Tears of a confused mind.

Chapter 15: The Feast.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Harry Potter series! I wish I did but I don't.

A.N thanks to everyone who reviewed.

morena-forever: thank you so much for your review. I'm glad that u like it.

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a special thanks to aki and Chelsea my betas. so any mistakes in this chapter blame them.... just kidding!

Last time:
With that Draco got up and made his way up to the castle feeling a lot better. Hermione watched him leave and for some reason she felt - happy. She smiled at him and watched out over the lake. Friends. Maybe that could work. If I can't do it completely might as well have someone I trust around me. But how can I do that to Harry and Ron. They'd never understand. But the Seer Script as well, this is supposed to happen. Maybe, then, just one step at a time. Please understand.
And on with this chapter....

Awaiting the arrival of old and new students, Hermione sat surrounded by her Professors at the festively decorated Head-Table. Her hands clasped tightly together as to stop them from trembling as much, she-was-petrified. Today, she was going to see Harry and Ron. Today...she was going to have to explain to them why she couldn't be around them out of fear. Today, she was going to see her old classmates and have them questioning her about - well, everything.

The children whose parents she killed were all going to be sitting beneath her. She couldn't do this.
Her breathing became shallow and faster, only being noticed by two people: Draco and Dumbledore.
Dumbledore looked to his right and saw her hyperventilating. She was panicking about seeing everyone; he'd known she would worry.

'Maya relax, everything is going to be fine.'

Draco watched her with a worried look in his eyes. He knew she was still profusely blaming herself for everything, as he had found out earlier.

FLASHBACK

'Dray?'

Draco, who was sitting on top of the astronomy tower ledge, looked around to see Hermione standing nervously at the door. He smiled at her.

'How did you find me?'

'Don't know. I just kinda knew.'

'Ok, well come and sit with me.'

'I'm afraid of heights.'

'I promise, I won't let you fall.'

She didn't know what made her do it; she just knew that she could trust him.

She could trust him with her life. She reached out, and grabbing his outstretched hand, climbed up next to him.

The second their fingers touched he felt a familiar jolt go through her. She looked up and met his ice blue eyes.

He felt it too she knew it. She broke the gaze and sat down.

'So what brought you up here?'

'Well I was thinking about what you said earlier.'

'O. And?'

'Before I give you my decision, I have to tell you that I'm scared shitless about what might happen.'

'When?'

'Whenever. Today, tomorrow, next week . . . I'm just really scared of my power and what might happen with it. I couldn't bare to hurt anyone else with it.'

'I can understand that. It must be hard to have something you can't control.'

'It is, especially since I've killed people with it. And before you say anything to counter that, I have killed with it, and I will always blame myself for that.'

'Ok, well I know I can't change your mind. But you've done great things with it to you know. You've rid the world of an evil, and saved far more than you killed.'

'I don't know. I was thinking over what you said, and you're right. I can't give off that impression to the younger years.
It's all about house unity right . . .? And I think that maybe I will need someone there for me. I can't go to Harry and Ron, yes . . .they are my best friends but it's not the same as if you and me are friends.
I'm not going to deny the connection that you and I have, but I'm not going to do anything about it either. I can't bare to loose you too, and I think that if we started something, it would just kill me.'

'But-'

'Wait, I'm nearly finished . . . but I think that maybe I can deal with us being friends. Especially as I'll need someone to help me control this. I realize I can't do this on my own. So if the offer still stands, I'd like to be friends?'

'Of course. But I want you to promise me that whenever you need someone, you'll come to me, and when we have your power under control that maybe we can pick up were we left off?'

'I can promise to the first bit and we will see about the second bit. I don't want you to hang on to false hope if nothing comes off between us.'

'Ok. Can we seal with a hug?'

'Sure.'

Hermione leaned into his arms as he wrapped them around her shoulders. She rested her head on his chest and to her it felt so right. His arms fit around her perfectly and she loved sitting like this. He rested his chin on the top of her head and closed his eyes. He was happy now. If he couldn't have her as a girlfriend then at least he had her as a friend.

