a/n: alrighty. i know it's been another long wait for this. but school sucks and so do i. this chapter is shorter than the other ones, but it is a doozy. there's a lot going on in this chapter, so pay attention. after this chapter, there will be ONE more, and then the epilogue. so stay tuned! and i love all of you so much.
The sound of the door slamming echoed in Killian's ears.
He stood there, in his bedroom, unmoving. The browser was still open on the computer, taunting Killian with its information. He stared at the grainy cellphone photo and remembered how happy they were the night before, dancing and smiling and kissing in front of his peers. Life had been simple. Life had been perfect.
But now, everything was ruined because of a photo that should not even exist.
I can't do this right now.
Killian's heart still refused to beat. He stood there, as if he was waiting for Emma to come walking right back to him to apologize for her words and for her haste. But he knew that she wasn't returning. Not now. And maybe not ever. He didn't want to think like that because he knew Emma was it for him. But this photo made her realize things they had yet to discuss and his life might be too much for her.
He may not be enough for her.
Killian forced himself to move, walking out of his bedroom and down the hall, stepping into the entryway of his apartment. It was quiet, even the streets far below slow-moving and silent. The city had yet to begin moving, which was strange since the city always seemed to have a heartbeat. It was almost as though New York City knew that Killian Jones was suffering. It was almost like New York City knew that Killian Jones was in pain.
It was almost as though the city knew that Killian Jones had had his heart broken in two.
Killian leaned against the wall beside the hallway and slid down to the ground, settling on the hardwood floor beneath him. He stared at the door, willing it to reveal Emma, but he knew it would never come. She wouldn't be coming back, not with the pure fear in her eyes and the way her head shook and the way she kept apologizing over and over again.
But Emma didn't need to apologize. No, Killian understood where she was coming from. He understood her fear of being in the limelight and her fear of her past being revealed to be mocked and shamed for it. He had the very same fears when he began Never Landing and it had taken him a long time to move past his fears. But with Emma—the brilliant and stunning woman with mile-high walls and years of trust issues—she wouldn't be able to see past this betrayal.
I'm sorry, Killian.
Killian's head leaned back against the wall and he could feel the tears building behind his eyes. He never meant to cause any pain for Emma. And with how she looked at him before she left, tears welling behind her eyes as if she was forcing herself not to cry in his presence, Killian knew that was exactly what he had caused. His fame had caused Emma pain and had caused her to become afraid, to run away from him and to not look back. All Killian could think was that he shouldn't have asked her to come to the wedding, even with the promises Regina made to him that their privacy would be ensured. The wedding forced Emma's hand, making her face Killian's high life before she was ready.
Killian could only blame himself for her leaving.
And with that, he cried.
He cried over the pain Emma was experiencing because of the photo, over Emma's life being forever changed, and over the future they could've had if life had just gone their way. And last of all, Killian cried over the raw heartbreak he was facing. He didn't want to lose Emma—in fact, he couldn't imagine his life without her—but he knew Emma and how she ran when things got difficult.
It didn't matter that he loved her, even if it was with every fiber of his being.
Killian dropped his head onto his arms, crossed over his knees as he continued to sit on the floor in his apartment. He sniffled loudly, the only sound in the world that he could hear at the moment. God, he had almost told her last night just how much she meant to him. He had begun saying it, but then he saw the fear cross Emma's eyes and she didn't waste a moment before interrupting him before he finished the statement. Even though she was able to thoroughly distract him from saying it last night, Killian had itched all night to just speak the three simple words. He felt as though if he was able to say the words, everything would've been different this morning. They would've fooled around this morning, just as he had promised her the night before, and he would've cooked her breakfast and they would've sat around all day, watching bad television.
But no, Killian knew that saying those words wouldn't have changed anything. In fact, they could've scared her off the previous night and left him in much more pain than he was currently feeling.
He just hoped she loved him back enough to return, to at least give them a chance in the spotlight.
It was the telltale sound of the doorknob on Killian's front door turning that brought Killian out of his thoughts. He picked up his head from his arms and he looked over, remaining at his spot on the floor as the door swung open and revealed Liam with Amelia in a car seat at his side. He looked wild, his hair windblown, and Liam's eyes settled on Killian's form on the floor. He rushed over, closing the door behind him and placing Amelia's car seat on the floor beside Killian, and kneeled down to Killian's level.
"I hurried over as soon as I saw," Liam spoke, his voice still heavy from sleep. "The paparazzi are all but camping out outside. It's a bloody zoo down there."
"How'd you get in then? They know you," Killian replied, using his voice for the first time since Emma left and it sounded weary and dreary and sad.
"Gus waved me over to the side entrance," Liam explained, his eyes darting around the apartment as his eyebrows furrowed. "Where's Emma?"
"She's gone."
Liam's jaw dropped slightly, his stubble glinting in the morning light. "What?"
Killian sighed as his eyes slid shut. "She got a call this morning from her friend at around six thirty and she told us to look online. When she saw the picture, she bolted."
"Well did she say anything?" Liam asked.
Killian took a deep breath, gaining his strength and fighting back at the tears that threatened his eyes. "She said that she couldn't do this and that she needed time to think. And she just left."
With tears in her eyes and Killian nearly dropping to his knees to beg her not to leave.
"Shit," Liam spoke quietly, dropping his head and glancing over at an alert Amelia. "I'm sorry, Killian."
And Killian couldn't even find the strength to scoff at Liam's apology. He wanted to be able to play it off, to show that it wasn't affecting him. But like most times, he couldn't hide his true feelings from Liam. There were only a few people among whom Killian could show his true self. Liam and Jenny were among those people.
