I guess I should apologize a bit for last chapter. I put up a lot of stuff at once. Each section I wanted to put it just made it longer and longer and I wasn't good with that. However, because of the current of what goes on in this chapter, specifically how it starts, I had to end last chapter a specific way.

Onto the story…

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Pink Camellias
14 – Morning Wish
SethSolare

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Motoko sat in her room, lights off, huddled in a corner. It was hardly morning, but the darkness outside of her room and the fact that she was simply tired told her it was, indeed, morning. Looking over at her digital clock, green numbers told her it was three in the morning. She sighed, tucking her legs up to her chest. Wrapping her arms around them, she rested her head on her knees.

"I screwed it up," she repeated in her head. She could hardly believe the number of times she'd said that in to herself that night. She just kept saying it over and over again. Impulsively, she repeated the words that never seemed to dwindle in meaning every time she did.

As tired as she was, she had been trying to sleep for hours now. Nothing was really helping her. The more she wanted to sleep, the harder it became. She closed her eyes, repeating again the only words that would come to her.

Her fingers found their way to her lips. For being a swordswoman, her hands were not so rough. Her sister's hands were just as soft. And as she touched her lips, she shivered, remembering what could be the last kiss she would ever have. Or maybe it wasn't. And as she sat alone in her room, she hoped that the woman that had kissed her would come back.

She looked over at her side remembering the night before when the two sat in the dark. She remembered that they had cuddled together in the dark. They kissed. They held onto each other, as if they were hanging on to the edge of their own happiness. Motoko, however, felt that she had already let go before there was a chance to hold on.

She sighed, remembering the weight of Kitsune's very light body on the cushion beneath her. Motoko felt a presence sitting next to her. But, as she opened her eyes, there was no one. No physical form occupied the space that seemed to be filled through whatever sensation she had inside her.

Looking back outside of her room, she wished that Kitsune would take back everything. She wished, more so, that she could take back everything. She wished that she didn't falter. She wished that she could have been far more loving. She wished, more than anything, that she could simply tell Kitsune.

As she stared out of her doorway, a figure came into view. A silhouette of a woman approached Motoko in the late night. For only a split second, she wished for it to be Kitsune. Instead, though, it was someone that she didn't expect. The woman sat next to Motoko in the same place Kitsune sat the night before.

"You know, it's weird," she started. "I woke up and thought immediately, 'My little sister is in trouble.'" Tsuruko took Motoko's head and leaned it up against her shoulder. She held her sister tightly, stroking her shoulder gently.

"So are you really okay with me and Kitsune?" Motoko asked, not being able to think of anything else to say.

"Well, if you're okay, I'm okay. I'm more concerned with people being mean to my little sister," Tsuruko smiled.

"What if, like, she and I weren't dating? Like, not now, but later?"

"Well," Tsuruko said, puzzled, "that would be a little weird, considering the morning conversation she and I had."

Motoko looked down at her feet. She shivered slightly from the thought of telling Tsuruko what had happened. "She probably hasn't a clue. She's almost entirely clueless about stuff like this," she thought.

"You gonna tell me what happened? You're obviously upset. So, what happened? And shouldn't your girlfriend be comforting you?" Tsuruko asked, slightly concerned.

"She and I-" Motoko started. She hesitated, thinking of how to say what she wanted. "I'm not sure what I feel about her."

"I don't understand," Tsuruko responded.

"Kitsune loves me. I know that she does. But, I don't know if I love her. I want to know, but-" Motoko stopped again. She felt herself getting angrier at herself. She felt entirely too indecisive and useless.

"She loves me. I don't know if I love her. And I think I hurt her because of that," Motoko whispered. She scrunched up into as tight of a ball of a person as she could.

"I doubt that you've hurt her," Tsuruko said. "She loves you too much to really think that you're doing this intentionally. And, you're not. So, really, she's waiting on you to make up your mind."

Motoko shifted a little, uncomfortable talking about her lesbian relationship – or what existed of it – with her conservative sister. "I mean, how do I know I just want to be with her because it's just someone to be with?"

"You know?" Tsuruko stared. "I have no idea."

Motoko suddenly felt entirely disheartened to hear that response.

"It's just something you know, Motoko."

"I keep thinking that I love her. I keep saying it in my head. I said it to myself before I almost kissed Yumi. I said it to myself when I kissed her. I barely got it out last night. I'm not shouting it from the mountain tops or anything."

"Well, then it just seems like you're just flailing around hoping for some divine epiphany." Tsuruko paused before speaking further, "You're not going to get that. All that's going to happen is that, one day, you'll be screaming that you love her. You'll want the whole world to know. That's when you know for sure."

"How long does that take? Three days?"

"Probably not," Tsuruko said. "But, knowing you, you'll figure it out by then." She held her sister tightly.

After a few minutes of silence, Motoko looked up at her older sister, "Remember how we used to share a room?"

Tsuruko nodded.

"Can you at least keep me company until I can fall asleep."

Tsuruko smiled at Motoko. "Of course I can. It's what big sisters are for, right?"

- -

The following morning, Su found herself on all fours rummaging through her closet for all kinds of random things. She dug into it throwing clothes, boxes, and other objects behind her. On occasion, she would find something of interest. When she did, she neatly placed it into a pile of all her other stuff next to her.

After nearly an hour, from the top of her room rang an alarm. She pulled her head of the closet, looking over at her door. Motoko was standing in the doorway looking all around the jungle of a room.