On the other side of the castle, all the Professors watched the scene unfold from Dumbledore's office. Some of the female Professors had tears in their eyes, and when they hugged, everyone sighed in relief, even Professor Snape looked relieved at the pair.

Dumbledore looked around at his staff with a triumphant look on his face that read I-told-you-so.

END FLASHBACK

Draco got up and kneeled next to her, she looked down at him.

'Dray, I don't think I can do this.'

'Shh, you can, you know you can. You're stronger than this. Come on, have a drink and just calm down. There's nothing to be afraid of. They are just going to be happy that you're back.'

'Okay, I'm fine.'

'You sure?'

'Yeah, go sit back down, they're coming in now.'

Draco sat back down as the double doors swung open and hoards of children came through. Nobody looked up at her or even recognized her; she breathed a sigh of relief, until she saw two very familiar faces.

One, who had flaming red hair, freckles and towered over everyone else.

The other, with jet-black chaotic hair and intense green eyes. They both searched the table until their gaze met Hermione's.

They smiled lovingly at her, but she just dropped her eyes and avoided the confused looks she got from them.

'What's up with 'Mione?'

'Dunno, we'll talk to her after.'

The two boys sat down, unaware that Draco had watched their reaction. He knew that shutting herself out from her two best friends was going to be difficult even if they were the-boy-who-never-dies and weasel. It made no difference to him if they were Hermione friends or ex-friends; he never liked them.

'Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I'm very delighted to welcome back our old students and, welcome our new ones! So without further ado, let the sorting begin!'

McGonagal entered the hall followed by many frightened looking first years. They all huddled together as she approached the sorting stool and took out her parchment. (A.N. I can't be bothered to write a sorting song) She cleared her throat and began to read.

'Appleton, Jessica.'

A frightened blond girl approached the stool and placed the hat on her head. After a few seconds it shouted out

'Gryffindor!'

A roar of applause sounded from the Gryffindor table as she went to sit down. The sorting carried on until McGonagal reached the last name on the list,

'Zackirri, Taylor.'

It barely touched the boy's head and shouted out.

'Slytherin.'

Now that the sorting had finished, Gryffindor had received 8 first years. Hufflepuff had 10, Ravenclaw had 12 and Slytherin had received 8.

'Now that the sorting has finished I would like to make a few announcements and beforehand. Firstly, for those who cannot understand the word forbidden, it means do not go in. Dangerous and prohibited.
So I'm sure you can work out then why the Forbidden Forest is called forbidden? Good. Secondly, I would like to introduce a few new members of staff, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Professor Lock. I hope you show her the same respect as you show the rest of your Professors. And our new Muggle Studies teacher Professor Jaton. I would also like to introduce our new Head Boy Mr. Draco Malfoy -Please stand.'

Everybody applauded him and he stood and did a polite bow.

'And our new Head Girl, Miss Hermione Granger- Please stand.'

All the Gryffindor's cheered and whooped, she had come home. Harry and Ron sat there with massive grins on their faces. Once they stood so did the whole table. The Hufflepuff's clapped also. The Ravenclaw's were shooting confused glances at each other but clapped anyway. The Slytherin's however just sat there. With looks of disgust and venom.

Hermione nervously stood and the hall all started whispering.

'Is that Hermione?'

'God, she looks different.'

'I can't believe she came home.'

'Yeah like 30 people!'

'Got no parents, me dad told me.'

'She's killed him.'

'Not even Harry Potter could do that.'

Once she sat down the hall quieted down. She looked relieved. That wasn't too bad.

'Yes congratulations the both of you. On to my last announcement, we have decided to hold a welcome back ball!'

Again every one cheered at the idea.

'However it won't be like a normal ball, upon suggestion from our head girl we are going to hold a masquerade ball- Hermione, why don't you take over?'

'I, erm.'

Draco leaned over and reassured her that everything was going to be ok. So she took a deep breath and stood up.

'Well for those of you who don't know, a masquerade ball is when all the participants where a mask to conceal their identity. It hopes to bring the houses together as you don't know whom you are dancing with until the end of the night. You also don't need a date for the night, as you just dance with whom you want. As it's a Muggle themed idea, if you are still unsure about what it is, please ask either the Head Boy, myself -'

'What if we don't want to ask you?'

