Fair warning; this chapter was going to be a lot longer; like, twice it's current length, so I decided to cut it short. This effectively made it a little bit pointless. Mostly we're talking about feelings, BUT I REALLY WANTED TO GET THIS CHAPTER OUT BECAUSE IT'S BEEN A MINUTE OKAY.

Suffice to say, next one could potentially be coming sooner, as I've already written a portion of it. There is a method to this madness.

Uni's starting up again soon, so I don't know if that means chapters will be coming quicker or not. On the one hand, I'll have less time to write them. On the other, the mentality of focusing in school tends to get me in a writing mood more often, for some reason. It's a curse, I say. I bring my laptop to lectures and basically end up writing there for God's sake.

I'm rambling now, I'm aware - I'll save the rest for the end MWAHAHA.

Disclaimer: I do not own Brother's Conflict.

Chapter Nine

Memory

Just as my train ride home is ending, my headphones kept out of my ears for once so I could have some silent contemplation, my phone buzzes to indicate I have a text message. I'm a bit surprised to see it's from Ukyo-san: Good evening. Yusuke informed me that you have an appointment and would be home a bit later than him. Please inform me when you arrive at the station. Regards, Ukyo.

My throat closes up. I'd never received a message like that before. Just another reminder that there are people actually waiting for me at home, something I've not experienced since I was little. I fire a quick text back that the train is just pulling in, and receive another surprise when he tells me to wait, someone's coming to escort me home.

This makes me a bit uncomfortable. I don't want someone coming all the way here just to take me back; I'm sure they all have things to do. However, I also don't want to disobey him. Besides, he's most likely just doing it out of concern for me; I'm still not absolutely certain of the way home from here, and the sky is beginning to darken. In all honesty I will feel a lot safer having someone with me.

I haven't waited for very long when I see a familiar figure weaving through the crowd, distinguishable by his amazing hair. The style momentarily gives me pause, because even though the colour is on the opposite side of the spectrum, it still makes my heart stop in my chest as it reminds me of someone else. I quickly shake the feeling away just as Louis-san sees me in the crowd and flashes me a familiar, if not languid, smile.

"I came to get you," he states in that low, gentle voice of his. He'd removed his strikingly blue cardigan from earlier and was left in a very low-cut black shirt with a white undershirt concealing anything that would make the look obscene.

"Thank you," I say. I'm a bit surprised that he recognized me immediately; we'd only met once. Though I suppose I do stand out a bit from the rest of the crowd – it's probably the hair. "Sorry if I kept you waiting."

"Let's just go?" I'm not sure what to make of that response, but I don't think he's angry. He weaves through the crowd with an almost ninja-like stealth and security, the complete opposite of his lethargic disposition. Someone bumps into my shoulder accidentally, and when I turn back to apologize, they're holding their arm as if they've bumped into a rock. I flush with embarrassment and carry on.

Louis-san leads me to a white range rover and walks around to the passenger side to hold the door open for me, seemingly oblivious of my grimace. A very ostentatious vehicle, but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. It smells distinctly of the upholstered leather, and then faintly of Louis-san's cologne when he slides in the driver's seat. He slips out of his parking space and shifts into drive so smoothly I swear it sends my heart aflutter. The air is on full-blast, cooling down my warm face and sweat enough that my armpits are chilled.

"Is it too cold?" He asks, automatically reaching to turn it down a bit. "I'm sensitive to the heat, so I always have the air on high."

"So am I," I respond with a small laugh. "I don't mind. It's been pretty bad lately, huh?" Honestly, it's hot enough that I would have preferred to lapse into a comfortable silence, but my arm has started throbbing with the after-pain of having a needle dragged relentlessly through my skin – I'm trying to keep up a conversation to distract from the pain.

"Yes," he agrees, swiftly flipping on his signal to turn at a stoplight. "I bet your little friend isn't too happy with it, either."

I assume he's referring to my rodent companion. "I don't think it bothers him too much," I say. "He stays inside most of the time; he knows to stay where it's cool."

"He must be very smart." His grin at the moment is a bit wry, for some reason, as if we're sharing some unspoken joke. I tilt my head to the side curiously but let it slide; it may be too idiosyncratic for me to understand. Besides, it's not like I can tell him that Juli is completely sentient (to me, anyway) and isn't the slightest bit tempted to venture outside too often, since he does disturbingly human activities inside. Once he'd told me he'd been reading; it doesn't really matter what, because just that is weird in itself. It means that he was looking at the words, understanding them, processing them – it baffles me so much I can't think about it without automatically getting a migraine.

