Obligatory Disclaimer: The series Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto; I only own the OCs, picture, and this story.
Chapter 29: Of Numb Reassurances
A shuddering breath escaped me.
I straightened myself, fighting the urge to rub my bloodstained hands on my yukata. My mind felt hazy and it was hard to concentrate on anything other than the rapid beating of my heart and the way my breath rushed harshly from my lungs and into the still air. But despite the adrenaline that coursed through me, a soft whine in my ear and fur against my cheek brought me back to reality.
I blinked up into Riku's calm brown eyes and felt a similar steadiness return to me, if only faintly.
There were still things that needed to be done.
Kushina and Akane's anxious signals pinged on my byakugan and I deactivated it, a significant drain taking its toll on my body. But I took a deep breath and moved, stepping around Ichirou's corpse to free Noburu from his binds. I focused on the brunet's breathing which was as distressed as mine had been and cut him free with a kunai, being mindful of my shaking hands. The other brother's body sagged to the ground as the wire came undone and Noburu rose shakily with his wide blue eyes focused on me.
"Are you alright Noburu?" I asked, my voice calmer than I felt.
He was very obviously shaken; I could feel the way his chakra twitched frantically being so close, but he didn't have any visible injuries.
"J-junko…y-you-"
His words were cut of by Kushina's familiarly worried voice calling out as she and Akane rushed from the forest.
"Junko-chan! Noburu-kun!"
They were wide eyed as well when they took in the sight of us. It must've been quite the scene; two dead thugs, a shaken ten-year-old and a six-year-old with blood-stained hands. As I looked up, Kushina's eyes locked with mine. I could tell that she wanted to check on me first and foremost, but she remained professional.
"Akane-chan, check on the injured," she ordered, jerking the blonde from her shock.
The redhead placed a hand on her shoulder and Akane nodded.
"Right!"
The blonde came over to us, seeming to hesitate on who to check first.
"I am fine Akane-chan," I said to break the tension. "Please check on Noburu and Riku."
Her red eyes darted from me to my stained hands before nodding again, though she watched me from her peripheral as I walked over to Kushina who met me halfway. She checked me over herself and I let my eyes close at the warmth of her dirty gloves against the skin of my cheeks.
Everything is fine. Noburu is alive. Riku is alive.
I'm alive.
Everything is fine.
"What happened Junko?" she asked softly.
Of course I couldn't stay in that moment of self-assurances as the Uzumaki woman spoke up. The smell of wet earth from my water bullets tinged with iron-rich blood assaulted my nostrils and I was once again brought back to a grim reality. I took a deep breath and stepped away from her warmth to focus.
"Riku and I got the jump on the thugs on the road once the smoke bomb was deployed," I began, meeting her violet eyes. "Akane-chan and Noburu tied them up after they were incapacitated."
Before I could stop myself, my eyes drifted over to the corpses lying on the ground near us, the onset of eyestrain making itself known at the action.
"The silent one referred to the other as Ichirou, and that man continued to antagonize us even while tied up as I had knocked the former unconscious."
My eyes returned to her.
"He mentioned something about it not being a coincidence that they had met us here and that's when I sent Akane-chan to retrieve you."
Her brows furrowed as I spoke but she remained silent. She pulled a cloth and her canteen from her pack and began wiping the blood from my hands, her own tense in apprehension. I let my eyes trail to where Riku was being healed by Akane; Noburu's eyes were trained on the ground.
"Once she was gone, the man targeted his taunts at Noburu," I continued. "And then his chakra suddenly rose way beyond what I had seen before. He used a replacement jutsu on Noburu and kicked me and Riku away with amazing speed."
Kushina's grip on my hands tightened and I looked up at her.
"I am not certain but I believe it was some sort of jutsu or bloodline trait which allowed him to take the other man's life in order to strengthen his own power," I said. "I was able to fend him off however, and downed him with my jūken."
Kushina seemed to relax a little but soon her eyes also drifted to the corpses nearby, the question 'then how did this happen', in them and mine followed suit.
"Even as he lied on the ground, he continued to talk about his boss and how he would be disappointed in them for being captured, though 'it wasn't a complete loss'."
I paused, looking at my now cleaner hands; I could still feel its warmth, phantom though it was on my palms.
"He claimed that there was 'one last thing he could do' and then he used another sudden influx of chakra and rose, sprinting towards Noburu who was tied up." I swallowed before returning my gaze to her. "I didn't really think about it. I just flickered in front of him and stabbed him in the heart with my kunai."
I had killed him. Another human being. His body was only a few feet away and a pool of blood was starting to peek from underneath him. His eyes were still open, gazing emptily into the ground.
