A/N: I'm trying to stick with the once-a-week update. I'm not too far in the next chapter I'm writing, but hopefully that'll be done before the next update. Enjoy :)

Killian was so goddamn tired.

He didn't get back to his place until nearing five in the bloody morning (spent all of his time talking with Emma, drinking hot cocoa at a 24-hour diner near the lounge, talking about nothing and everything all at the same time) and well now, he was paying for it. He should've been smarter about it, should've left much earlier than he had. But Killian couldn't deny the way Emma's eyes lit up whenever she laughed or smiled, or the way her face reddened whenever an embarrassing story came up.

God, Killian was already so screwed.

He ran his hand over his face as the hot water beat down his sore back (this job was bloody killing him). Even though he was exhausted, Killian couldn't stop remembering the glint in Emma's eyes when she first spotted him in the lounge, or the way she tucked her hair behind her ear when she was nervous…bloody hell, Killian was fucked. He's known her for nearly a month and he was already falling-

Don't fucking finish that thought.

He didn't want to think about it. Killian knew it was a matter of time, but it was so soon. This was how it was with Milah-fell too quickly, and it destroyed him when things went sour. Not like things would go sour with Emma, of course; she was his soul mate.

But Killian still couldn't help but be hesitant.

Killian dropped his head against the dark gray tile of the shower walls and yelled at his mind to just shut up. He didn't get nearly enough sleep to deal with these thoughts. Hell, Killian didn't want to deal with these thoughts period. He didn't want to be reminded that everything he touched broke and he was bloody poison and he didn't deserve a soul mate or someone as perfect as Emma-

Bloody shut up, Killian yelled at himself again.

Killian shut off the water and stepped out onto the bathmat, grabbing his towel from the nearby hook and wrapping it tightly around his waist. He sighed as he entered his bedroom and saw that his phone was blinking, telling him that he had a notification. He grumbled as he walked over to his nightstand and gripped the phone, swiping the screen to see that he had a text from Liam.

Hurry up, pretty boy. I'm bloody starving.

Killian rolled his eyes and grumbled some more as he hurried over to his dresser, plucking out a pair of blue jeans and a dark red t-shirt. He shrugged on his signature leather jacket and slid his phone into his back pocket after turning the sound on so he didn't miss anything else from his bothersome brother. Within five minutes, Killian was down on the street just outside of his apartment building on the Upper West Side, hailing a cab, which slowly crept to the curb beside him.

A phone ringing interrupted Killian reaching for the cab. Killian groaned as he reached into his back pocket, taking out the chiming cell phone. He recognized the number as his publicist's and he praised God that she wasn't pissed about something because man she was downright demonic when she was angry.

"Jones," Killian muttered into the phone, taking deep breaths to calm his heart.

"Come down to the office," Regina Mills spoke over the phone. "Got something to talk to you about."

Killian sighed. "Alright. I'll be down there soon."

Killian waved at the driver, telling him that he didn't need the cab, as he began walking down the block, seeing as Regina Mill's office wasn't too far from his apartment building. As he began walking, he sent a text off to Liam, telling him that he'd be at Liam's place right after this meeting with Regina. Killian wasn't about to test her patience by making her wait until after lunch.

He knew he needed to be in at least a decent mood when he met with Mills-that woman could smell fear, he swore. Killian focused on taking deep breaths as he walked to the office of Mills Communications. Killian tried to erase the thoughts of this morning by thinking of his career, his family, everything that has come to be ever since her passing.

(And if he thought about gold flaxen hair,

Or jade eyes,

Or the dent in her chin,

Well, that was his own business.)

When he walked up to the building, three blocks from his apartment, Killian already felt lighter, as though he didn't have a worry in the world. It was a wonder that just thinking of Emma already made Killian feel like a better man, like he wasn't terrified of the future that he would have with her. He had always thought having a soul mate would be simple, easy.

Turns out, it's the most complicated thing in the world.

Killian walked into the building, weaving through the crowded sidewalks and going into the just-as-crowded atrium. Killian sighed as he finally reached the elevators, squeezing into one of the cars just as the doors were sliding shut, pressing the button for the eighteenth floor. He ignored the curious stares of the two other people in the elevator car, even though he had seen both of these people several times in the building.