"Hey. Didja need something?" Su asked, starting to dig around once more.

"Not really," Motoko said walking slowly into the room. "It amazes me that this jungle has survived for this long."

Su, slightly muffled, yelled, "Well, that's the whole point. I'm a mad scientist. It's what I do." Su threw another box behind her.

"Do you mind if I talk? You listen and all?" Motoko asked, closing the door behind her.

"Why would I not? It's what we do," Su responded while not even looking at Motoko. "Actually, it's usually the other way around. But, regardless, what'd you need?"

Motoko walked over to Su's pile of stuff on the floor. Much of the things there were parts, clothes, shoes, and games. Picking up a stuffed animal puppy, Motoko sighed, "It's about Kitsune."

Su stopped for a second and looked at Motoko. "Wait, what? I thought things were good there."

"That's right. They were. They're not anymore." Motoko tossed the plush toy into the air and caught it.

"What happened?" Su asked, starting to rummage through all of her stuff again.

"She thinks I don't honestly love her. I guess she thinks I just don't love her enough, or something," Motoko said in a low voice. "Perhaps I really don't deserve her."

"What do you mean?"

"She said that I had to decide on whether or not I want to admit to the world that I'm in a lesbian relationship. Well, not exactly, but that's what she implied."

"Well, do you love her?" Su asked the question in a matter of fact manner. It wasn't overly sarcastic. It wasn't even mean. But, inside, Motoko thought the question would physically injure her.

"I-I don't know," Motoko started. "Maybe?"

"You know what?" Su said, immediately after Motoko stopped talking. She pulled her head out of the closet once more, looking angrily at Motoko. "You know who you sound like? Naru. You sound exactly like her a few years ago. She always tried to ignore the fact that she loved Keitaro. And that's exactly what you're doing now."

Motoko looked at her friend, shocked. She slumped over and started leaning to the side with the support of her hand, unable to hold herself up from her kneeling position.

"You're being unfair. And all you're doing is just using Kitsune. You're using her so you can feel happy when you need it. And now," Su stopped and glanced back to her closet where her expression softened. She wanted to keep going, but she could already see she was hurting Motoko. Calming herself, she pulled a box out of her closet. She opened it, pulling forth a cat costume – the one Keitaro bought for her when they went on a date – before continuing in a soft voice.

"Now, you're hurting her." Su's voice was soft. "Just like Shinobu."

"Shinobu?" Motoko asked, wondering why she even mentioned the girl.

Su put the cat ears on her head while tying back her hair. "Huh?"

"You mentioned Shinobu. What's going on with her?" Motoko asked.

"Oh," Su's breathy words seemed more like simply mouthing them. She looked a bit embarrassed for mentioning something that she shouldn't even bother to share. "Well, you just seemed, like, busy. So I didn't want to talk about this to you. I mean, we share a lot and all, but this is, like, a lot."

"What?" Motoko said, trying to figure out what Su was saying.

"Well, I guess you heard about the thing with Keisuke and how that went right?" she started.

"Something about Shinobu beating him up, or something, yeah."

"There's kind of a lot more to that. And like, I want her to be with a guy that makes her forget about Keitaro and what's-his-face. You know, make her happy, and stuff," Su blushed, trying not to make the conversation sound too immature.

"Well, you know, I had a guy," Motoko said in a slightly cheerier voice. "Maybe he'd like her. Shinobu's smarter than me, cuter."

"She's also still in high school. He's like, what, 20?"

"And she's 17. So, it's all okay. I mean, it's almost November, so by the time they have to – you know – she'll be 18 and totally clean!" Motoko laughed.

"Wow," Su started. "That's quite possibly the dirtiest thing I've ever heard you say. Must be all those romance novels you write." Su smiled as she began putting on the rest of the cat costume she found.

"You're not supposed to know about those!" Motoko yelled, standing up.

Su ignored her after that. She admired how good she looked in the outfit, amazed that it still fit her. She sighed, turning about while looking in the mirror.

"Wait, didn't you get that when you went on that date with Keitaro?" Motoko asked.

"Yeah, I haven't looked at it since. I've been looking all over for it," Su responded.

"You don't still have a thing for him, do you?" Motoko asked with a bit of disbelief.

"Well, not really. But it does remind me how nice he is, compared to other guys," she said.

Motoko looked at Su in the mirror as well. "I could beat up Keisuke, too, you know."

"Yeah, you could," Su turned around again in the mirror, pulling at her costume's tail. "And why're you looking at me like that? This isn't turning you on is it?" Su's last question came out a bit scared.

"What?" Motoko's eyes narrowed. "Do you think just because I had this thing with Kitsune that I'm gonna get with every girl here?"

"What, you don't think Shinobu's cute?" Su teased.

Motoko didn't say anything. She simply rolled her eyes, and kept talking about something else. "So, should I introduce Yumi to her?" she asked.

Su's expression became more serious. Closing her eyes, she nodded without a word.

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Another short transition chapter. I decided to tie in everyone's story into the Su and Motoko chat at the end. Also, I liked Su's cat costume and she'll be wearing it for the duration. Or at least as long as I can feasibly keep it in.

Also, you can kind of see this is a more drama-y version of the Keitaro/Naru story in the first, oh, 12 volumes of Love Hina. Consider it a condensed version. And no, Motoko and Kitsune will not run off to the most Northern part of Japan and make out in the water. It's just a bit too unoriginal, no? Though, that would make life easier. See you next chapter.

SS