And so was Emma.
"I just don't know what to do, Liam. Part of me wants to run after her, but the other part knows that she needs the time to herself," Killian spoke, looking over at his niece, who was beginning to kick in her carrier.
"You know her better than I do, Killian," Liam responded, looking back to his younger brother. "I think you need to follow your instincts, which are telling you to give her space since you obviously haven't gone after her yet."
Killian sighed because Liam was right. "What time is it, anyways?"
"Nearly eight."
Well that explained Killian's numb arse.
"Let's make you some breakfast. That ought to brighten the mood a bit," Liam spoke, standing up from his kneeling position and his knees cracked loudly in the quiet apartment. He offered Killian a hand, which Killian took to stand from his spot on the floor. With Killian standing, Liam let go of his hand and clapped Killian on the shoulder, smiling toothlessly. "It'll all work out, little brother. I'm sure of it. Now take Amelia out of her carrier before she starts crying while I get started on breakfast. She missed her uncle Killian."
And for the first time that day, a semblance of a smile crossed Killian's face.
Emma's heart physically ached as she laid in her bed. She stared up at the ceiling, wishing that Granny had wanted Emma to work that morning so she would at least be able to distract herself from thinking too much. She knew she had to follow her heart, but her heart was split in two. One half wanted to remain with Killian, to apologize profusely for putting him through this and to forget she had ever left. But the other half reminded her that this wasn't the life she belonged in and that it was only a matter of time before the public found out about her past and turned on her and Killian would turn on her and Emma would rather disappear than experience that.
She stared at the crack in the ceiling, the one that originated in the corner just above her head and wormed out toward the center of the room. The crack had been there for as long as Emma had lived there, witnessing the heartbreak of a relationship and the kindling of another.
And well, the heartbreak of that next one too, Emma thought.
This was the exact reason why Emma never wanted a soul mate. Even though everybody who didn't have a soul mate insisted that soul mates were so simple and so uncomplicated, Emma had always believed it to be horseshit. And after this, after experiencing this heartbreak from the betrayal of some random guest at Regina and Robin's wedding (someone who wouldn't matter in any other context or any other universe), Emma knew that soul mates were one of the most complicated things she had ever experienced.
She had known that from witnessing Grant and Diane's marriage, at the ways Diane constantly controlled his every move. She had known that from seeing the heartbreak Aurora's double soulmate situation was causing. She had known that from seeing those who wanted soul mates the most not ever finding them.
And now, she had known that from the universe playing a trick on her and making one of the most famous men in the world her soul mate, especially since her privacy was one of the things she treasured most.
Emma scoffed as she stared at the ceiling, listening to the city slowly coming to life just outside her window. How fucking perfect. Emma had gone and fallen in love with the man and now she was left heartbroken and the universe was laughing in her goddamn face.
She wanted to talk to someone, but also wanted to remain completely alone so she could sort out her thoughts. She did mean what she said to Killian, that she needed time to think. She needed to sort out her life and decide whether or not she could remain with Killian, even if it meant being pushed into the public eye and possibly facing her past again.
As Emma continuously wanted to run away from her past, her future was forcing her to confront it.
Well…at least the future Emma wanted.
She found herself fishing out her phone from her pocket, rolling over to the side as she scrolled through her contacts. Emma found that there was only one person in the world she actually wanted to speak with, even though she knew he wouldn't answer her call. But she wanted to try.
She hit the contact she searched for and called him, listening to the never-ending ring of his phone over the line. She knew he wouldn't answer, but a little part of her held onto the hope that her father would just pick up the phone. She hoped that Diane was gone and that he was able to live his life the way he deserved it.
But then the call went to voicemail.
Of course.
Emma cleared her throat as the tone rang. "Um, hey Dad. It's Emma. I just wanted to call to say hi and that I miss you." Her throat grew thick as tears threatened her eyes again. "Actually, there's more than just that, but I'm guessing Diane is home, so it doesn't matter. I just want to talk to you and hear your voice and"-her voice cracked and she sniffled-"I just miss you a lot, Dad. Things are all kinds of fucked up here and I don't know what to do. But it's fine. I'll figure things out. Or something. Love you."
Emma ended the call and the tears broke through again. Her life was a goddamn mess and she could only blame herself. She didn't know why she was so damn surprised. Life never went Emma's way and for once in her damn life, Emma thought it could be different. But it wasn't. Her life was going to shit because that was simply how it always was.
She never should've believed that there would be complete privacy at the wedding. She never should've even gone because it was far too early to go public with her and Killian's relationship and now she couldn't avoid the news circling around about the mysterious blonde woman on Killian's side and what was she gonna do-
Emma's phone chimed and her heart lurched. She hoped it was Killian, texting to make sure she was okay and that he understood and that he'd be there for when she was ready. But when she clicked the power button and saw her screen light up with a text from Ruby, her heart broke a little bit more. At this point, she wasn't expecting Killian to be waiting for her when she did decide what she wanted. She had put him through so much during their short relationship and she wouldn't be surprised if he ended up wanting nothing to do with her in the end.
She could only blame herself for that.
Emma wiped away a tear that slipped from her eye as she tapped in her password. Her phone unlocked and she was greeted to a heartfelt text from Ruby.
Emma I just saw everything and are you okay? Who am I kidding? Of course you aren't. I know you and I know you're freaking out right now and that's okay I can't blame you. But please PLEASE don't run away. Please call me as soon as you can. Maybe we can get take out tonight with mary Margaret and just talk about everything before you make any rash decisions.
