Chapter 54

Why

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Resistance Base - Current Timeline:

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

John sat alone in his room. Cameron was gone and not coming back. John Henry was right, if Cameron was able to return she would have done so already. That was her plan. It was the plan she laid out to John Henry. That is how they knew she failed. Now that time was past and Cameron was not there. She was nowhere to be seen. There was nothing. Nobody was there. It was over. Cameron was gone. Game Over.

He felt beaten and defeated. He was finished. This was all for nothing. Everything was for nothing. Maybe that was the story of his life. Where was he supposed to go? What was he supposed to do? None of it seemed to matter anymore.

John tried to think of some reason to go on. There was none. Without Cameron at his side there was no purpose to life. The Hell of Judgment Day was nothing to look forward to. It would mean more suffering and misery for those around him and billions of others. He did not want to see those closest to him die, one by one. He did not want to see the females he loved savaged and violated. The future was ugly and violent.

He looked at Cameron's Poem Book and both of their rings on top of it. That was not what called to him right now. It was Cameron's Glock next to them that attracted to him.

Cameron's Glock 'called' to him. He could almost hear it say his name. It promised him an easy out. It would be so simple and quick. John could almost imagine it. In fact that is what he'd just done. He felt the need to escape. Escape was freedom. There was no pain once the 'lights were out'. The worry and hurt went away. It could not touch you from the 'other side'.

John picked up the Glock, Cameron's Glock.

Freedom was at hand.

The plastic grip was cold. The metal slide was even colder. He could feel the 'front heavy' feel that all pistols with plastic frames had. He looked at the 'safety' on the trigger. He wondered how that was really a 'safety'. Anyone who put their finger on the trigger and pulled it also actuated the safety. If anyone pulled the trigger, the gun fired - BAM. He much preferred the 'real' safety on an M9 or 1911-A1. Those felt like real guns too. Somehow metal seemed better than plastic to him.

He shook his head to clear it. His mind was drifting. Now he wasn't even sure what he'd just thought about. He needed to complete another task. There was no point in putting it off any longer. It was time. He had a ticket to ride and planned to use it.

John pulled back the slide and held it open. He looked at the top round in the magazine.

'It's you'. John thought. 'You're the one.'

He let the slide go. It stripped the top round from the magazine into the chamber.

Without Cameron, life had no purpose.

John raised the pistol to the side of his head. His finger tightened on the trigger.

"I love you, Cameron, and you love me." John said aloud.

Eternity was here.

"I love you, John, and you love me."

He felt a hand close over his as it moved the pistol away from the side of his head.

John spun around. "Cameron!"

Wait.

That looked like Allison.

"I'm sorry but I hoped that would stop you." Allison said. "I am not sure why I said that. I only wanted to bring Cameron's clothes back. She will need them when she returns. I did not want to disturb your private moment but it looks like I did, just in time."

John looked at Allison and then at the Glock in his hand. He was not even sure why he'd even picked it up in the first place. Did it really 'call' his name? It sure seemed like it.

"I don't know what I was thinking, Allison." John said.

He felt very confused and unsure of everything.

"I don't either. I'm sorry to interrupt but I'm not sorry I interrupted." Allison said. "Please don't ever try that again."

John wanted to justify what almost happened.

"I don't think she is coming back, Allison." John said.

He felt the urge to 'leave' flood him again. Allison's presence quelled it some.

"She did not think so either." Allison said with tears in her eyes. "I am not keeping her things, just in case. To keep them would acknowledge she is not returning. I can't do that. I won't do it."

Allison did not want to be the one to 'kill' Cameron through selfish actions.

John still could not fathom why when everything seemed so good that Cameron would leave. Their lives were really just getting started.

"Why did she do it?" John asked. "Why did she leave?"

Cameron previously confided in Allison and Vanna at different times.

"Vanna and I have both talked honestly with her about many things." Allison said. "John, she NEEDED to. Her guilt and remorse for killing HER future me - Future Allison was tearing her apart. You saw her hand would glitch all the time. Her guilt for taking away the woman future you - Future John loved, the children that were never born and your future all alone without anyone. It was more than she could take anymore. John, she is more 'human' now than we are. She is a better person than I could ever be."

John often wondered about that. There were times when Cameron seemed 'human' and there were other times where she was a cold blooded killer. He was glad she was able to share her 'feelings' with Allison and Vanna. He understood that sometimes when someone was too close that you could not be as open or honest with them. He'd often felt that way with his mother and her for him. He was drifting. Allison's words brought him back to now.

"I know we all need time to process this. John, both Vanna and I are here for you for whatever you need or want, so that you may continue on. I want to make it clear that means – anything. It is by our choice as well." Allison said. "We both promised Cameron we would provide for you. It really ripped Cameron apart that she could not provide you with YOUR child or YOUR children. She asked Vanna and I that if we would consider having a child that you be the father. We both agreed. We are both here for you. We promised Cameron and promised ourselves to make it all work. Either one of us or both of us will come to you. We will never abandon you. We can all find comfort and love in each other. You will never be alone."

John thought about Cameron making them promise themselves and their future to him. They would do it too to honor Cameron. That must have taxed everyone inside.