There was silence around the room, everybody turned to face Pansy Parkinson from Slytherin who had interrupted her.

'Excuse me?'

'I said what if we don't want to ask a murderer.'

All eyes were on Hermione. She was starting to panic; she didn't know what to say. Dumbledore knew she needed some help and stood.

'Miss Parkinson, I will not have you calling the head girl a murderer, especially as it is a lie. Miss Granger is not a murderer; she is the wizarding world's salvation from evil. If you or any other member of this school think other wise and voice that opinion then I have no choice to but expel you, for slandering her name. Do I make myself clear?'

The hall nodded in response and Dumbledore sat down. His eyes were blazing with fury at the Slytherin's.

'Ok, I'll continue, you can either ask me or a Muggle born, I'm sure they will be happy to oblige.'

At this point, Blaise Zambini and Pansy as well as a few other Slytherin 7th years stood and faced her. Hermione looked over at them, she recognized Pansy but the other 5 males she couldn't quite place, she knew she had seen them somewhere before, but where?

'We said we don't want to ask a murderer, and what makes you think we want to ask mudbloods? You can have all the teachers around your little finger Granger . . .they might not think that you're a murderer but we do. You will always be one. Always.'

'You think you're so special don't you? Got some power so I'm now miss-prissy-ruler-of-the-wizarding-world. Perfect-know-it-all-Queen, who can get anything she wants. With her perfect little life and her perfect little friends. Well I've got news for you, not everyone's going to fall at your feet, darling. To some of us, you are a murdering bitch.'

'Mr. ZAMBINI, MISS PARKINSON! SIT DOWN.'

'No, it's ok Professor let them. Go on then, what else have you got to throw at me?'

Neither of them said anything. They were actually surprised at her reaction. They expected her to cry. Everyone sat looking between Hermione and the standing Slytherin's. Even the teachers didn't know what to do.

'Nothing? Ok well let me tell you something darling; you know nothing about my life or me. You know nothing about what I've been through and what I have to live with. I know I'm a murderer, I killed 39 people that night and don't you think that I regret it? Don't you think that I would go back and change what I had done? You think that I don't know pain or hurt? I've been through a hell of a lot more than any of you, so don't you dare stand there and say that I'm perfect when you know nothing about me.'

Hermione was surprised at herself. She was able to stand there and say all of that calmly. She didn't raise her voice or get angry.

She saw Blaise Zambini smirk.

'Oh, that's right I forgot about your summer. Your parents' death, I must say it was quite funny to watch. The way they cried when we told them it was your fault. The way they begged for their lives, pathetic muggles.'

Gasps were heard all around the hall as Hermione's world crashed around her. That's where she knew them from. The Attack. It was they killed her parents. It was Zambini that raped her mum; she could see it all in flashes in her head. All the screaming and pleading. The hollow laughs of the Death Eaters. The cruel voices of them beating her parents. The whimpers of pain. The begging from her mum. It all fit. Hermione stood there numb from shock. Tears flowed from her eyes. The students and teachers alike sat there trying to take it all in, they couldn't believe what was just said.

Most of the students and Professors eyes were on Hermione and her tears.

Dumbledore couldn't meet her eyes; he knew now that this would crush her, she would find it very difficult to come back from this.

Hagrid who had stayed silent throughout felt like setting his little brother loose in the Slytherin common room for five minutes with them in it. See how they would like it. He couldn't bear to look at the hurting in her eyes. She has been through enough already.

Harry and Ron were numb and couldn't feel their feet to do anything. They just watched as Hermione's silent tears fell onto her porcelain skin. The hurt, pain and realization in her eyes.

Draco felt ashamed, ashamed to be associated with that house, he knew them. Or at least, he used to. He couldn't bring himself to look at her.

McGonagall and Snape were watching the 6 standing students from Slytherin. Both Professors felt like getting their wands and casting a few carefully chosen spells. How dare they stand there looking so smug with themselves? How could they be so arrogant and have no shame for what they had just done.