He guessed that being star struck was a constant thing that never really faded away.

The doors swung open at the eighteenth story and Killian stepped off of the elevator, leaving behind the kind-of-disconcerting stares. He waved politely at the woman at the front desk, a red-headed woman named Lena, as he walked past her, heading toward the rear office, where Regina Mills would be waiting for him.

He walked past the rushing employees and cluttered cubicles, reaching the large black door, behind which was Regina's office. He gently tapped on the door, but could hear Regina talking animatedly on the phone. So he slowly poked his head through the door, opening it a crack, and spotted Regina focusing on her computer and chatting away on the phone. She spotted Killian and waved him inside, pointing to one of the two chairs in front of her large oak desk. Killian closed the door behind him and sat in the deep black chair (which was ten times more comfortable than the bed he had at his first studio apartment), waiting for Regina to finish her call.

"Ugh," Regina sighed as she slammed the phone down on the receiver. "Some people are so incompetent."

Great, she was in a bad mood. Regina Mills was hell in a bad mood.

Regina looked over at Killian as he relaxed in his chair. "Well don't get too comfortable. This won't be long."

"So, what is this about?" Killian asked as he straightened up in his chair, under Regina's intimidating gaze.

"Just saying that keep up whatever you're doing," Regina said and Killian furrowed his eyebrows in question. Regina sighed and pushed a stray hair back from her face. "Do I have to spell out everything for you? Your Twitter mentions have skyrocketed, your likes on your Facebook page have increased tenfold in the past three weeks, and tons of articles are pegging you for several new characters in movies. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it 'cause it's making me job a helluva lot easier."

Three weeks ago. Bloody hell, that was when he met Emma. He hadn't even really realized how much meeting her had changed everything.

"Well, except for that one hiccup three weeks ago with the paparazzi," Regina commented offhandedly and Killian's face reddened. "But you've made up for that. So, you can go now."

"Are you saying that you're proud of me, Ms. Mills?" Killian asked, a smirk spreading on his face because Regina Mills was a very difficult person to please.

Regina pursed her lips at him. "Oh wipe that smug smirk off your face, Captain Guyliner. You can go."

"As you say, Ms. Mills," Killian said as he stood from the chair, running his hands over his jeans. "See you another time."

Regina was too busy picking up the phone for another call to bid Killian farewell. So, Killian headed out the way he came in, waving again at Lena as she sat behind the desk. He headed out of the building and stood by the edge of the sidewalk, hailing a cab, which quickly pulled to the curb for his fare.

Killian hopped into the backseat, telling Liam's address to the driver as he slid on the cracking leather seat. The car quickly pulled away from the curb once Killian closed the door, peeling onto the slowly filling streets of New York City. Killian grumbled under his breath and rubbed his tired eyes.

"Hey, I know you," The taxi driver spoke up, looking into the rearview mirror. "Hey! You're that guy! Aw crap, what is that show! Never something. Oh wait, Never Landing!"

Killian spread a smile on his face, no matter how fake it was. Mills would have his balls if he was rude to one of his fans. "That is me."

The driver began laughing, unable to believe that this was truly happening. "Holy shit, man! Killian Jones, right?"

"Aye," Killian responded as he relaxed in his seat, the car slowing to a stop at a light.

"Man, my son loves your show. It's like a freaking religion to him, you know," The driver continued, paying attention to the street, honking loudly at an idiot cab driver beside them that nearly sideswiped them. "Fuggin' idiot. Man, you got him wanting to do acting lessons. Thirteen years old and he already knows what he wants to do with his life, because of you."

Killian smiled again, genuinely this time. He did have a weakness for hearing about young fans. "It's an honor to hear that."

"I know I should be happy, right? 'Cause hell, it took me half my life to figure out what I wanted to do and by then, it was too late. I got stuck with this," The driver added, glancing back for just a moment at Killian, his tan skin glinting in the plastic between the driver's seat and the backseat. "I wanna give him everything, you know. But, man, acting classes are freaking expensive."

Killian looked around the backseat of the cab, spotting the very infamous GQ magazine (the very same one that contained his photos). How convenient.

(He did not smile when remembering Emma's bright blush when he saw the background to her phone.)

"What's your son's name?" Killian asked, shuffling through his jacket's pockets, finally finding the sharpie he knew he kept in the chest pocket for run-ins like this.