While the battle had been nerve-wracking, now that everything had settled down, it felt unreal. But it was a fact; I was alive and he was not, and his death had been caused directly by my hand. And there was no guilt, no paranoia about the unknown boss who had put this hit out.
Any anxiety left from the battle losing out to the numbness I felt.
"Junko-chan."
I blinked, looking up at Kushina. There was a determined expression on her face.
"You did well," she said, cupping my chin. "You protected your teammates and made sure the enemy could do no more harm, dattebane. Do you understand?"
I had, hadn't I? But that was only a small part of the events that had just occurred. I had still killed another person. Shouldn't I feel something?
Anything?
"Right, shishou," I nodded, before casting another look at the corpses, real life corpses on the ground a few feet away and felt nothing. "We have to collect the bodies for the village correct? Maybe they'll be able to figure out the jutsu that man used."
The redhead paused. She must've been ready to take on the task herself, but after a moment she reached into her pack and pulled out two scrolls tied with black ribbons.
"I'm sure they will," she said and placed one in my hand. "You remember the sequence to seal organic matter right?"
"Of course."
Instead of sealing Ichirou's body, Kushina sent me to the nameless one's corpse and I went without a word, feeling her gaze at my back. Though I had seen his lifeless body before, it was a whole different thing being so close. His skin was grayish and his parted eyelids revealed milky eyes. But for a brief moment, I didn't see the thug. I saw Noburu's dead body lying there, his bright blue eyes dull and lifeless, and through the numbness I found fear until the sound of his mumbling voice from his conversation with Akane reminded me of his wellbeing.
Noburu was alive because of me; all because I had killed that man.
The part of me who held onto my past life thought the unnamed man looked like a movie prop, even though I had clearly saw him alive not several minutes ago. Even though I had just fought him as well, had felt his beating heart under my palm as I used my jūken on him.
And now he was dead too.
But I didn't think any more about it as I unrolled the scroll and laid it across his crumpled form, hiding it from view. My body acted automatically and I formed the hand seals, activating the corresponding seals on the scroll. With a surge of chakra, the body was sealed within the scroll and the character for 'cadaver' appeared within the sealing matrix.
I picked it up and flicked it shut, tying it closed with the black ribbon attached to the end. I turned it around in my hands, morbidly impressed; a whole life had been condensed, now only existing as ink on a scroll. It was as if the man had never existed, his whole existence swallowed up in the fabric of the scroll.
It was…odd, for lack of a more thoughtful observation.
Kushina was already finished by the time I turned around, the scene looking surprisingly clean despite the fact that Ichirou had bled out into the roadside. Not a drop was left on the ground and even the mini craters left by my liquid bullets were gone.
As I passed Noburu to return to Kushina, the boy noticeably turned his gaze from me; but before I could question it, Riku came to my side, his tail wagging behind him. I ran my fingers through the canine's fur and he leaned in close, pressing his damp nose over my face and neck in a show of affection. I gave a light kiss to his muzzle in response, once again taking comfort in his presence.
Everything was fine.
Soon Inoichi and Shisui returned, their own thugs nowhere to be seen. At my questioning gaze, the Yamanaka spoke up, surveying the scene around us.
"I had a couple of clones take the others back to the village before us so they can be thoroughly interrogated," he replied, noticing the scrolls held in our hands. "I suppose we won't be needing another."
"That's an affirmative, dattebane," Kushina responded and looked over at me, Inoichi following her gaze.
I handed the surprisingly light scroll into her awaiting palm. My eyes finally moved from the scroll in Kushina's hand when Shisui came to my side, his brows pinched with worry.
"Are you okay, Junko?"
I looked away from him to where Inoichi had gone over to Akane and Noburu, and rubbed my eyes with the side of my wrist as the low ache in them got worse.
"Shouldn't you go and check on Noburu? He is your teammate after all," I said.
A frown spread across his face. "You're our teammate too Junko."
I couldn't refute that as it was true, and l regarded him with another look and a sigh. He reached into his pouch and pulled out a familiar bottle. Eye drops.
"Here, let me help you."
I stood still as Shisui helped remove my contacts and administered the drops to my eyes. The cool liquid instantly brought relief to my eyeballs, and I let out another sigh as I wiped away the excess with a handkerchief the boy had given me. Shisui returned the bottle to his pouch, his dark eyes scanning my face.
But before he could ask any more from me, which I knew was coming, Kushina's hands came down on both of our heads.
"Let's get a move on you two." She tried to keep her voice light but her hand was heavy with worry as she pressed it against my head. "We shouldn't keep everyone waiting."
"Right." We chorused.
The trip back to Konoha was quiet and restrained.
I was still waiting for all of it to hit me. The fact that I had killed a man was a cold objective fact in my mind- there was no doubt about that. I didn't know what I was waiting for, like the guilt of ending another life, but it didn't come as we approached the village gates and signed in.
