Obligatory Disclaimer: The series Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto; I only own the OCs, picture, and this story.
Chapter 20: Of Puppies and Purpose
I didn't make it to the hospital.
Instead, I hid myself away in my father's garden amongst the daisies and daylilies, waiting for Aunt Mei to return from her shift.
I could've killed Noburu.
If Shisui hadn't called out to me, I would've stopped the brunette's heart. In that instance, I hadn't recognized him as my friend. He had been an enemy trying to grab me from behind, one that my panicked mind wasn't going to let capture me. Not like last time.
I almost hurt one of my friends.
I took a deep breath and dug my fingers into the soil, trying to center myself. I didn't think talking about it would help even if it was with a specialist, but what else was there to do? I couldn't just run around attacking people because they happened to catch me off-guard.
But how effective would it be? My brain didn't react to things the way it was supposed to. I wasn't a child, and yet, I wasn't truly an adult anymore either. No matter how hard I rationalized my fears, it didn't make them go away or lessened their impact. They materialized in the most childish fears, a boogeyman with the face of that woman hiding underneath my bed or lurking in every shadow. Though maybe it was the adult logic that made them worse; I knew the real terrors that existed in this world and they were more true and more horrific than I could even imagine.
Besides, the examiner wouldn't know that they were talking to a child who was mentally five times older than their physical body. I wouldn't be able to tell them anything important or meaningful, and regardless if they noticed something off about me, they'd probably just chalk up my reactions to being a prodigy, and prodigies were always a bit abnormal.
There hadn't been any mental processing when I rounded on Noburu. I just reacted. And though my heart had stopped pounding hours ago, my muscles were still tense like a coil, ready to fight some invisible enemy that was just out of sight, trying to catch me unaware even as I sat within the safety of the compound.
Rising from my post in the dirt, I dusted off my dress and headed to my room to change, hoping that some mindless training would help ease the tension.
…
I trained myself to exhaustion, so much so that when Aunt Mei returned from her shift in the late afternoon, she had found me asleep in the backyard and had to rouse me from my slumber to clean up. She sent me to bed straight away after a bath with a scolding for overdoing it, though I was too tired for the lecture to have any effect. I had awoken hungry the next morning, but at least I was able to sleep through the night without being terrorized by nightmares.
I went through a full breakfast suffering through Mei's mild stink eye, tired and muscles sore but more rested than I had been all week.
"How did your meeting with Hokage-sama go?" she asked, clearing the dishes from the table as I finished a glass of water.
"It went well." I climbed down from my chair and handed her the empty cup. "He wants me to have a mental evaluation before I start going on missions again."
After resting and clearing my mind, I still wasn't keen on the idea but it couldn't hurt. Hopefully.
Aunt Mei looked over me before nodding. "He's right. Mental health is very important; you shouldn't disregard it, even if you think you're feeling okay."
I had a feeling she'd say that. After the dishes were done and Mei had gotten her bag, we walked out of the compound and into the village. I wasn't ready to wear my yukata yet, having picked another sundress to go with my maroon cardigan, this one in a light blue. Few words were exchanged during the trek and a feeling of dread sank in my stomach as I walked alongside Aunt Mei through the threshold of Konoha Hospital. It, like most hospitals, was overtaken by a powerful sterile smell which caused my nose to wrinkle. I reluctantly followed her to the receptionist's desk and she greeted the young woman there with a smile.
"Good morning Aina-chan. Could you have someone take my niece to the psychiatric ward? She should have an appointment, under Hyūga Junko."
The brown eyed woman failed hiding her surprise as she looked down at me, hitai-ate and gear in place. It took her a moment get over it and she scanned the folder in front of her, nodding in recognition.
"Ah yes, Shin-san is waiting for her in his office Mei-senpai." She spared another glance at me. "The shift change doesn't happen for a few minutes so you have time to take her if you want. Hiraku-sensei is still in the lab, I'll let him know."
The woman looked haggard as though she had covered a night shift, but she smiled warmly which Aunt Mei returned.
"Thank you. I'll be back soon."
I trailed behind her through the halls, my dread becoming worse and worse, though I made sure to not drag my feet. I always had a problem talking about my feelings Before. Things hadn't changed all that much now, made even more difficult by the severity of my lifestyle and the foreknowledge I held. We came across a door after walking through several hallways, Yamanaka Shin written on a plaque on the wood.
Just my luck.
"Shin-senpai is one of the best we have on staff, Junko-hime," she tried to console me, placing a hand on my head. "And remember, it's alright if you're not okay with what happened."
"I understand, Mei-obasan," I said and she knocked on the door, my heart falling into my stomach as it swung open.
