Chapter 67
Fulfillment
Tonight was the night. John lay in bed as he thought about everything and he wished for some things. He knew that to think it or wish for it was not good enough. Several more songs played. He listened to all of them. He was lost deep in thought. He was lost in his thoughts of Cameron. He so much wanted to touch her again and to be with her. They only shared one night together and he wanted more. There were no more nights. There was only 'nothingness'. Cameron gave him one last gift which was herself and then she just left. Cameron left him alone. She was just gone.
He could better understand the hurt and pain his mother must have felt for YEARS. He needed to apologize to her about all 'that'. He knew he was rough on his mother about some of those 'endeavors'. The sad part in all of that was everything she did, she did for him. She'd needed to compromise herself at times to have a place to hide or for her to learn new combat and survival skills. It was all to protect him and provide for him. He never really understood it at the time.
Then there was tonight. It was all about to come to a head. Things were going to happen and things were going to change. John did not know what to expect. He wondered if 'being with' Allison and Vanna be totally different or the same? Would each one of them act or respond the same or be different? He was very apprehensive. He was filled with so much doubt. Only the loneliness was able to overpower all the other emotions and feelings. He wanted to feel alive. He wanted someone to want him. He wanted someone to hold him and touch him. He wanted to be loved. He wanted to love again. He wanted to be loved again. He wanted to share.
Weren't those the things that everyone wanted? Wasn't that natural human behavior? He felt he should be able to experience those things like many others did. Was he that much different than anyone else? He never really felt that he fit in. He never saw himself as some 'great leader'.
He knew what was going to happen in the darkness. Not only was it the physical darkness of the room but the darkness that shadowed his heart. The darkness of the loneliness was slowly killing him. Cameron not only terminated herself, she was slowly terminating him as well in her absence.
John really wondered what happened to Cameron. What could have been so catastrophic that she was unable to return? He'd been over this dilemma thousands of times. The answer was always the same. There was no answer. Nothing ever changed. Enough of this, he thought. He wanted to live for tomorrow and stop yearning for yesterday. Yesterday was gone and so was Cameron. Life needed to move forward not backwards. He was pretty much stuck in reverse with nowhere to go if he dwelt on Cameron.
If John was given the choice between Vanna or Allison, he knew he was going to want it to be 'Cameron'. That was a choice that no longer existed. Was that his fault? Was it Future John's fault? If it was, it was still his fault.
John heard his door open. He was very pleased to see that. If nothing else it stopped him from thoughts of what 'used to be'. He glanced at the clock. It was fifteen to eight. They were right on time if not a tad early. He liked that. That showed they wanted to be there with him. The figure was momentary back lit by the hall light as she entered the darkness of his room.
He faintly whispered to himself….
John switched off the music.
The figure approached in the darkness. There was only a very dim glow of light from the bathroom.
He sat up on his bed and then stood. John knew this was it. His life was about to change forever. There was no turning back once this happened. It was about to happen and it was going to happen right now.
John thought it was Allison. He wanted to make sure it was not Vanna and he accidentally said the wrong name. He knew that would be a 'mood changer'. He was already afraid he would call her 'Cameron'. He was afraid he would call either one of them 'Cameron'.
He felt a little guilt but the feeling quickly passed. He was tired of being alone. He was tired of the emptiness. Cameron wanted him to move on. She was the one who set all this in motion. That was he was about to do. It was time.
She came to him in the darkness.
They embraced for a long moment.
They kissed.
John let his hand run across her body. It slipped inside her pants. There was no scar. It was Allison.
John was still afraid he was going to call her the wrong name. He'd tried to come up with a contingency plan to avoid that. He did not know how it was going to fly but he laid it out there anyway. He hoped it was the best way not to blow it.
"I would like to do this silently." John said. "Please, for me. "
John was really afraid he would say Cameron's name when he was with Allison. He did not want to do that at all costs. That would hurt Allison deeply. He also asked Vanna to please tell Allison to never ask him how she and Cameron 'compared'. he did not want to be asked how the 'real thing' compared to 'synthetic'. He felt that is something that should never be discussed. Each person is different. They are how they are. It was not a contest and no one could help how they were born or 'built'. He was not sure there would be a 'difference'. It did appear that he was about to find out.
He felt Allison take his left hand. He could feel her gently touch his ring. She brought it to her lips and kissed it.
John was happy that Allison understood. Allison would know 'Cameron' was with them. It would be the three of them, even if one of them was only a memory.
They slowly undressed each other.
John was somewhat surprised Allison came without her underwear.
They stood naked body to naked body as they held, touched and kissed each other. The kisses were passion filled and seemed to 'say' so much.
Allison moved to the bed. She gently pulled him with her.
John was excited. He hoped he would be able to satisfy Allison. He was afraid, things would happen too quickly. He hadn't 'spilled his seed' recently in anticipation of this night. Maybe he should have. He did not want this to be over in less than two minutes.