"He is smart," I settle for, playing dumb. "I mean, I don't know the standard for rodent intelligence but I think he's pretty high on the spectrum."

He snickers, his eyes crinkling at the corners in such a genuine way that I can't help but giggling along. I recognize the street we're on, indicating we're almost there, and I quickly realize he's pulling in the back - where the garage (or whatever they have) must be. I've yet to see it, and I'm inspecting curiously out the window to find that it's pretty cozy; just a simple yard and deck, complete with an outdoor dining set and gazebo. Someone had gone to the effort to string up cute little lightbulbs that probably look stunning at nighttime. Louis-san pulls into the confirmed garage, which is pretty standard according to a garage expert like myself, except the size is in an equal ratio to the mansion; meaning, it's big. When the range rover pulls in there's a total of five vehicles, two of them hopefully belonging to the other tenants, three to the Asahinas. There are two larger vehicles, including the rover, with ample seating, and one black sedan that reflects the sunlight in blinding beams from the back fender – it's completely spotless.

Louis-san shuts off the vehicle with a quick turn of the keys and gets out in a rush that leaves me a bit speechless. Had I done something wrong? Had I unwittingly said something offensive? I mull over it in the still-cool interior until my door opens without my touching it and I think I've turned psychic. Then I realize – he had gotten out so quickly to open it for me. The ice that had quickly formed in my heart immediately melts, both in relief and in what must be flattery. I thank him as I climb out, having to jump a little from the high seat. My knees buckle, not because of the jump but because my legs just hate me and behave like an eighty-year-old woman's sometimes, and I'm grateful he's looking away so he can't see me wince and crack back up into a standing position. I use a delicate touch when closing the car door as he operates a switch to close the garage from the outside, as I'm afraid of slamming it too hard just by accident. Then it hits me; if all the cars are here, is everyone home? My heart flutters, excited to see everyone.

He leads me through a door that opens to a hallway that makes a roundabout to the front lobby-space, where the elevator is. I wonder who turns off all these lights at nighttime. I decide that if I want to know, I should ask.

"We have security here," he responds, and I'm momentarily taken aback. "Since we do have some pretty famous people living here, like Fuu-chan and the twins. Mom herself isn't exactly a little-known designer; there's a reason she travel so much." He pauses for a moment, and I'm thinking about that's the most I've heard him say at one time since we've met. He speaks at an even pace with his soft voice, and it's very soothing to listen to. "They turn the lights off most of the time, but if someone's out late enough they will."

"I see." I make a note that if I'm out late, I should figure out where the switches are so I can do it myself. "Were you at work today?"

"Yes, I was on my way home when Kyo-nii asked me to pick you up. It was on the way." He turns to me to flash a dazzling, relaxed smile. "So don't worry about whether or not it was an inconvenience. I didn't mind in the slightest."

I flush and nod. Just because I'm a member of the household doesn't mean I'm happy imposing on them. He had figured out my worries and dispelled them just as quickly, and it makes me glad to know that he cares enough to ease them.

Suddenly he says, "You didn't get your hair from your father."

I'm not paying very much attention, just examining him, so I snap my head up and ask, "Pardon?"

"Rintaro-san has come here before, to introduce himself." There's a thoughtful pause as we reach the elevator and he pushes the up button. "Your hair is very different, both colour and texture." Our colours are closer together under the fluorescents, his a light ash brown and mine more ash blonde. "Did you get it from your mother?"

"I'm not sure, but I'm assuming so. She died giving birth to me, and Dad doesn't keep any pictures of her." I'd always thought it was because it was too painful for him to look at her, and maybe it was painful to look at me, too, since I clearly took more after her. But he fell in love with Miwa-san over a year ago, so I've come to wonder if that was really the case. "So I can't say for sure."

He's examining me with an unfathomable look, maybe a bit sad. "Do you miss her?"

"I never met her. Can you miss someone when you don't even know who they are?"

The elevator dings as it reaches our floor. "I think so," he says quietly as we walk in and he presses the five. "At least, you know that there is something missing. You can long for a maternal presence if you've never had it and you're exposed to other kids with them, I think."