Not even the sight of home could relieve the storm cloud around our group.
We arrived at the Hokage's tower where Inoichi led us to an empty meeting room that seemed to be reserved just for us. He split off soon afterwards, no doubt having to see how everything was going in the T&I department with the surviving enemies, leaving us with Kushina to fill out our mission reports.
The five of us sat at the table with our given forms silently. If things hadn't occurred the way they had, the reports wouldn't have been but a page or two. However, the addition of our encounter added more pages to the report, as to be expected. Plus with the casualties involved and the thugs that had been brought back to the village, I knew that we would be here for quite a while.
Riku laid his head across my lap as I filled out my report in detail. I ran my free hand over his ears, the repetitive motion comforting. The numbness had worn off somewhat, maybe due to being back within the familiar walls of the village. The most prominent emotion I felt now was relief, relief that neither the ninken or Noburu had gotten seriously injured. The drain on my chakra reserves and my eyestrain were better than they had been before, and even as physical fatigue started to set in, I was still glad above anything else that everyone was safe.
From across the table I could feel the gaze of everyone's eyes on me, but as I looked up and found Noburu's, he quickly looked back to his own report. I sighed; he was still acting weird.
Rereading my report and satisfied with its accuracy, I set my pen down and sat back.
"Done already?" Kushina asked, and I slid it towards her.
Her violet eyes glanced over it and unexpectedly, a frown graced her features.
"Did I write something wrong shishou?"
She shook her head, a sad smile on her face. "No, it's perfect as usual Junko-chan. It's just…are you okay?"
My own frown emerged. "Of course I am."
I know she was just being responsibly concerned about my wellbeing, but I really was alright. I was tired and dirty and all I wanted to do was sleep for the rest of the day but other than that, I was fine surprisingly enough.
Though maybe the fact that I was alright was what was wrong; was I even really alright?
Our conversation was interrupted by a loud banging on the table, which caused all of our eyes to dart to the source. Noburu glared at me from across the table, his body out of his seat in his outburst.
"How can you say that after everything that happened?" he shouted, voice quivering.
I blinked. What did he want me to say?
"Well, we're all alive for one," I said bluntly, finding nothing better to say. "Considering I was almost choked to death and sliced to pieces on my very first mission, I'd say that this one was exceeding successful in comparison."
It was as factual as it was cold. Since years had gone by from that event, I could now look at it objectively. While that woman appeared in my dreams sometimes, they no longer sent me into night terrors. I had survived her attack and was stronger for it. Others had gone through the same things I had and worst, people I loved dearly, and they were still able to live their lives.
I just had to do the same.
Noburu faltered at my matter-of-fact tone, but his fist shook as it came down onto the table once more.
"That's not the point! If I hadn't given into his taunts and hadn't froze…maybe you wouldn't have had to…"
Kill that man was left unspoken, but it hung in the air for all to see. But I was more alarmed by another realization; Noburu felt guilty. Guilty that I'd had to dirty my hands in order to protect him, an emotion I hadn't felt as of yet. And he didn't even have to spill any blood.
I frowned at him. "That's an optimistically naïve thought."
His eyes went wide as I continued, blunter than I meant to be.
"Neither of us could've guessed that man had that kind of hidden jutsu Noburu. While I would've preferred not to, given the choice to either protect you or let him live at your expense, I would kill him again."
More than the harshness of the words, to me and everyone else it seemed, I was surprised at my own honesty. Being ninjas, one could not balk at the face of death, be it an enemy's or your own. Besides, wasn't that what I had reaffirmed to myself over and over again since I had realized my position in this world? What was expected from me or any other ninja who earned their hitai-ate?
At my words, Noburu slumped back into his seat, looking at me with an indiscernible expression before turning away. I sighed at the awkwardness that remained in the room, but I was saved by an unexpected source. The door to the room slid open and the almost regal form of the Sandaime entered. The four of us already in the room bowed in respect for the man, sitting down at his nod of acknowledgement.
However, shadowed by the Hokage was Inoichi and someone I hadn't expected to see so soon- especially if I could've helped it.
Danzō Shimura sauntered in behind the duo, a perceivable arrogance in his stride- although it could've been my imagination. My heart froze then sped up and I focused on Riku's chakra to stable my own, matching his alert yet calm flow. I reminded myself that he wouldn't be able to do anything with Kushina, Inoichi, and the Hokage in the room, but I couldn't help but move slightly so my body blocked his view of Shisui. Even Riku lifted his head, sitting up and blocking Danzō's view of me somewhat.
I was not unaware of the attention the trio of men casted towards me, but it was redirected as the Sandaime began to speak.
"It appears you genin have gone through much," he began gravelly. "On behalf of all of Konoha, I thank you for your service."