Allison seemed to rush the foreplay, she wanted him NOW.
John slid between her legs. She hungrily guided him in. As he entered her smooth soft tight warmness he could think of nothing else in the world…. From the moment his door opened all John saw was - Cameron. It was what he feared he would do and it was what he did.
Earlier:
Allison and Vanna were in their room. They tried to think a of a fair way to see who would be with John 'first'. They did not want it to be awkward and they did not want to 'fight' over it.
They'd flipped a coin it landed on the ground and spun like a top.
The spinning slowed and finally stopped.
The coin was about to fall over. Their fate would be evident.
How it landed would determine who went to visit John in his room 'first'.
Allison's hand slammed down on the coin before it fell all the way.
"Not this way." Allison said.
Vanna was a little shocked. She'd expected to see who 'won'.
"It is fair to BOTH of us." Vanna said.
Allison wanted to be first. She would try to plead her case to Vanna.
"Vanna, I want to be first. I want John to take me. I don't want to hurt you but please let it be me."
Vanna could not help but feel a little offended. The coin toss was fair. It was chance that was supposed to determine who went first.
"Why?" Vanna asked.
Allison always loved John. She remembered the first time she laid eyes on him.
"I have wanted John from the moment I saw him." Allison said. "Vanna, I love John."
There - she said it. Allison felt relieved. It was out in the open.
Vanna thought her feelings counted as much as Allison's. Did Allison think she felt anything less? This was a big step in their lives and future.
"Allison, I love him too." Vanna said.
They both felt the others words.
Stab and stab back.
They sat there in silence for a time.
The two long time lovers each stabbed the others heart with their words. It was not intentional but more matter of fact.
"Maybe we should wait for him to come here. We can then let him 'choose'." Vanna said.
Allison did not want to hurt Vanna. She thought she was justified in her quest.
"Vanna, please, PLEASE, let me be with him first." Allison said.
Vanna was afraid John would love the first one of them that he 'touched' more.
"You want him first because you know he will love you if you do." Vanna said.
That was what Allison wanted.
"YES!" Allison said.
Vanna wanted love too. She wanted John's love
"I want his love as well." Vanna said.
Stab and stab back, again.
Allison didn't think it was complicated.
"John will love the one he is touching." Allison said.
Vanna saw it deeper than that. This was more than about sex. She knew there was a big distinction between 'being touched' and you touching someone else.
"No, John will love the one who is touching him." Vanna said. "There is a difference to that."
Allison knew that put her at a disadvantage. Vanna had a lot more experience than she did with females and males, even if her encounters with males were forced. Over her early years Vanna learned to do what pleased men so she would not be killed.
"We both know that you can 'touch' better, Vanna." Allison said.
The two beautiful women looked at each other.
"It needs to be fair." Vanna said.
Vanna did not want to yield.
"Fine!" Allison said somewhat upset.
The girls did not want to 'fight' over this if possible.
As Allison picked the coin up she saw Vanna actually won the first toss.
Allison quickly looked at Vanna.
Vanna said nothing.
The coin went back into the air.
Both women looked at each other as the coin flipped.
They each hoped they won the toss.
The coin landed on the floor, spun around several times and fell over.
It was – Allison.
Earlier:
Cameron was able to get the chip set in Unit Three before she collapsed.
A short time later Unit Three booted up.
He saw Cameron lying next to him. Her body quaked uncontrollably. Unit Two was lying on the other side of Cameron and appeared inoperable.
There was a live electrical wire tangled in Cameron's hair. It was in contact with her scalp. There were chunks of plaster laying about the floor. It appeared the building suffered damage of some type. He did not know of Cameron's fight with the Terminator with the temporal error.
The wires were the old fashion bare wires that looped from glass terminal to glass terminal. He picked up the knife and knocked them off of her. Her body stopped quaking. It just lay on the floor unmoving at this point.
He quickly scanned Unit Two and removed his chip from his abdomen and placed it back in his head after he opened the port.
Unit Two booted up.
Cameron still lay lifeless and unmoving on the floor.
Unit Two scanned Cameron
"She is terminated." Unit Two said. "Cameron is 'dead'."
Later On:
John expended himself three times. One of which Allison was on top.
John breathed heavily. His heart pounded. Allison was very demanding. She was as 'hungry' as he was. It seemed she never tired.
Allison started to climb back on top of him.
It was clear she wanted more.
"Allison, I have to save something for Vanna." John said.
Allison reached over quickly and flipped on the light. She stared at John.
Fulfillment
A path through darkness
Is very hard to follow
Some ruts in the road are deep
While others are shallow
The goal is to obtain
What one does not possess
You need to use some tact
Along with a lot of finesse
Is what you seek
What you truly want
There is much more to sharing
Than the victory of a hunt
So now before you
It what you have sought
To get to this point
What have you shunned and forgot
It is still only a replacement
Maybe you are not so brilliant
There is an unseen cost
To a moment of fulfillment
Nobody