American Gothic Passion Play
byline: Anubis C. Soundwave
Prologue D: I won't have to live a lie anymore.
Danny rolls his eyes. "Some date this turned out to be, Star," he says.
"Just sit tight, Fenton," says Star, mussing Danny's hair. "I promise you'll have a good time."
"If you're using me as your 'beard'," Danny scoffs, "at least have the decency to call me by my first name."
"Fine, 'nerd-cake'," grins Star, poking Danny's nose.
"You haven't used that one since the fifth grade," groans Danny.
"That was when we decided to leave lame insults to Dash," says Star. "Now I need to powder my nose, okay?"
"Isn't it Dash's job to be your 'cover date'?" snorts Danny.
"He's too busy doing debate team junk with Manson," says Star. "That and football is eating up a lot of his free time to devote to me."
Danny chuckles.
"Besides," Star continues, "you're the only person who knows I'm dating a college student-and how important it is to keep this from my parents."
"I get it," says Danny. "I just don't think you can keep up this lie forever."
"Once I graduate," says Star, her eyes shining with love, "I'll start a whole new life with him. I won't have to live a lie anymore." She pecks Danny on the cheek, then leaves for the restroom.
Danny smiles. That makes one of us, I guess, he says to himself.
"The Lord wants us to remain celibate until marriage," said the youth pastor, "to save your bodies for that holy moment."
"Hormones...?" winced Dash.
"Take the pledge," smiled the youth pastor, "and wear this ring as a token of the pledge."
Dash scowled. "Look," he said, raising up a hand to refuse the ring, "I didn't even want to come here. I don't need some lame 'promise ring' to control the urge-presuming I even want to ignore my biology."
"It's God's will," said the youth pastor.
"Yeah?" snorted Dash. "It's also His will for us to 'be fruitful and multiply'."
"That is under the sacrament of marriage," said the youth pastor sternly, trying to control his temper. "If you can't take this seriously, Dash," he continues, "then I must ask you to leave."
"Thank you, Lord," grinned Dash, looking up at a stained glass window. "I'm so out of here." He left the church.
The youth pastor scratched his head. "It's very difficult to train someone in fear and reverence of God," he said, "when the Baxters' idea of church is so poorly-interpreted."
"I...like their idea of church," said Kwan bashfully.
"Where two or more are gathered in His name," added another teenager, paraphrasing a Gospel quote, "there He is in the midst."
"I can understand where Mr. Baxter's basis is from," said the youth pastor, "but it does a grave disservice to Dash's soul."
As the Phantom, Danny phased into the church. I can't believe this ghost chase led me to the one place I have no business in, he said to himself as his ghost sense triggered. That jerk is here, though, and I'm going to catch him-if for no other reason than to get Walker off my ass.
Danny peeked into the main sanctuary, noting the sign for the Promise Ring meeting. "Looks like a normal religious brainwashing of the youth to me," he muttered. "I don't know why my ghost sense is going off."
"I...I don't want to," spat Star. "Why can't I just leave the way Dash did?"
"Your parents are members of this church," said the youth pastor soberly. "Think of honoring them, and pleasing God, by taking a vow to remain pure before the day of holy matrimony."
Star trembled, lowering her head as she blushed, unwilling to face the youth pastor.
Kwan glared at the youth pastor. "Listen," he said. "Some of us-*"
After reverting to normal, Danny entered the sanctuary. "Don't bother, Kwan. That's not his fucking business or anybody else's," he said, scowling, "to know if you're 'pure'."
The youth pastor stared at Danny. "Daniel," he smiled after a moment. "Good of you to join us after all."
"Not interested in your stupid ring," said Danny, "so spare me the 'God will be pleased' sales pitch. Besides, I can get a decoder ring with a box of Lucky Charms-and I don't have to put up with sermons from a sexually-repressed creeper demanding that I pledge to ignore natural human urges in the name of a vengeful Santa Claus in robes ostensibly living in the heavens."
"Fenton's an atheist," sighed the teenager, rolling his eyes.
"Yeah," said Danny, "but it doesn't matter whether I believe or not. If God is as just and all-knowing as he's portrayed, then he doesn't need to have his servants pressuring kids to wear tacky jewelry to honor him or obey his will. Virginity before marriage-if there is a vow to be made-is between the individual and God."
"That is your will, Daniel," said the youth pastor. He turned to Star. "Is it your will to disappoint your heavenly Father, as well as your natural father and mother?"
"Why are you trying to shame her into this?" demanded Danny.
"Can Star not answer for herself?" asked the youth pastor.
Danny sighed. "What do you want, Star?" he asked.
"To be left alone about the dumb ring," Star fumed, blushing. "I'll talk to my parents about it and take responsibility," she continued, "but I don't want it."
