Pink Camellias
11 – Secondary Exposure
SethSolare

- - -

Like the night before, Motoko and Kitsune sat in the dark room surrounded by swords, armor, and a futon in the middle of the floor. The door to the room was cracked open to allow a small sliver of moonlight to pass into the room. The two girls sat close together at the back wall of the room, staring at the doorway. Kitsune joined Motoko only twenty minutes ago. Motoko, however, had been sitting alone in the dark for nearly an hour.

Kitsune, fumbled around with her left hand trying to find Motoko's. Motoko's shorts left her legs exposed to Kitsune's warm hands. Feeling the girl's hands touching her body, Motoko felt a shock of energy blaze through her body with every tap and brush on her legs. She closed her eyes and laid her head down on Kitsune's left shoulder.

Kitsune stopped moving so much. Instead of trying to find Motoko's hand, she simply put a hand on her girlfriend's knee and stroked it gently. She laid her head down on Motoko's, breathing in the scent of her rose-petal hair. Motoko, taking her hand, reached up and brushed the back of her hand across the other's cheek.

Motoko fidgeted a bit, feeling her neck beginning to hurt. It was awkward being the taller girl and her head in that position. She lifted her head up and turned to slowly kiss the girl next to her. As soon as she felt her lips touch Kitsune's, she felt her throat tighten; her eyes stung. The closeness of their kiss, the touching of their faces, made a tear fall down from Motoko's eyes and drip down Kitsune's chin.

She released Kitsune's lips and crawled over to the futon, beckoning her partner over. As Kitsune came over, she pulled the blanket over the two of them as she cuddled up behind Motoko who was laying on her side, staring out the window. Kitsune wrapped an arm around Motoko, clutching her to her body.

"I don't want to miss you," Motoko whimpered as she stared out of her room.

"Neither do I. But this is what we've been given, you know? We have to work through it." Kitsune's fingers gently stroked Motoko's bare belly, which was exposed by Motoko's ruffled tank-top.

Motoko shifted slightly, squirming almost. "Stop that, it tickles," she said in a serious voice. Kitsune knew that she was ticklish there, but Motoko wanted no amount of laughter. She wanted to wallow.

"I should probably head to my own room, then," Kitsune said, moving the blanket aside. But as she did, Motoko took hold of Kitsune's hand, her eyes seemed to quiver in the dim light. Kitsune stared back at her, examining the hurt in the person next to her. She looked loving back at Motoko, while tucking herself back in underneath the blanket.

"Tsuruko wakes up at the exact same time every day. She's been doing it for years. I'll set my alarm for before then," Motoko said, grabbing the clock near her head. "She won't see us like this."

Motoko set the alarm for the next day. She laid back down, taking hold of Kitsune's hand. She wrapped it around her body while wishing she were shorter. "She needs to be in front," she grumbled to herself.

After shifting around and blowing Motoko's long hair out of her mouth, Kitsune picked up her own body from the futon. She crawled over and around Motoko's slender body and nestled herself in front of Motoko, lying on her side. She then pulled Motoko's arm over her own stomach with a satisfied grin.

"You seemed uncomfortable being in front. Besides, I'm shorter," Kitsune said playfully.

Motoko couldn't help but giggle just a little bit. "You just refuse to feel like crap, don't you?" she asked, feeling a little teary-eyed.

"We're gonna be apart for a long time it seems. Might as well be together and happy now," Kitsune said in a matter-of-fact tone.

Motoko sighed and closed her eyes, running her fingers over Kitsune's stomach. She smiled to herself, happy for this last night with Kitsune. Her arm held on tightly as her fingers traced circles around Kitsune's navel. "I just want to cuddle all night long. This is perfect." Motoko felt at peace for the first time for the whole day.

After some silence, Motoko realized she didn't want to even sleep. She wanted to be awake, conscious for her happiness. "You know," she started, opening her eyes, "Tsuruko was always scary. When I was younger, she was violent and strict."

Kitsune nodded slightly, acknowledging that she was listening.

"When she got married, she softened up. She became happier with her life. She smiled more," Motoko said. "Sure, I was mad that she was leaving me behind. But, I admit I was also a bit jealous. I was a failure at the school and at my life in general. It's why I came here.

"When she returned home, one day, she told me that all she wanted from life was to be happy. She then said that she wanted me to find happiness for myself," Motoko shifted closer to Kitsune, pulling in the girl closer.

"Last time she was here, she told me to make a decision about school or anything like that. She told me I needed to stop being so wishy-washy about my life and just make a decision that made me happy.

"Now that I have," Motoko paused. She felt her tears well up behind her eyes. She wished that she would stop crying. She wished that, by this time, she would run out of tears. She continued to speak as the pillow the two girls laid on became wet. "Now that I have, she wants to take the one thing in this world that I have decided – that I know – makes me happy."