His words didn't mean much in my personal opinion, but the meeting was short lived thankfully. Inoichi had filled in the pair of much of what had transpired, and Kushina had covered the details of our given mission. The rest of us were silent as we watched the adults, not having much to add that wasn't already in our reports, and with a certain mummy in the room, I didn't feel like talking anyways.
Although I wasn't completely saved as Hiruzen leafed through the reports, stopping on what appeared to be mine. I sat a bit straighter than I already was when his eyes landed on me.
"Junko-san, it appears that you had the most contact with the man you learned was named Ichirou," he began. "Could you give me your analysis on the technique that you saw?"
At my questioning look, a somber smile appeared on his face and he clarified. "Your report was certainly detailed, but I would like to hear your analysis of your battle with him."
As he was the leader of our village I knew I didn't have much of a choice, but I was surprised he wanted to hear my thoughts on it. I looked down, recollecting all the memories of what had happened, before returning my gaze.
It was almost too easy to recall.
"I assumed the unexpected increase of chakra came from a kekkei genkai because I saw no seal hidden on his body," I said. "I believe it was activated through extended physical contact, as it didn't occur until after he was tied up with his cohort. It was only then that he used a replacement jutsu on Noburu and engaged in combat with me and my partner Riku. However, his strikes did not exhibit the same chakra-absorbing attributes."
The elder hummed in thought. "Anything else?"
I paused and thought for a moment.
"Even though his chakra and stamina had increased, I do not believe his physical prowess was affected in any way," I added.
After all, if it had, he probably wouldn't have died so easily.
The wizened elder nodded. "Thank you for your insights."
After another moment of silence, Hiruzen dismissed us and we filed out, our mentors following behind. And though it was perhaps due to my foreknowledge of his true nature, I thought I felt Danzō's eyes follow me as I left the room- then again, that could also be that familiar paranoia coming back to me.
…
We stepped back into the outside world after getting our pay for the mission with some extra for the bounties on the thugs. The sun was low in the sky and the atmosphere around our teams was heavier than before, and so we parted with stiff farewells to each other.
I found my mind recounting everything that had happened for another time as Kushina walked me to the compound. Just like with my first mission, I had no doubts that I wouldn't hear much about the aftermath of our encounter. I was just a genin, and with the state of the war and the goon's cryptic purpose, it would probably be moved into the hands of ANBU for further investigation.
But something from the meeting with the Hokage stuck with me- why had he asked about Ichirou's powers? The Sandaime had been around for a long time, and had probably come across a variety of people with an assortment of skills and techniques. He wasn't known as 'The Professor' for nothing; maybe he had seen the technique before.
"Junko-chan?"
I blinked, looking up at the redhead who had called my name.
"Oh, did you say something shishou? I was in my thoughts again, sorry."
A half-hearted smile spread across her face.
"That's okay," Kushina said. "I was just asking if you wanted to talk about what happened. Or maybe if you wanted to see a professional or your parents instead, dattebane?"
We both knew that I had a bad habit of overthinking and keeping everything inside. But was there really anything that needed to be said?
"I don't know." I frowned.
She blinked in surprise. "You don't know?"
I shrugged and looked down at my feet. What else could be said that hadn't been drilled into our heads in the academy? Of course, the maturity of preadolescent ninjas in training wasn't the most reliable to take those theoretical lessons seriously, but it wasn't as if we were thrown out into the world unknowingly.
Besides, we were living in times of war.
Although it didn't feel like it due to the walls around us and the legions of shinobi who kept us safe here within Konoha, its effects were ever present in the village. Nine and ten year olds weren't graduating now because the academy had nothing left to teach them; as jōnin and chūnin went out, genin took their presence in the village, doing what needed to be done. When those needs were satisfied, they were sent outside the village, left as fodder if they lacked the strength to survive and get a promotion, just to suffer the same fates as their superiors.
In my case, I knew that one day I would have to kill another person- it was in the job description after all. However, I foolishly didn't think I would have to do it so soon.
"Come on Junko-chan."
Before I knew it, Kushina grabbed my hand and we detoured. I thought that we would've headed over to Ichiraku's, but I found myself being tugged into the Namikaze-Uzumaki household. We deposited our packs by the door and Kushina ushered me into the guest bathroom to get cleaned up.
It was on automatic that I cleansed myself, washing away the dirt and everything else down the shower drain. I didn't take long, quickly drying off and pulling on a sleeveless tunic and loose pants that I kept stashed here. I padded barefoot down the hallway with a towel wrapped around my long hair. Kushina peeked out from the kitchen doorway as I approached, her own clothes changed and damp hair pulled into a bun.
