Chapter 58

More

John and the Resistance team continued the battle for the future. They wanted a future without Skynet. They'd been able to stay ahead of Skynet and passed at least one Judgment Day date. It was actually two Judgment Day dates, if they counted the one from the alternate future. It could even be looked on as three Judgment Day dates being passed if the one Future Kyle helped stop along with Sarah was counted. No matter how many heads they cut off the Hydra, it seemed another always popped up. Skynet was difficult to terminate in the past, present and future.

Since Cameron was 'away' it was almost as if their attacks on Grays or Skynet related groups were all carried out with vengeance. Everyone wanted to hurt Skynet for what it cost them. That was the 'loss' of Cameron. Skynet was both directly and indirectly responsible for that.

It was sort of a paradox in a way on several levels. There wouldn't be a 'Cameron' if Skynet would never have existed. Then there was the question of Future John sending Future Kyle back to father him. How was Future John fathered in the first place in order to send Future Kyle back to do it again? Without Skynet there would be no TDE or even the need to use one if there was. These were all questions that demanded answers that there were no answers to.

John Henry maintained that since he went back in time before John did that he should have gone to Cameron's future and not the alternate future that was created when John time jumped after he left. Theoretically that alternate future hadn't been created yet. It gave one something to think about. The only explanation possible was that Mrs. Weaver set John's and her arrival into the future at a time before John Henry arrived. In other words, they went into the future and arrived before John Henry arrived even though he left before them.

Nothing was the same among the warriors. The loss of Cameron was a blow from which none of them, either Metal or human, would ever recover. If she'd perished in combat everyone would have known and felt some type of closure. Instead she was there one day and gone the next. Nobody knew her fate. That is what made moving on so hard. Nobody knew what happened to her. Was she terminated? Was she in an alternate future? Was there some temporal error? There was just nothing. Nobody had the answers.

John and John Henry tried everything they could think of every way and any way to try to reach Cameron wherever or whenever she was at. It always ended in failure. The TDE pad remained empty. Every time they reached out nothing came back. The last time they tried John Henry thought he had 'something'. At the end of the attempt there was nothing. It matched the emptiness in their hearts or on their chips. Humans and Metal suffered alike.

Nothing worked that they tried.

Even though no one would admit it, let alone say it, they all slowly came to believe Cameron was gone. It was obvious that she was not coming back. John Henry again confirmed that if Cameron, Unit Two or Unit Three were able to gain access to a TDE they would have returned right after Cameron left. That was the plan. It never happened. It still hadn't happened. The Terminators all knew that since Cameron hadn't returned that she was most likely terminated. It was still hard to accept that without her destroyed remains to mourn over. That act of finality would make it real.

Savannah was the only one who NEVER lost hope. The fire of love burnt strong in her. She would never stop believing. She held onto Cameron in her heart and mind like no other. Nobody knew the depth of her love.

"Cameron will be back. Cameron will always come back. Cameron is invincible. Cameron is eternal." Savannah said. "I know it."

Everyone knew of the special bond Cameron shared with Savannah. No one wanted to tell Savannah it was never going to happen. Everyone went on knowing that Cameron was gone but still hoped she would return somehow. Savannah never wavered, ever. She KNEW Cameron would be back.

Savannah knew her destiny. It was with John AND Cameron. Nobody would ever take that away from her. It only strengthened her resolve to 'step up' when she was ready. She would need to wait for her body to catch up with her mind.

John considered Allison and Vanna's idea to try to create Cameron II. He wanted to do that so very much. Then there was Allison and Vanna themselves. They were both now in a 'Cold War' to reach him and to keep him connected to this reality. They wanted to prevent him from slipping into the abyss. In his lonely sadness he sought some 'comfort' there. Allison and Vanna were both ready for a sexual relationship to blossom. He was not ready for that yet. Both of them simply being around him and interacting with him was of great comfort to him. At the point he consummated his love for Allison and Vanna, it would be the acceptance of Cameron's demise. He needed to KNOW Cameron's fate first and then the future would write that chapter….

In fact, John knew the future was ALREADY 'written'. Future John was with Future Allison and Future Savannah until Future Allison was captured. That event led to the creation of Cameron in the first place which in turn led to Future Allison's demise. That was the whole point of what Cameron wanted to fix.

John understood what Cameron orchestrated with Allison and Vanna and why. He really wondered how deep that must have stabbed Cameron's heart as she did that. She literally put Allison and Vanna in his arms and in his bed. The love for him it took to do that and the courage it took to set events in play that could never be undone once they occur was beyond comprehension. Cameron sacrificed her very heart so he would not be alone, so he would not 'go'. Cameron traded everything for him - everything. It proved that sacrifice was the true test of love.

Then again, that was exactly what Cameron set out to accomplish on her mission with her quest into her future. She wanted to restore the same things for Future John with the same people. Cameron was determined to restore what she believed was the 'Natural Order'. John knew when someone believed something that it did not matter if it was true or not. They believed it. That act of faith made it 'true' to them no matter what. It became THEIR truth regardless of fact or facts or reality.

