Chapter 48
Erased
John asked for some private time. Sarah and Kyle left John alone in his room. He pinched himself one time very hard. He could feel the pain so this confirmed this was not a dream. If it was, it would be more like a nightmare. He looked around the empty room. Yesterday was the happiest day of his life and today felt like the worst day of his life. He pinched himself again. There was a small mark to go along with the pain this time. This was real.
Everything was so beautiful yesterday. He'd shared a very special time with Cameron as they consummated their love. Cameron seemed very shy about it as they started. That seemed to make it even more special. Cameron whispered in his ear for him to go slow since she'd never done this before. That made it even more exciting for both of them.
He did not know that Cameron believed she may have been Future John's sex slave or maybe even made love to Future John. She believed that but there were no files to that effect. Much of her personal interaction with Future John was erased. Part of her life was erased. It tormented Cameron not to know the truth. All she could know was what was there. Her main worry was that when she was captured she was reprogrammed as a 'Metal Whore'. She knew that happened to other female Terminators that were captured. There were no files. She did not know. She could have been a mechanical 'love doll' to hundreds of men, maybe even thousand depending on how long they had her. Everyone wanted to give a 'Metal Whore' a try to see how it compared to the 'real thing'. John was unaware of this torment that Cameron thought about daily.
He dressed and was able to compose himself enough to make it to the Command Center. He wanted to explore all the possibilities of what to do about Cameron. There must be something they could do.
"Is there any trace of her in any of the computer systems or anything left on Bob's chip, Jim's chip or your chip, John Henry?" John asked. "Is there anything of Cameron?"
John Henry searched his server too for when one version of Cameron was there with him. It was bleak.
"There are fragments left here and there. There is no functioning copy of Cameron's program. The closet thing would have been the server in the lab but Cameron destroyed it before she left. We would have been able to get a limited 'computer Cameron' from that. She has effectively deleted and terminated herself. She systematically erased all traces of herself from my server." John Henry said. "She made sure when she left that she was 'gone'."
John was dumbfounded.
"I don't understand it." John said. "I can not understand it. It makes no sense."
Allison entered the Command Center. It was obvious she'd been crying before she arrived.
"Hi." Allison said.
John wanted to tread lightly. He knew one wrong word could burst the dam of tears welled up inside Allison and himself for that matter. It seemed Vanna was the one most affected by all of this.
"Hi, Allison, how is Vanna?" John asked.
A tear slid down Allison's cheek. She held it together, for now.
"I gave her some medication, she is sleeping now." Allison said. "It was too much for her, John, she loves Cameron too."
Allison was aware that Vanna loved Cameron as much as her, if not more.
Cameron confessed to John before that she loved Vanna and later Allison as well as him. She said she could not stop the 'feelings' that grew in her.
"I know, Allison. The server that Cameron destroyed was 'Her Cameron'." John said. "I can't believe Cameron did all this so systematically."
Allison thought she might know more than John about some things that troubled Cameron. Cameron confided in Vanna and her many times. It was the only way they could 'share'. It was never physical. That aspect was always there waiting to be explored. Vanna had been very close at times but never acted. Vanna believed that Cameron needed to act first. She felt the same way. They both knew Cameron was much like a young girl in that regard. She was very vulnerable. Nobody wanted to 'use' Cameron or 'hurt' her. When she was ready to share, they would be there for her. They would share their love with her. It would not just be sex. It would be the deepest and purest love two could share.
"John, she talked with Vanna and me about the torment she was in." Allison said. "You saw part of that. She could no longer exist with the pain she felt. She needed to try to correct her mistakes or self terminate."
John was aware of Cameron's 'death wish'.
"By making this a one woman war she was trying to be terminated. The way I made her feel in the past was the root of this situation." John said. "It all comes back to me and my rejection, betrayal and replacement of her. I am the one at fault for all of this."
John knew that to be true by reading Cameron's poems and viewing how she was made to feel. It actually made him angry at himself. He knew what he was doing when he did it and he did it anyway.
"She is doing it for you, for HER Future You - Future John. She has worked hard to put everything into play here and now as it was in her future. Can't you see what she is doing? She is trying to restore what she feels is the correct timeline before HER Allison - Future Allison was terminated." Allison said. "Cameron said it was the 'Natural Order' of time and she would restore it."
That all sounded well and dandy to John but how do you bring back the dead? That means you need to prevent it in the first place and who knows what happens after that.
"How is she going to un-terminate HER Allison - Future Allison and not screw up the timeline she came from, to the point where she met me and everything that has happened since?" John asked. "Maybe she created an alternate timeline and that is where she is. Maybe that's why she can't get back."
John did not want to think she could be terminated.