The youth pastor frowned. "I...understand," he said. "I'm dismayed that this fellow could lead you astray so quickly," he added with a sharp look at Danny.
Danny rolled his eyes.
"Can we just think about it?" asked the teenager. "It's a big decision," he continued, "and we should seek God's guidance in prayer."
The youth pastor touches his chin in thought. "Same time next week, then?" he asked.
The teenagers nodded; everyone left the sanctuary except the youth pastor.
Outside the sanctuary, Star smiled at Danny, gratitude in her eyes.
Danny returned the smile. "Don't worry," he said. "I know this doesn't change anything at school."
"You aren't Danny Phantom or anything," said Star, "but...thanks for being my hero tonight." She kissed Danny on the cheek, then left the church with Kwan.
The teenager opened his Bible, beginning to read.
Danny studied the teenager.
"I'd check on that guy if I were you, Danny," said the teenager. "Don't doubt or second-guess your senses."
"What...?" Danny started.
"I'll explain later," said the teenager. "Just keep in mind that this church building was condemned since you and Star were in the second grade."
"Who...?" began Danny. His eyes widened in realization of the teenager's point; Danny scowled, then reentered the sanctuary.
The youth pastor glowered at Danny. "I do not need heathen like you," he seethed, "making my job complicated."
"Your job, obviously," snorted Danny, "is to predate on emotionally-weak teenagers to satisfy your sick urges-which, if you'll pardon this unwashed 'heathen' for saying so, seems to be doing more of the devil's work than God's."
The youth pastor tensed his fists. "Who sent you?" he spat.
"It sure as hell wasn't God," scoffed Danny. "A guy named Walker wants me to bring you back to the Ghost Zone," he continued, transforming into the Phantom as he brandishes his Fenton Thermos.
"You!?" trembled the youth pastor.
"Looks like even being murdered by outraged parents after your ten-year stint in prison didn't kill your ephebophilia," smirked Danny.
"C-can't you just leave me be...?" wheedled the youth pastor. "I'm no threat to Amity Park."
"Oh, no; you just destroy human lives for generations to get your rocks off. Get into the fucking Thermos," ordered Danny, pointing the Thermos at the youth pastor, "and be grateful that I'm no agent of God."
"No...no!" shrieked the youth pastor; he started to fly away.
Danny rolled his eyes, then turned on the Thermos, pulling the youth pastor inside. "Walker owes me big-time."
The teenager entered the sanctuary, scribbling in a notepad. "One down," he said soberly, "and many thousands to go."
Danny grinned at the teenager. "Uphill climb," he said, "if we're after priests who molest and rape kids."
"You have no idea, Danny," said the teenager. "Still, good work. We're all proud of you and your efforts."
"Okay," balked Danny. "Who are you?"
"You can call me Gabe," smiled the teenager, "but you wouldn't believe me if I told you." Gabe disappeared.
"I live in the most haunted, supernaturally-charged town in the US," scoffed Danny, "yet 'Gabe' doesn't think I'd believe anything weird if I saw it?" Shaking his head, Danny left the sanctuary.
"Are you doing this to get back at your parents?" Danny asked Star.
"What-me and my boyfriend?" countered Star.
"You and your brother," said Danny pointedly.
"That's just what we are to each other by blood," spat Star. "I explained this already..."
"I know," said Danny. "Please forgive me for being worried."
"I...I love Alden," continued Star. "Just not in the way a sister loves a brother."
"For what it's worth," said Danny, "I'd think your parents should be relieved that the rumors of you being the town bicycle are completely false."
"My parents are more likely to hate the incest," snorted Star.
Danny rolled his eyes. "Then they should have warned you that you had an estranged older brother floating around when you hit puberty," he scoffed. "Genetic sexual attraction is real," he continued, "and neither you or Alden can help it at this point."
"Not that it's any more your business than it was that creepy pastor's," said Star, "but I could have worn the stupid ring. Alden convinced me to wait."
"What about him waiting?" asked Danny with a smirk.
"I don't expect to be his first," said Star, "and Alden doesn't expect me to save my first time for him-just for me to hang on until I'm ready for it."
"But if you don't meet anyone matching the Alden standard by the end of high school..." Danny began.
"...then I'll be with Alden," said Star, "in the way my heart leads me."
Danny sighs, then looks at his watch.
A college student in a blue letterman jacket walks past Danny's table; he takes off his letterman jacket, slips on a dinner jacket, and sits down at his own table.
Star emerges from the restroom in a silver evening dress and approaches the college student, kissing him on the cheek.
Danny stands, stretching. My cue to leave, he smiles.
NEXT: First strike, second chance, third time's the charm.