Emma snorted because she wouldn't be her if she didn't fuck up the best thing in her life.
You're about two hours too late
It wasn't five seconds later that her phone began ringing loudly. She saw that it was Ruby, which was unsurprising, given Emma's text in response to Ruby's worry. But Emma simply ignored her phone, allowing the call to ring through to voicemail. She didn't want to talk to anybody. The only voice she wanted to hear was Killian's or her father's and she knew better than to expect either.
She's gone and fucked up everything in her life.
It was only an amount of time before Emma was completely alone.
Just how she was meant to be.
When Emma cracked open her eyes, the sun had lowered itself into the evening position. Her apartment was filled with the orange rays of the sun and she scratched at her still sore eyes. Emma had fallen into a fitful sleep when her tears made her eyes feel heavy, plagued with images of Killian's hurt face and how her heart must look after all of these years of heartbreak and pushing people away.
(She imagined it was black and cracked and hollow.)
Emma sighed as she picked up her cell phone, which she had dropped to her side when she had fallen asleep. She saw two texts from Ruby and one from Mary Margaret. They were all along the lines of getting take out and meeting Emma at her place around seven that night. She wanted to protest against them coming over, but she knew that they would make a big deal about Emma pushing them away and they would come over anyways.
While she loved her friends dearly, sometimes they just did not know when to butt out of Emma's business.
She shut her screen off and tossed her phone to the side with a sigh. Emma fought the urge to find Killian's number and text him. She was the one who left, so she had to suffer from the consequences of that decision, even if it meant that she couldn't contact the man who had become a close friend and someone she loved.
God, she loved him so much that her heart could barely handle the weight of it. And even though Emma had most likely fucked everything up with him, she couldn't help but imagine a future with him, a future that she so desperately wanted. She wanted the house that Killian had spoken of, one that was close to the ocean so he could have his own boat. She wanted a wedding with this man, staring into his blue eyes as they recited their vows.
She wanted a family with him, a home for children in the system that weren't wanted. A home for children like her.
Emma wiped away a tear that spilled onto her cheek, wishing that she would just fucking run out of tears. She was sick of crying. She was sick of everything in her goddamn life and she just wanted to sleep forever so she could ignore everything and everyone and everything was such a mess-
There was a gentle, but firm knock on her front door and Emma groaned, sitting up from her place on her bed. It was half past six, which meant it was too early for Ruby and Mary Margaret to be showing up. But knowing Mary Margaret, Emma wouldn't be surprised if it was them showing up a half hour early with how punctual Mary Margaret always was. But she was not going to deal with them. Not today. Not tonight. Not after she fucked up everything good in her life and this was why she was meant to be alone, alone, alone-
"Guys, please leave me alone," Emma spoke as she gripped the doorknob and twisted it to open the front door. "I'm not in the mood-"
And it wasn't Ruby and Mary Margaret outside of her apartment door.
Emma's jaw dropped and she couldn't believe her eyes. She took in the form of her father, standing outside of her apartment, as if he had been there every day for the past four years. Lines surrounded his eyes, deeper than they had been all those years ago when she last saw him. But a smile spread on his face, his perfectly straight and white teeth in contrast to his olive-toned skin.
"Emma-" Grant Hammond began to speak, but Emma interrupted him by stepping forward and wrapping her arms around his waist, pressing her face into his chest as tears overcame her. And his arms came around her not a moment later, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm so sorry, honey. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long."
Emma tucked her head further into his chest, just as she had during her rough days as a teenager in a household ran by Diane Hammond. She didn't want to talk just yet. She just wanted to stand there with her father and inhale the scent of his cologne, the very same one he wore when she was younger and drove away the lingering nightmares of her time in the foster system.
And Grant understood this. His arms tightened around Emma and he pressed another kiss to her head. Emma felt a weight be lifted from her shoulders just by his sudden reappearance back in her life. She felt as though everything would be okay and that everything will work out. But she just wanted to stop thinking for a while. She just wanted to feel the softness of his cotton sweater under her cheek and the warmth of his arms around her.
However, they couldn't stand out in the hallway forever. So Emma pulled away from her father and wiped away at the tear tracks on her cheeks, allowing him to follow her into her apartment. The shock of his appearance had worn off and now Emma was left wondering how he was there. Diane controlled his every move and she never would've allowed him to come anywhere close to New York City. That was the reason why Emma hadn't seen him in the four years since Diane cut Emma out of their life for wanting to pursue her own life.
The door closed loudly and Emma led Grant to the main room of her apartment, tucking her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. Her father followed her past the archway and eyed the apartment and suddenly Emma wondered if Grant had expected more out of Emma after she went her own way. She wondered if Grant had wanted more for Emma.
"I remember moving you into this place," Grant commented, staring at the aged fridge outside of the rest of the kitchen. "I forgot how tiny it was."
Emma's lips drew into a line. "Yeah."
Grant looked back at Emma, taking in her hair, which was vastly different than the hair he had last seen on her. "Your hair's different."
"That happens over four years."
Grant sighed and nodded. "I know. I'm sorry. I just don't know what to say."
"How about you start with why you're here? Or even how?"
Grant let out a strained chuckle under his breath. "Well, I figured we'd go to dinner, and then we can talk."
Emma nodded slowly, sliding on her Toms and grabbing her purse from the hook beside her dresser. She followed her father out of her apartment, quickly locking the door behind them when they were out in the hallway. She was getting more and more curious by the minute about why her father had suddenly shown up, after all of these years of short phone calls when Diane wasn't around.
