Disclaimer: No, I am not famous and No, I am not the genius that invented the Harry Potter Universe and Yes, you may have my autograph but No, I don't think you will make much on Ebay with it.

Questions, answers, and more questions after that

The next day, Tuesday, seemed to crawl even slower.

However, I did manage to cross the entire editing department off my list of possible Caluses. Most of them were very lonely and kept coming on to me. I may not be like one of those girls who only choose people based on their appearance but I like to stay under a hundred years older than me and within my species, thank you.

In addition, none of them seemed to be able to possess the bitterness that Calus does—as they all seemed to have overdosed on cheering potions. In addition, none of them seemed like they could act as bitter since the most intelligent, calmest one confessed, after five minutes of talking, that he has violet hair growing on his palm and he had no idea how it got there. I know, way to woo a girl, right?

Moreover, Lola had no information for me during lunch and, to avoid another intriguing (ha!) tale of the woes of The Daily Prophet staff, I muttered something about the painters coming in and practically sprinting to the loo.

Except I had no idea where it was and ended up getting lost, turning down many bright white corridors before I stopped…

Only to be knocked over by something very tall.

There sprawled on the floor, in da Vinci's Study of a Man type position, I felt my face redden immediately, something it tends to do in the slightest breath of embarrassment. A hand appeared in my vision and I took it, the long fingers enveloping my hand in warmth as the person helped me to my feet.

However, when I stood up and looked into my helper's eyes to thank him, the thought slid out the back of my head.

Even thought it had been four years since I'd seen him, the hooked nose, long black hair, and impossibly dark eyes that scorched everyone they happened to glance, would always be familiar.

It was… "Professor Snape?"

His eyes penetrated mine as he recognized me. "Miss Granger, what are you doing here?"

Lola suddenly appeared at my side. "There you are, Lucy Puckle. You are a difficult person to track down." She broke off and looked down to where Snape and I still clasped hands then up at him before smiling at me in a very knowing way, as if she knew exactly what was going on, which I highly doubted. "I just wanted to tell you that I would be leaving early to help my sister so, I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

I nodded and she Disapparated away.

When I looked back at Snape, he was smirking. "Lucy Puckle?"

The last person I'd expected to pose a threat of blowing my cover had caught me and there was no way I would be able to lie my way out of this. I sighed in surrender and pulled him to the side. In a hiss, I told him, "Ok, don't tell anyone but I actually work for The Quibbler—"

He nodded. "So I hear."

"…and I have an assignment to come here undercover to discover the identity of one Calus."

There was a confusing look on his face. "The advice columnist? Why?"

I shrugged. "Well, what do we know about him except that he's a complete asshole? I think we all deserve to know who feels he's important enough to give such horrible advice to people. Also, Ginny is quite fancying him. Imagine, fancying someone who you haven't even seen, or heard, or even know the name of! I really feel I must nip this thing in the bud." Oh, Merlin, Ginny would kill me if she knew I'd just told Professor Snape that.

His eyebrows went way up and he was so amused he could barely speak. "She does? Why?"

I didn't know so I changed the subject. "Why are you here, Professor?"

His face just closed, as if he were retreating inside himself, his eyes full of fire and his lips pursed. "Even though it is none of your concern, I am here because some person wanted an interview with me and would not let me rest until I agreed."

This was understandable since everyone wanted to know the big spy who managed to infiltrate Voldemort's innermost circle and help Albus Dumbledore fake his death. In fact, Mr. Lovegood had been trying to get an interview with Snape also.

"Professor, since The Quibbler's been trying to get a hold of you for a while, do you think that I could have an interview with you, do you think you could give me an interview?"

He gave a sort of huff and resmirked. "I'm sure you will have your interview with me soon."

I didn't know what exactly that meant except that I would have my interview.

Lola was back and her eyes were sparkling. "If you two are done holding hands, I need to borrow Lucy."

Snape released his grip on my hand and glared at his own as if it'd betrayed him. Then he told my feet, "I need to go." Then he disappeared.

"I thought you had to go help your sis," I said to Lola accusingly.

She rolled her eyes. "I lied to leave you two alone. Who was that?" The smile she flashed me was overly bright. "You seemed pretty friendly with him…"

"He was my professor at Hogwarts, Severus Snape."

The name of a mild celebrity didn't deter her. "Uh huh," she said in a way that told me she didn't believe that that was all he was.

"That's it."

She grabbed me by my elbow and started leading me back in the direction of the cafeteria. "Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. It is rather obvious you two are dating and you can trust me to tell me the truth; I'm your friend, ok? So start by telling me how long you've known him!"