"That's true. There's been a few times when I've thought my life would be easier with a mom." I smile at him so he can rest assured that it doesn't bother me at all, talking about something that he may regard as pretty personal. "But I have Juli and Dad. I've never felt like something was lacking with them around, and they love me enough that I barely ever notice I'm missing out on having a mother."

"I'm glad. I feel the same way about our father." I remember that Miwa-san mentioned that her husband passed around the time Wataru-kun was born. Unlike me, Louis-san and almost all of my brothers would have known him enough to feel his loss and miss him terribly. It's not that big of a deal for my father to get remarried, but maybe it means something much more to them to have their mother marry again.

"Do you miss him?" I ask in return, hoping I'm not prying.

His smile only turns a bit melancholy. "Sometimes. He was a good dad." The impact of their situation hits me with even more intensity. What if my presence here really is hurtful to them, even if they're very good people and can hide it well? It can just serve as a reminder that their mother is ready to start again, even if they're not.

It's insensitive of me to stay here, not only because they have one more mouth to feed or be considerate of me being a girl, but because I'm a constant symbol of their father's death and how they'll never see him again. My flush deepens with shame. I hadn't thought about it at all before; how could I just completely ignore that when they're being so nice to me? I have a… bad history of not considering other people's feelings. You'd think I would have learned.

We arrive to the fifth floor and I have to put on my brave face. Honesty and expressing one's feelings are one of the most important things when communicating, but this is something I want to fight with myself about more before I go asking about it. I can smell dinner from the loft and I get incredibly excited; breakfast had been awesome, but I'm eager to try Ukyo-san's dinner. When we descend the stairs to greet everyone, I see that Masaomi-san and Subaru-san are absent from the scene; most likely still working. Yuusuke-kun looks relieved to see me, as if he'd been worried about leaving me by myself. Then he quickly looks away, blushing the same colour as the evening sky.

"I'll get changed and be right back," I say to Ukyo-san, who's basically finished preparing dinner by himself. I feel guilty that I wasn't around to help.

"No rush," he says with a smile befitting his regal features. "We're still waiting on the rice, regardless. Tsubaki's not exactly efficient when it comes to helping make dinner." That shakes a bit of the guilt away; at least he hadn't been completely working alone. I know he's a grown man and can handle it by himself, as he's probably been making huge portions for meals for years, but I still wish I can help.

"I couldn't help it," the brother in question complains, sliding to my side so smoothly I'm impressed. "I was too distracted about seeing Vivi-chan again I couldn't focus."

I can't help but roll my eyes, but I keep the smile on my face to show that I'm not actually irritated by him. "Sure. I'll be back in a jiff."

"Need my help?" Tsubaki-san asks, but is quickly halted in his tracks by a swift knock to the head from his expressionless twin.

I almost put on a short-sleeved shirt, but as I'm pulling it from the closet the mondo bandage on my arm reminds me that it's not a good idea. I count out the time in my head; about three or so hours before I can take it off. Then I have to rinse it with a gentle soap and apply ointment. I'm already dreading the itchy stage, and I'm gently pulling a striped shirt down my arms so as not to disrupt the bandage. I can put on shorts, but I'll have to wear socks, since I have some ankle action going on. It's funny how I manage to become significantly more conscious of the amount of tattoos I have when I'm meeting new people who aren't even able to see them. I don't think they'll judge me because of them, but… there's still a stereotype around young girls having tattoos that make me wary of exposing them. A ridiculous, dated stereotype, since I can do whatever I want with my body, but it exists all the same.

I'll keep my hair up since I don't want to get it in my food – a mistake I think won't happen ever again because I'll be extra careful, but still happens every time. I freeze when I feel a stare burning holes in the back of my neck, and turn around to see Juli staring at me in silence, like a father, sitting in the dark, waiting to lecture their child after they've broken curfew.

"Hey," I greet him cheerfully. "How was your day here? Go outside at all?"

"Lemme see," he says. I sigh and roll up my sleeve, gently lifting the bandage a bit to show him. "It's big," is all he says.

"Not as big as Zora," I respond simply after fixing the bandage. I named all of my tattoos that feature animals – Zora being the dragon. Both a game reference and from my given name's language of origin.

"What's this one's name?" He crawls on my shoulder; apparently I've been forgiven form the brief moody spell earlier. His face still looks sullen, though – as sullen as a squirrel can look.