And as they exited her building and began walking down the bustling sidewalk, looking for any restaurant that may sound good, her thoughts turned to thinking about how her father and Killian would get along. Her father wanted a boat just as badly as Killian had spoken of wanting one, but it was a dream that he didn't attain. They would talk about their love for the sea and wishing for the day that they could sail freely on their own boat.
And Emma's heart broke a little more because she knew that would never happen.
They walked quietly down the road, only speaking when Grant pointed out a restaurant just down the street from where they were walking. Emma nodded in acceptance, feeling awkward around the man who loved her through everything, but refused to fight for her when it counted. They turned into the restaurant and asked for a table for two, quickly being led to a table out on the patio. They sat there silently as the hostess passed the menus to the both of them and assured them that a waiter would be with them in a moment.
They didn't speak until after they had finished off their food (Grant's prime rib with mashed potatoes and Emma's cheeseburger with onion rings). She sipped on her water while her father sipped graciously on the red wine he had ordered. Emma watched the people on the street and stared with envy at the happy couples that passed her. Every time she saw a couple, a pain shot through her heart and she wished life was simpler and that she was less broken and Killian deserved someone much better than she-
"I came down here because of your voicemail."
Emma shook herself from her thoughts and she looked across the aluminum table at her father, whose hands were clasped loosely on the table. She wanted to shake her head, to not believe him, because he wasn't there when Diane kicked her out of the family and he couldn't be there when Neal left and when everything in her life went to shit.
But with the way he looked at her, with pure sincerity through his horn-rimmed glasses, Emma believed him. She believed that he actually cared.
"I was in the middle of working on a case and I didn't notice that my phone rang until an hour later," Grant explained, scooting forward in his chair and it scraped loudly against the concrete of the sidewalk. "And I listened to it and I just…I knew I had to come down here to see you. I could hear how badly you were hurting and I knew I had to be here for you, to help you through whatever was happening. And I realized how badly I messed up four years ago when I let Diane kick you out."
Emma clenched her jaw to keep the tears at bay as her father continued. "So I got up, packed everything I could, and I had the talk with Diane that I should've had years ago."
"Dad," Emma said, realizing exactly what that could mean.
"I gave her the papers right before I left, Emma," Grant spoke. "I had thought about it for months and I just knew I had to do it today."
"She isn't going to sign them, you know," Emma replied because she remembered exactly how Diane was: she wouldn't let go of anything she wanted. She always had to be in control.
Grant sighed. "I think she will. She insisted that she would sign them and ruin my life and I was making a mistake and all of the usual things."
"Where are you gonna go?" Emma asked, a question that she simply had to say.
"Here," Grant replied with a small smile. "My firm has an office on the Upper West Side and they had an open offer for me for a long time. I called them today to accept it."
Grant reached over to take Emma's hands in his, reaching around the empty basket of bread between them. "I'll be here now, for you, like I've always should've been. And I want to make up for lost time, Emma. I want to know what's causing you such distress and pain."
Emma took a deep breath, unable to believe that her father had actually filed for divorce from Diane, the very thing she had wished he would for all of these years. She was happy that he finally realized what he needed to do, even if it meant the downfall of his marriage and Diane setting out to ruin his life because he no longer could be with her. But she was also afraid of the things Diane could do. She had seen what Diane could do when she was angry. Emma herself was proof of what Diane could do. She didn't wish her father the same fate Emma had suffered at Diane's wrath.
"Are you sure that you want to go through with this, Dad?" Emma asked and Grant tilted his head to the side in confusion. "I mean, we both know what Diane is capable of when she puts her mind to it. She really can destroy your life. She has the friends and the ability to spread rumors and all of that shit."
"You have to follow your heart, Emma, even when it's hard to," Grant replied simply. "I have loved her ever since I met her, even when she was controlling most aspects of my life. But it's grown out of control and I know that I can't live like that anymore. I still love her, but I have to do what's right for myself."
Emma snorted because damn, her father was already helping her figure out what the hell she needed to do about Killian, and he didn't even know what was going on. She had to follow her heart, even if it meant breaking the habits that had grown and solidified over years of heartbreak and abandonment. She had to follow her heart because she was in love with Killian Jones and he was worth so much more than her bad habits and remaining alone in her life. She had to follow her heart because Killian Jones was more than enough. He was everything she needed and wanted and desired.
"Dad, I really fucked up," Emma murmured, returning her hands to her lap, where they tangled together anxiously.
"What happened?" Grant asked, his typically booming voice toned into a gentle tone.
"Remember how I told you about my soul mate?" Emma asked and Grant nodded. "Well, things worked out after what I told you, with the whole saying-a-woman's-name-while-he-slept thing. But now, things are even more fucked up and I think I fucked up and I just don't know what to do."
"Well, just tell me what happened," Grant replied, taking on his lawyer tone.
Emma sighed and glanced around to make sure no one was listening in on their conversation. She did not want this to be the way people find out that she was the soul mate of Killian Jones and the very woman in the grainy cell phone photo. "Well, I first have to tell you that my soul mate isn't exactly like you and me."
"What do you mean?" Grant questioned, his eyebrows slightly furrowed.
Emma sighed again. "He's kind of a big deal. Like really big deal."
"Emma, stop lollygagging."
Emma retained a groan as she pulled out her cell phone to show her father exactly who her soul mate was. She was sure he would know who Killian was, as he also was a big fan of Never Landing, even though he would never admit to it to any of his work buddies. Emma quickly pulled up a picture of Killian, one of the very famous GQ photos that haunted Emma's dreams for months after they were released (and was still her phone background), and slid her phone to her father.
And his jaw dropped.
