Heeeeeey y'all. I am still writing this, yes, despite like five years having past and me being 23. I do not CARE I HAVE A MISSION HERE AND I WANT TO ACHIEVE IT.
This is just me thinking far into the future, but I'm thinking Cerulean - when it reaches its end eventually, we are still very much in the beginning - will have a sequel. I'm following the timeline of the game in this fiction, which is roughly a year from its beginning. I literally have an event calendar for this fic set up into the next few months in the fictional universe. I was looking at it today thinking I'm probably a crazy person.
These updates are infrequent, I know, but inspiration is difficult to come by these days. I got a new computer and downloaded BC back on it, which is what inspired me to go for it in the first place. It's a groove I have to get back into and I am determined to do so - this is one outlet of creativity in my life that is meant to satisfy my creative needs!
Please enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Brother's Conflict or any of its characters. I also know next to nothing about Japan. I'm doing my research as I go along, so any inaccuracies or suggestions please let me know!
Chapter Twelve
Sunset
When lunch rolls around the next day at school, I practically leap from my desk, excitement coursing through my veins and making my limbs vibrate. Maho-chan, Yuusuke-kun, Sasakura-kun and I are planning on eating lunch in the courtyard today, since there was a nice breeze drifting through the area since this morning, meaning I probably won't collapse of heat exhaustion. There is a large maple in the courtyard, its leaves a vivid emerald in full bloom, which will provide some nice cover from the sun. As happy as I am to be enjoying a meal with my friends, that isn't what has me so jonesed. Today I received a homemade boxed lunch from Ukyo-san before we left for school - as asinine as it seems, I couldn't wait to see it and consume. The past couple of days I'd just grabbed meals from the cafeteria, but since I helped with the cooking and cleaning yesterday, he had some spare time this morning to fix them. I'd expressed my gratitude so profoundly he seemed a little embarrassed.
Sure, I'd eaten his food before, but this felt more significant - it was a meal crafted just for me, and he'd taken the time out of his already busy morning to do so. I'm beaming the entire duration of our journey to the courtyard, my heart thumping at the pace of a stallion's trot.
Over the top as always, I keep a picnic blanket stuffed in my locker. My classmates and I swing by to grab it, and told Sasakura-kun we'd meet him there earlier. I've just shut my locker and tucked the blanket under my arm when he shows up, his bag slung over his shoulder. "Afternoon, folks," he greets us, and he pats Yuusuke-kun affectionately on the shoulder. We switch from our indoor shoes to loafers - or sneakers, in Yuusuke-kun's case - and head out into the warm sunlight. I'm already perspiring, but the breeze has a nip to it that chills the dampness on my back and neck. It's a short walk to the maple tree, and the grounds are littered with students enjoying the nice weather outside or participating in club activities, and only a couple spots beneath the tree are taken. Sasakura-kun helps me spread out the blanket, and I firmly situate myself in the shade, resisting the urge to rub my hands together before I open my lunch box. I wait for everyone else to get comfortable and take out their own meals before I open mine, and the level of anticipation coursing through me is comparable to the kind I felt when opening a birthday present as a kid.
I'd given him my own bento box to pack it in, since I brought it with me from my old house. I felt a lot better that way instead of him buying a new one, like he'd suggested with my place setting, since this one is still perfectly fine. My paternal grandparents had given it to me when I started high school, so I was a tad emotionally attached to the simple white box with tiny daisies decorating its surface. I open the lid and have to press my lips together to keep from smiling like a buffoon at my food - it's completely immaculately packed, with rolled omelets, sausages, a small container of berries, and pickled vegetables. There are small travel sized bottles of fish and soy sauce, and one that looked like hot sauce, which seemed specific to me judging my Yuusuke-kun's lack thereof. A small dab on my fingertip I press to my tongue confirms that theory, and I'm unable to restrain the smile any longer. He'd already remembered how much I like spicy things. Before I dig in, a notice a small green square on the inside of the lid I had never seen before, and examine it to discover that it's a note written in almost textbook handwriting:
"Thank you for all of your help these past few days. I hope you enjoy your lunch. Signed, Ukyo."