"I haven't decided yet." I browse the internet for ideas from my phone in the elevator, and decide just before I reach the fifth floor. "I like Deirdre. I read a book once where Lilith named one of her daughters that."

"Morbid, Chii. I don't think Maho will be too jazzed to hear that." Maho-chan is my polar opposite in that she isn't a fan of horror and the occult. I don't try to force her to watch movies in that genre with me, but she always does, boasting that she's going to concur her fear. Every time she ends up sleeping in the same bed as me when it happens, shoving me over so that she's against the wall and I'll be taken first if an entity breaks into the room. Nice.

Tonight I'm seated between Kaname-san and Ukyo-san, the former smelling of a spicy cologne that I like the scent of who is dressed in red plaid flannel. It compliments his hair colour nicely, and I'm struck by the thought that everyone has good fashion sense, complete with accessories and semi-formal elements. Which I suppose is to be expected, as children of a fashion designer.

Dinner is chicken gratin, and I'm screaming internally. Some of it escapes my mouth in small squeals, and Ukyo-san beams at the sound of it. There's rice with soy sauce and a simple cucumber salad on the side, but the gratin itself is to die for. It's just the right amount of crispy and the cheese is perfectly melted so that when you pick up a piece a small string of it clings to your fork. Subaru-san returns just in time for a quick shower, and he sits to grab his own serving just as everyone but me is finishing up. He'd bought soda from the convenience store, and offered me a Pepsi by holding it out to me with an inquisitive look that he didn't look directly at me with. I take it and thank him, and he just nods curtly in response and inhales his portion. We finish around the same time despite the fact that I'd started much sooner.

I offer to help with the dishes, but Ukyo-san introduces me to a chart with different coloured circle stickers on the wall next to the refrigerator. The different weekdays and chores are listed in columns and rows, and he explains that each colour corresponds with one of them. "Who's on dishes tonight?" He quizzes me, hanging his apron in the closet.

I examine it for a moment. "Iori-kun," and he nods.

"Very good. We do give the younger ones a break around exam season, so that will include you, as well." He lifts a package of said stickers so slowly, so ominously that I have to restrain a laugh. He looks so excited about his stickers that it's borderline adorable. "Which colour would you like?" He asks quietly, and I'm smiling so hard with unheard laughter I can feel my dimples popping out.

"I'll just take white," I squeak out, and he nods very seriously before coordinating the chores for next week with me. He asks what chores I'd like to do, and I respond that I'm really fine with anything; I did at all at my old house. Laundry is my favourite, though. He organizes so that I split laundry this week with Tsubaki-san, as he's pretty unreliable with chores. I remember Azusa-san saying how he always finds himself cleaning up after his twin and I know he's not exaggerating.

When that's done I don't feel like returning to my room, but hanging out with everyone. Juli is vibrating with growls when I ask Yuusuke-kun if I can watch television with them on the crimson sectional, and he very gruffly responds with: "Knock yourself out." I take a seat, delicately, with my knees pressed together and feet on the floor, and rest my drink on a coaster. Iori-kun nestles beside me, keeping a respectable distance between us, but I still have to shush my squirrel from hissing.

"I wanted to show you this," he says, and holds up his phone to show me a video of a child trying to scare his father then getting a bag of trash in his face. I do a spittake into my hand and start crying, mumbling out the F-word as Iori-kun laughs at me. Twisted sense of humor, indeed. Yuusuke-kun is laughing boisterously, because this happens a lot at school on our lunch break, and any more bystanders are chuckling – with the exception of Tsubaki-san, who had been peering over the couch to catch a glimpse and was on the floor asphyxiating. Azusa-san hands me a napkin and I choke out a thank you before cleaning up the mess. I'm upset about losing some of my Pepsi, but I honestly couldn't help it; I know I still would have spit it out if I saw that by myself. But it was made worse by the princely Iori-kun showing it to me, whose face is still gentle and full of soft humor while mine is red and blotchy from choking and laughing.

Juli is hardly as impressed. He asks me what's so funny about that, and I can't describe it to him since we're in the presence of company, so I just wave a little in front of my face and try not to keep laughing. Wataru-kun is visibly distressed from not knowing what all the fuss is about, and it's not like it's mature content or anything sensitive, so Iori-kun shows it to him as well. He does laugh, though I can tell he doesn't really understand why it's funny; he just wants to be in on the joke.