"Your soul mate is-"
"Shhhh!" Emma hissed, taking her phone away and sliding it back into her pocket. "It's still a secret."
"Holy shit," Grant spoke, allowing himself just the one curse word. "So wait. You're the woman in that photo?"
Emma sighed and nodded slowly, grateful that her father was up-to-date on what was going on. "Yes."
"Wow," Grant said simply, dumbstruck that his daughter was the soul mate of one of the most sought-after actors in Hollywood.
"We were at the wedding and I was already nervous about going to it, but"—Emma glanced around to make sure no one was listening—"Regina assured me and Killian that there would be no cell phones and no unauthorized photos and everyone working the event had signed NDAs to keep the guest list a secret. And then Mary Margaret found that this morning and I freaked out and I just left Killian's apartment and I said that I couldn't do this and that I needed to think and I just don't know what I should do, Dad."
Grant raised his eyebrows and let out a long breath, taking in all of that information. "I see."
"And I just don't belong in that life, Dad. I don't belong in the spotlight because I have a past and sooner or later, my past is gonna be made public and everyone's gonna hate me, so I might as well not even try. So I just left before Killian has the chance to because I know it'll inevitably happen because that's how it's always been."
"Emma-"
"You know it's true, Dad. Before today, you were one of those people," Emma replied honestly, making full eye contact with her father across the table. "And Killian…he wasn't. He was always there. He always made me happy and made me laugh and he never made me feel inferior because I make so much less money than him. He let me pay for cab rides and dinners because he knew it bothered me when he paid for everything. And I left because I wanted to keep my heart from getting broken, but it's broken now because I left."
"You love him," Grant spoke and a small smile crossed his lips. "That's why your heart is broken. Emma, you love him."
Emma gulped back the knot in her throat and tearfully-finally-said, "I love him. I love him so much and I just…I don't know what to do because our lives are so goddamn different. Because eventually, we're gonna drift apart because he'll constantly be filming and I'll be working nights when he's home and we'll just become strangers and I shouldn't even try."
"Emma," Grant began saying as he leaned forward, clasping his hands together on the table, "remember what I said before? 'Follow your heart, even when it's hard to.' I know you have so much hurt and anger in your past, but it's preventing you from living now and planning for the future. I know you believe that no one cares for you and no one could love you, but I love you. Your friends love you. And I'm positive that he loves you, too. You're surrounded by people who love and care about you and you can't continue to let your past drive your present and future."
Emma nodded because she knew her father was right. Killian was worth so much more than keeping her old habits of driving people away before they could break her heart. She was tired of living this way, of keeping people at a distance so she could remain safe behind her mile-high walls. She had let Killian past them, and past the crocodile-filled moat, and past the fire-breathing dragon. Emma just wanted to be with him. She wanted to love him for the rest of her life, without pause and without fear.
"I have to go see him," Emma stated, looking at her father.
He nodded. "You do."
Emma began to stand from her chair, putting her purse over her shoulder as she stood. "Where are you staying tonight?"
"The Excelsior Hotel on the Upper West Side," Grant replied. "I stopped there before I came by here."
"And you'll be there for a while?" Emma asked, her fear of being left behind by him not entirely gone.
Grant nodded with a smile. "I will be. And I'll be looking for apartments later this week, if you would like to join me."
Emma smiled as she walked around the table and pressed a kiss to her father's cheek. "Love you, Dad."
"Love you too, Ems," Grant replied with a matching smile when Emma pulled away.
And Emma marched out of the restaurant and quickly hailed a cab, telling him the address of Killian's apartment building. She would no longer keep this secret to herself. She couldn't keep it to herself any longer.
She was off to confess her love to Killian Jones.
Killian hadn't moved from his spot on the couch since Liam left at noon that day, taking Amelia along with him. Liam had promised to call him to arrange lunch someday with him, Jenny, and Amelia, and Killian was grateful. He could always count on his older brother to at least attempt to make him feel better. But at this point, the only person Killian wanted to hear from was Emma Swan.
The woman that held his heart, even though she may not love him back.
He took yet another sip of his rum, the television running in the background to make him feel not as alone as he knew he was. He wasn't entirely sure what he was watching, his focus only on the rum in his hands and Emma in his mind. He tried to keep her image alive in his mind because he did not know when or if he would ever see her again.
He knew her tendency to run and he loved her even more in the face of it. But Killian had to remember that this was far worse than any other situation they had faced. He knew how much Emma feared her past. He had just wished that she cared for him more than she feared her past.
Little Killian Jones, loving with his entire heart and never receiving it in return.
Killian threw back the rest of the rum in his tumbler, allowing the alcohol to burn its path down his throat. It settled in his stomach, warming it and giving him a slight buzz, which was enough for him to try to forget about the mess his life was. He stood from the couch and grabbed the now-empty bottle of rum from the coffee table, walking over to the kitchen to drop his tumbler into the sink and the bottle into the trash can. It was nearing half past seven and Killian was already ready to just go to bed for the night.
He was ready to just forget about this day and just sleep.
But there was a knock on his door.
He furrowed his eyebrows and walked over to the front door, his footsteps muted by his socked feet. He wondered if it was Liam for some reason, but he quickly determined it was because Jenny wouldn't let him leave twice in one day when there was a newborn to take care of. Then Killian thought it could be Graham, since he did say he would drop by at some point because of the picture popping up. Then again, Monday nights were typically Graham's time to work out.
But soon Killian found out who was behind that door, as he twisted the door knob and swung the door open.
And found Emma standing right there, her hands tucked into the front pockets of her jeans.