The man who opened the door was tall with long ashy blonde hair and sea-green eyes that lacked pupils. A smile slid onto his face the instant he took in the sight of my aunt.
"Paying me a visit, eh Mei-chan?" He leaned against the door of his office, trying to be cool or something. I shot Aunt Mei a skeptical look.
This guy can't be serious. If it wasn't for the band around the arm of his coat and the hitai-ate around his forehead, I would've mistaken him for someone unprofessional. But if he was a Yamanaka, he could be putting on some act of deception. I narrowed my eyes warily as she spoke.
"I'm here to drop off my niece for a mental evaluation, as ordered by the Hokage," she answered blandly. By the tone of her voice, this was a common occurrence.
Her hand pressed lightly against my head and I folded into a bow.
"I'm Hyūga Junko. Please take care of me." I donned my patented smile and met his eye, an urge to kick him for his prolonged stare at Aunt Mei emerging over the nervousness I felt.
Shin stared for a moment, like they always do, before sobering up.
"So she's the one huh," he mumbled and straightened himself, looking more professional. "I understand."
My aunt gave him a nod before giving my shoulder a light squeeze.
"Right. Remember what I said, and I'll see you later, alright?"
"Yes Mei-obasan," I answered, watching longingly as she turned and walked away. I couldn't help but wish that she would've stayed, even for a little while. But she had a job to do and so did I.
The Yamanaka sighed, watching my aunt's back as she left for longer than necessary before turning his full attention to me. He seemed to quickly evaluate me with a glance and gestured to the door.
"Well, then. Come inside and we can get this over with."
Shin's office was surprisingly comforting. The curtains were pulled away from the windows, letting in the natural light of the early morning. It was small but not claustrophobic, close in an intimate sense. There was a long couch on one side of the room along with a coffee table and a comfortable looking chair, which I assumed was used for his longer patient sessions. A desk sat against the wall opposite of the couch, messily organized with a ceiling high shelf next to it, which was filled with an assortment of folders, binders, and scrolls.
The man led me to the desk where two wheeled stools were waiting and plopped down onto one while I climbed onto the other. He pulled a clipboard from the mess along with a folder which I had no doubt contained my files. He paused for a moment to gather his long hair into a bun before speaking.
"It's just standard procedure, but you'll need to give me your history to start off. Full name, birthday, age, and occupation."
"I am Hyūga Junko, five years old. My birthday is the twelfth of August, and I am a genin of Konoha," I answered, hands folded in my lap. Shin mumbled to himself as he glanced down at his clipboard, snorting at something about marriage history before shaking his head and looking back to me.
"So your file says that you were attacked by enemy ninja on a supposed d-rank mission," he continued casually, as though we were taking about the weather.
I nodded; that was the long and short of it.
"With most young genin, encounters with the enemy are one of the most psychologically changing experiences in their careers, other than their first kill. Some don't continue afterward."
Shin paused, flipping through the files in the folder. He grabbed another couple of papers and attached them to the clipboard.
"I want you to tell me how you felt before and during your engagement. Not what you did and how you reacted, but what emotions were the most prevalent in the course of the attack. In the simplest terms as possible if you would."
It was a weird question with strange parameters but I answered as simply as I could.
"I was worried about my shishou when I saw her fighting the enemy alone with my byakugan," I began evenly, staring him straight in the eye.
"When the enemy entered the house, I was nervous and when I was fighting…" My throat tightened involuntary and I swallowed. Shin wrote something on his clipboard. "I was scared."
The skin on my chest was starting to itch.
"Were you scared of dying Junko-chan?"
"I was," I said, bringing my hand down from my neck and taking a deep breath. "But it's a part of the shinobi lifestyle, and everyone dies, regardless of the life they live."
When people died, the world continued to turn despite their absence and others moving on was an eventuality. It was a way of thinking I held Before, along with my ideas about the afterlife, though reincarnation had rarely been considered within that belief. I didn't know which was sadder, being stuck in grief forever for the living or being forgotten in death.
I wondered if anyone missed the other me.
The man hummed, jotting down a few notes before returning his gaze.
"That's pretty dark. You're very mature, especially for a five year old."
"I get that a lot." At my blunt response, the blond chuckled, rolling back a bit on his stool.
"I'm sure you do." Shin leaned forward, resting his elbows on the clipboard he had placed on his lap. He propped his head on his hands so we were eye to eye. "Even though you are, or were, scared of dying, you still want to continue being a shinobi?"
I couldn't help but notice the slight condescending tone in his voice and fought the urge to glare.
"Yes, Shin-san."
"Even though there will be more situations where you might die?"
"Yes."
A staring contest ensued, pupil-less eyes meeting unblinkingly.