Hermione couldn't take the silence in the room; she was finding it to hard to breath and had to get out. She turned and walked off the stage, she walked down the centre of the hall with every pair of eyes following her. Her eyes flowed freely and she didn't care, she just had to get out of there.

Draco, Harry, Ron, Hagrid, McGonagall, Dumbledore and Snape rose from their seats and made to follow her. They knew she would do something stupid when she was like this.

A shrill laugh filled the room.

'Aww is little baby going to cry over mummy and daddy dying?'

'I must say Granger your mum was quite a good fuck, never done it with a Muggle before, I thought I'd dirty myself just the once and it turned out pretty good. She has got one hell of a rack on her.'

That was the last straw for Hermione, she turned the most violent shade of red she'd ever been. Her eyes went midnight black and her skin paled to china white. She turned around to face a very frightened group of Slytherin's.

'You fucking piece of shit.'

Her voice was dangerously low and with one wave of her hand the group were thrown back over the Ravenclaw table and landed on a few other students. Hagrid bounded up to her and grabbed her arms before she could do anymore damage.

'Let me go Hagrid, I'll show him what I can fucking do, I'll make him fucking pay. Let me go.'

She was kicking and screaming and Hagrid was having a hard time restraining her. He dragged her out the hall and followed the others up to her common room.

'I'm not done yet, let me go!'

'Not 'till you calm down 'Mione.'

Once they were at the common room he went through the portrait hole and put her down. She fell to the floor in historical sobs. Hagrid, Harry, Ron, McGonagall, Snape, Dumbledore and Draco stood at the entrance scared.

'Why d-d-d-didn't y-y-you just l-l-leave me?'

'You would have killed him Maya.'

'HE KILLED MY FAMILY! HE BEAT MY MUM AND DAD! HE RAPED MY MUM; HE KILLED MY BROTHER. IT'S HIS FAULT I HAVE NO ONE.'

She stood up, still as red as she was when she left the hall, it was so dangerous for them to be this close. She turned away from the and with a wave of her hand she hurled the couch across the room and into the wall; She turned the coffee table over and smashed the windows.

'I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DRAGGED ME OUT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S DONE TO ME? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME?'

'Mione if you just calm down, maybe we can talk about this.'

'I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS RON! I WANT TO KILL HIM! HE KILLED MY UNBORN BROTHER! DO YOU GET THAT?'

Ron fell silent. They all watched, terrified of what she might do.

Hermione stopped.

She looked around at the ground of people by the entrance, at their petrified faces, she looked shocked at their expressions and realization struck her. She looked at her hands and then around the room. Did I just do that? God please no.

She was terrified at herself now. She dropped to the floor and leaned against the back of the other sofa. She brought her knees up to her chest and sobbed her heart out. The red aura around her diminished and left a very frightened little girl crying her heart out.

'I'm s-s-sorry. D-d-d-did I hurt a-a-a-anyone?'

She looked up teary eyed at them and they shook their heads. She looked away and continued to weep. Dumbledore told Harry and Ron to go back to the common room, and that he would come and talk to them later on. They nodded and left. He then turned to Snape and Hagrid.

'Can you retrieve those six Slytherin's and make sure they get to the hospital wing. When Poppy's checked them over I'd like them in my office immediately.'

They too nodded and left. Draco looked up at Dumbledore, he nodded and Draco rushed over to Hermione's crumpled figure.

He lifted her up and placed her on his lap on the sofa.

'Shh you're safe now.'

'D-D-Dray? I'm S-s-s-sorry.'

'You've got nothing to apologize for. Shh it's ok, you safe now.'

Hermione cried into his chest, as he made calming shushing noises and rocked her back and forth to calm her down. He started to rub her back to make her relax. He looked up at his two Professors and they looked at the couple with little smiles.

'Make sure she gets some rest; you are both dismissed from lessons tomorrow. I'll come and see you both in the morning.'

'Thank you sir.'

'You're welcome Mr. Malfoy.

The two Professors left them in the common room. Draco continued to calm her until she could cry no more. Once she had cried herself to sleep, he summoned a blanket for them both and he too fell asleep.

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