Disclaimer: if you are under the assumption that I am J. K. Rowling, then you are also under the influence of drugs.

Suspect

I found him! I found Calus, I think!

Oh, what a brilliant day out it was. I should have known, suspected, that my life would be going well that morning since it was uncharacteristically warm and sunny out for a spring day in England…or for any day in England, for that matter.

And I didn't even have to try to find him; he practically raised his hand and introduced himself.

I was walking to the cafeteria alone since Lola had to take the day off to celebrate Stephen's birthday and was worrying about where I'd sit. Although I didn't need any company, I didn't want to sit at a table where I was unwanted and, if I sat at the wrong table, could end up taking up my entire break with small talk. Uncomfortable, awkward, how's-your-day-and-the-weather-and-what-are-your-hobbies type of talk.

I did find a table occupied by someone who looked like he wanted to be left alone. An older man, maybe eighty, with silvering hair and the thickest spectacles I've seen in my life, had his nose buried in a book and a constant scowl set on his face.

Perfect.

I sat across from him and said nothing. He didn't even glance up so for all I knew, he wasn't even aware I'd joined the table.

That is, until, maybe twenty minutes later, he said something.

"Are you familiar with psychology?" His eyes never left the pages and for a second, I wondered whether he was talking to the book or me. I must have hesitated too long because he suddenly did look up at me and frowned. "Are you hard of hearing or just a bit slow?"

How kind of him to ask.

I felt myself get a bit huffy but squashed it down. "I am," I replied but then realized he must have thought I meant I was slow…or hard of hearing, so I elaborated. "I'm familiar with psychology. My uncle—"

"I don't need your life story," he snapped and breathed deeply, releasing a whistling sound with his nose.

"I wasn't giving it to you." Bastard.

He went on as if I'd said nothing. "It really irks me when they make up these 'disorders…'" he made air quotes with his fingers. " Like the fear of heights--Bloody hell, everyone is afraid of heights; that's not a mental disorder. Or, how about this one, it really irritates me that this is real disorder in their books. "Bibliomania." He snorted. "Ridiculous."

The word was unfamiliar to me and so I couldn't help asking what it was.

He looked at me as if I'd asked what magic was. He then shoved his book across to me, nearly knocking over my drink, and pointed to an entry.

It read:

Bibliomania

Bibliomania is a rare but nasty mental disorder. A patient with Bibliomania exhibits obsessive-compulsive tendencies, such as excessively organizing things, along with the compulsion to collect books, whether or not it is in the patient's interest or capacity of understanding. This force to collect these books can sometimes get in the way of the patients social or work life.

Eerie as it sounds, that pretty much described me.

Perfect, brilliant; I'm a nutter.

I was just about to sink into depression when my new friend suddenly said, taking his book back, "And I recently read about a girl that had every phobia, including being phobic! How idiotic to be afraid of everything! That woman must be horribly disturbed."

I very nearly hugged him. A girl afraid of everything?? He was talking about my letter! He was Calus!

With all the dignity in the building, I calmly said, "Well, I'm Lucy. What's your name?"

He looked hard at me before saying, "My…you're a cheeky tart, aren't you?"

I was so happy I let the tart thing pass. "I'm not looking to date you, I promise."

"Then I'm Caleb."

Caleb…Calus…can you get anymore perfect?

However, I couldn't just come out and say, "I know you, you're Calus!" could I? His identity was supposed to be a secret and I definitely couldn't reveal it to anyone. So maybe I could...well, use my feminine wiles. I'd never used my feminine wiles on anyone and had never been that great at seducing people. Therefore, I couldn't try to get the truth and an exclusive yet. I would have to learn how to tempt men properly.

Where could I find a how-to to seduction?

The bookstore.

A/N: You can learn anything from a book, can't you?

Sweets to my betas, both of you alarmingly bright.

Oh, and dear readers, please review! I want to know what YOU think!

Next Chappie...Hermione gets the truth out of Caleb and Snape laughs (!!!)...