"I do understand what you are saying." John said. "How could she do this to herself? That had to be torture. How could she do this to you?"

Allison glanced at the Glock that John still held.

"Maybe if you look in your right hand you will have just answered your own question." Allison said.

John looked at the Glock in his hand. He wondered why he was even still holding it. It was Cameron's Glock. He should treat it with dignity not make it an implement of stupidity.

"I'm sorry about this." John said.

Allison took the Glock from his hand and gently touched his cheek.

"It will be our secret." Allison said.

She placed it back in the dresser drawer and closed it.

"I guess this is an option she did not have. Her own 'suicide' was to put the man she loved into the arms of another or others. The difference over Riley is Cameron chose her 'replacements'. It was HER choice." John said. "Not one someone did to her but who SHE chose."

Allison thought the answer was easy. It applied to all of them.

"Everyone sacrifices for John Connor." Allison added.

After Allison was sure John was not going to do anything foolish, she left.

She wanted to find Vanna or Sarah to also keep a watch on John for a little while. She was not going to tell them what she walked in on. She would only say that she was worried about him.

The loss of Cameron was a severe blow to all of them.

She wanted to speak with Savannah about it or have Vanna speak with her. She knew Savannah's love for Cameron was pure, true and honest. It was also very deep.

Allison was aware of the admiration and devotion Savannah felt and expressed toward Cameron. She did not know how committed to the future and John that Savannah was. It was more than the urging and 'training' of Cameron. It was more than the promises that were made to Cameron.

She saw Savannah was talking to John Henry about it when she walked up to speak with her. She decided to notify Sarah and Vanna about John instead. She would also head back to check on him as soon as she told them.

Savannah was very upset about Cameron 'leaving'.

"John Henry, why did Cameron have to go?" Savannah asked. "Why did she go? She had everything she needed here."

John Henry tried to keep it simple.

"Cameron felt she needed to conduct a mission that was more important to her than her own happiness and future." John Henry said.

"Why?" Savannah asked.

"Her love for Future John and his happiness and well being was greater than her own happiness." John Henry said.

"Why?" Savannah asked.

"Cameron felt she took something away from Future John that she needed to replace or fix." John Henry said. "She felt her past actions were wrong and she wanted to correct them."

Savannah was not so sure about any of that. She was sure about her future.

"Did you know I'm going to marry John when I grow up? Cameron asked me if I promised and I said 'yes'." Savannah said. "I am going to keep my promise when I am older. I asked her when I would be old enough and she said when the time was right I would know. She said my body would 'tell me'."

John Henry was not pleased with this revelation. Savannah's body would 'tell her' a lot sooner than people would accept that union. It was evident that it was an effective strategy to make sure that John would have a mate and someone by his side.

"I was unaware of that development. However it shows good planning. Cameron covers all the bases." John Henry said.

"Cameron says she plays to win." Savannah said. "Cameron always wins."

John Henry could see Savannah's resolve and determination to honor Cameron.

"Evidently." John Henry said.

Savannah knew an absolute truth in her heart.

"Cameron is invincible." Savannah said. "Cameron is eternal."

John Henry did not want Savannah to get her hopes too high. The rest of them knew that Cameron didn't make it.

"You don't know that." John Henry said. "We need to stick with the facts."

There was the look of love in Savannah's eyes.

"I KNOW it. I believe it. I have faith in her." Savannah said. "Cameron will be back."

John Henry was really worried now. He was aware that Cameron 'made' Allison and Vanna promise to 'look after' John and now evidently Savannah did too. He was also aware of the protection order Cameron issued for Savannah and Young Allison. John Henry was impressed at such foresight.

If Cameron returned he would be careful of any 'game' he played with her. If Mrs. Weaver ever returned she'd better be wary too of challenging Cameron for anything. That was all IF Cameron ever returned. There must be a way. John Henry resumed has calculations. He and Cameron worked on some things to try. None of them looked promising. He was not about to quit. He would find John and head for the TDE room. Savannah's faith, determination and love for Cameron motivated him. Savannah gave him hope.

John Henry was aware that there were different timelines. Cameron could end up in the wrong one. There was no way to guide her to the correct one besides luck.

Cameron was going to need more than luck.

Cameron needed a 'rope' or a 'lifesaver'.

John Henry worked on what he hoped might help. He was sure going to try.

Savannah watched him go. She spoke softly to herself.

"I promise, Cammy." Savannah said.

"Cameron is invincible." Savannah said. "Cameron is eternal."

"I promise, Cammy." Savannah said.

She could feel Cameron was alive in her heart and mind.

She was the only one who believed it.

"Cameron is invincible." Savannah said. "Cameron is eternal."

"I promise, Cammy." Savannah said.

She repeated it over and over….

Why

There are many people around us
How many can we truly satisfy
Any small misstep or error
They all want to magnify

Maybe some actions are harsh
They may even mortify
Sometimes that is necessary
In order to cleans and purify

For what must be done
There's nothing I need to justify
The future writes itself
There is no need for an alibi

When the future catches the past
There are thing I need to rectify
This affects the present
As past action seem to bind and amplify

For those who remain behind
It was never meant for them to cry
I clearly made my case
Nobody needs to wonder why

Nobody