Why did I have the feeling that no matter what I said she'd still believe Snape and I were an item? I also realized that this could actually work to my advantage. If I could tell Lola's character as well as I thought, I knew that if she didn't know any dirt on me, she'd start digging (smooth dirt references, I must say).If she did, she might discover that Lucy Puckle is a fifty-two year old Muggle who now lives in America. It wouldn't be difficult to discover who I was from there. Therefore, to save my skin, I replied, in truth, "About eleven years."

She whistled. "Whoo, Lucy likes older men! How long have you been together?"

Erm… "Not long." What do I say?

"A few months?" guessed Lola.

Sure. "Yeah."

"How did you meet him?"

"Erm…he used to be my professor at Hogwarts."

Her violently blue eyes went wide and a shit-faced grin appeared to on her face. "Oh, oh, oh, kinky!"

Ok, time for a subject change. "When will I meet your fiancé?"

She was thrilled to be on the subject of her love, as all engaged women are, and launched into a long story as to how they met. It was when she was talking about him calling into a radio station that I had an idea: I would write Calus and make sure it got his attention and then I would try to talk about it to someone before the issue went out, and whomever it seemed to spark a flicker of recognition in could be my Calus.

Ok, so it was weak. But it was all I had.

Dear Calus,

I am worried. I mean I am worried about everything; the rain, the sun, heights, kites, being in a big group, being alone, schizophrenia, having a phobia, being too much like everyone else, being too weird. I constantly worry and it really depresses me and makes it difficult to wake up everyday. What should I do?

-Worried

I knew as soon as I sent it in, Calus, whoever he was would snatch it up as it was just pathetic enough, easy enough for him to ridicule, he would have no choice but to reply.

It was only a matter of days.

Two days later…

I ran into Snape again in another attempt to elude Lola and dash to the loo. Well, I still had no idea where I was going and ended up in virtually the same area I he'd caught in earlier.

This time, however, he didn't run into me, I ran into him.

In all fairness, I actually did try stopping as soon as I saw him but that was just after my face collided with his chest. I immediately peeled myself away and hoped he took my red face as Urgent Need for the Loo and not, you know, embarrassment…which is what it was.

Probably tired of me colliding with him in some form and because I might not have been removing myself from him quick enough, he grabbed my arms in an effort to help me back away. In an I-know-you're-up-to-something smirk, he greeted, "Miss Puckle."

I dusted nonexistent dirt off my skirt in an effort to wait out my blushing. When I was sure that my face was once again pale-bordering-on-albino, I looked back up into that smug face that had haunted my school years (not literally but you know what I mean) and asked, "Professor! Why are you still here?"

His face did that closing thing again before he replied that he was doing a multi-part interview. As he spoke, I marveled at how much he'd changed. I mean, his hair, face, clothes, were all still the same, but he just had a different air about him. I don't mean that he was any less frightening or ornery, but he just seemed less…I don't know. I want to say depressed but that would imply that he moped about. Defensive, there you go; he seemed less snappish. And his eyes! Once hollow pools of darkness, they now seemed to be, well, alive. Like there was an actual person looking out at you.

All these poetic-type realizations flew through my mind in the space of his answer. Lucky I am a quick thinker otherwise I probably would have been caught gawping which would lead to insults on his part and flushed skin on mine.

Suddenly Mr. Dennis, the man who'd hired me, was at my side. "Miss Puckle, do you mind if I speak to you off to the side for a moment?" Before I could answer, he looked way up at Snape and informed him, "I just need a moment, Mr. Snape, then you can have her back."

"To the side" meant literally to the other side of the hallway. When we'd reached where he wanted to stop, he sighed up at me. "Miss Puckle—Lucy—we have received the amount you've been editing and, although your work is very thorough and at a good speed, I would like to request that you discontinue making comments on the writers 'voice' and rewording sections. You have good ideas, but it is angering my journalists."

I don't think he was a man that liked confrontation because he spoke to my feet the entire time.

I honestly hadn't really realized I'd been doing that because at The Quibbler, I was my own editor and would do the same to my work. I apologized and promised to stop.

He seemed pleased and accepted it before leaving.

I turned to return to Snape (and say what, I don't know) but I found Lola talking to him and two things hit me at once.

Wonderment on how she always managed to find me. Did she have spies throughout the building or some radar? And

What she was saying to him: "You know…" she said, holding all of her weight on one leg, swinging a tiny (though not tinier than my) hip out. "Lucy's been kind of clammed up about your relationship. Tell me, how is it that you went from being her professor to her boyfriend?"

I could not see Snape's face but I'm pretty sure it was caked in confusion. At least that's how his voice came out. "I don't know what—"

I sprang into action and grabbed him by the arm, cutting him off. To Lola, I asked sweetly, "Excuse us, won't you? I have to speak with Severus here on important matters." Without awaiting an answer, I yanked him through the nearest door.