My lower lip juts out as I conceal the note from the others and show it to Yuusuke-kun, my heart bursting. He squints to read it, then rolls his eyes. Under his breath he says, "I stopped getting notes like that when I was ten."
I'd never received a note like this before, so I feel a slight twinge of envy that I quickly dismiss as I slip the note into the pocket of my cardigan. I plan on keeping it forever, and quickly mull over the idea of investing in a scrapbook to catalogue all of my memories of high school and the beginning of my new family, and file it away for later.
We make small talk about the upcoming tests in July, which I had already started reviewing for and scribing a second copy of my notes, highlighting key points on cue cards, the whole lot. Sasakura-kun mentions a study gathering in the future, and I agree heartily, as I'll never pass up a chance to review and get help with subjects I don't understand, as well as help teach my friends if they ask me to. We're chatting merrily away when Sasakura-kun says, "Your lunches are pretty similar, Asahina," and he tips his head towards mine. Yuusuke-kun looks like he might choke; I don't think either of us anticipated anyone paying that close of attention.
Maho-chan looks like she might swoop in for cover when I just shrug and say, "It's good food," and continue eating. A lot of people have similar lunches, and just because ours are essentially the exact same - save for his vegetables switched out with pasta salad - doesn't necessarily carry an ulterior meaning. He looks like he may something else, so I pop a rolled omelet in his mouth when he opens it to speak. "See?"
His face is beet red as he chews, and Yuusuke-kun somehow manages to look both relieved and appalled. Maho-chan cuts me a look, to which I respond to with a shrug. "Crisis" averted - even though it doesn't seem like a big deal to me, it obviously is to Yuusuke-kun, so I want to respect that and do what I can.
In an effort to change the subject, Yuusuke-kun proceeds to clear his throat and ask, "So, you guys got any plans for the summer?"
"Besides hanging out with this one here," Maho-chan begins with a pointed elbow to my side, "not a whole lot. My family might be taking a vacation, but there have been no promises so I'm not holding out for that." Maho-chan and I have known each other for one summer thus far, but it would be a lie to say that I didn't get incredibly lonely when her family went to Okinawa last year. We'd hung out almost every day before that, and she bought me a really cute tropical print shirt as a souvenir - you know, like the tacky yet ironically cute ones - but she is honestly the first best friend I've had in which we hung out so often and did so much together. I spent that time at my grandparents house to alleviate that feeling of solitude, but there's only so much to do in the countryside that doesn't involve being out in the sun for hours at a time. My grandfather gave me a share of the vegetables I'd helped him harvest, which was very kind of him and let me cook with fresh produce for a good couple of weeks.
"My family is all over the place," Yuusuke-kun says, and I pay particularly avid attention to the information he's willing to share. "It's hard to schedule anything when everyone's always doing something different. My older brothers always try to organize something, though." He chews thoughtfully after finishing his sentence, not necessarily avoiding my gaze but staring off into the distance. I would love to do something with all of my new brothers this summer, but I understood what would make it so complicated. Those of us who have school shift to working during the summer months, but it would be nice to know if they were planning to do something - I would merrily pounce on the employee calendar to book the time off.
Sasakura-kun is staring at me expectantly, and Yuusuke-kun glances at me from the corner of his eye. Maho-chan is nose deep in her lunch, thankful for the break in the conversation so she could eat after running late again this morning and missing breakfast. "Just working, mostly," I say. "If I have time I visit with my grandparents… but never anything too interesting."