"I see," he said, leaning back to view me fully. He reached over and closed the file on his desk, chucking the clipboard unceremoniously on top of it. I barely concealed a flinch at the noise.
"Then once we finish the physical section of this exam, I think we'll be done here Junko-chan."
I let out a silent breath I didn't realize I was holding. The physical portion was easy, checking my joints and reflexes, and as soon as it was over I hopped down from the stool, itching to leave the hospital grounds.
"Is that all Shin-san?" My senses were still tingling, as though this had been too easy. It was foolish to think that the Yamanaka hadn't seen more than I wanted him to.
"Yup," he said, popping the 'p'. "I'll get an intern to give Hokage-sama the report later."
"Okay Shin-san." I turned to walk away when he spoke up again.
"And don't worry about the nightmares." I looked up at him in surprise. "They'll go away with time. Most of the time, anyways."
He had probably seen a lot of cases like mine in the past and maybe he could even see it in my eyes. Nodding, I bowed politely.
"Thank you for your service."
He waved a hand and I made my way to the door. But just as I did, reaching for the doorknob, a loud crash sounded behind me. And I reacted.
I had my byakugan activated and a kunai in hand, whirling around in a blink of an eye. The Yamanaka was staring at me with a mixture of muted surprise and interest on his face as he paused in his knelt position. The clipboard had fallen from its precarious seat on the table, clacking against the laminated tile along with a binder and a few scrolls. Taking a breath, I deactivated my dōjutsu quickly, holstering the kunai as I did.
"A-apologies Shin-san," I stammered. The man simply picked up the clipboard and returned it to his desk.
"No worries; just remember, the hospital doesn't like weapons out in the open. Makes the civilians anxious."
Giving a nod, I quickly left the room, feeling like I had been duped.
Aunt Mei wasn't in the lobby of the hospital, having gone to her shift, and I wasn't about to wait for her. I sighed in relief as I made it past the gates and away from Shin's prying gaze.
Now what do I do?
I wandered away from the building, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my sweater. The Yamanaka had said he was going to send my report to the Hokage and I wasn't sure if that was a positive thing or not, but I'd have to deal with whatever came as a result of it. I wondered if I should go find Kushina and see how she was doing, though the only problem with that was I had no idea where she lived. Sighing again, I let my feet take me nowhere important, keeping an eye on my surroundings. I didn't need another incident like yesterday.
I found myself wandering the shopping district, taking my time looking through all the stalls. There was a certain comfort in the way people ambled about in their day to day lives but I couldn't help wonder how long we had until the war ended. It was a childish and foolish thought, but I hoped it was soon. I don't know how much anxiety I could take, though hundreds and thousands of people probably felt the same.
I couldn't help but think of my parents. It was coming around the two-year mark since I last saw them. They had missed two of my birthdays and I still had no clue whether they were even alive, their absence more noticeable without the routine of the academy to keep my thoughts occupied. I was starting to become numb to them ever returning. I usually wasn't one to give up so easily, but two years was almost half my life here, half of my life without them.
I wondered if they would recognize me as I was now, if they ever returned to the village. Sure, I wasn't all that different physically, though I had grown taller and my hair was longer, the normal things one expects to change as their child grows. I still had baby fat, but I was a bit more toned, well, as toned as a five-year-old could be.
But even more importantly, I wondered how much I had changed internally. Was I still the same little girl that had sent them off with a barely held smile? A part of me felt as though I hadn't changed at all, that the me of the past had all but dominated my personality since my realization, but that wasn't completely true.
I wasn't as 'to the book' as I was before or took everything ingrained in me as absolute. I had a new-found love of pranks as Noburu would try to spring them on me constantly, causing me to rope Shisui into retaliating. The Uchiha prodigy could come up with even greater plans than I could and Akane made sure we didn't hurt ourselves too badly, though Noburu would eventually pull her onto his team, claiming that we weren't being fair. While I kept most of my feelings inside, I could be open with them to some extent, almost always smiling and laughing with them genuinely, something that made all the clan stuff and academy bearable.
But who knew how many days like that we'd ever get again?
I was interrupted from my thoughts as a small dog trotted over to me wearing a blue vest, sniffing at my open toes as I stopped in front of it. It was a pug from the looks of it; one that was hazily familiar. I knelt to offer my hand to the animal, giggling as his damp nose pressed against my palm.
"You smell really nice," the dog commented, and I stared in silence as I realized just who was talking to me.
Pakkun.
I blinked down at the ninken before my mind went on autopilot.
"Ah, thank you ninken-san," I said with a somewhat uncomfortable chuckle.