After I'm finally breathing right again and everyone's regained their composure, Iori-kun moves on to do the dishes. Even though it's his job and I just had this conversation, I ask, "Can I help?"

"Don't worry about it," he says with a disarming grin that makes my heartrate increase – just a little. "Just relax."

"Yeah, Vivi-chan." Tsubaki-san is suddenly sitting beside me, his arm thrown over the back of the couch on my side. "Spend some more time with us."

"Do you want to watch Fuu-tan's concert recording?" Wataru-kun asks excitedly, already waving the television remote like a flag of victory.
Tsubaki-san and Yusuke-kun make an identical face. "No." Their youngest brother looks incredibly disheartened, so much so that I can't help but feel bad for him. I'm about to offer to watch it with him regardless, because I am curious about my other younger brother, when Yusuke-kun says, "Let's play some games instead."

He perks up immediately. "Yes! I'll show Onee-chan how it's done!"

"I'm looking forward to it," I say, trying to come up with a subtle and not-whiny way of asking if I can join the playing as well. They decide on Mario Kart, and play around which Wataru-kun obliterates my classmate in. He's yelling in frustration whilst physically turning his body in the same direction as his remote, as if that will add more power to his vehicle. I can't help but laugh because I do it exactly the same way without consciously deciding to do so. After his defeat, however, Ukyo-san pulls Wataru-kun away for his bedtime. I wish him good night, and he throws his arms around my waist. I'm surprised, but not uncomfortable; his frame is small and solid when I return the hug, and I try to remember if I've ever been this close to a kid before.

"Can I play?" I ask Yusuke-kun, deciding on the direct approach as I sit cross-legged on the floor beside him. I know I'll be uncomfortable in a matter of moments, since the hardwood is… well, hard, but I don't particularly mind. He's avoiding eye-contact with me, though, and I suppose that the awkwardness of the situation isn't lost on him yet. It isn't on me, either, but I don't want to be dodgy about it so that it will be harder to act like family in the future. I'm happy to be here, even if my presence has consequences.

He passes me Wataru-kun's controller, and the next thing I know Tsubaki-san is beside me and grabbing a third. "Let me in on this mess," he says, nudging me in the side. "I'll kick both of you to the curb." Why does everyone in this family smell amazing? It's making me self-conscious, after being in the sun for a while and sweating from the strain of trying not to move during the tattooing. I am, however, not one to refuse a challenge.

I really want to know what we look like from behind. All of us turning with our controllers in unison when trying to drift must have been a sight to see, considering how old we are (Tsubaki-san being our elder by seven years). He nails me with a blue shell and I can't help but kick my feet a little in frustration. I push him off Rainbow Road and earn the title of Savage for the night.

Yusuke-kun ends up winning the overall race, Tsubaki-san in second, me in third. I'm at least thankful I wasn't done in by a CPU – that would have been embarrassing. Yusuke-kun looks so mighty proud of himself and turns to me expectantly. "Well? Are you jealous of my skills?"

"I call foul play," his elder brother complains, dropping the controller and leaning back on his arms while stretching out his legs – basically he's lying on the floor. "I have poor vision!"

"Uh, no, that's me," calls Azusa-san from the couch, shaking his head as he puts a glass to his lips. The colour of the drink makes me think it's probably bourbon. Fancy.

"I took my contacts out before playing."

"You're so full of shit," Yusuke-kun growls. "Why the hell would you think that was smart even if it was true?"

"I wanted Vivi-chan to look into my eyes," he gushes, grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me so hard I giggle. "Into my soul."

"Cut it out," my classmate snaps, tugging me away from him. This is unbelievable – I actually feel like a toy caught between two toddlers. Tsubaki-san takes my forearm and is shocked to hear me belt out: "Bitch!" I immediately regret my entire life and apologize – that arm is sensitive right now, but it was still an overreaction. I'm relieved when they start snickering, and eventually the room is filled with warm laughter.

"Did you get a shot or something today?" Kaname-san asks, a seemingly harmless grin on his face. I hadn't even seen him sitting there, but he had a drink in his hand as well. It must be time for all the adults to unwind for the night – even Tsubaki-san had a beer sitting beside him. It makes me feel a bit too childish, like I'm intruding by hanging around them. Normally I drink with people my own age, so there's a good excuse to be stupid. This is mature drinking – it's different.