"You know what I think," Sasakura-kun begins, and before Maho-chan can cut him off with a snarky comment - which she is obviously about to do judging from the way she lifts her head away from her lunch with a glint in her eye - he pushes forward. "Something awesome, like a part of the high school experience. I had the idea of planning a test of courage in one of the older school buildings - "
Yuusuke-kun and I frown at the same time, whereas Maho-chan starts howling complaints. "Oh, there is no way in hell. Absolutely not. Don't you even consider tampering with that stuff because if you go and I don't, something could still wind up sticking to you and coming for me!"
He obviously isn't expecting that vehement of a reaction, since he rears back with a grimace contorting his face. I just purse my lips, since it was pretty obvious to me that a test of courage would not be even in the realm neighbouring the one of possibility to her. She persists violently, her hand gestures wild and emphasizing, as she delves into cautionary tales of inviting negative and supernatural energies into your life. "You don't think it's a good idea, Hinata?" He asks me, in an effort to get her to stop talking. Her nostrils flare, her straight eyebrows at a complete acute angle.
"Okay, it's not like the hanging out is a bad thing," I say hurriedly, in an effort to spare his feelings. "But tests of courage are… you know…"
"Cliche," Yuusuke-kun and I say in unison, and I scrunch my face in distaste. "And, not to assume that drinking will be involved," I add hastily at the exasperated look on my new brother's face, "but if some of us were to be partaking in the spirits for the living as well as the dead, it probably would be a no-go if this were to happen on school property. No alcohol here, and no pre's. I feel a lot more confident dabbling in forbidden sciences when I have a little bit of liquid courage." I take a large swig of my ice water for emphasis, and Maho-chan is unabashedly disgusted at the phrases that just spewed from my mouth.
"Forbidden sciences," Yuusuke-kun whispers in astonishment, apparently unable to process what he'd just heard.
"I guess," Sasakura-kun sighs, now defeated that he'd received a resounding 'no'. "We should all plan to get together and do something though, even if it's just lunch or a movie or something. Studying is great and all, but I'd love an opportunity to get to know all of you better."
There's a moment of regretful silence as we all examine his pout, feeling bad for rejecting his pitch, until he glances at Maho-chan and says, "Well, two out of three." She pretends to fish in her cardigan pocket for something only for her hand to emerge with her middle finger raised pointedly.
"I agree with the first part," I say, offering a moment of peace. "All of us have only ever hung out at school, and what are high school friends without summer memories?"
"God, can you get any cheesier?" Yuusuke-kun scoffs, apparently gagging on the bite he'd just taken. I roll my eyes in response.
Sasakura-kun changes the subject and begins prattling off to Yuusuke-kun about soccer - which I respectfully tune out from, since I'm not to fussy on sports - and Maho-chan scoots closer to me. "Want to hang out for a bit after you work today? I feel like we need to catch up." She glances at Yuusuke-kun pointedly, and I know she's not just referring to him, but my current living situation in general.
"Sure," I say after polishing off my food and clapping my hands together, sending another silent prayer of gratitude to Ukyo-san. "I'll just send them a text to let them know what's going on." I pause, pursing my lips. "I'm still not used to doing that. It's weird, right?"
She levels me with a look of concern, but Sasakura-kun announces the time, and we scramble our things together to make it back in time for our next class.
I'm on classroom duty today with Yuusuke-kun, and I'd already let my boss know as much and that I'd be a few minutes late. Erika-chan had mentioned that she didn't mind covering for me during that period of time, and I had offered to buy her something from school tomorrow. We just finish up sweeping and cleaning the chalkboard, and he approaches me while moving his arms to stretch out his shoulders. "Ready to head out?" He asks, and I keep my comments to myself about how little us walking together seems to matter anymore. Oh well. Since he seems more comfortable, that's good enough for me.
"I work today," I say, and so slight I barely notice, I see his shoulders droop. "But it's not too far from the station. I can show you, if you'd like - with a drink on me."
That seems to perk him back up. "Uh, sure," he mutters. "I'll let my Ukyo-nii know."
"No need," I say quickly, leaving no room for error. "I already did this morning. I'm not repeating the incident from the other day again, if I can help it. Besides, it's not your responsibility in the first place."
