best for you. It was a very hard decision to make.'
'Who are you to tell me I have no respect. You were there with him! You could have told me! You could have said 'no Albus the girl has a right to know she killed her unborn brother! Someone who hasn't even taken a breath of fresh natural air yet! Seen the big outside world!' But no, you stood there and let him keep this from me. Now making me feel even worse than what I originally thought.'
Hermione stopped and took in a deep breath, she let the tears flow down her pale cheeks. She brought her knees up and hugged them. Draco came and stood beside her. He tried to put his arm around her.
'Please don't'
She looked up at him with sorry eyes. She could see that he was hurt by her actions, but she forced herself not to care. If she did then she would get attached, and then he would end up getting really hurt by her. She looked back at the two professors. McGonagal had tears in her eyes. Dumbledore did look ashamed of himself for hurting her, for making her worse. Snape was in the background. Trying to take it all in and think of a way to keep the peace. Dumbledore still needed to know what else she had seen before he could do anything else.
'I know you are hurting right now, and I wish that I hadn't made that decision. In time I hope you can forgive Minerva and myself. We were only thinking of you.'
Hermione just looked at the wall straight ahead of her. She would break down even worse if she looked at someone.
'Maya, before we leave, I would like to know what else you saw, In your dreams.'
In a shaky voice she answered him.
'The Avery family being told that I had killed Fredrick Avery and that he was a Death Eater.'
Dumbledore nodded. He thought that was all she had seen and was about to turn.
'I saw my mum and dad. They were being beaten, raped and killed by Death Eaters.'
Hermione closed her eyes chocked back some tears.
'I'm sorry.'
The four of them turned to leave a distraught Hermione on her own. They weren't sure if that was the best decision but she didn't want any one around her. Hermione just cried into her hands.
'I hope that you are going to stay Hermione. The staff, Mr Malfoy and I will be attending a staff meeting in a few hours. I hope that you can attend. I'm sure Poppy will release you by then.'
Hermione heard what the headmaster had said and took it in. She looked up at him and met his gaze.
'I just hope the both of you were happy with your decision because, I think I will be leaving. I'm not sticking around here. I can't anymore. I so t-t-t-tired of hurting the people I love. I'm tired of c-c-c-causing pain to people who d-d-d-don't deserve it. I'm sick and tired of hurting. I need to be alone.'
'Well I would like you to reconsider, come to the meeting and it can be discussed then if you wish.'
With that they all turned and left.
Draco was really confused. He couldn't understand why she gave him the brush off. He thought that they had a real connection. He was also quite shocked about what she saw. He couldn't even imagine the sort of pain she was going through at the moment. He just hoped she would think about things, come to the meeting and then they could talk.
McGonagal was ashamed of her self. She never wanted to hurt Hermione by the choice to keep it form her. She just thought that they were protecting her. She hoped that she wouldn't leave either. They people at Hogwarts could help her get through things better.
Dumbledore as well was ashamed with himself. He hoped that she wouldn't find out until she was more stable, but finding out now could mean she would leave for good and never come back. He couldn't imagine that, he would feel guilty because he would have caused it.
Snape felt sorry for the poor girl. She had been through so much already and now this. He just hoped that when it came to finding out about it that she would be ok with it. He hated seeing his saviour in such a poor state and wanted to do everything he could now to get her back on track.
Hermione watched them leave. Her head was absolutely buzzing. She didn't want to be around people, no, she couldn't get attached to anyone because they would get hurt. But she couldn't, no, wouldn't spend her time sulking around avoiding everyone. She thought about her attitude in Paris and how she just dressed to impress and quite frankly didn't give a fuck. Perhaps if she went back to that then maybe people wouldn't want to know her. That they would think differently of her and leave her alone. We'll it was worth a try I suppose.
A.N well! What do you think? Ok I want to know what my readers think it is. It's mentioned in that bit about Snape. Have I made it too obvious? I don't know. I'm curious to what you think! So review and give me your opinion on this chapter!
Ok this will be my last update for about 2 weeks. I'm going away for a week, I promise I'll try and do some writing when I'm away. Also on the 26th I get my exam results eekk! god i've failed them all! so I'll be celebrating or commiserating for a few days, i've also got to go and enrol at my college on the 27th so I'm quite busy. But don't worry I'm going to try and update before the 30th!
Dark Raven
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