"A needle, yeah," I say. It's not a lie, and I think I'm so clever. Juli, not so much. I'd been keeping him clenched between my legs during the previous tug-of-war so that I wouldn't have a third faction pulling at me from somewhere else, most likely my hair. It was either that or he would have gone after one of them instead, so I would have preferred the former. This did seem like the safest bet.

I find Tsubaki-san's eyes wandering to him. His gaze is disarmingly serious, and even Yusuke-kun is suspicious. All he ends up saying, wistfully, is, "Jealous." I blush, scandalized. Juli turns into a demon and shrieks in a way no animal, human or otherwise, should be capable of.

"That's enough." Azusa-san hauls him off the floor and plops him at his side on the couch. "Do you want me to cut you off?"

"No, sir," his twin sings, crossing one leg over the other with a very pleased grin on his face. I guess I should get used to that flirtatious behaviour – it sounds like Azusa-san holding him back from taking a joke too far is a common occurrence, so this flirting is certainly not exclusive to me. I want to tell Juli so, but I'm not sure if that will make the situation better or worse.

I check the time on my phone, and figure it best that I retire to get my homework for the night finished. I wish everyone a good night, and I look to Yusuke-kun with a smile. "I'll beat you next time," I tell him, and he grins briefly in return.

"Sure, sure. You're all talk."

I roll my eyes briefly, then ask generally where the recycling is. Azusa-san is the one to respond and directs me to it so I can dispose of my pop can. Juli repositions himself so that he's snuggled around my neck, and I can feel how tense he is, ready to attack at any moment. I try not to feel exasperated, and feel relieved that at least he wasn't waiting by the front entrance to be my escort like her threatened last night. But who knows – the longer we live here, the more likely that scenario becomes.

Just as I climb the stairs to the loft, Masaomi-san steps out of the elevator with Subaru-san in tow. The eldest looks incredibly tired, his face drawn with bags beneath his eyes. Yet he still delivers a blinding smile when he sees me approaching. "Evening," he greets me, and Subaru-san nods curtly as well; I figure he must have run out to pick up his brother from work, as all of their cars were in the driveway earlier, so he must not have driven himself to the hospital. "How's your knee doing today?"

In all honesty, I'd forgotten all about it. Especially after the tattoo, I can't even feel it anymore. Subaru-san's eyebrows scrunch together, accentuating his forehead with a crease between them. "You got hurt?" He asks, sounding surprisingly concerned. Not surprisingly; they are all nice people, and I think concern comes naturally to them. But I had thought he wasn't that interested in me.

"Only a little bit." I extend my leg out and twist it a bit, making him look away for some reason. I'd removed the bandage Masaomi-san had applied, and you can't even see the wound anymore. "It's perfectly fine," I diagnose. "I can't even feel it." I widen my eyes as much as I can and curl my fingers together in almost a begging pose. "You saved my life, doc."

He laughs good-naturedly, making his eyes close naturally. "I'm glad. Don't hesitate to come to me any time you don't feel well. Though…" He purses his lips, deep in thought, looking at where the scratch had been. I suppose it still is there, but you can't see it. "It's good it didn't bleed too much," he mumbles, almost to himself. I don't respond to it, because I don't want to pry.

"I will," I tell him sincerely. "Thank you. I'm just heading down for the night; gotta finish up some work before bed."

"Is Wataru already asleep?" He's suddenly much more invested in the conversation. I can't help but smile, my dimples popping out in my cheeks.

"Ukyo-san put him down about an hour or so ago," I respond. "I don't know if that means anything."

"He has a hard time sleeping without Masa-nii around," Subaru-san says offhandedly, massaging the back of his neck.

"I'd better check on him." Masaomi-san is suddenly in a flurry, despite still being dressed in his work attire and looking exhausted. I grab his arm without even thinking about it, and he looks down at me with a polite curiosity, but I can tell he's in a hurry.

"You should grab a bite first," I tell him. "We had gratin; it was delicious." I try my best to summon up another smile, encouraging this time. "I know I'd want you to be feeling your best if I was Wataru-kun. Don't make him worry." I know I'm being invasive, butting in where I don't belong, but I'm used to this with my father. Most of the time when he came home, he waited to eat and went straight to his room to work, despite looking absurdly tired from travelling and working nonstop. Besides, Masaomi-san was a doctor; he undoubtedly had to be at his best for his job.