Kitsune smiled weakly. Her chest began tighten as gripped Motoko's hand that was originally on her stomach. Kitsune, for only the short amount of time they'd been in this relationship, was utterly happy. She knew that this is what she wanted.

"Motoko," she whispered. She turned her body around to face the other girl. "I don't want to miss you. And I don't want to have any regrets about any of this." Kitsune caressed Motoko's cheek lightly. "You know, without a doubt, that I love you, now."

Motoko nodded, tears dripping across her nose.

"And you need to stop crying," Kitsune said, wiping away Motoko's tears. "We're happy together. That's nothing to be sad about." She kissed Motoko softly. Smiling, she brought her forehead to touch Motoko's.

Motoko nodded again, using her own hands to wipe her tears. She looked through her tears into Kitsune's eyes. Her lips gently mouthed the words, "I love you." She waited for a few second before whispering the same words. She kissed Kitsune again, softly.

Kitsune closed her eyes after Motoko released her. "And, I love you," Kitsune said, her voice clearly audible.

They held onto each other as the night went on. Eventually, their eyes were compelled to close.

- -

On that Tuesday morning, Keitaro awoke in Naru's room seemingly alone. However, from around him, he heard soft footsteps, the shuffles of books and papers, and clothes rustling about. He took a turn about the room with eyes, seeing Naru tip-toe around, attempting to not make a sound. However, she was only in her underwear, fiddling around for a nice shirt or blouse in the closet.

Keitaro let out a grumble. "Geez, stop making all that noise. I'm sleepy," he said. He dropped his head back down on the pillow, throwing the blanket up over his head.

"ACK!" Naru yelled, quickly trying to cover herself up with her hands. "I knew I should've changed first," she said to herself.

Then, as if she had just made a realization, "Wait, you just saw me half-naked and all you can think about is sleeping?" she asked in an irritated tone.

From under the covers, Keitaro's muffled voice responded, "You know, you usually beat the crap out of me for seeing you like that."

"Well," she started, "we're in a relationship now." She became slightly more self-conscious and embarrassed as she carried on. "I mean, I guess you get to look sometimes. Not like, all the time. But, you know, not like, never. That's just mean to you, I guess. I can give you some eye-candy. But, like, that's just-" she cut off her rambling. She only realized by then that Keitaro really just wanted to sleep. She sighed and went back to looking for clothes to wear.

"You know what?" she asked after a finding a nice blouse and some jeans to go with it, "Not everyone gets to have an easy schedule. You don't even show up on campus on Tuesdays and Thursdays, mister 'I'll take the easy schedule that cuts out two of the five days of classes.' You're lucky your major has all your classes on those days."

"I'm lucky indeed. Now, get dressed or you'll be late," he said, holding up a clock, his body still under the blankets.

"Fine, fine. Get rid of me. But, because you have no school today, you get to take me out for a lunch date. And I'm asking you out," she said walking over to him. "If you stand me up, I'm gonna beat the crap out of you." She smiled as she ripped the covers out of his clutching hands and kissed him on the lips.

Keitaro's eyes immediately widened, his cheeks were slightly red. "You're asking me out on a date?" he asked after she let go of the kiss.

"Yeah. Mutsumi noticed we didn't go out on dates and it made me feel all awkward. She's probably gone out on more dates this week than we have in a month," she began to walk out of her room with Keitaro still on the floor. "So don't keep me waiting, Kei."

Keitaro nodded, now fully awake, as she left. He stared out at whatever imaginary silhouette her figure left behind in his mind. However, after a few seconds, his vision became occupied by her glowing face again. "And make sure that Motoko and Kitsune are okay," she said, peeking her head back in the door before leaving again.

Naru ran toward the stairs to leave for school. As she reached the stairs though, Kitsune sat at the top step with a cup of coffee in her hand, another between her feet. She turned to look up Naru who had stopped behind the girl. Using a free hand, Kitsune took the cup of coffee and held it up to Naru.

"Figured you hadn't eaten anything yet," Kitsune said, her voice quiet.

Naru looked worried. Her voice expressed a similar feeling, "Are you alright?"

"No," Kitsune said simply, staring down at her mug.

"Haruka told me what happened when Keitaro and I came in last night," Naru's voice was calm, yet she felt herself grow incredibly anxious. She took a seat next to Kitsune on the same upper step. "Where's Motoko?"

"She woke up before me this morning. She left the house," Kitsune looked over at Naru. "She's not gone-gone. She just went out for a walk, left a note saying she'd be back later."

"That's weird for her." Naru could think of nothing else to say.

"Being in a lesbian relationship is weird for her. So, at this point, I'd say anything is just normal." Kitsune stared again at her mug of coffee.