"Dominic," The driver replied.

Killian scanned through the magazine, spotting the first full page picture of him (and he must say, he looked devilishly handsome) (even if that bloody blazer was far too tight and the jeans were a size too big) and tearing it out of the magazine. He quickly scribbled a note for Dominic and signed it with his flaring signature. Killian slid the partition open that small gap and handed the driver-whose name was Michael, if he could read the man's license correctly on the dashboard-the signed picture.

"Here. For your son," Killian told the man, who was clearly happy with the gesture.

"Thanks, man!" Michael said excitedly, speeding through a yellow light. "Dominic is gonna scream when he sees this."

"It's not a problem, mate," Killian responded, noticing the familiar apartment building coming up.

Killian pulled out his wallet from his back pocket and grabbed the things he needed to hand off to the driver. Once Michael pulled up to the curb, Killian handed him the things through the partition and placed his wallet back into his back pocket.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, man!" Michael exclaimed, looking back at Killian through the plastic barrier. "You gave me two hundred dollars for a thirty dollar ride!"

"Keep it," Killian said with a smile and a shrug. "Use it for the lad's acting lessons."

"And this?" Michael asked, holding up a small piece of paper, containing Killian's contact info.

Killian smiled. "If he ever wants to possibly guest on Never Landing, of course."

Killian could see that the man was clearly choked up at the gesture, but Killian knew it was for the best. He wanted Dominic to have a chance at this life because it had brought such happiness to Killian. Killian only wanted that for him, even if he didn't know Dominic.

"Have a good day, Michael," Killian said finally as he slid out of the backseat and stood up on the sidewalk, slamming the car door behind him.

As Killian walked into the apartment building and pressed the up button at the elevator, he thought about Michael the driver. Killian did sincerely hope that Michael contacted him for Dominic; he wanted the boy to have the chance to follow his dream. Everyone deserved at least a chance. And naturally, because his mind seemed to like to torture him, he was brought back to that day in Emma's apartment, looking at her terrified eyes, begging for a chance.

Wow, how things have changed.

Now, Killian only hoped he wouldn't fuck it up, like he fucked up that night all those years ago-

Stop.

Killian took a deep breath as the elevator doors swung open and he stepped onto them, pressing the button for the third floor. The doors closed slowly, hiding staring faces from the lobby since they all obviously recognized him. Killian wanted to smack himself; he should be happy for fuck's sake. Emma was letting him in, showing him her smile that she rarely smiled (the one he stores away in his memory for lonely nights where rum was his friend and he was haunted by bitter memories of Milah and happiness-) and how she laughed at any bad pun. That made him smile, thinking back to last night when he said a particularly horrid one (he can't remember what the pun was for the life of him, but he could remember that cheerful laugh and the way tears sprouted in her eyes).

He hoped he'd be enough for her. Be what she needed in her life. He wouldn't be able to handle it if he just became another person who let her down and made her build her walls even higher.

Killian shook his head as the elevator doors slid open and he walked down the hallway, finding the apartment near the end of the hall and just walking in, just as he had so many times before. He could smell the chili on the stove (Jenny's specialty) and his stomach growled loudly, alerting Jenny of his presence as she stood at the stove.

"Oh hey, Killian," Jenny spoke from the stove, looking back to the large pot on the burner. "Chili's almost done. Liam's in the nursery. Amelia was up at the ass-crack of dawn, so he's just making sure she gets back to sleep."

"If you don't mind, I'll go visit my little niece," Killian responded while tucking his hands into his jacket pockets.

Jenny smiled as she stirred the chili. "Can't blame you. She's too precious to pass up."

Killian shot Jenny a smile and walked toward the door further down in the apartment, about ten feet from the master bedroom and directly across from the main bathroom. His motorcycle boots clunked on the hardwood floors as he cracked the nursery door open, seeing his older brother standing over the little bassinet Amelia was laying in. Liam looked over his shoulder and held a finger over his mouth, telling Killian to be quiet as he approached the crib.

"She finally went to sleep," Liam said and Killian could hear the exhaustion in his voice.

At least Killian wasn't alone in that department.