We wound up in someone's office—a large one with wooden paneling and the most vast desk I'd ever seen with a large chair and books lining almost the entire room—which was thankfully empty. The only sign of someone actually being in there recently was a few scattered papers on the desk, each paper containing writing in different handwritings. That was the good news.

The bad news was that Snape no longer looked confused. In fact, he seemed to be fully enjoying himself as he leaned against the desk with his arms folded and looked down at me in that way people do at a person when you know they have something on you. His thin lips barely parted as he asked, "Is there a reason you've been telling people that you are dating me?" Before I could try to explain that someone jumped to some conclusions after seeing us together—the truth, just not all of it—he continued, "That small woman wasn't the first, either. Mr. Dennis also commented on how good we looked together. I had taken it as madness on his part but now I learn it was your doing. Why?"

I was defeated; I admit it. But then inspiration struck. Maybe, just maybe, I could get Snape to play along. I had no advantage, or anything to entice him but I was certain I could find something.

This confidence was quite alarming. Apparently, I hadn't escaped the Gryffindor's Large Head syndrome as I'd thought.

Rats.

"I needed it for cover-up." I told him finally.

"Why would dating me keep you from being discovered as a fraud?"

I got defensive at that. "Fraud? I'm not a fraud; I am undercover."

Groaning in a my-students-are-dreadfully-thick way, Professor Snape unleaned himself from the desk, sauntered ever so slowly over to where I stood with my back against the door and put one hand on it by my head. He had to bend over slightly in order to level our gazes but when he did, the intensity of his nearly gave me a headache. In that abnormally deep voice of his, he commanded, "Don't skirt around the issue, Miss Puckle, and answer the question."

So I explained Lola's need to gossip and how, to keep her from snooping for my history, I had to give her something to satisfy her craving. Me, having an affair with an older man, especially the tall, dark, and mysterious hero Snape was, would do just that…keep her entertained for a while.

As soon as I was done, he pushed himself off the wall and stepped back. As if I were an experimental breed of human, he studied me in an almost clinical way, tapping his chin with his forefinger. Finally, after what seemed like hours of me fidgeting under his gaze, he said, "Actually, this ploy of yours might also be of assistance to me. So, for that reason, I will play along."

I was so thrilled I nearly hugged him, but managed to restrain myself. He changed the subject almost abruptly and inquired after my plan to discover Calus' identity.

I shrugged. "All I have is to write him a letter, one I knew would capture his notice and casually bring up the subject of my letter to various people and study their reactions. This would have to be before the next issue came out."

"What are you going to write about?"

"I already did," I beamed with pride. "It was something along the lines of a person with an all-sorts paranoia or phobia."

Then he did that odd analytical study of me again, from my head to my feet and back, as if trying to figure where he'd seen me before or something. There was a look on his face that reminded me of when someone sees his or her dog has learnt a new trick without being taught. After another hour of me trying to wonder what one is supposed to do when one is being stared at so boldly, he looked at the grandfather clock in the corner and said, "You'd better go since your break is nearly over."

How nice. And if my break weren't nearly over, would he have continued staring?

I nodded mutely and turned the knob to exit, Snape following behind.

As I'd suspected, Lola had planted her feet right there to wait for me. It's a good thing all the offices here were soundproof otherwise she might have heard.

At least I thought they were soundproof. The ones at The Quibbler headquarters were.

She is quite as abusive as Ginny and immediately gripped my arm in an alarmingly strong grip and practically dragged me down the hall. When we were far enough from Snape (or so she thought, because I had a feeling he hadn't lost that talent he had of appearing out of nowhere catching you talking about/doing something you weren't suppose to), she hissed, "Can I be nosy?"

I almost replied, "Can I read?" since, you know, if I said that she couldn't be nosy, I knew she wouldn't stop, but I kept it to myself and only nodded.

"Why did you have to pull him away like that? Was I not supposed to know you two were together?"

Time to start my horrible lying thing. Let's just hope Lola's as gullible as I'd suspected. "Erm…Yeah, you see, we, er…that is…we were trying to, erm, you know, keep our relationship secret, you see?" Not bad. "I, er, had to tell him that I, eh, that you knew and wouldn't tell a soul."

She nodded and went on to say how we, Snape and I, reminded her of her and her boyfriend Stephen in the "early years."

How lucky am I to have found a gullible gossiper that could easily be distracted by mention of her love? Quite.

A/N: AAaahhh. That felt good to get out of there. Alright, so we have Snape now. Sorry for any OOCness there. But I tried to keep him as Cannon as possible. His horoscope says he has good humour, you know. (he's cancer, by the way)

So review please!

My betas have saved me from making an arse out of myself. Loads of love to you two!

Next Chappie...In which we find Calus...