Naru looked over her friend for a while. In her mind, she wanted to say, "It'll be alright." However, as she said the words in her head, she didn't believe herself. She sighed and, likewise, stared at her coffee.

"I'm probably taking up a lot of your time." Kitsune looked back at Naru. Naru, seemingly about to interject, was interrupted, "You'll be late. Go. Go to class or you're gonna have to come up with a good lie for being late."

Naru understood that this was simply Kitsune's code for, "I just want to be alone." Naru nodded and stood to leave, taking her cup of coffee with her. "I'll just leave it in the kitchen."

As she ran into the kitchen, Naru managed to bump into Tsuruko who, overall, seemed rather annoyed. Tsuruko snapped out of her weird mood when she saw Naru, putting on a smile for the girl.

"Have you seen my sister?" Tsuruko asked, her voice serene as ever.

"No. But I think Kitsune said Motoko went out somewhere." Naru wanted to leave the place, mostly because she was running late. Partly, though, she just didn't want to get into a fight.

"I see," Tsuruko smiled. She, then, walked past Naru and up the stairs to where Naru had come. Breathing a sigh of relief, Naru left the house.

- -

Kitsune rolled up the futon in Motoko's room. Around her, she noticed some of Motoko's clothes. Most of them were clean, as Motoko only had her laundry done the other day. However, Motoko, with everything that had happened over the past few days, hadn't once tried to organize them and put them away.

She looked around the room, surveying the work she had ahead of her. Shirts and skirts were littered about on the floor. Motoko's kendo clothes along with her everyday stuff were strewn about the room haphazardly.

"She's gotten messier since she started studying," Kitsune said to herself. Sighing, she kneeled on the floor. She began folding some of the shirts and tank tops and organized them into piles. She smiled at herself, wishing that this was something she could do more often. She wanted to make this event a part of her daily life – taking care of someone.

"Where's my sister?" a voice asked. Kitsune's reverie was quickly broken by Tsuruko, who stood in the doorway. She turned to face the older woman.

"She said she was going out. She'll be back before lunch," was Kitsune's terse response.

"I see." Tsuruko looked over at Kitsune, examining her actions. "Make sure you find her suitcases and see that those clothes are folded nicely in them," she said bitingly. She, then, turned to leave Kitsune alone.

As she sat, Kitsune watched as Tsuruko walked away, cold and distant. In all the time that she had even known Tsuruko, she hadn't been quite as mean or unkind as she had become now. And, in a subconscious fit of desperation, Kitsune spoke.

"Don't you even love her?" Kitsune asked. "She's finally happy and you want to take that from her."

Tsuruko stopped. She turned back and walked into Motoko's room, standing free of anything that would hold her up. "I do. And I wish for her to become a respectable swordswoman as well as a respectable student. And, most of all, she will become the wife of a man of her family's choosing."

"Don't you think that's much too cold?" Kitsune responded, her voice soft.

"No. We have given her as much leniency as she ever wanted. But to degenerate into something like this is entirely unacceptable."

"Why?" Kitsune looked down at the pink tank top in her lap.

Tsuruko didn't move. She didn't seem to flinch at all as she spoke. "It's not acceptable."

"You keep saying that!" Kitsune yelled, her eyes darting toward the other woman. "You say that and yet you have no good reason why it's not!"

"Our family is a traditional family. Not only are you a woman, but you are a disgrace. You lounge about, doing nothing. Your job is to sit around and bet on horses. You're lucky Haruka has given you something to do," Tsuruko's voice was agitated.

"Yeah, I am lucky. I'm lucky to have a friend like her that's giving me her teahouse so I can have a job. I'm also lucky to have a girlf-"

"Shut up," Tsuruko interrupted. "She cannot and will not love you. If I have anything to say about it-"

"You don't," Kitsune interrupted Tsuruko in turn. "You go on and on about how you want Motoko to be happy. You say you gave up everything for your happiness, and look where you are now. You're actually happy with your life. Motoko finds that you want to take that from her?"

Tsuruko didn't say a word.

"All the time, Motoko says she's grateful that she has a sister that looks out for her and wishes, with all of her heart, for her little sister to be happy. You said you want her to make a decision about her life, and she has. For the first time, she's made a decision that is hers and hers alone," Kitsune's voice was stern, but still calm.

"All you've done is given her ultimatums. 'Get married or come home.' 'Pass the entrance exams or go home.' And now, when she's done something that she alone decided on, you want to take her from it. And all you're going to do is make her miserable." Kitsune tilted her head down.

Kitsune continued her voice serene again. "She'll wish that her life would end. She'll resent every day that she couldn't be with the person she-" Kitsune stopped. She took in a deep breath, perhaps checking to see if she was really alive. "She wants to be with the person she loves."