Killian peeked over Liam's shoulder and saw his little baby niece sleeping soundly, her little fists closed tightly and her chest rising and falling with her breathing. Her brown hair was sticking out in wild directions, which nearly made Killian laugh. But he was pretty damn sure that Liam would murder him if he woke up Amelia.

"Already a hellion? Must be taking after me," Killian teased his brother and Liam knocked his shoulder back into Killian's shoulder.

"Piss off," Liam grumbled as he looked back to his younger brother. "Come on, the chili must be ready by now."

Liam clasped his hand on Killian's shoulder as the brothers walked back out of the nursery, heading back toward the kitchen where the chili was indeed finished. Jenny began ladling the chili into each of the three bowls, handing them off to Killian and Liam as they reached her spot by the stove. Liam accepted his with a kiss on Jenny's cheek and Killian felt a flare of jealousy because he wanted to be able to experience that familiarity with Emma.

"So, how was hanging out with Emma yesterday?" Liam asked as he sat at his usual seat at the table, at the head, closest to the kitchen.

"Fun," Killian replied, sitting on the side closest to the wall, accidentally scraping the chair against the wall as he moved the chair to sit. "Didn't do much 'cause she had to leave early."

"Why?" Liam asked, mixing the chili with his spoon.

"Work," Killian responded quickly, pinching shredded cheese from the bowl in front of him and drizzling it over the chili.

"So what did you guys do?" Jenny asked as she took her seat across from Killian, immediately shoveling a bite of chili into her mouth (immune to heat, the bloody dragon).

Killian shrugged as he scooped a spoonful of chili and blew on it gently. "Nothing really. Sat around, ate, I let her play my guitar."

"And that's all?" Liam asked, raising an eyebrow (the go-to Jones move).

Killian knew that tone of Liam's voice and he sighed. "Bloody hell, Liam. We didn't shag."

"Yet," Liam added on, snickering into his bowl of chili.

Killian rolled his eyes and ate another spoonful of his chili. "Piss off."

"What's stopping you?" Jenny asked, her bowl already half way eaten. Killian sighed and Jenny quickly added on, "I mean, I agree that you shouldn't be having sex already. But, something's definitely stopping you. I can see it in your eyes. What's going on?"

Damn Jenny and her observant mind.

Killian pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. He was not in the mood to talk about his thoughts about the soul mate thing. But he knew Jenny well enough to know that she wouldn't drop it until she got her answer.

"Nothing's stopping me, alright? I'm just exhausted. I didn't get home until nearly five this morning because I hung out with Emma after I was done filming," Killian replied and hoped that Jenny didn't catch the lie.

"And you didn't shag? I didn't raise you properly, little brother," Liam commented and Jenny smacked his arm, spilling his spoonful of chili back into the bowl. "Hey!"

"Drop the sex talk, Liam," Jenny scolded her husband, which made Killian chuckle as he ate some of his chili. Jenny looked back over to Killian, her fiery red hair falling out of her high ponytail. "You aren't getting out of this. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Killian."

Killian dropped his spoon in his bowl and dammit fine. "I'm waiting to fuck up something, alright?"

"What?" Liam and Jenny asked at the exact same time (so married).

Killian ran his hands through his hair, his nails raking his scalp in annoyance. "I always fuck up something, so I'm waiting for it to happen and everything I touch breaks and-"

"Killian, stop," Liam spoke up, but Killian did not look up to see his brother's clenched jaw and flaming eyes. "Where the hell is all of this coming from? For the past three weeks, since this all began, you were excited about finally having this. And now you're freaking out. Freaking out with reasons that make zero sense. So what the hell is going on?"

"Nothing is going on," Killian grumbled out as he neared the bottom of the bowl.

"You're falling in love with her," Jenny realized, with wide eyes and her jaw slack.

"It hasn't even been a month, Jenny. That's be insane," Killian responded back, even if Jenny hit it right on the head.

"And that's why you're freaking out. Because it's so soon. Because that's how it was with-"

"Milah," Killian finished Jenny's sentence and looked up at his brother and his wife.

"You know that wasn't your fault, Killian," Liam stated, the same thing he always said whenever Milah came up in conversation.