It seemed this was what afflicted Cameron and it became more than an obsession. It seemed to blind her to what she wanted and what she'd already obtained. Cameron held the 'brass ring' in her hand. She'd won. She let go of the 'brass ring' and threw it all away as she tried to 'fix' the past - the future.

Nobody would know if she did.

Vanna thought back on a conversation with Cameron. She was disturbed by what Cameron said to her. It was more like she'd 'ordered' her on what to do with Savannah. She wanted to tell Allison but thought it was best to just drop it. It was going to cause a lot of unwanted controversy.

John Henry was also troubled by what Savannah told him and from what Cameron said to Savannah. He needed to say something to Vanna about it. They both agreed Cameron was not thinking clearly and wanted to rush things. Savannah was still a preteen. Cameron should not put that kind of pressure on Savannah or even those ideas in her mind. They did not know Cameron 'conditioned' Savannah at night about her future as well as with her studies.

John Henry believed there was a deeper 'end game' that Cameron played. She played five moves ahead of everyone else. That caused all their moves to catch up to her to be influenced and 'directed' by her indirectly. He determined Cameron was actually prompting Vanna to act, herself. If Vanna 'acted' so would Allison. At that point the 'Natural Order' as Cameron believed would be restored.

"Cameron knows you will do 'this' yourself to 'protect' Savannah." John Henry said. "Cameron told Savannah 'her body' would tell her when it was 'time'. That is only a few years away when that will first start to happen, maybe it will be sooner."

Vanna did not tell John Henry she'd already determined that same conclusion herself. She already planned to 'act'. Vanna decided she was going to do what was necessary and protect Savannah the same way she protected Allison so many years ago. She would face the future and take whatever it threw at her. It was simply the 'right' thing to do.

Vanna knew what to do. At least this time it would be her choice. She loved John too. They'd grown very close. She would still let Savannah simmer on the back burner in case she fell in combat and Allison did too. There would still be someone for John who loved him. Cameron was right in creating a 'fail-safe'.

It was time for - action.

Later that night:

"John, I want to 'be' with you."

"I can't. Not YET." John said.

"John…."

John started to sob.

"How could she do this to me? We finally shared everything. We were complete." John said.

"John, it would appear she is not coming back."

"But I WANT her too. I want HER back." John said. "I NEED her back."

"John, I don't want to lose you too. We can all go on stronger together. We both know what almost happened to you after SHE left."

"It was a moment of weakness. Just like THIS is." John said. "I can only take so much hurt and pain."

"John, let this be a moment of strength then. Let me be your drug. Addict yourself to me. Lose yourself in me so you may still exist and continue to go on. I have everything you want, I have everything you need. It is all for you."

John felt helpless. He needed to hang on to reality. This was an anchor to stop his fall. It was a hand that reached out to grab him and keep him from slipping further. It was right here in front of him. Maybe it was time to accept reality even though this did not seem like reality. Life owed him more. He'd sacrificed enough already. He didn't just WANT more. He NEEDED more to go on. It was what Cameron wanted for him in her 'absence'.

John's head moved slowly forward, their lips touched. The kiss blossomed into one that was long and deep. His hands enjoyed the soft firmness of her breasts. He was ready. He was definitely ready in more ways than one right now.

John could not explain what was happening. He did not WANT to do this but he could NOT stop. He was on top of her. Even if it seemed she was on top or more like all 'around' him. Everything felt comforting to him. It was reassuring to him. It was very different from his past experiences. John hungrily took what he wanted. This was WRONG but he needed comfort. It was as if everything he wanted was there and happened as he wanted it to.

"John, take as much as you want. I am yours. Anytime, anywhere, I am yours. My body is your body, my body is for you."

John needed more. The more he took. The more he wanted. No, the more he NEEDED.

"John, it was what she wanted. THIS is want she wanted for you. Take more, take all of me. I MUST have more."

He felt enveloped with love and lust.

John was exhausted. He felt as if he'd expended himself five times. His rage and frustration, his anger, hate and love all played out. They were all expended as he was.

"John, I need more. I want more. You MUST give me MORE."

John laid there. He felt paralyzed both in mind and body. He'd wondered if he'd just betrayed Cameron. No wait; he'd done what Cameron wanted. It was what Cameron orchestrated. It was what Cameron put into play. He'd done what Cameron wanted for him. It was what he wanted too and it was what he needed.

Now, John too wanted MORE.

"John, I'll be back."

John felt very confused right now.

More

When is more not more
It is when more is really less
As your heart is divided and split
It causes more heartache and stress

Each new one has less meaning
They stack upon each other
The special connection or feeling
Will be diluted and smother

To keep an endless search
Becomes more an act of greed
One needs to really think about
Lonely hearts left behind to bleed

Actions add up more and more
At some point they will need to atone
Life will catch up and soon
One will realize they are all alone

There is the one who got away
For you they did once care and adore
Lust for more drove them away
They are now there no more

Nobody