Who knew it would take a talking dog to remind me how completely bizarre this world was at times? Walking on water and creating clones of yourself: fine. Talking animals? A bit ridiculous. The small pug didn't have the same gruff voice he did in the series, having a much higher tone but with that familiar lazy drawl.
"My partner should get some of your shampoo," the tiny dog said. "He doesn't have the best tastes."
At that, I couldn't help but laugh.
"I use natural oils and scentless shampoo, it's more subtle and better for espionage," I said, deciding to humor the animal.
"That's very smart." The pug nodded wisely, taking another sniff. "You still smell good though."
I smiled down at him in thanks before looking around. I didn't see the infamous silver-haired genius but I was sure he was close by.
"I'm Hyūga Junko, it's nice to meet you," I introduced myself and the pug lifted a paw in return.
"I heard about you from Kakashi. I'm Pakkun." The pup gave a look around the shopping area before looking up at me. "You mind if I hang with you a bit? He's going to be a while."
"Not at all."
This was turning out to be a strange day, but then again, when wasn't my life?
With my new companion, browsing the shops became more interesting as the little pug told me about the shops him and Kakashi liked to visit, along with other things that I would keep to myself for possible blackmail in the future. Like Kakashi recently experiencing the first effects of puberty, voice cracks and patchy chin growth included. Soon, the crowds began to grow as it shifted into the afternoon and I gathered the pup into my arms so he wouldn't get stepped on. He was very soft, his paw pads even more so.
Maybe I should get a pet.
We stopped near Pakkun's favorite little yakitori shop where I bought a stick for him and myself; the dog had surprisingly good tastes. Just hanging around Pakkun reminded me of how lonely I had been. Sure, Aunt Mei had been by my side constantly as I recovered but that was different as she was slightly smothering with her worry. Not that I wasn't appreciative, but it was tiring when someone was expecting you to break down.
I just wanted to learn from it and move on. It wouldn't do me any good getting hung up on it. That was easier said than done, but I wished things could return to some semblance of normal. If only for a little while.
Apparently, I had delved into my thoughts too deeply because Pakkun nudged me lightly on my arm to get my attention.
"You okay there? You've got that look Kakashi gets sometimes."
I smiled halfheartedly at the little dog, depositing our sticks into a nearby trashcan. Kakashi had been at it since he was five too and I was sure that his jōnin promotion was just around the corner. Around seven years of his life, dedicated to the shinobi lifestyle. The things he must've seen and gone through had to have been traumatic and he didn't have the help of an adult consciousness. And yet, despite all odds, he was still living. I hugged the pug to my chest.
"I'll be alright. Thank you Pakkun-san."
Our little moment was over when I spotted his silver haired master standing in front of a shop, one I recognized being owned by Noburu's father. The Hatake's dark eyes were staring straight at us, from me to the little pug in my arms. While his face was masked and the boy himself was usually apathetic, his eyes were very expressive. He looked annoyed, an eyebrow twitching minutely which brought a smile to my face.
I carried the little dog over to him, who raised a paw in greeting.
"Hiya boss."
"What are you doing?" Kakashi said, lowly and quietly, trying to avoid a voice crack it seemed. I hid a snicker.
"Good afternoon Kakashi-senpai," I said with a wide smile. "I just happened to run into Pakkun while taking a walk."
"She even bought me some yakitori," the pug added. "And she smells nice too."
Kakashi stared at the both of us for a moment before sighing, a deadpan expression spreading across his face. I wasn't that annoying, was I?
I think he just disliked socializing.
Rolling my eyes, I gave the pug in my arms a light squeeze. "Thank you for accompanying me Pakkun-san."
I sat him down by the older boy's feet and giggled as he trotted in place a bit before rising a paw up to me.
"No problem, girlie." His voice was cool but his tail wagged excitedly behind him.
Nodding to him, and giving another to Kakashi in parting, I turned to walk away when he called out to me.
"Minato-sensei said you had some problems on your first mission, nothing specific though." His voice cracked a little but I was too alarmed to find it amusing. How did he know? I mean, I figured that Kushina had told Minato but why would he tell the others?
Noticing my expression, Kakashi sighed and shifted the parcel he was holding under his arm.
"We were at the Hokage's Tower when the explosion occurred."
That made sense. I sighed, running a hand across my neck.
"Everything turned out fine in the end," I shrugged. "I went through my mental evaluation this morning."
He let out a very Sasuke-like 'hn'. "Rin and Obito were worried."
And of course, he wasn't. Shaking my head, I slipped my hands into my pockets.
"Well, let them know that I'm fine." He shrugged and began to turn away when I called out to him this time, a question on my mind.
"Kakashi-senpai…does it get any easier?"