"Even if you keep saying that, it doesn't change the fact that it was," Killian replied to his brother, his jaw clenched as he fought the pain that was always associated with thinking about Milah. "I want this, but I don't want to fuck this up. I cannot fuck this up because if it does, it would ruin Emma. I want this, but the voice in the back of my mind keeps reminding me that I can't have anything nice and perfect and that this is all gonna go to hell because I'm bloody poison."

"Killian, I could throttle you right now," Liam grunted out, rubbing his tired eyes.

"Why? Because I'm telling the truth?"

"Because you are being bloody idiotic!" Liam responded, raising his voice an octave. Jenny placed her hand on Liam's arm and Liam took a deep breath. "It was not your fault. Life just happened and that's all there is to it. You won't fuck it up because you will not let yourself fuck it up. I know you well enough to know that you have wanted this more than anything, ever since you were little, and that you will not let this go poorly. And it already sounds to me that you are falling in love with her because you are putting her in front of yourself already."

Liam picked up his now empty bowl of chili and Jenny's scraped-clean bowl and the chair legs scraped against the hardwood floors as he stood up from the table. "I'm not dealing with your self-loathing shit again, Killian. It was an accident-you need to see that. If you don't get past that, then you are gonna ruin this. I don't wanna be the bad guy, but you need to understand that. You know Milah would've wanted you to have this. Don't disgrace her memory by shooting yourself in the foot."

Killian sighed as Liam walked over to the kitchen sink, spinning his spoon in the chili that was nearly gone. He knew Liam was right (he always was), but it didn't tame his wild thoughts. That voice kept screaming at him, telling Killian that he was going to mess everything up and that nothing good could ever stay-

"I don't want to side with Liam because of how harsh that all was, but he's right, Killian," Jenny spoke up, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. "If you let go of your past, it'll work out."

Oh bloody hell.

"I can't let go because it's all my fault. No matter what either of you say, I know it was my fault. Imagine having someone's death on your hands? Someone that you loved, that you would've died for! I know it's been two bloody years, but that doesn't change the fact that Milah is dead because of me," Killian ranted, standing up from his chair and wrenching a hand through his hair. "I don't want to hear all of this optimistic bull shit. Sorry, but I don't. Yes, I've always wanted this and yes, I was excited about this. But now, I'm panicking because it's bound to go awry because something always goes wrong. So excuse me for-"

"Killian, you cannot think like that! If you think like that, then it will go wrong and you'll have no one to blame!" Liam replied, his eyes flaming and Killian was not going to deal with this.

"I'm heading out," Killian told his brother and Jenny as he walked over to the kitchen sink, carrying his empty bowl. "Thank you for the delicious food, Jenny. It was a pleasure."

"Always," Jenny replied from the table, clearly wanting to continue this conversation.

"Killian, just please, remember what we said," Liam said as Killian washed his dish out in the sink. "I know it's been hard on you since Milah passed, but please, you know she'd want this for you. Don't let that hinder you."

Killian sighed and looked over to his brother as he dried off his hands on his pants. "Just-give me time, Liam."

He kept his head down as he hailed a cab and stated his address, wanting to avoid recognition for now. Even though just the mere thought of Emma had brightened his day, the stupid conversation from earlier was slowly creeping back into his thoughts. He was afraid-so afraid-of mucking things up and it would kill him if he did. He knew that if he screwed everything up, Emma wouldn't be able to move past it. Emma would shut herself in to never allow anybody in ever again. And it had already been a challenge to get her to even allow Killian in.

No, he wouldn't fuck things up because Emma deserved better than that.

That woman deserved better.

He didn't know what had gone on in her life (even during their long nights together, they've both avoided the topics of their pasts) but Killian knew he would do anything in his power to make sure that Emma never had to go through more pain in her life. Liam was right: Killian was falling in love with her. It hadn't even been a month since their lives changed, but Killian knew it. Killian never did anything half-assed, which included falling in love. His single wish, though, was that he wasn't so goddamn afraid of falling so quickly.

The call from that night echoed in his mind.

Killian mentally shook his head as he fished his keys out of his back pocket, reaching his apartment door. God, he already needed a bloody drink but it wasn't even two in the afternoon yet. But he decided for just today, he would allow himself to drink this early (something he hadn't done since Milah's untimely death).

"There you are!" Graham called from the couch and Killian cursed himself for not remembering that he gave him a key to the apartment. "I was wondering when you'd be back."