"I don't mind looking out for you, you know," he says, and I look at him quickly in astonishment. His face is beet red. "Anyway, we'd better get going. You don't want to be late."
He's right, of course, so I make sure I have all the materials I need for my homework tonight in my bag, then we switch our shoes and stride out into the late afternoon sun.
"So, what can I get for you?" I ask Yuusuke-kun after showing him our menu - a single sheet of thick, expensive paper with sophisticated formatting and font - and giving him my recommendations. During that exchange, I learned he isn't the biggest fan of coffee, which made most of my suggestions moot - I've been drinking coffee since my dad first let me try it when I was fifteen, and have learned to appreciate the richness and bitterness of its flavour, and now get headaches if I go too long without caffeine. That probably isn't good for my health, but it brings me such peace and a moment of quiet reflection that I don't think I'll be able to give it up yet.
"I'll - " he begins, then purses his slips and shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He has been flushed since the moment he walked in and I told him to take a seat, and had remained in the same rigid posture when I emerged from the changing rooms in my uniform. I didn't bother bringing a notepad with me, since there were only a couple of others customers which Erika has a handle on, and I knew exactly who he was and where his order would be going. I have my arms loosely crossed since I don't know what to do with them with the absence of the notepad, and I just hope he doesn't take that as a sign of impatience. "Um… a London fog."
"Great choice," I tell him with a beam of a smile. "One of my favourites. I'll bring out milk and sugar?" He nods in affirmation. "It'll be ready in a few." I strut back to the counter to begin making his drink, confident now that I'm in my workplace where I am mostly anonymous to patrons, and Erika-chan sidles up beside me. "Is he okay?" She asks.
I shrug as I'm pulling the milk frother. "I'm pretty sure he's just nervous."
She frowns a little, but lines don't even appear in her smooth features. Her hair is clipped back slightly to keep it out of her face, and her sleeves rolled up - I wish I could do the same. "He's always seemed so… unapproachable. What made him come here alone, of all places?"
"I invited him," I respond automatically, and then I realize that could potentially open up a whole new line of questions. "We were eating lunch with our friends and it came up - he said he'd never been. " Before she can interject, I add, "He's really a sweetheart. People are quick to judge him because of how he looks." I shrug. "I'm the same." It's immediately clear to anyone who looks at me that I'm not completely Japanese, and while I've never been on the receiving end of any directly racist comments, there have been moments where I've been made fun of or judged based on my complexion, eyes, and hair. It's stopped bothering me… almost. It would make things easier to deal with if I knew anything about my mother, or what her heritage was so I knew my own. The only clue I have is my name.
Erika-chan nods. "So do I. He is pretty cute though," she says, a slight smirk curling her lips. "Once you get past the hair and the resting bitch face… damn. Would you mind?"
The milk is done foaming, and the tea is ready, so I pump a few flavour shots into a clear mug before I fix it altogether and look at her in confusion. "Why would I?" Then I move to deliver his drink.
Erika-chan doesn't know about the whole sibling debacle - why would she think I cared if she came on to anyone, let alone Yuusuke-kun? I have no say in anyones' lives or their actions, and while I have anger problems, I don't have issues with control - I've long come to accept that people will do what they will no matter the consequences. I remember junior high, when I was left high and dry with no friends and no family with my father gone, and try to shake it off as I delicately place the London Fog down before Yuusuke-kun. He can't meet my eyes, for whatever reason. "Made it myself, so I hope it's okay. If anything's wrong with it I'll bring out the more experienced staff."
It was meant to be a self-deprecating joke, but to my shock Yuusuke-kun almost took a massive swig and ended up burning his tongue before turning to me and saying, with intense eye contact, "It's delicious. Thank you."
