Chapter 44
I Am Leaving
John went over everything that happened since yesterday. He read more of Cameron's poem book. He could see and feel her pain and her love. She desperately called out for help and there was no one there. Nobody listened. He knew what he needed to do and it needed to be done - NOW.
He loved Cameron and he wanted her to know how much. Cameron was everything to him. That was why he went after her chip. That was why he went after 'her'. He did not want to lose her.
John went out early to run a few errands. John Henry accompanied him. Bob looked disappointed he wasn't going with them.
John Henry was not sure why John asked him to go with him but he was thrilled to be out.
"Thank you for taking me along, John. I don't get out much." John Henry said. "I enjoyed working with you last night. Where are we going?"
John felt their mission last night cut it a little close. He thought about what he wanted to do after he read Cameron's poems. He gave John Henry an assignment before he went to bed.
"I want to have some jewelry made. I told you last night. Did you research the local custom jewelry makers?" John asked.
John Henry did his homework.
"Yes, there is one only a few miles from here." John Henry said. "They have good reviews and have been in business twenty three years."
John was pleased to hear that.
"Thank you, John Henry. I want to keep this between us." John said.
John Henry was sure he knew what John wanted and why.
"What we are doing now will stay between us, John. I ascertain you are having something made for Cameron." John Henry said. "I would like to provide any suggestions or any advice. I can check the quality of the workmanship and verify the items are yours and correct. That way there will be no mix-ups."
John thought about it last night and again this morning. He was certain he wanted to move forward in his relationship with Cameron. He wanted to take things up a couple of levels.
"That is what I was hoping for." John said. "This is what I want to do…."
John was satisfied with what he put into motion. He realized he should have done this a long time ago. How could he have been so blind?
He spotted Cameron on his way to the Command Center.
"Hello, Cameron." John said.
A smile blossomed on her beautiful face.
"Hi, John." Cameron said.
They kissed.
John held the kiss a little longer and held Cameron a little tighter.
"How was girl's night out?" John asked.
"Not as eventful as last time." Cameron said.
John wasn't sure how forthcoming Cameron would be if he asked. He decided to ask anyway.
"Somehow I think that is a good thing." John said. "Tell me about it."
"We ended up at the bowling alley." Cameron said. "I think the the others got upset at me. That was because I threw a strike every time. I told them I was only using my 'natural ability'. No one seemed to think that was fair."
John could understand that. Cameron would be hard to beat at any game except maybe a swimming contest. He wanted to know what the 'real story' was.
"Did mom or Allison get you into a challenge with someone?" John asked.
"Yes." Cameron said.
John frowned and nodded.
"That figures." John said.
Cameron briefly went over the challenge in the bowling alley.
John waited for her to get to the 'good' part. It wasn't long.
"The other player that lost the bet was very upset." Cameron said. "It looked like he was about to have a stroke."
John didn't hear anything about a 'bet' before.
"Someone made a bet?" John asked.
For the bet Cameron agreed to a few 'handicap' restrictions.
"Yes. It was when I used my left hand and was blindfolded. I played a perfect game." Cameron said. "The other player said it was impossible."
John could picture someone who was a 'champion' losing several times, especially with the restrictions placed on Cameron.
"Great." John said.
Cameron knew everyone watched her play. Why was there any confusion on their part? It seemed pretty straight forward to her.
"I said, 'If it is impossible, how did I just do it?'. That seemed to upset him even more." Cameron said.
John did not like the direction this story was headed.
"I am not sure if I even want to hear the rest." John said.
Cameron was sure he didn't. The story didn't get any better.
"I doubt it, things only got worse." Cameron said.
John was afraid of that.
"Beautiful." John said.
Cameron tilted her head as to the context of the term in this usage.
"Were there any fights?" John asked.
Cameron was a little hesitant to answer.
"Do you really want to know?" Cameron asked. "It all depends on what the definition of a 'fight' is…."
John shook is head. He wanted to get to the Command Center and see where the operations were at.
"Tell me about it as we walk…." John said.
Cameron finished her story.
Later on:
Cameron went to see John Henry. She made sure they were alone.
''I see you went and picked up my things." Cameron said.
John Henry knew that John concealed the 'package' under his shirt when they left to house and at the base.
"Yes, how did you know?" John Henry asked.
There was a slight smile on Cameron's face.
"I went and looked." Cameron said.
John Henry wondered when.
"The residents came home as we left." John Henry said.
"I waited until they were asleep." Cameron said.
John Henry was not so sure of this risky move on Cameron's part. He wanted to get her statement straight.
"You went in the house while they were there sleeping?" John Henry asked.
It was not a big deal to Cameron or anything new.
"Yes, they never wake up when I check." Cameron said. "I have many abilities and skills. What did John do with my items?"
John Henry tried to understand the unnecessary risk Cameron took. That was someone's bedroom. They were probably in the bed when she looked.
"He took them to his room." John Henry said.
John walked into the Command Center. He'd been to the commissary for lunch.
John Henry and Cameron looked at each other. They hoped he hadn't heard anything.