He nearly lost his breath, suddenly being hit by her simple beauty. Her hair was down, falling in waves over her breasts and slightly windswept. But her eyes were still slightly red, much like Killian's own were, which told Killian that she had been crying over all of this too.
"Killian," Emma spoke quietly and he watched her throat bob with a gulp. "Hi."
"Hi," Killian replied and stepped to the side, allowing Emma to step inside.
Emma stepped into his apartment, her arms moving to cross over her chest. Killian shut the door and turned to stand in front of her, noticing how her eyes were planted on the hardwood beneath her feet. The silence was killing him in a way it never had before.
"Killian, I have something to say about all of this," Emma said as she looked up at Killian and Killian nodded.
"Emma, if you want to end things, please just tell me," Killian spoke truthfully, looking down at the ground because he couldn't look her in the eyes when she ended things between them. He didn't want her to see the pain in his own eyes.
"Killian, no," Emma replied quickly, stepping forward a small step. "That's not what I'm here for."
Killian's heart resumed its regular beat, but he was still left wondering why she was there. "Then why are you here? You made it very clear how you felt this morning."
"I had time to think and I realized that I don't want this to be done," Emma spoke and Killian's heart lurched into his throat. "I don't want us to be done. I did a lot of thinking and talking with my dad and I realized that I can't keep fucking living in the past. I don't want to keep being so goddamn afraid of everything and I just want us."
"Emma, if I'm pressuring you—"
"You aren't, Killian," Emma interrupted him and she stepped forward again, slowly closing the gap between the two of them. "That's the thing. You never have. You've never pressured me into anything or made me feel terrible about my life. You've supported me and made me laugh and made me happy. You made it known that I didn't have to go to that wedding because you wanted me to decide for myself. You always let me take the lead and you're always so patient and I owe you so much."
"You don't owe me anything, Emma," Killian spoke, itching to take her face in his hands but refraining from doing so. "I care about you and I want you to be happy. And if it isn't with me, then I'll have to deal with that on my own."
"Being with you is what makes me happy," Emma stated firmly. Her eyes did not waver from his own and his heart pounded against his ribs in an even rhythm. "I realized that being with you means so much more to me than running away from my past. And if being with you means that the world will eventually know every dirty secret I have, then I'm willing to take that chance."
And Killian felt as though he couldn't breathe. He thought his world was ending this morning, but now, everything was right-side up again and was even better than before. He loved this woman more than anything and everything was finally coming together.
"Killian, I'm sorry for everything I said this morning," Emma continued, tucking her hands into her front pockets again. "You're worth more to me than being afraid of the spotlight. And I'm tired of running away. I'm so tired of it because I love you so goddamn much and I'm so sorry I keep hurting you like this—"
"W-wait, what did you just say?" Killian stuttered out, his heart beating unevenly and so quickly that he was afraid it would burst from his chest. Did she just say—
"I love you, Killian Jones."
And Killian couldn't stop his feet from surging forward and closing the final five feet between him and Emma and tugged Emma into his arms, pressing his lips against hers because she loved him. Emma reciprocated immediately, her arms wrapping around his neck as her body pressed against his fully. Her tongue swept into his mouth and Killian groaned, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist and just unable to believe that she loved him.
Killian pulled away and in a raspy voice, he spoke, "I love you too, Emma. So much."
Emma tugged Killian's lips back to hers with her fingers gripping the hair at the nape of his neck. Her breasts heaved against his chest as she breathed heavily, gulping whatever air she could get as their kisses grew fervent. It wasn't a moment later when Killian heard Emma's purse drop to the ground and her legs were suddenly wrapped around his hips.
He groaned as he felt her pressed against him so intimately. "Emma—"
"Please," Emma moaned against his lips, her tongue trailing his bottom lip.
And well…Killian was always weak to her demands.
He pressed his lips against Emma's again, their tongues tangling around each other's as he carried Emma to the bedroom. He navigated the hallway blindly, pressing Emma up to the wall every so often to delve his tongue into her mouth and listening to her moaning into his mouth. Her nails dug into the skin of his neck, the pinching sending pain and pleasure down his spine and oh he was so fucked for Emma Swan.
Killian kicked his bedroom door open, kicked it closed behind them when he found his way in, and gingerly placed Emma onto his bed. He hovered over her, with his elbows placed above her shoulders on the bed and his bulge pressing up against her. She gasped every time his hips dipped and Killian pulled back to look Emma in the eyes. Her green eyes searched his and a gentle smile spread on her lips and his heart tugged at the sight.
God, he was so in love with this woman.
"Hi," Killian said as a goofy, boyish smile spread on his face.
"Hi," Emma replied as the same smile spread on hers.
Killian's hand stroked Emma's face, his thumb pressed against her cheek as Emma leaned her face into his touch. "Emma, are you sure you want this?"
"Yes," Emma responded immediately, her eyelashes fluttering. "All I want is you."
Killian's face softened, his lips only in a slight upturn. She was stunning in this moment. Well, she was stunning in all moments. But with how the fading sunlight hit her perfectly through the curtains of his bedroom, Killian was overwhelmed by how utterly beautiful she was. He did not deserve this angel who crossed his path, that the world had somehow blessed him with. He did not know what he had done in his life to deserve someone so strong and brilliant and beautiful, but he could not regret it.
"I love you, Emma Swan," Killian whispered and Emma's eyes blinked quickly, as if she was surprised by the words he had already spoken once before.
"I love you too, Killian," Emma replied just as quietly, her hands coming up to hold his face. "And I'm so sorry I hurt you."