I don't know how to respond; I'm suddenly feeling very shy, and tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I have it in a ponytail today, and it fell to the middle of my back and swung as I walked. "You're very welcome - it's on the house." I hold up my hand before he can protest. "Please, I insist. They won't get me in trouble - honestly they appreciate any new customers here. If you feel like doing something in exchange, just spread its gospel of deliciousness - " I say, gesturing to his half empty drink, "and promise you'll come back."
He stares at me for a moment, meeting my grin with a sober expression, and seems to snap out of some sort of trance as the metallic bell rings as the door opens, announcing new customers. "Seems easy enough." He chugs the rest of his drink, much to my pain and disgust - it was fresh and incredibly hot, it couldn't have bene comfortable if not for some weird party trick - wipes his mouth, and says, "I'll see you at home." With a final nod and a flush as Erika shoots him a wink, emphasized by her beautiful wispy false lashes, he shoulders his bag and takes off, hunched over and avoiding looking back at us again.
Erika-chan comes up to me as I take a brief moment to wipe his table and collect his mug, and whispers, "Never mind, girl. I'm pretty sure he's unattainable as is." I give her a look of confusion, pursing my lips, but she's already gone to see our new customers to their seats.
The rest of the evening stays relatively steady, a slight chill in the air prompting guests to pop in for a quick hot drink to go. Hayato-san is baking fresh pastries and treats in the back, so the smell of chocolate and sugar is pumping out for the entirety of my shift - it's very nearly irresistible. I'm more for savoury flavours than sweet, but it's difficult to resist freshly baked goods, straight from the oven. He lets me steal one from a cooling rack, a salted caramel brownie that almost brings me to tears from how much dopamine it gushes from my brain. Erika-chan and I are left to man the drink-making and treat serving, as Ryouko-san is in her office doing paperwork. It must be hard to start and own your own business, and she's almost always holed away in there when she can't find a moment alone with the stand mixer and the oven.
The sky is still a canvas of warm watercolours when I'm told I can leave, and I change quickly to run over to Maho-chan's. She lives closer to the school than I do now, well within walking distance without dying of heat and the sun. The evening is almost cool, so I feel energized as I wind quickly through the small downtown area and navigate crosswalks. She lives in a cozy neighbourhood with her mother and brother, in a townhouse with white siding and a cozy brown shingled roof. There is a small wooden porch leading to the front door, flower boxes that her mother carefully tends to resting cheerfully in the windows, and I am familiar with a deck made from the same material in the back housing a patio table and chic strings of lightbulbs. The mailbox that stands proudly just beyond the boundary of the picket fence announces their family name in metallic characters, and it always struck me before recent events of how my father's did the same. It had our names on it, his and mine, with only me almost always residing in the house alone. Every time I saw it, it reminded me of his absence. Seeing the Imai family's with the knowledge they were all inside, eating dinner together and bickering over family things, made my heart lurch with envy, which I was none too proud of. Yet today I am able to stride right past it without pause, and ring the doorbell confidently. I greet Maho-chan and the warm light of the entryway that glows around her small figure with a smile.
"Fucking weird," she giggles as she wraps her thin arms around me. "I just saw you earlier today, but it feels like it's been forever!"
The gravity of her words hits me as I return her warm hug. It does feel like a lifetime of sorts has passed since it was just the two of us together, and within that time period so much had changed. My thought have been straying to my mother more than they ever had, and I no longer returned home to an empty house. She is not used to me being so lost in thought, so she lets go and motions for me to follow her. "Come on; I've got Izumi stashing a couple of drinks for us away."
I know the routine; I head through the house to the deck that overlooks their backyard as Maho-chan goes to retrieve the goods. Her mother is busy toiling away in her office, on her laptop, and I gesture a silent hello to her; I don't want to disturb her, as she is the type of woman to get consumed in her work for a few hours and lose track of time. I find this to be an admirable quality - her world existed in that moment, working hard and furiously, before she returned to reality and quickly fixed her children dinner and even hosted me at times. I examine her back, bent over before the screen, and her light hair kept away from her face with a butterfly clip. Would my mother have done something similar? Or would she have been consumed with the life of her daughter? I find Louis-san's words echoing in my mind as I slide open the back glass door, that you could miss someone you didn't even know. I'm a little mystified that obtaining a new family suddenly made me consumed with the one I'd lost. Do I look that much like her? Did she make our house smell different? Would she have been there when my father wasn't?
