I think I'm making these opening comments a habit. I should stop doing them. But, as I write, I have a lot of things I just want to talk about. For instance, this first section of the chapter is long and very dialogue heavy. Jane Austen-esque, no?

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Pink Camellias
09 – Uncontrolled
SethSolare

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Haruka lit a cigarette as she waited for the tea to finally finish. With a quick puff, she stuck the cigarette in the corner of her mouth. She pulled her apron tighter, feeling the tie in the back loosening. In her mind, she thought of all the ways she could start the conversation. She always wanted to come up with a very dramatic way of starting these sorts of talks. Something like, "How's it goin'?" or "What's up?" seemed entirely too boring, considering that she had to have one of these conversations at least once a week.

She leaned up against the counter in the kitchen, and she noticed a tapping sound – the sound of her ring. She was happy, strangely enough. It had been more than a year since she had been married. So much time had passed since she had even had the chance to talk to the girls like this.

"Maybe marriage has softened me up," she thought. She didn't feel quite as bitter. She didn't feel unhappy. "I don't feel like the girls," she smiled to herself. She had found her happiness. She smiled for Naru and Keitaro who had done the same.

"I suppose it's my job to help them find their own, now." She realized the tea had long finished and that Shinobu had already poured it into cups.

"Oh, heh, sorry. I was kind of staring off on my own, here," Haruka apologized.

"It's okay; I'm sure you've been busy and have a lot to do. I shouldn't be bothering you," Shinobu responded solemnly.

"It's a teahouse. Not a lot to do, seeing as how it's not much of a morning right now. Slows down at around ten, you know," Haruka said. She took a cup and walked out into the main room. Shinobu followed then walked past to sit at a table. Haruka took a seat across from her.

"I hate Su. I can't believe she would do anything like that," she said softly. She closed her eyes, feeling a need to cry. No tears came. With a sigh, she opened her eyes again.

"Well," Haruka started. "I can say that it's not an easy thing to deal with. She kissed him. Of course, it's known that Su's a much better than he is."

"What do you mean?" Shinobu asked, taking a sip.

"Su's not the kind of person to do something like that. Sure, she blames herself a lot for a hundreds of thousands of things, nowadays. But, from what Keitaro says, Su rarely does anything wrong. She likes to blame herself, put all the blame on herself."

Shinobu nodded. "She tends to do that a lot."

"Yeah, well, that's just the kind of person she's become. From fixing machines to people, she likes to do that. She likes to fix things. And, from experience with Seta, it's far more motivating to fix things that you did, rather than someone else's," Haruka lifted up her cup to take a sip. She stopped, "Well, most of the time."

"So, what then?"

"Su didn't say it was her fault. Usually, people like her, they don't admit that something is their fault when it really isn't because, really, they don't know how to fix it. They can fix everything but themselves. They work under the façade that they can fix anything, anyone. But, suddenly, when it's themselves, they can't do anything.

"They spend so much time worrying about other people, learning about others, figuring out people's lives, that they don't even worry about themselves. They can be strong for everyone else," Haruka pushed back her growing hair. Placing her elbow on the table, she propped her head up on her hand. "She was strong enough to give up her own happiness so that you could have your own."

"Keisuke's a jerk," Shinobu downed her tea after the phrase.

"Jerk or not, at the time, he wasn't. In fact, you were pretty in love with him."

"How do you know that?" Shinobu asked.

"Heh, unlike you, Kitsune, Keitaro, and Naru talk to me frequently," she giggled. "Though, Keitaro is generally more interested in talking to Seta."

Ignoring the last sentence, Shinobu went on, "So, then what? Su still kissed him."

"Well, like I said, she didn't admit it was her fault. She's far more honest than any girl I've ever met. And, because of who she is, I doubt that it is her fault. The only thing she could think of doing was admitting that it happened. Maybe she hoped that it could all be fixed on its own.

"Regardless, it doesn't seem it was fixed. She wants this to be better. She genuinely does," Haruka finished off her own tea. "And I know you do, too. You care more about Su than some guy."

"What did all of that stuff she did mean?" Shinobu asked.

"Huh?"

"I watched her kiss him back. I watched her as enjoyed it. And he put his hands on her and she loved it," her words transformed from whisper to whimper. Her mascara turned a purplish-black as a single tear dripped from her eye.

"She said she hit him," Haruka said softly.

"So? She enjoyed it," she cried softly.

"Everyone likes being kissed, Shinobu. But Su's the kind of person to constantly give up everything for everyone else. And she does so without thinking about how much it will hurt her. And then, for a few seconds in her life, something in her breaks. She crumbles and gives into something that she wants, she finally stops thinking about other people."