I was slightly surprised when he stopped and turned back to me.
"Which part?" He met my eyes, analyzing me.
"Any of it. All of it."
It was a silly question. I knew it would get worse, I had barely scraped the beginning of it, but I just wanted to know. Some sign of hope.
He was silent for a moment, something in his dark gaze calculating before he responded.
"Depends. But the older you get, people tend to lose the surprise so I guess that's something to look forward."
I chuckled; I hadn't expected an answer like that.
"I guess I just have to continue on then. Thanks, senpai."
He shrugged, waving a hand at me as he turned and walked away, Pakkun at his heels.
After a short dinner where Aunt Mei and I discussed how my evaluation went, I spent the rest of the night mediating and organizing my thoughts. The next day, I worked on cataloging my equipment, making note of the tools I needed to stock up on. I also sat in the clan library for hours, expanding my knowledge about the byakugan and gentle fist style, and made a list of additional techniques I thought would do well in my arsenal. As I went to sleep that night, I made sure to bury my fears under lock and key.
I couldn't have them weighing me down.
I awoke in the morning from a sleep that was interrupted by nightmares, but that was alright too. I donned my new battle-ready yukata, making sure the sleeves were stocked with a few senbon before heading out, grabbing the lunch Aunt Mei had the foresight to prepare for me. The last thing I needed to do was find Kushina, but that came with its own problems.
I still didn't know where she lived and I hadn't thought to ask Kakashi. I had checked their usual training ground as well as my own with no luck. But if the Hatake was in the village, then so was the rest of the team. My best bet would be to find Minato; either she was with the man or he would know where I could find her.
Since I was allowed, I took to the rooftops, soaring above both civilians and ninja alike. It was not only exhilarating and freeing, but also a great way to look for people. I caught sight of Kenta's team and shot him a quick wave as he noticed me before taking off again. As I moved, I saw a familiar ramen shop and almost slapped myself; that should've been the first place I looked, instead of spending the entire morning with dead ends.
Kushina's love of ramen made Naruto's minuscule in comparison. Even though we'd only been together for a short time, Kushina talked about the place all the time, hoping to take me there. We never had the chance since she had run me into the ground the few times we trained, my body too tired to go out for food but we had always planned to make a trip of it.
Making sure that there wasn't anyone on the ground, I landed on the dirt road before the establishment, immediately sensing a surge of chakra as a poof of smoke leaked from the shop. I fought the urge to grab a weapon as the patrons' coughs inside began to subside and the smoke cleared; only two remained inside, one being very familiar. I walked under the curtain to find Minato and the owner, whose name escaped me, catching their breath.
"That was Kushina-shishou, wasn't it?" I asked, deadpan as my byakugan faded.
The blond jōnin smiled weakly at me from his stool, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
"Yes. I apologize on Kushina's half. She's been…jumpy since that last mission."
Minato was a great ninja but he was a bad liar. I should've known that she was avoiding me. Even if Konoha was a large village, there was no way I wouldn't have found some trace of the woman, especially with my byakugan and rooftop transit. And she was a jōnin sensei; it wasn't as though she would be out of the village on a mission.
I sighed, clenching my fists underneath the long sleeves of my yukata. Had I done something wrong? Had my reactions to that mission throw her off?
Did she not want to be my mentor anymore?
The idea alone made my heart fall, and a familiar feeling of alienation and abandonment tried to surface but I stuffed it away. I didn't have time for this. There was no point in trying to find someone that didn't want to be found.
I gave brief bow in farewell but before I could walk away Minato stopped me.
"Why don't you stay for a bit?"
I really didn't want to. As much as I respected Minato as a person and shinobi, I didn't want to answer his probing questions, or listen to him repeat the same supposedly comforting lines over and over which I had already heard from Aunt Mei. It hurt to know that Kushina would run from me and all I wanted to do now was go home. But years of etiquette forced a smile on my face and I claimed another stool next to him as the owner returned to his craft.
"So, how are you feeling Junko-chan? Do you want anything?" Minato asked. With the amount of emotions bottled up within me, I didn't think my stomach could handle food right now.
"I'm alright, Minato-sensei," I answered, declining his offer with a shake of my head. I fell silent, intertwining my fingers together in my lap and absentmindedly kicking my legs as I took in the environment. Though it was open to the street, the sounds from outside were dulled and the atmosphere was nice and inviting.
The older man frowned at my silence, turning on his stool to face me completely.
"Shouldn't you be taking it easy Junko-chan?" he said. "You can't rush your recovery, especially after what happened."
Why were people acting as if I was going to break at any moment? I knew it would take time, but I had waited long enough.