She simply nodded over to the couch, a spoon in hand, and I gave a little nod in response. Riku accompanied me from where he had been with Kushina in the kitchen as I plopped onto the cushions. The Shepard mix gave me another kiss with his nose before settling onto the floor and I pulled my feet up, setting my chin on my knees.
I closed my eyes, listening to the sounds of the Uzumaki's cooking. It seemed too normal; the strain behind my eyelids and general fatigue could be excused for a hearty bout of training. It was just another afternoon with Kushina and Riku, and we would eat and just enjoy ourselves. Afterwards, I would go home to Mother and Father and we would relax; maybe we'd all go out into the yard and garden together or I could convince either to teach me something.
Too normal.
Maybe I thought everything had to be different now that I had finally bloodied my hands with the life of another. I was certain though that through the ninja grapevine others would hear about what I had 'achieved'. It would surely make its way to the Hyūga elders, and even if I didn't tell my parents- which I didn't really want to admittedly- they would hear of this too. Then there was that whole thing with Noburu…
I sighed- and none of that really got into the feelings I should be thinking about.
I was interrupted from my thoughts when Kushina returned to my side and the addition of her weight on the couch made me slide against her. I looked up at her as she settled next to me. The redhead gave me a more natural smile and handed me a cup of perfectly warm tea.
"Thank you shishou."
"No problem kiddo," she said, giving me a little squeeze. "Have you collected your thoughts yet?"
My face fell into a frown and my brows furrowed. "A little…"
Her smile became sober. "It isn't easy is it? Well, it shouldn't be anyways in my opinion, dattebane."
I nodded and sighed, taking a sip of the soothing liquid as I leaned against her. Here in this place, I felt like the child I was, my little body cuddled by Kushina as she wrapped her arm around me. It was kind of unthinkable that I had the power to end someone else's life, but wasn't that what I trained for all this time?
But Kushina said something interesting. It shouldn't be easy.
"But it's strange how easy it is, isn't it?" I asked.
"What do you mean Junko-chan?"
I frowned deeper, trying to get my thoughts together. But they just came out confused and rambling.
"I mean, fighting that man, Ichirou, hadn't been easy. He had effectively disabled Noburu and had knocked Riku away and took his weapon...but it was like, after we had our encounter and after everything happened…"
I paused, trying to find the words, the point I was trying to make floating just out of reach.
"It was startling how easy it was to kill another person, wasn't?" Kushina said, and I blinked up at her in surprise.
That was it. All in my past life, I would watch the news and see the countless violence nationally and abroad, believing it was unthinkable that such terrible things happened every day and every second; it happened so much, almost to the point that you became desensitized to it, especially when it wasn't happening to you. And I was very much an introvert, had never gotten insomuch as a fight, at least physically, and had never thought I had the ability to do such a violent act as killing.
That was until now.
The life I lived now was a completely new reality, in every single way. It was less technologically advanced in some ways, but jutsu and seals more than made up for that, in helpful and destructive ways. And though there were similarities in why people fought- selfish reasons, selfless reasons-, how it was done was completely different with the addition of chakra.
But in the end, even though Ichirou had increased his chakra, taking us off guard and fending us off, all it had taken was a simple blade to end everything.
"Yeah…"
Kushina hummed in thought, pulling me closer.
"I had feelings like that before I first came to Konoha and joined the academy," the redhead admitted. "After escaping from my war-torn home, seeing all the bodies…I never thought I would be one to join in the fighting."
I listened to her intently and a solemn smile spread across her face as she met my eye.
"The world is complicated, so I can't give you an exact answer that would make everything make sense," she began. "But like I've told you before, after meeting people I truly cared about, I didn't want to lose it all again, even if it meant killing, dattebane. It's why I've decided to choose this path, even if it sometimes reminds me of what happened to my home."
Though I should've realized by now, Kushina and I had more things in common than I thought. It wasn't the same in any intensity, but I could assume the feelings of isolation, feeling like an outsider, and the intense feelings to the connections we've made were exactly similar.
We didn't want to lose our second home.
And it wasn't as though I was lying when I said if given the choice, in the same seemingly strange circumstances where one of my friends was in danger, I would stop the danger by any means necessary. I knew I wouldn't get through this life without doing so; I had learned that lesson a long time ago when that woman tried to kill me, even though I was just a child.
But in my rationale, a part of me thought there could've been a better way to have handled that- hindsight is 20/20 after all. It shouldn't have to resort to death always, though I knew in however long I lived there would be a lot of it. Nevertheless, if I just killed those who got in my way, I'd be no better than Danzō and those of his ilk; even if I felt no actual guilt or remorse for Ichirou's death. It was that rationalizing of killing evil, dehumanizing others in the working towards my goals that I wanted to avoid, what I was most afraid of. If I ever came to that point, I don't think I'd find any of my old self left in me.