"So, then, it is her fault. But, she can't really control it?" Shinobu asked, puzzled as her eyes turned more purplish.

"She can't, really. I mean, I guess she could, but can't be blamed for it. It's like blaming a crazy person for doing something weird. Sure, if they tried really hard, maybe. It is, however, just part of them," Haruka said.

"Su's insane?"

"Well, we all know that."

Shinobu's shoulders dropped. "I'm not really feeling funny, Haruka."

"Fine," Haruka took the cigarette from her mouth and smothered it on an ash tray. "In any case, she's not insane. She just doesn't know when to be happy. She doesn't know what even makes her happy. Sure, she's okay with helping her friends, but what about when they no longer need her help?"

"She'll have nothing to do, then," Shinobu realized.

"Exactly. She'll have nothing to do except feel miserable and useless," Haruka said, closing her eyes.

"Useless?"

Haruka nodded. "People obsessed with helping everyone feel useless when they can't help, anymore. They sabotage their lives for it, thinking that they can be happy. Why not a kiss and a chance to fix something? She gets a two for one, really. Of course, in the end, she only screws up her own life."
"So what should I do, now that you've fully psychoanalyzed Su," Shinobu said.

"Well, first tell her that you forgive her. And I'm telling you that because I think you should. Su knew it was wrong when she did it. Keisuke, as he left, had every intention of acting like it never happened," Haruka said.

"Then, I'd try to focus on helping her find happiness first. And not by screwing up your life so she can fix it. The most important thing to remember about people like Su, they desire, more than anything, that someone save them," Haruka reached over and brushed aside Shinobu's hair.

"I want to forgive her," Shinobu whispered. "Su's been my best friend."

"She wouldn't ever want to do this to you. She hates herself now, sure. But, what's great about Su, if you go and save her, she'll be happy that someone did," Haruka stood from her seat, taking Shinobu's empty cup.

"So I become what she was for me – someone who fixes her life," Shinobu said.

"She'll always remember that she hurt you once. It's a good and bad thing. The good is that she'll never do anything to hurt you ever again. She'll always remember it. She'll also remember that you forgave her. She'll remember that you were there to save her even though she didn't deserve it.

"The bad is that she'll always carry that with her. Even though it changed her for the better, she'll hate herself forever for hurting you," Haruka disappeared into the kitchen. Shinobu stayed outside at the table. Folding her arms, she hunched over and buried her face.

Haruka stepped back into the room, carrying full cups of tea. "I want to just forget about this. Like it didn't happen. But she'll always remember it," Shinobu said in despair. "I don't want to be the source of her unhappiness."

"Well, it's just something she has to live with now. But, if you don't forgive her, she'll be worse off for not fixing it. She'll be worse because she lost a friend. And you know what?" Haruka said, sipping her tea.

"What?" Shinobu took her cup as she lifted her head up out of her arms and did the same, awaiting Haruka's words.

"You'll be worse off for the exact same reasons."

"So, we forgive each other, then?" Shinobu asked, her tears coming back again.

"Of course you do. You're the best of friends. You trust her more than that to believe that she would honestly cause you pain," Haruka smiled. "You know that for sure."

Shinobu nodded slowly before sipping her tea in silence.

She stayed for a while, sipping and staring. Haruka, being the kinder person she felt like she was, stayed for the girl. The quiet peace of the teahouse mixed with the birds outside brought Haruka's eyes to closing. As she did, she heard a knock from behind her. Shinobu, hearing the sound, immediately dropped her head down, fearing that someone would see her dripping make-up.

Haruka turned to see a familiar face, "Well, I think I remember you."

"It's good to see you, Haruka. I'm glad to see that you are well. And my sister has told me that your marriage has been a happy one," the dark haired woman said in a kind voice.

"It is," Haruka nodded. "I guess I should show you into the house. They're all out, right now."

"I figure," Tsuruko bowed. "I would, however, like some tea first, if that's all right."

"It's what this place is for," Haruka responded as she ushered Shinobu into the kitchen, trying to hide her face from the other woman.

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Yeah, like I said, it was gonna be really short. And so, indeed, it was. However, short as it was, this is a very personal chapter for myself. Kind of an introspection, I think. This is because the way I have portrayed Su in this story is basically me. Haruka's analysis of Su is my personal analysis of myself. Just some weird trivia for you people…

In any case, the reason I made this chapter short is because the next set of stuff that'll happen doesn't really mesh well in the same chapter. My chapter titles do have meanings and it just didn't fit too well. In any case, see you all soon.

SS