"You were forgiven the moment you left," Killian responded and Emma pulled his head down and pressed her lips against his yet again.
There was a blur of shirts being tugged off and kisses being pressed to necks and breasts and ears. They moved up the bed, Emma laying down with her head on the pillow that had been designated for her during the many sleepovers they had. Killian stared down at her, his chest hair brushing against Emma's covered breasts, as he ran his hands through her luscious blonde hair. She stared right back up at him, her hands wrapped around his back to rest on his shoulder blades. They just remained there for countless moments, what could've been forever, just absorbing the moment because they both knew everything would change.
Killian stared into her green eyes as Emma stared into his blue eyes. He had missed her that day, more than anything in his life. No part of him expected her to return, especially the very same day. He thought this would be the end of them and he had never been so happy to have been proven wrong. His thumb traced the apple of her cheek as he bent down and kissed her again, sweeping his tongue against the seam of her mouth and she gasped. Her nails dug into the skin of his back, dragging their way down to mark him as hers forever, and Killian couldn't retain the groan that sprung forth from his throat. His hips dipped down against and pressed against hers in a slow rhythm and Emma's lips pulled away from Killian's as she moaned into the quiet of their bedroom.
"Jesus Christ," Emma whispered, her voice raspy and heavy with desire.
"No need to be formal, love," Killian replied, his beard scratching at Emma's pale skin as he kissed the tops of her breasts. "'Killian' will do just fine."
"Oh shut u-Oh my God," Emma groaned when Killian's hips pressed a little harder against her core, her eyes sliding shut in pleasure.
Killian couldn't hold back the grin that spread on his face as he raised his head to look at Emma. She was biting down on her bottom lip, her teeth leaving indents as she slid her tongue over the mark. Killian's cock grew harder at the sight of this, of Emma overwhelmed with pleasure. He had dreamt of this moment ever since they became a couple, even though he agreed with her on waiting until this meant something. And knowing that she loved him and being so overwhelmed with the love he felt for her, Killian didn't want to wait any longer.
"You want this?" Killian asked again, wanting to be sure with every step.
Emma nodded as her eyes opened, smiling softly up at him. "Yes."
"You're sure? Because when we begin, I don't know if I'll have the strength to stop myself," Killian replied honestly.
"Killian," Emma began speaking, her hands moving to cup his face in her hands and she swiped her thumb against the scar on Killian's cheek, "I know you would stop if I wanted you to. But I don't. I want this. I want us. We've been waiting and waiting and I'm ready for this. I love you and I'm ready because I know this won't just be some one-time thing. Are you?"
"Yes," Killian answered quickly, leaning closer to Emma as their noses brushed together. "Yes, I'm ready. I just want to be sure that you want this. I want you to always be happy and I don't want to do anything that you don't want-"
Emma interrupted him by tugging his head down and kissing him soundly, her tongue tangling with his in a familiar way. He grunted against her, his fingers tangling tightly around her hair, which was splayed out all around her head. And then this angel pulled back, her hands still tight against his head, and spoke.
"Killian, right now I want you to take your pants off."
And Killian Jones had never done anything so quickly.
He stood up from his bed and tugged his pants down, allowing his cock to spring free from the tight confines of his jeans. And as Killian stood with only his boxer briefs on, Emma tugged herself free of her own jeans, leaving Killian the sight of Emma lying in his bed nearly naked, with only black lace covering her. His mouth went dry at the sight of her spread out on his bed, with her eyes gazing at him in the very way he wished they would—full of desire and lust and love. She sat up slightly in the bed, propped up on her elbows, her pale skin a stark contrast to the dark gray of the sheets, and she smiled gently at him.
Killian crawled back onto the bed, kissing a path up her legs when Emma relaxed back into the mattress. He nipped at the skin of her inner thighs, his mouth practically salivating at the thought of tasting her. He nosed at her underwear, taking in the scent of her, and Killian reached up to grip at the sides of her underwear. He looked up at Emma, who nodded with that smile still on her face, and he tugged the black lace underwear off of her, flinging them over his shoulder. He looked back to Emma as his mouth began to lower over her dripping core and she shook her head.
"Later," Emma spoke, her voice practically shaking with need. "We can do that later. But right now, I need something else."
And a shit-eating grin crossed Killian's face as he crawled up Emma's body, pressing kisses to her stomach and breasts, until he finally reached her lips. Emma's arms wrapped around his back as he lowered himself to her lips, the sweet sound of their kissing filling the room. Her nails dragged down his back again as he groaned against her, his own hands trying to find their way behind her back. Emma's tongue trailed across Killian's bottom lip and his entire body shivered, to which Emma laughed against his lips. She pulled away with another smile on her lips and looked at Killian.
"Searching for gold there, cap'n?" Emma teased, her eyes twinkling in the darkening room.
Killian smiled as his teeth trailed against his bottom lip. "You caught me."
"Let me help you with that," Emma spoke, arching her back to reach behind herself.
Killian couldn't resist taking an eyeful of Emma's breasts as she reached for the band of her bra. Her breasts strained against the fabric as Emma struggled to get ahold of the buckle and Killian brushed his thumb over the fabric. Emma moaned at the contact and finally unbuckled her bra, allowing her breasts to spill out as she tossed the bra over to the side of the bed. Killian ducked down and sucked a nipple into his mouth, his teeth brushing against the puckered skin and Emma moaned loudly, her hand weaving into Killian's hair to keep him there. His hand reached up and grasped at her neglected breast, his thumb skimming over her nipple and Emma's hips bucked up. With that movement, Killian pulled away and gasped.