Killian sighed and rubbed his tired eyes, shutting the door behind him and walking toward the steps that led into the living room. "I thought you'd be gone by now."

Graham shook his head, looking back to the large TV (where he was watching rugby) and sipping on the bottle of Guinness in his hand. "Nope. The exterminator's still there. Bloody bed bugs."

Killian sighed as he wrenched off his leather jacket, tossing it over the back of the couch. "Alright."

"Want a beer?" Graham asked, holding another bottle toward Killian. Killian took it without a word and walked around the couch, sitting beside his best friend. Graham furrowed his eyebrows in question. "Rough day already?"

Killian sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "You have no bloody idea."

"Wanna talk about it?" Graham asked and Killian had never been so thankful that his co-star understood Killian's reluctance to talk about his problems.

Killian wanted to. Long nights filming the show led to their close friendship and Killian rarely hid anything from Graham. But he still hadn't told him about Emma and the whole soul mate situation. And with how his thoughts were poisonous and his worries were killing him…Killian couldn't burden them on someone who didn't already know.

He didn't have the energy to explain it all.

"I'm good," Killian responded.

Graham sighed and resituated in his seat. "Well, since you won't talk about it, I'm gonna assume it's a girl."

Killian grumbled and sipped more of his beer.

Graham chuckled. "Okay, got that right. So, I think you should grow a set and ask her on a date. I know how you are and how you have always been, so I think that would be good for you. It'll help you figure out what you want or need and maybe it'll help her out."

Dammit, even without telling Graham a single thing, he knew exactly what to say.

Maybe Graham was right. Maybe asking Emma on a date, whatever that would entail, would help calm his thoughts about being a pathetic human being and that everything he touched broke and that he was lower than shit-

Killian sighed. "Alright. I'll ask her on a date."

Graham smiled and clasped Killian's shoulder. "Good. Now, let's watch guys kick each other's asses."

He didn't know what he was doing. Killian laid in bed, staring at the ceiling with his cell phone in his hand, staring at his messages. He hadn't texted her since the day he gave Emma his number and he just kept reading it over and over again: "Saving a song for you tonight, captain." He'd been doing this ever since Graham left at ten at night, at least a half hour ago. Killian wanted to text her, to ask her on a date, but he was still nervous. He knew he should follow Graham's advice (since Graham and Liam had something in common: they were always right) but there was still that niggling voice in the back of Killian's mind saying that he's going to fuck everything up, that he should just give up before he gives himself the chance to ruin everything-

Killian silenced the voice in his head by just finally typing out the message.

What are you doing on Wednesday night?

It took another minute for Killian to gather the courage to send the text, but he ultimately did it. God, when did he turn into a nervous wreck over a woman? Before Emma, he could confidently chat up any woman whenever he wanted to, using his charm and good looks to his advantage. But with Emma…God, she's changed everything for him.

He fell asleep waiting for a response, remembering that it was indeed Saturday night and that Emma would be working right now. But his phone chimed and Killian jerked awake, rubbing his tired eyes as he looked over at his alarm clock. 12:04 was the time as he reached for his phone and swiped the screen to read the message.

Working until eight. Why?

Killian gulped because here was his chance. He couldn't back out of this. He needed to do this. It was the proper thing anyways: asking your soul mate on a date to get to know each other. That's how it was with every other woman he'd ever talked to before and after Milah (except after Milah, it wasn't about dating-it was about fucking to try to forget the pain of losing her). And Emma was infinitely more important than all of those other woman. So, Killian needed to suck it up and just do it.

I was wondering if you would like to come over to my place and have dinner with me.

Killian threw his phone across the room so he wouldn't just stare at it, waiting for Emma's response. He can almost imagine her eyes lighting up at each text and her perfect lips quirking into that rare smile that Killian already loved.

(Who was he kidding? He could imagine those things perfectly.)

He heard his phone chime from across the room, by the door to his master bathroom. Killian took deep breaths to calm the butterflies in his stomach as he stood from his bed and walked over to the corner of the room, where his phone was lying face down on the floor. He groaned as he picked the phone up from the hardwood floor and swiped the screen to see the message.

As in a date?

Killian chuckled as he typed a message back.

Yes, as in a date. Don't sound so surprised, Swan. So what will it be?