I sat down heavily on the steps of the deck, the sunset in full view of the backyard. I removed the strap of my schoolbag from my shoulder and let it slump beside me as I inhale the cool evening air, my mind muddier than I expected it to be this evening. So much had changed in a few days, and it would continue to change as the years went by. Years. Perhaps only now does the reality of my situation sink in, staring at the falling star of the sun reaching its rays beyond the flat horizon; nothing will never be the same as it was. Was I ever truly happy, with the way it was, eating alone in the dark with my whole junior high class turned against me, my first love torn asunder? A breeze kicks up and sends a chill down my spine, dewy with perspiration, and I shudder. That felt like another life now. I had taken extensive measures to make sure of that.
The grinding of the glass door against its frame informs me of Maho-chan's exit to the deck. She shoulders it aside, cans doused with condensation in her hands, and I know better than to offer her help by now. She slides it shut with a shove of her elbow and flops down beside me. "Here you are, cold til' the last moment." We pop open the tabs of our Asahis at the same time, a satisfying fizz sizzling from their cracked tabs, and toast them together in silence. I think of how we must resemble salarymen right now, exhausted after a days work, when we're only seventeen. We take a generous swig in unison, and she exhales joyously once she's finished while I just take a deep inhale of the evening air again. "I missed this. Summer went by too fast last year, don't you think?"
I shake my head, mystified with just how right she was. "I can't believe it's almost here again. A couple more months and then we're free for a bit."
"So long as I pass the tests," she snorts, taking another large swig to disguise just how nervous she is. I playfully shove against her, taking care to be light and gentle, and she shoos me away. "Please; I know you'll help however you can. In spite of popular opinion, I will be just fine."
"I know you will," I agree, "because that's how we'll get to spend some time together this summer. No way I'm letting you fail when my teenage summer experience is on the line." That reminds me of our talk of the test of courage at lunch, and I let a humoured snort escape me. I know I'd be fine; I'm so good with horror movies because I don't believe in anything beyond the power of humans themselves. Maho-chan, on the other hand…
"I don't know," she sings teasingly, her smirk growing wider as she takes in my confused expression. "Your life has changed a lot since last year. I heard what Asahina said - you could be quite busy with your new brothers this summer."
"I couldn't realistically envision myself included with that," I admit, shaking my head in dismay. "My summers have just been my grandparents, and then you and my grandparents. I've never gone anywhere, or done anything major. I don't even know what I'd say if they asked if I wanted to come do something fun."
A pause settles between us, heavy as the setting sun. I stare beyond the boundary of the fence surrounding their property, reflecting on how valid the statement I made is. Even with exams looming on the horizon, summer was approaching awfully fast, and it had only been a few days since I had moved in with the Asahinas. I take a deep swig of my drink, letting its rich, golden flavour smooth down my throat. Beer always makes me feel bloated, but it's awfully easy to drink. I try to drown out the sound of my own thoughts with another large sip as Maho-chan continues.
"Are you happy, Hina?" She asks out of the blue without meeting my questioning gaze. Her drink hangs slack in her hand, hung between her knees, as she stares toward the sun. Maho-chan is a very straightforward person; avoiding eye contact is for my benefit. She knows I'm not the most comfortable discussing serious topics, such as what happened in junior high before we met, or why I started learning Jiujutsu in the first place. I know I don't owe her anything; I don't owe anyone any answers for my actions or my past. But I care about her and she asked, so I want to respond so she's not left to worry.