"I am fine," I repeated, staring him straight in the eye. "I've already met with Hokage-sama and had my mental evaluation at the hospital."
His bright blue eyes widened as he stared at me.
"All by yourself?"
"Mei-obasan accompanied me to the hospital." It wasn't as though Kushina had even tried to get into contact with me since the event, and she had just ran from me. I had no doubt that she wasn't unaware of my status, as she knew enough to avoid me but that made it even worse. Maybe it was something Aunt Mei had said to her. Maybe that was why she was avoiding me.
"My report has already been sent to Hokage-sama, and my clan has been notified that I can return to active duty," I continued, getting back on track. It was kind of amazing how quickly it had gone through the system, but ninja were nothing less than efficient.
"Junko-chan, you don't have to return so quickly. You're very young," Minato said seriously. "It's not something you want to jump back into unprepared."
"Forgive me for my rudeness, but that isn't something you or anyone else has the right to decide for me." I ignored the startled look on his face as I continued. "Once I received this hitai-ate, I was told that I was given certain responsibilities and was considered an adult of the village. It is not your job to keep that from me."
A certain satisfaction rose in me as I said those words, as ridiculous as there were in reality. I doubt adults actually believed the sentiment themselves, using it to ignore the fact they were sending children off to war. Minato processed my words reluctantly.
"I understand that Junko-chan, I didn't mean any offense," he responded calmly, a serious expression crossing his face. "It may be out of line, but is your clan pushing you to do this?"
I knew Minato was just being a concerned adult, something I was thankful for in a world where that was not always the case, but not even he would be able to stop me.
"While my clan has its own expectations for me, I have my own purposes as well, separate from theirs. I wouldn't have worked so hard if I didn't."
A brief silence spread between us, Minato looking at me as though I was a completely different person. It was irritating. I had the body of a child and was a child in terms of learning the inner workings of this world. I understood that and had accepted the rules as such. But it was so annoying that all the adults in my life were constantly contradicting themselves. Was I a ninja or wasn't I? You couldn't put me through rigorous months and years of training and then try to shield me from the horrors of the world. It didn't work like that.
I knew what terrors lurked out there, as well as the monsters that roamed inside our own walls. And if I died, I died like any other person; I wasn't special in that regard.
I had already gone once before.
"Why are you in such a hurry, Junko-chan?" The concern in his voice was so strong that I had to look at him, meeting those bright blues with my pale eyes.
A hundred thoughts ran through my mind and a thousand words threatened to spill from my mouth as I stared, but I stuffed them down and away, shaking my head. I couldn't tell him. No matter how tempting it was, telling him anything was the worst idea I could ever have. There was too much at stake, too many risks. And how heartless would I be to tell him that he would lose two of his students? That he and his wife would lose their lives, leaving their son orphaned and ostracized by the very village they had died trying to protect?
The reminder alone made me want to vomit.
"Junko-chan?" I blinked up at him, shaking my head again.
I jumped from my stool and bowed, shielding my face from him so I could compose myself.
"I'm sorry but I need to get going," I said, taking a step back to increase the distance between us. "You'll probably see Kushina-shishou long before I do, so please let her know that…I'm sorry if I did something wrong, and for whatever Mei-obasan said to her."
I didn't stay for whatever else Minato wanted to say, leaping back onto the rooftops to get as far away from him as possible.
After I returned to the compound, I sat on my usual spot on the back porch, skimming through a scroll I had borrowed from the main Hyūga library. Being the prospective heiress did have its perks after all. It had taken a little sweet talking and a few insincere smiles to the elders to get my hands on it, but I couldn't focus on the words or the diagrams explaining the Hakkeshō Kaiten.
I was rushing. There was no doubt about it.
Minato's words made so much sense, but I had stressed and worried about becoming genin all this time and now I was being thrown to the side, told to relax and take it easy. I was sure none of the other genin that had passed were being treated like some Fabergé egg, allowed to sit on the sidelines when we were in the middle of a freaking war. I didn't want to fight, being on the battlefield was the furthest desire from my mind, but there had to be something I could do. And if that was the only place where it could happen, that was where I'd go.
I wondered if Shisui was being treated in the same way, though I honestly doubted it. While some of our circumstances were similar, being the youngest of the year to graduate, there was one glaring difference. I was a prospective heiress and a 'protected' class due to my blood. As if.
Sighing, I rolled up the scroll and set it aside, letting myself fall out of seiza and onto my back.
What was I going to do?