John Henry did not want to point out that they may be in an alternate timeline now as well. Cameron coming back in the first place may have created a new timeline.
"That is why it is most likely we will never see her again, John. I am sorry. I do not think she can succeed." John Henry said. "If she prevents Allison from being captured, she will destroy her future and past. I advised her multiple times to not attempt this. She said she could not continue with the guilt for her sins. She told me if she was successful, she would return seconds after leaving. The only logical conclusion is she failed or was terminated. John, she is gone. She is never coming back. If she was able to attain access to a TDE, it should have already happened. She would be here. That was the plan. She was to return right after she left."
John looked around hoping to see Cameron. Nobody was there.
"I should have known from the specific vows she selected. She only committed herself to me, while I was not committed exclusively to her." John said. "I have gone back and looked at what Mr. Ellison read from. It was right there, she even made ME say it."
Allison knew what Cameron made her promise her.
"You know what she wants Vanna and me to 'do'." Allison said. "She wants you to have the children and family she feels she destroyed."
"How?" John asked.
"There are now two Savannahs and two Allisons here in this timeline. That is four people spread over a divergent age group from Vanna to Young Allison. She has tried to cover all the bases for the next twenty years." Allison explained.
John Henry thought that was an effective strategy.
"Cameron said she only plays to win." John Henry added.
John did not feel all victories were sweet if that was the case.
"But at what price to her?" John asked.
"It was the price to not self terminate. It was the price for her to live and not die. That is the price." Allison answered. "John she NEEDED to do this. She NEEDED to TRY to do this for HERSELF. It was tearing her mind apart."
"It is better for her to be alive in some divergent timeline, than terminated." John Henry responded. "That is the only reason I helped her. I did not want her to 'go', to die. There was no other option. I could not sit and watch, do nothing and then watch her self terminate. That prospect was unacceptable."
John knew of another option. He knew Cameron would not approve of it.
"Is there anything Mrs. Weaver can do to help fix any this?" John asked.
There was another 'problem' that John Henry felt developed regarding Mrs. Weaver.
"I do not think so. We have eliminated many Grays and disrupted Skynet operations; maybe Mrs. Weaver is stuck in an alternate timeline now too. She should have been back months ago." John Henry said, worried. "It does not appear Mrs. Weaver is coming back either. It would have already happened as well."
"Can Mrs. Weaver get to where Cameron is trying to go?" John wondered.
John Henry knew Mrs. Weaver planned ahead on many things. He did not think going to the 'wrong' future was one of them.
"No, not unless she tried to do what Cameron is trying by going back in time and then going forward in time. I do not know. Maybe she has found a way to get 'home' herself. The only way to make that work is by not changing anything else when they time jump forward or backwards. I can not see Mrs. Weaver doing that and not meddling." John Henry said.
The sorrow in John was replaced by anger.
"This is beyond a nightmare." John said. "The best day of my life was instantly replaced with the worst day in my life. I've had it."
John looked at Allison and John Henry and then stormed out of the Command Center. He did not say a word.
With John's words, Allison felt something inside of her react. She was not sure why.
John returned to his room.
He sat in silence.
John looked at each of Cameron's rings. They were beautiful and they were here without her to wear them. Is this all he had left?
He carefully wrapped up Cameron's two rings.
John placed them in his drawer.
He looked at Cameron's Glock sitting there.
John touched the cold metal of the slide.
He slowly closed the drawer.
He picked up Cameron's Poem book and held it. He gently caressed it as he looked at the cover.
MY POEMS
(Art Of The Mind)
By
NOBODY
John said to himself. 'These are your thoughts, feelings and emotions, Cameron. They are the very essence of your mind. Things you wanted to say or express and share. I am so very sorry, Cameron. I now have several choices to make. I can wait for years suffering in agony then take my own life. I can try to replace you with what you have 'provided' for me. I know you feel that it should be in some fashion as it was in your future or I can take my own life now.'
John read through the pages of Cameron's poem book. The tears flowed down his face.
He opened the drawer and placed the poem book inside. He placed the wrapped rings on top of it.
"I love you, Cameron, and you love me." John said aloud.
He slid his ring off. He gently placed it on top of Cameron's wrapped rings.
John took a deep breath and let it out slow. He was done. There was only one way to stop the pain.
John reached for Cameron's Glock….
Erased
To wipe clean the slate of life
Everything must be erased
Nothing at all can be left behind
That can be identified or traced
There are times for all
When they want to start over
Would anything really ever change
If they were granted a do-over
Is not what one would do
Already what they have done
The sad part is to watch them lose
While they think they have won
If there is a beginning
Then there is an end
They think they have it straight
Then they watch it all bend
Everything that was faced
All turned out to be a waste
Leaving one feeling disgraced
As they themselves they erased
Nobody