"I'm scared to be," I tell her, as vulnerable as I have been throughout the duration of our friendship. "I feel it, so often when I'm there - you know, it's everything I've ever wanted." She nods, finally making eye contact, and she keeps her gaze trained on me as I continue. "I feel like if I allow myself to be happy and to believe this is real, it's all going to go away. I haven't done anything to make my dream of a family come true; the fact that it's happening makes me believe it's too good to be real." I take another big drink before continuing. "I am so happy when I'm with them, so happy to come home and have someone there, then I realize it's only been a few days and I might be jumping the gun. It's only been a few days and I'm already attached, and all I can think of is how that's going to come back and bite me in the ass later."
"I understand," she says after a brief pause in which she took the daintiest sip of her beer. "Not to the extent you're going through it, but allowing yourself to dive into something all at once can be scary. But, Vivi," she says calmly, placing a hand on my knee, "happiness isn't something that's earned or deserved. Everyone has a right to it. And sometimes you have to act to hold on to it instead of letting it pass you by."
I blink in astonishment. "I think this is the most serious I've ever seen you."
She doesn't let that phase her - another sign that's she's taking my experience seriously. It warms my heart to see. While I would have been fine with laughing it off and a brief word about how silly I was being, she isn't letting us go down that route. "You've been through a lot in your life, and I know how much you've wanted this very thing. You've fought to be here."
I'm suddenly suppressing tears. I know she doesn't mean physically fighting with self-defence techniques, but the loneliness and the empty echoing house, and the years without any friends. "You're right," I murmur slowly, staring into the aluminum hole in the top of my beer can. There is only a sip left and I down it confidently. It takes a lot more than this for me to feel the affects of alcohol.
"I usually am," she scoffs, pretending to be affronted. A warm smile creeps up my face, blooming from the middle of my chest upward. I remember the last summer and New Years with the Imais, how comfortable they made me feel. We played games and drank until we were silly, because Maho-chan's mother has the rule that if we were going to drink underage she'd rather us do it under her roof than at some strangers house. And considering my experience with strangers, that is a completely fair rule. We would cry from laughing and wouldn't sleep until the wee hours of the morning. It was the first time in my life I felt like I had real, human friends - Juli was another matter. He is my constant companion and I love him more than anything, but I always knew I needed some human companionship.
"I have to relish in my situation," I confirm to her, and she's nodding sympathetically. "I can't be scared to let what I've always wanted fly by me until I'm an adult and on my own."
"That's my girl," she says, ruffling the hair on the top of my head. An oddly maternal gesture considering that I'm half a year older. "You're not afraid to stand up to bullies or thugs, so how does it make sense to be afraid of people who want to care about you?"
"I said I got it already," I hiss, trying to restrain a blush.
"I'm just reiterating that you shouldn't settle." There is severe, pointed look in her sorrel eyes, and I have to roll mine in response. I know she's referring to my past mistakes - that is what I call them myself, not her imposing her assumptions on me - and that bolsters me to shake my empty can in front of my face.
"I'm gonna need another one of these if that's the road we're going down," I sigh, and she bursts into raucous laughter. She swipes my empty, along with hers which I had not even noticed she'd down, and pattered off into Izumi's room - he kept a mini fridge in there, and no matter how close I was with the Imais, I refused to enter a man's room. It was uncharted territory, and one I'm in no terrible rush to enter.
That prompts me to think - won't I have to get used to that at some point? I can't think of any circumstances that would require me to enter any of my brothers' rooms, unless I was explicitly invited to help with something. Another first experience of the day - the realization that I am going to have to deal with significantly less privacy than I was used to. I sigh into the beginnings of the night, the first signs of stars sparking to life in the fiery sky. The most beautiful shade of violet - what I have always pictured when people use the term 'ultraviolet' - crept in the horizon, a comforting darkness to end a temperate spring day.
I'd missed Maho-chan and my hangouts dearly, yet at the same time, my heart was pounding with anticipation at the thought of returning to what I could now confidently call my home, at least if only in name.