That would just be another thing I would have to work on.
I found a natural smile spreading across my face, weak though it was.
"I think I understand, shishou. Thank you."
Kushina smiled more genuinely and hugged me, kissing me on the forehead.
"That's what I'm here for, dattebane."
Only a bit of the numbness remained after our conversation. Riku and I ended up staying the night after dinner at the Namikaze-Uzumaki residence, and though I believed it was unnecessary, Kushina walked me to the Hyūga compound after a nice breakfast the next day. Still, the slight awkwardness I felt being back in the village after everything that had happened yesterday- I had killed a man just yesterday- hadn't gone away completely, so I was thankful for her company.
It could've been my imagination, but as we stepped through the gates of the Hyūga compound, the eyes that followed me were more scrutinizing than they had been before. I didn't know how they could've heard what had transpired already, so it must've been my overworked mind playing tricks on me. We made it to the comforting sight of my front door, which slid open as soon as we neared. I was immediately assaulted by a familiar warmth and my body was lifted into the air.
Mother's voice chirped in my ears as her arms tightened around me.
"Junko-chan, you're home!"
"Kaa-chan," I squeaked, a blush rising on my cheeks, though it could've been from the lack of oxygen. "Put me down!"
"But I missed you so much," she said forlornly. "Daichi, our daughter is so rebellious!"
I sensed Father come closer, unable to see him since my face was practically buried in her shoulder.
"Kimiko, let the poor girl go," he said, a slight tone of amusement coating his voice. "She's been on the road for days; she's probably tired."
"I'm okay, tou-chan," I said after a breath, returning Mother's hug as she loosened her grip. "We got back yesterday afternoon, and rested at Kushina-shishou's place since it was pretty late."
My heart warmed at the smile he gave. "That's good to hear."
Mother sighed dramatically but let me down. I huffed, willing away my blush as my feet touched the ground and Kushina chuckled behind my back. When she met eyes with my mother however, her expression sobered and a muted version of her classic easy-going grin appeared on her face.
"We completed our mission successfully," she informed them. "We encountered some hostiles on the way back but had met up with another team of Leaf-nin so it was no problem. Junko-chan handled it like an expert."
An expert killer, my mind supplied unhelpfully.
For a moment, it seemed as if Mother wanted to say something, but she sighed and shook her head, tension visible on her face as she looked down at me.
"The mission was bit more exciting than delivering mail through the village, but a kind of glorified version of it," I said. "And the encounter… I'll tell you about it later."
That got me a few looks but Mother and Father nodded, the woman with a little pinch between her eyebrows. Kushina denied the offer to come inside, and shot me an encouraging smile before turning to walk away.
"I'll probably see you in a couple of days depending on Hokage-sama and your elders," she said. "I'll let you know if anything changes, and stop by if you need me for anything."
I nodded but narrowed my eyes at her. "Understood. You better go visit the clinic too shishou. Don't think I've forgotten."
She gave a dismissive wave before disappearing down the road and from my sight, and the rest of us headed inside. As I reached down to undo my sandals, which would need a thorough washing from the long trek, Mother spoke up with a curious lilt to her voice.
"Why would you tell Kushina to go to the doctor? Neither of you looked hurt."
I paused to look up at her contemplative expression. Part of me didn't want to divulge the fact that Kushina had been sick on our mission, considering the tension between the two women. Besides, I hadn't noticed anything wrong with her till after we had completed our main objective. Plus, it hadn't affected her ability to fight.
"Shishou started to feel ill on our way back," I explained. "I thought she might've gotten food poisoning or something."
It was a half-truth. I didn't like having to lie to Mother but I didn't want to risk further damaging their still shaky relationship.
"I see," she muttered to herself before shaking her head. She reached down to take my pack. "'Shina will be fine; Uzumaki are pretty resilient. Now, tell us about this encounter you had."
A tense conversation followed when we reached the living room.
I made it as concise as possible, but that would do nothing to soften the fact that they learned that I, their six year old daughter, had killed a man. Their reactions were varied but expected- shock, surprise, and even regret present in their expressions. There was a heaviness in Father's pale eyes as he looked at me, but even then, there was a sense of pride alongside his relief. Mother was deeply resigned, and though there was relief too in her gaze, there was something indescribable as well.
Nevertheless, it wasn't like they could rewind time; and they were ninja as well, despite being my parents. They knew what the job entailed.
After a collective silence, Father was the one who spoke up first.
"More than anything, I am glad that you and your friends made it back safely," he said, placing his large hand on my head.
I gave a smile in thanks. "I am as well."
"Do you need to talk about it?" Mother pipped up and reached for me where I sat nearby at the low table. She held me tenderly as though I would break, ironic given what I had done.