I fell into a slightly meditative state as I enjoyed the cooling weather of the afternoon, letting my thoughts focus on nothing in particular. Well, first things first I would need to speak to Minato again and apologize; I had definitely been out of line. I didn't know what I was going to do about my sensei situation, but I would let Kushina take the next steps if she even wanted me as a student. Although, I had no idea how long the clan would wait for her before getting me another sensei. Since I had been cleared for duty, I could still attend clan practice and supplement that with my own training, so that would have to work until then. It was clean in theory, though I knew that the clan head wouldn't be satisfied with my lack of a teacher for long.
But we would both have to deal.
I was startled from my thoughts as the presence of Kenta made itself known, walking in from the front door. Rolling into a crouching position, I got to my feet and met him in the living room. His eyes widened as he took sight of me, but a tentative smile spread across his face.
"I apologize for coming in unannounced, Junko-hime," he said. "I knocked but didn't get an answer."
Oops.
"It's no problem, I just finished meditating." I waved a hand, stepping closer to the boy. "Did you need something? Mei-obasan won't be back until later."
It was strange to see the boy without his sister or Aunt Mei; we didn't really talk, other than brief greetings when we happened to cross the other's path. We didn't practice together anymore either since we had different schedules.
"I came to see you, if you're not busy with anything."
That was a surprise, but not unwelcome. I led Kenta to the kitchen where I had him sit at the table while I prepared a pot of tea. If anything, Mei had taught me to always be a good host for guests that came over. As we waited, I spurred the boy into conversation about his team. His sensei was a woman named Hotaru Sarutobi and his teammates were Suzu Inuzuka and Yuudai Tanaka, along with the twin pups Yuki and Sho.
Kenta seemed to have grown up a bit since I had met him on my first day at the academy. It probably also helped that he was no longer under the leash of Satomi with gaining his own team. His pale eyes lit up when he mentioned how his sensei had commended his medical ninjutsu on a particularly rough spar between his two teammates. A lively tint spread across his cheeks as he went onto a mini rant about how one of the pups had ruined a book he had been reading during a break, the Inuzuka master's lax training striking a nerve I didn't know the boy had. I was glad that he wasn't as shy as he used to be; his team must be a good fit for him.
I ignored the twinge of jealousy that sparked and grinned at him.
"It's nice to see you so animated Kenta-kun."
The boy blushed, cupping his tea between his hands. "I enjoy being with them. Even with Suzu-san and her dogs."
We fell into a brief silence before he spoke again. He glanced down at his cup, seeming to gather the courage to speak, and met my eye.
"I heard that something happened on your first mission." Kenta looked pensive, his eyes darting over my small body.
"I'm fine," I said, strengthening my smile. "I already had my mental evaluation and have been cleared for active duty."
I saw a brief expression of doubt make its way onto his face before it smoothed over.
"I'm glad to hear it." I could tell there was something still on his mind as his fingers danced along the rim of his cup and I waited patiently, taking a sip from my own.
"I guess I came over to say, that…" He seemed to revert to his shyer self for a moment before straightening his shoulders and meeting my eyes.
"If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask me," he stuttered. "I mean, I know you're a prodigy, but if there's anything I can do please let me know."
I stared. Where had all this come from?
Kenta's courage seemed to deflate, his gaze drifting back to his tea.
"I-I've never been as strong or talented as Satomi," he said, a rueful smile crossing his face, one that shouldn't belong to a child so young. "And so I've never been able to be the big brother I should be."
From all accounts, it would seem like the girl was the older one; while Kenta was one to stand back, Satomi exuded self-confidence in everything she did.
"Kenta…"
He shook his head before giving me a smile that was much more hopeful.
"On the first day we met, you were the second person I ever told about my dream of becoming an iryō-nin who didn't laugh or scoff at it, the first being Mei-obachan."
Medical ninja weren't very common in the Hyūga's ranks on account of the clan being masters in taijutsu, so choosing that path was rare. It was almost unthinkable if your close family specialized in being frontal attackers like I knew his mother was. Tradition ran deep.
"And then, when you recovered from your fall and now this mission…you never once let that stop you. It's really admirable."
A blush of my own spread across my face at his praise. I never knew he thought so highly of me.
"I know there isn't much I can help you with, but… I'd be glad if I could try and be your big brother again," he said, his shoulders hunched, courage faded. "I didn't do very well the first time."
It seemed like forever ago that I had asked if I could call him my older brother. I think I had one Before; we hadn't been particularly close but we hadn't been distant either, knowing just the right amount about each other through texts and Facebook posts to know what was going on with one another when he had moved a few cities away.
A warmth bloomed inside my chest.
"Of course, I don't mind at all," I said, a genuine smile on my face. "Thank you."
The relief was visible on his face and a smile to match my own appeared.
"I'll try my best, Junko-hime."