Cameron thought up an idea and threw it out there to deflect where the conversation actually had been.
"Hi, John." Cameron said. "I was just about to discuss obtaining body armor for all the members of the Resistance."
This was a policy Cameron actually wanted to implement. She was very pleased her nipple finally regenerated completely after her new infusion of Allison's DNA. She planned to better protect the 'twins' in the future. She wanted John to be able to touch her. She would not allow it if she was damaged in that area.
"I think that would be a good idea." John said. "We don't really have any medical staff even if we have an infirmary."
Cameron thought a little bigger than John did.
"I mean our entire group, even our Terminators. This would lessen the cosmetic damage done to them." Cameron said.
That sounded like an even better idea to John.
"Cameron, I have to say that is the best idea I have heard in a long time." John said. "I want you to wear body armor from now on. I can't stand you avoiding me when you are shot up or damaged. I want to hold you and touch you. It makes me sick when you are damaged."
Cameron did not want this to be about her.
"I'll think about it." Cameron said. "I want it for the other Terminators. I want them protected."
John was not sure why Cameron didn't think of herself.
"What about you?" John asked.
Cameron didn't think it would matter for what she planned to do in the near future.
"I don't need anything extra." Cameron said. "I have survived so far."
The next words slipped out of John's mouth.
"Cameron, do you have a death wish?" John asked.
In the front of John's mind were Cameron's references to 'death' in some of the poems he read last night. It really bothered him. It bothered him that his actions and the other people around Cameron made her feel that way.
Cameron did not think she had much control.
"No, but I will accept my destiny." Cameron said.
John Henry wanted to diffuse the tension in the room some.
"I will look into everything related to that, Cameron. I think it is an excellent idea. I suggest you wear it also." John Henry added.
Cameron walked out of the room and John followed her.
John caught up to Cameron. They didn't say much. There was a lot on each of their minds.
Cameron and John walked until they were alone.
She stopped and faced John. She needed to tell him something.
"John…." Cameron started and then hesitated.
"Yes?" John asked.
Cameron paused.
John knew something 'bad' was about to happen. He could just feel it coming. He knew he'd waited too long to act.
A minute passed in silence.
"I am leaving." Cameron finally said.
John's heart sank.
"You're leaving?" John asked somewhat confused.
There wasn't much to say, so she just said it.
"Yes, I am going on a temporal mission that has a high chance of failure." Cameron said. "It is unlikely I will return."
John did not plan any temporal mission for anyone.
"Whose mission is this?" John asked.
Cameron looked into John's face and spoke the truth.
"It is my own mission." Cameron said. "There are some things I can no longer exist with. If I do not try to rectify them, I will self terminate."
John felt confused and a little angry. His frustrations got the best of him.
"Isn't that what you have already been doing getting shot up these last few months EVERY night?" John asked. "It sure seems like you are trying to get terminated."
Cameron believed that was true and more was associated with it.
"Yes. I have experienced several 'melt downs' too as Allison calls them. There are things I must atone for, John." Cameron said.
John could not understand the need to do this now.
"Why?" John asked. "Why at this time? What's different?"
Cameron hoped to prompt John a little with the sad truth.
"This is something I MUST do. I wanted to tell you before I left. There is a high probability we will never see each other again." Cameron said.
John could see now why Cameron previously took some other provocative actions.
"I noticed you've allowed me 'total access' to Vanna and Allison. You've been pushing them towards me as you run from me." John said.
Cameron wanted John to know the truth. She saw how it hurt Future John too.
"John, I am barren. I see you play with Savannah and know how you love children. I can not provide you with a descendant. This weighs heavily on me. I don't think you can understand how much. You need the opportunity to choose a REAL woman who is fertile. This is something I will allow and encourage. In fact I insist on it. It is what I want for you. It is my choice."
John thought that should be his choice to make. It was not even an issue they'd ever discussed.
"Cameron, that is not important right now. We could always adopt if you want to be a mother." John said.
Cameron pointed out some other issues.
"No, it is not the same thing. Allison and Vanna can provide you with your child. Their relationship will not allow them to reproduce." Cameron said. "It would be a mutual benefit for all three of you."
"What about you?" John asked. "At what cost to you?"
Cameron felt her fate was already written.
"It is most probable I will be terminated or lost in time. I will search for you until my power cell runs out or I am terminated." Cameron said.
John could see beauty in that statement as tragic as it sounded.
"That almost sounds romantic." John said.
"John, I am going to do this." Cameron said. "No power in the Verse can stop me."
"When?" John asked. "When are you leaving?"
"Now." Cameron said as she turned to walk away.
I Am Leaving
I look around at what I 'have'
Is any of it actually real
The emptiness inside of me
Is what I mostly feel
Maybe the problem is
I don't know what I really want
I flounder in frustration
Chasing the wind on an endless hunt
I often ask myself
Should I stay or should I go
What the answer is to that
I really don't know
I feel the need to atone
My past I need to amend
It really makes me wonder
What is real or only pretend
I have stopped believing
It is only myself I'm deceiving
There may be some grieving
I am leaving
Nobody