Both brothers stare at me, and I regret having said anything, while at the same time being thankful that I did; I would rather speak out than keep my mouth shut. Masaomi-san looks down, at my knee or my feet, I can't tell, then back up at my face, brows slightly knitted together. "You're right," he murmurs, almost dazedly. "I do feel pretty hungry. I can spare a few moments."

"Yes," I agree, uncertain as to why he's saying that aloud, but glad he is anyway. "Thank you." I don't know why I said that; it's not like he's doing it for me, but I felt like it was appropriate. "I'll see you tomorrow!" Subaru-san hits the down button on the elevator panel and strides in before I do; I suppose he's heading to his room as well, on the floor below mine. I climb in after him, and he pointedly looks away, but I tell myself not to mind. Juli transfers himself to the shoulder facing him and his gaze never leaves his face; I put a hand on him so he tones down the protector bit.

"Thanks," Subaru-san mumbles suddenly, making me jolt.

"Oh," I respond dumbly, glancing around as if I can discover why he's expressing his gratitude. "Um, what for?"

"He never puts himself first." His hand is on the back of his neck again, and I see a very distinct toning on his bicep when he moves his arm to do so. I try not to look awed; I, admittedly, have a thing for muscles I've never been able to get over. "We've gotten so used to it we don't bother telling him anymore."

I figure he's referring to the eldest, as he definitely seems like the type. "He's very kind," I say in response. "I can definitely see that happening. I was hoping I wasn't being nosy."

I smile at him, and he suddenly bursts out, "Don't look at me." I whip my head away and my squirrel starts bitching.

"What?! How can he have the nerve to talk like that when you're only trying to help? I should beat his ass! Chii, let me -"

"Sorry!" He adds immediately, face as red as Yusuke-kun's hair. "I didn't mean – anything – by that. I just… I'm nervous… it's hard to talk to you," he finishes. It's almost endearing to be hearing this from someone so tall and with such muscle definition, that it makes my heart sink a little. I've been reminded of someone else way too many times today, and I keep having to tell myself that the past is passed. He continues to bumble through his words, and we reach the fourth floor, so I step out and lean against the sliding door so that it doesn't close on him. I've received the message; he doesn't want to offend me.

"Don't worry about it," I say, trying to talk over Juli's chirping. "I know I'm making things awkward. You don't have to force yourself to talk to me."

"I'm really not," he stutters.

I cock my head to the side, teasing. "You can just text me, if that's easier." I'm pretty sure this is the first brother I've actively given my number to thus far. We use infrared, silent the whole time, and I grin at him again when it's over. "I'll see you later, Subaru-san."

He doesn't respond, but I get the feeling that he feels just a bit less awkward now, if only insubstantially. I'm smiling to myself as I head to my room, which does not bode over well with my furry companion. "You need to be harder on these boys." His voice is saturated with disbelief. "They touch you too easily, you let them talk to you however they want to, you're already trying to take care of them -"

"It's been a day." I finally let the exasperation into my voice as I unlock the door and take my slippers off. "Please, just relax. And you make it sound like taking care of people is a bad thing."

"It's best done with a grain of salt." He enunciates each word. I think of Masaomi-san instead of myself when he says it, and I know I wouldn't mind helping to take care of him. I like taking care of people, something I'd learned from being by myself too often. I know my mothering gets annoying, which can be attested to by Maho-chan, but it's the best way I know to show that I care. Not that any of the men I live with need it; they can all handle themselves just fine, I'm sure, but I'd rather be overly annoying by hounding them than being absent and seeming like I don't care at all. That's what I decide, and it's what I tell myself. Thank you, and goodnight.

"It's fine," is all I say out loud, and he stares me down. "It's fine."

I set out some food and water for him and get to work, flicking on my desk lamp and turning off the main light source in the room to save on electricity; just an old habit, but it's probably better to be considerate that way. Probably. I focus on math first, as that's one of my worst subjects, and save English for last; listening to a bunch of Western music helps me increase my understanding of it a little bit, and I learned some basic words and phrases that actually help in school. I'm all but lost when it comes to all the different tenses of verbs and adjectives, but I can pick it up relatively quickly, I think. My dad helps me study it whenever he's around; he's pretty fluent in it for his line of work.