I returned her embrace with a shake of my head.
"Shishou and I talked about it a lot yesterday, and I have settled my feeling on the matter."
Their brows furrowed simultaneously, Mother's even more so, and I looked at the both of them with a simple smile on my face that didn't reach my eyes.
"The purpose of every ninja is to work for the good of the village and its people and I am a part of that as well, regardless of my age," I said. "The events of yesterday only cemented that fact. I will only have to grow stronger from here on."
The room grew quiet once more at my words, and once again, it was Father who broke the silence.
"Very well said Junko," Father said. "That is a very mature way of thinking of your circumstances."
As I turned to Mother, I paused. Her expression was sober, a sadness in her bright eyes. And though she tried to hide it from me by squeezing me to her, hiding my gaze from her face, I know I didn't imagine the glassiness in them.
…
I spent the rest of the day with my parents, well, after giving Riku a much-needed bath. We did not speak of my mission again, and I was thankful for that, not wanting to reiterate that I was alright again and again.
The next day came with its own surprises as I was visited by my other mentor, Hizashi and someone extra. When the doorbell rang, I paused from helping Mother prepare lunch in the kitchen and went to answer the door. I slid the door open, a greeting on my tongue but it got stuck as I noticed the little human being held by the older man.
Neji.
Big pale eyes looked down at me and I stared back, my lips parted in surprise. He was so cute as he looked back, fist curled up by his mouth. He hid his face in his father's shoulder, peeking at me shyly through his peripheral.
So cute!
There was mild amusement in Hizashi's voice as he spoke.
"Have you forgotten your manners in your time away Junko-hime?"
I blinked before quickly moving to invite the pair inside with a hurried greeting. As a host should, I led the pair into the living room where Father came to greet the man with a hand shake.
"It is good to see you again, Hizashi," Father said, sending a small smile to Neji who hid his face away again. "My, your son is growing quickly too."
"You as well," the twin replied. "Raising a child is tough, but Natsumi is recovering well."
As the brothers-in-law exchanged pleasantries, I returned to the kitchen where Mother was already pulling out extra utensils for our guests. Efficient as usual, we got the food prepared and brought it into the living room. We all sat down to eat and I found it hard to avert my eyes from the adorable child sitting in Hizashi's lap who adamantly tried to feed himself, causing a mess in his effort for independence.
After Neji was cleaned up and all of our cups were refilled with tea, the true purpose of Hizashi's visit was revealed, effectively lowering my mood and the atmosphere in general.
"The results of your last mission has come to the elders' attention," Hizashi began as he let little Neji satisfy his curiosity of the large ninken that rested close by.
Holding back a sigh, I nodded. "I've already talked about it with Kushina-shishou and my parents. I am fine."
The older man's pale eyes glanced over me analytically and nodded.
"I assumed as much. I had no doubt about that."
He sent another searching look my way before pulling a scroll from his haori, once more sealing my fate. I didn't even mind all that much; sitting around for too long would only cause me more anxiety. Flipping it open, I let my eyes rove over it quickly, and I could feel Mother read it over my shoulder.
They would be allowing me two weeks from clan duties for recovery reasons which was the norm as Shishou would be doing the same. But something about my resuming duties in the end gave me pause and instantly riled Mother up.
"They expect her to take part in this year's chūnin exams!?" She gasped, and Father's face tightened as we all turned to Hizashi.
Sensing the tension in the air, Riku carefully lifted his head to look at me as Neji's pudgy little fingers ran over his ears. Sending the canine a little smile, I looked down at the words written on the scroll before returning them to Hizashi.
"Considering your progress over the past year, they have come to the decision that it is in the best interests of the clan and your continued growth for you to attend the exams," he explained.
Mother openly glared at him and I was sure she would've leapt over the table and strangled him if not for the hand Father placed on her shoulder. It did nothing to stop the disgusted tone in her voice as she spoke.
"Cut the crap. You should've just said it was for the interests of clan, because everyone knows it."
No one would've blamed me if my eyes popped out as I stared at the woman. Mother could be feisty when talking about the elders but she was never this outright aggressive. For what's it worth, Hizashi only stared passively back, unbothered by her tone.
"These are the words of the elders, not my own," he said. "I see no reason for her to take it now either, and I am certain her mentor would agree. But considering Hideyoshi-sama's plans, I believe she will have no choice."
What plans could that man possibly have? Personally, I didn't really care how my status affected the clan; I knew it had its uses, and if the clan heads were happy then they caused less headaches for me. Still, even after all this time I really didn't understand this part of clan politics. Apparently, having a Hyūga be one of the youngest to ever graduate from the academy had boosted clan morale and made the clan look strong in the eyes of others, but I didn't see any of the effects- I was just trained harder as a result.