Emma reached down and pushed his boxers down, freeing his cock and taking it in her hand. Killian nearly cursed at the feeling of her soft skin on him like this, and he quickly pushed his boxers off the rest of the way. He kicked them off, landing on a pile of their clothes on the floor at the end of the bed, and hovered over Emma to kiss her again. They moaned together, sharing the same oxygen as Emma continued to stroke his length. His hands turned into fists, gripping the sheets on the bed as his control began to waver.
"Emma, I think you may want to stop," Killian spoke, his voice tight and heavy.
Emma looked at him with her teeth biting down on her bottom lip. "Then you may want to get a condom."
And Killian smiled down at her, running her fingers through the ends of her hair. "You're sure?"
Emma leaned up to press her lips against his and whispered, "Yes."
Killian reached over to his nightstand and pulled open the top drawer, finding the unopened box of condoms. He sat back on his haunches as he ripped the box open, quickly ripping off a condom and tossing the box back into his nightstand. As Emma watched patiently, Killian opened the condom wrapper and deftly rolled the condom down his length. He hovered over Emma again, his cock nudging against her wet core, and Emma's arms wrapped around Killian's back, pulling him closer to her. They looked into each other's eyes, looking at the love swimming in their depths, and knew that they would not want to be anywhere else but here, in each other's arms.
"I love you," Killian spoke softly.
"And I love you," Emma responded with a smile.
With that, Killian pressed against Emma and not a moment later, they were one. They swallowed each other's moans as they kissed one another and Killian's hips began to slowly move. Emma's legs wrapped high on Killian's hips and his cock hit a spot that made Emma nearly scream in pleasure. Killian's lips dragged down to her throat and he murmured curses into her neck as his hips began to move faster and faster against her. Killian began to see spots of light behind his eyes and he knew that he wouldn't last long, after the months of foreplay.
So he reached down between them and found where they were joined, placing his thumb against her clit and began to rub. Emma gasped and her nails clawed at his back and he was sure he would have marks later, but Killian could not find a reason to care. He would deal with that issue when it came to filming the next day, but right now, he just wanted to feel her around him and not worry about what would come. And when Emma's lips lowered to his neck and began to suck a mark there, all Killian could think about was how this stunning and brilliant woman had chosen him, even through the world choosing them for each other.
She had chosen him over her fears, and that was the greatest gift in the world.
"Oh fuck," Emma moaned, throwing her head back against the pillow. "Keep going."
"I have no plans on stopping," Killian replied, his thumb continuing to move quickly against her.
Emma's legs tightened around his hips and Killian began to feel the tightening of her walls around him, shutting his eyes to try to retain a least a sliver of his self-control. His hips continued to move against Emma, feeling the drag of her walls around him, and he couldn't stop his hips from picking up their speed. Emma cried out, tightening around Killian's cock, and Killian continued to grind against her clit to draw out her orgasm. A bead of sweat appeared on his brow as he approached his climax and his eyes squeezed shut.
"Come for me, Killian," Emma whispered, her voice breathy and high on her recent orgasm. "I want you to come."
Killian bent down at kissed Emma, sucking her bottom lip between his as his climax hit. He groaned against her as his hips stuttered, his seed spilling into the condom and exhaustion overcoming him. Killian pulled out, but remained over Emma with his forehead against hers. They breathed the same air as they basked in the afterglow of their first time. It had been a long time coming, but it was well worth the wait. Killian breathed heavily over Emma, and she did the same as she tried to regain her breath. Her arms remained around Killian's back as she leaned up and pressed a small kiss to his lips.
"That was—"
"Yeah," Emma spoke as a smile spread on her lips. "Yeah, it was."
Killian pulled away slightly to look down at her, a matching smile spreading on his own lips. "We should do that again sometime."
Emma giggled, a glorious sound to Killian's ears. "We should."
Killian groaned as he moved to throw away the used condom and its wrapper. His joints cracked as he walked into his joined bathroom, tossing them both into the trash by the toilet. As he wiped himself off, Killian glanced up into the mirror and he smiled. There was a glow about him that hadn't been there in a long time. Even though there was quite a large hickey on his neck and he was sure his back was just as bad, Killian couldn't find any reason to be upset with the day.
He and Emma were together and he felt as though he was on top of the world.
Killian exited the bathroom and walked back to his bed, where Emma was laying comfortably underneath the blanket. Killian smiled as he joined her under the covers, scooting in close to her to wrap his arms around her waist. His eyes began to grow heavy, but he wanted to remain with Emma, to just be. Emma looked at him with a slight upturn of her lips and she was never more beautiful than she was in that moment, with her hair wild around her and a post-sex afterglow.
Killian would pay millions upon millions to see her like this again.
He lifted his hand and cupped Emma's cheek, unable to believe that he could be so lucky. "I'm gonna have to do a lot of explaining for these marks you left."
Emma snorted. "You enjoyed it."
"That I did," Killian replied softly, leaning forward for a gentle kiss. When he pulled away, with a smile on his face, he looked at Emma. "The premiere for Never Landing is on the 19th. Would you like to accompany me?"
"Aren't those public? With big red carpets and interviewers and all that?" Emma asked, her voice even and her eyes not giving anything away.
Killian nodded solemnly. "If you don't wish to attend, I understand. I know it's soon and you're only just getting used to the public eye because of the wedding—"
"I wanna go," Emma interrupted his rambling and Killian's eyes widened. She smiled as she spoke again, "I'm ready."
"Ready for what?"
"I'm ready for everyone to know. About us. I'm sick of running and I want everyone to know. I'm ready."