Tsuruko flinched slightly at the words. She visibly shifted her weight to one leg. She swallowed, her brow furrowed. As much as she wanted to say anything to contrary, she couldn't.

Kitsune sniffed before speaking further. "She loves me. And I know I couldn't be without her for any longer. I don't know about her, but I'm pretty sure she feels the same way." She looked back up into Tsuruko's eyes, "Would you want to live the rest of your life without your husband? Do you not want to love him and be with him? Would you lightly accept being told that you and your husband, the man you chose to marry, should not be together?"

"No," Tsuruko responded in a whisper. She looked away from Kitsune.

"I couldn't either. And if you can't, then Motoko surely could never do it," Kitsune said solemnly. Kitsune's mind trailed off for a second into another thought. That thought, however, managed to escape her mind.

"You know, she was with a guy, before she told me she wanted to be with me. He, in fact, told her to stop making herself miserable with denial and just accept the fact that she loves someone. I was surprised that she'd rather make herself miserable than admit that she could actually be happy with me."

Tsuruko looked back at Kitsune, interested. She shifted her weight to her other leg.

"You know, I realize in this situation, why she gave up so easily," she said. "She gave up because she didn't want to be a disappointment to her family. She'd rather be miserable than be happy, though a disappointment to her family. And even if she didn't want to, she'd rather miserable, than not be a disappointment to me."

Tsuruko, hearing her say this, slowly sank to the floor. She sat down, staring at the polished wood and the scattered clothes. She looked about the room, seeing the numerous artifacts of warrior Japan as well as books and study materials for Tokyo U.

"I don't want to be a disappointment to my family, either." Tsuruko looked over at Kitsune and stared at the girl. She moved over to Kitsune and took the girl's hand. "I guess I should ask you to take good care of my sister."

"I already do," Kitsune said in a whisper.

"And I'm sorry for being harsh with you." Tsuruko bowed slightly before Kitsune. She smiled, genuinely, at the silvery haired girl.

"So, you're okay with us?"

"I'm not saying I full understand why she would choose a woman. However, I can accept that she is, indeed, happy. Regardless of why she's happy, as long as she is, I'm okay with that. And I refuse to be a disappointment to her," Tsuruko said. After some silence, Tsuruko breathed in deeply, "So tell me how long you two have been together?"

"Well, we've only been together since Sunday. However, this thing has been developing for nearly 2 or 3 years. I can't remember much anymore," Kitsune responded happily.

"That long? How's that?" Tsuruko asked.

"We kissed once, when both of us were really depressed, we kind of crumbled in front of each other and both let our guards down. I guess, we just sorta found comfort in each other," Kitsune shrugged.

"I see," Tsuruko said, picking up a shirt off the floor. She, too, began folding clothes.

- -

By late morning, Keitaro had already been frantically putting clothes on, deciding what to wear to his lunch date with Naru. It had been a long while since they had even been on a date, and he'd always been the one to ask. And for the date he'd never had to ask for, he was late.

Keitaro darted out past the old playground. He smiled as he ran past it, thinking about his old childhood promise. It'd been so long since he'd even thought about the promise. And so many memories came from the old playground. But as he ran past, he saw a familiar figure, sitting sadly on the swings.

"She'd kill me for being late," he told himself. But, part of him knew that Naru would understand if it meant she'd understand that he had to do the right thing. He stopped running, and walked over to the swing set.

He approached the girl who sat alone. He took up a place next to her on the swings. "So, Haruka told me what happened. Wanna talk about it?" he asked.

Motoko nodded, turning to face him with tears in her eyes.

- - -

It ends sadly, but at least it's all finally happy. I have one final issue I want to deal with before I close this story. More than likely, chapter 12 is the final chapter. But, who knows? I might extend it to more things. The Keisuke thing was definitely interesting. Yumihiko was interesting. I mean, I have no idea what I might or might not do.

So, I have to say that the opening scene of this chapter is definitely one of my favorites. It's so calm and serene in such a sad way. I like the fact that I've modeled Kitsune to be the one who's emotionally strong and far more girly than Motoko. In heterosexual relationships, it's considered that the man is the rock, the emotional support. In this relationship, the more feminine of the two is the one that holds them together when they're about to break. And, in the reality of it, women are usually the ones that bring up the men in relationships from falling.

Though it's a lesbian relationship, that's something I really wanted to show. Men aren't as tough as we seem. Without the strong, emotional support of women, we're pretty lacking. Women are, then, the internal protectors of the relationship. Men are the physical protectors, the guardians of the relationship from the outside. Sure, I didn't portray that in Motoko, but she's not a man, is she? P

Without one part, the other is weak. And the whole is only strong when the pieces match up.

Anyway, that's about as deep as I'm gonna get for this chapter.

SS