"Ah, it's Junko-chan alright? No formal stuff," I said and Kenta gave a hesitant nod. "You'll have your work cut out for you Kenta-nii. I'm a trouble magnet."
The atmosphere became comfortable, light with the newfound bond between us. Conversation slowly turned to my mission as Kenta's curiosity peaked and I told him about as much as I could, as much as I was willing to. He listened intently, not once pushing me to recount the end of the battle, for which I was thankful. Though his face did turn a few funny colors when I mentioned encountering the rouge ninja.
"What is your shishou like?" Kenta asked as he finished the last of his tea. Kushina was a sore subject but I still respected her, and I had nothing bad to say about her.
"Well, she's a bit rambunctious, very strong-willed and determined," I said after a moment. "She can be just as vicious as Hideyoshi-sama when it comes to training but just as caring as Mei-obasan. Though I doubt she'd take being compared to the former all too well."
I had talked big but I would be heartbroken if she didn't want to be my teacher anymore. Despite everything, I knew in some ways I had failed Kushina; if I been older or stronger, she wouldn't have needed to protect me. I couldn't drag her down either.
"She seems very…" He paused. "Intense."
"That's the perfect word to describe her."
I drained the last of my tea, sighing as I did. The future wasn't looking all too bright but I was glad at least some things were changing for the better, even if it was only in my personal life. Kenta couldn't stay too long afterwards, having made plans with his team to work on their coordination. I walked him to the door, bidding him farewell as he stepped into the afternoon sun with a hug and a promise to talk again soon. Closing the door behind me, I leaned against it and stared into the ceiling.
I had a lot of work to do.
Author's Notes
Posted/Edited: January 18th, 2017
Some editing, expanded opening scene: March 18th, 2017
...
As always, thanks to everyone who have followed or favorited this story thus far.
Reviews:
(As I mentioned a few chapters back, I won't be listing everyone who reviewed as there are so many of you. Though this way I can answer more questions and comments quicker. I still read and appreciate every single one, no matter the length, so never apologize if they are too short or too long.)
Thanks for all the lovely reviews, from new and old readers alike.
-MusicOfMadness: Yeah, I definitely want to go into more of Junko's Senju bloodline, and it will become more prevalent as the story progress. I also think I've come up with a believable way for Junko to awaken the mokuton, though I have to work out some of the kinks.
-Palaserece: The problem with holding things in and particularly living in an environment where perfection is expected and reinforced through training is that Junko doesn't have a clear outside opinion of herself. She did well and lived despite all odds, but those ingrained expectations makes her stress herself out.
And your question about a heads-up for the interludes isn't offensive at all. At the very bottom of the author's note I usually put the title of the next chapter as the last line, but I see that I haven't been as clear as I thought I was with noting if it's an interlude. I will make sure to do that. If you want a super heads up, the next interlude will be after the next chapter.
-Scarla Roza: This chapter may be the start of Kakashi and Junko's relationship changing for the better, but the next chapter may make you even more of a Junko/Shisui shipper, at least in my opinion.
-k123: I think 'continued ninja-ing your way out of it' is one of the funniest sentences I've read recently. The series, mostly likely due to its genre, doesn't really go into things like mental health though we do get to see more realistic responses, like Kakashi's trauma after the incident with Rin. (It could also be noted that if someone spent more time with post-massacre Sasuke, things would've gone very differently plot-wise.)
-river banking: Inoichi being the sensei of the others was complete surprise. I thought it would be a good fit considering Shisui is described as empathetic in the series and that could be fostered into a usable skill by the Yamanaka, as well as being good for the others.
-xburner21: Thanks for the kind words and insights about Junko's character. As you can see from this chapter, Kakashi isn't as aloof or disinterested as he likes to think he is and I think he's smart enough to realize there are some similarities between himself and Junko. It'll just take time for them to spur an actual friendship.
-MerryKitten: About the OP thing in the Naruto series. It's kind of funny actually because I just picked up Itachi's Story: Daylight and Midnight, and spoilers, in the first chapter during the Nine-tail's assault, Itachi protects Mikoto, a jōnin, and baby Sasuke from a falling boulder by coating his arm with chakra and punching it. At five years old. And in the anime, I think he kills an Iwa ninja when he's like four. It's ridiculous, a bit unbelievable, but I love it.
That's enough for reviews for now. Though I have some questions to pose to you all.
1) Is this chapter too heavy considering the multiple scenes or is it alright the way it is?
2) I also have a poll about author's notes in general on my profile that I'd like to see feedback on.
Now if you would excuse me, I'm (probably) going to go cry about Itachi's lost innocence.
Next time on For a Chance at Happiness:
Chapter 21: Of Dinner Dates and Chakra Lessons