Maybe they expected me to do the same at the chūnin exams, but on an even grander scale; they were all about spectacle after all.
"It is not set in stone however," Hizashi continued as Mother simmered down, her glare still present. "As you may have heard, the clan will be going through a change in leadership soon, and there have been talks of the Sandaime stepping down as well."
There had been talks going on. By sitting in on the meetings with the heads of the clan, I learned a lot about the status of the war as well as other things important to the village. One such thing were the talks of treaties with some of our adversaries, other villages that could no longer stand the resource strain of war on their citizens.
And Hideyoshi wasn't getting any younger. From my foreknowledge, I knew that sometime during the end of the war Minato would be chosen as the Yondaime, though that was only if everything went according to plan; I certainly didn't want Orochimaru or Danzō taking that position. The fact that it was so soon brought as much relief as it did stress.
"In that case, it would be up to the new Hokage," I spoke up, causing the trio of adults to look at me. "Considering the next exams are to be held this summer, it would depend on the state of the war whether the exams will take place at all."
Hizashi nodded. "That is true. Promotions last year were mostly on the field, the actual exams being quite small. The change in leadership would either push back the exams or make them smaller than usual considering the time and resources it takes to prepare such a thing."
"And I doubt the elders would want such a low turnout to my debut, as it were," I noted. "In that case, it would maybe be better to hold off on the exams for the most opportune moment, so it is more effective."
A characteristically small smile spread across Hizashi's face. "That is true; I will be sure to bring it up to Hideyoshi-sama."
Mother relaxed visibly but looked at the both of us warily.
"You Hyūga are surprisingly deceptive," she sighed. "But what if things come to past and the exams come? What will you do then?"
"I will participate," I said simply. At her deepening frown, I gave a placating smile. "I know you're just worried kaa-chan but I'll be fine. I've improved a lot from my first days as a genin, and I would be lying if I said the missions I get now are less than stimulating."
Plus, not all chūnin went out on the field and fought tougher missions; being a chūnin also meant that you were given more responsibilities since they were also given administrative things to do, something I looked forward to honestly. Not the piles of paper work, but the responsibility aspect.
She sighed, moving away from Father to sit at my side.
"I know, I know," she said, cupping my cheek. "You're exponentially brilliant for someone so young. Still…you're my child; I can't help but worry about you."
I smiled softly. Even under the irritation and resentment I sometimes felt for the things she hid from me, I knew she was just trying to keep me safe.
"I know kaa-chan, but I'll be alright. If worst comes to worst, I'll forfeit; I do not have a death wish surprisingly enough."
A smile crept onto her face. "I don't think the elders would be happy with that."
"In the case of my death or the elders' happiness, I think I'll have to be selfish," I said and she chuckled, the tension finally draining from her face. "Besides, beyond honor and the like, a good shinobi should know the best time to retreat."
Noting the returning easy atmosphere, Hizashi spoke up.
"I will let the elders know of your reply," he said, before eying me critically. "Exams or not, do not expect your training to slow down. They will most likely be tougher now that the elders know what you are capable of."
I straightened a bit at his tone, even as Mother wrapped her arms around me with a pout on her face.
"Yes, Hizashi-sensei."
She sighed, placing her head on top of mine.
"In the end it always comes down to business with you guys," she huffed, squeezing me.
"As a new parent, I understand your need to keep Junko-hime safe," he said, looking at both Mother and Father. "But know I am doing what I think is in her best interests, as her sensei and as her uncle."
Mother stared at him for a long stretch of silence, and though I couldn't see it, I could imagine her honey eyes steeling into harsh gold as she stared through him. As though daring him to lie to her. Hizashi held her gaze, and though I could've imagined that as well, his chakra flickered only somewhat before staying firm.
"I will keep your words in mind," she said after a moment. "Do not break them, Hiza-kun."
The man nodded then balked somewhat comically at the nickname she had given him. She smiled.
"You are younger than me, and since you are part of the family, you get a nickname too," Mother explained as though it was the simplest thing to understand. "Please continue to be a good uncle to Junko-chan."
Hizashi nodded but sent a confused glance to Father who simply drank his tea amused and I laughed, all the while little Neji napped away, comforted by Riku's fur.
Author's Notes
Posted/Edited: December 1st, 2017
And there goes Junko's first kill; but hey, at least she got to see her little cousin for the first time in the end.
As always, thank you for all the reviews, follows, and favorites! I really appreciate them! And thanks for being patient with this chapter; I had wanted to get it posted earlier but all the cooking and cleaning for the holidays just really took its toll.
Gonna cut this short as I have other things calling my attention (like sleep) but I'll see you next chapter where the plot is about to take an interesting turn.
Next time on For a Chance at Happiness
Chapter 30: Of Unceasing Wonders