Even though I'm basically certain, I still double-check to make sure I work tomorrow. It's nice that I can stay at the same school, since my job is within a good distance and I can walk there from Hinode. I counted the amount of stops it took to get from the station around Hinode to the one closest to this neighbourhood, just to remain certain if I'm not paying attention to the crackling voice announcing the stops. I work every other day of week, starting with Tuesdays, and Yusuke-kun knows so I'm sure I don't have to remind him. He's very considerate, so I know he'd worry otherwise. Once I'm sure everything's finished for tomorrow and make sure I have my wallet in my schoolbag already, I get changed for bed. I don't bother shutting the curtains this time, since I don't really think it matters that much anymore.

Before I head to sleep I remove my bandage, releasing Deirdre in all her glory. Ironic that I'd gotten the tattoo for Temperance when I drink a bit more than I should. But it's still beautiful, and I have to thank Izumi-san again; he'd achieved the watercolour effect perfectly. Now I'd have to be more careful about my sleeves in school than ever; this was the biggest one I had in the area visible when I wear short sleeves. Ah, summer uniforms, how I hate you. I'm pale enough that I can get away with saying that I have a health condition if the right teacher asks why I'm still wearing my cardigan. The right teacher being the PE teacher, Matsuda, who asks a bit too often. He's on to me.

I wonder if I should shower tomorrow, when I wake up. I'll decide for certain when I get a look at my hair tomorrow; I may just scrape it up into a high bun. I want to ask first; I don't know if they have a set shower schedule or what, but I'll feel more comfortable knowing I'm not using up hot water if someone else needs to shower more than I do. I tie my hair in a braid, a loose one since my curls have enough grip to keep it together, and even though I can tell he's still mad Juli crawls into bed with me. I can't sleep right away so I play on my DS a bit, still grinding in Fire Emblem. I like to feel like I can demolish any enemy with minimal effort. Juli dozes off curled up on my lap, the pose similar to that of a cat, and I see some lights from the other rooms (apartments?) from outside. There are footsteps coming from upstairs and hushed voices, quitter than last night. I actively try to listen, knowing I'm eavesdropping, and stop when I hear my name thrown out once.

I want to stay up later and talk with everyone. I want to get to know them more than I do, and I don't want to keep making assumptions on their personalities and behaviours. This is permanent, I keep reminding myself, so it's not like where on a tight schedule to get to know each other. But the sooner the better. I can tell they're walking on eggshells around me, and I don't like that very much; they can be themselves around me. Their normal, boyish selves, whatever that may entail.

I should say this out loud, I think, but I don't know who to address. It'd be embarrassing to say it in front of the whole family, but it could come to that if this continues. I decide to talk to Yusuke-kun about it tomorrow on the way to school; he's someone who is distinctly bothered by this situation. I chart out my plan of attack as Juli sleepily crawls from my lap to his usual space by my shoulder when I turn off the lamp. I pull my duvet over my chest and close my eyes.

Memories begin to surface behind my eyes as it quiets down upstairs. The scent of this room is still unfamiliar, even though traces of my perfume remain on my clothes and blankets. I'm remembering junior high and the nightmare it became for me, and how I still remember the way he smelled. It's so strange and probably even creepy, but it still makes my heart creep low in my chest and pound like thunder. It's an emotion I still can't place; they say love and hate keep close company, that your pupils dilate when looking at someone you feel either emotion for. I turn into Juli, clenching my fists to my chest. He twitches in his sleep, indicating he's dreaming, and surrounded by so many men who seem to keep reminding me, I wish more than ever that I can forget.

It did get a bit rambly towards the end, didn't it. Well I do call this a slice of life, so I figure it's fine.

I went to FanExpo the other day and got some comments from the dub actors of BroCon:

Chris: "This would have been an entirely different show if the soundtrack was just a little creepier."

Josh: "I'm so glad I got to play the less creepy twin."

Vic: *signs my poster with "Daddy"* (without my requesting that he do so)

Meeting voice actors is like my fave part of cons, as well as panels. In this case I went to Josh's. I think he may actually be the sweetest human being alive and he must be protected at all costs. I can't wait to go again next year.

SEE Y'ALL NEXT TIME AND PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW MY BEAUTIES