It occurs to me that my favorite way, though subconsciously, to start a story is at night, in someone's room as they stare out past their window.

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Pink Camellias
16 – Talk
SethSolare

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Kitsune brushed aside the grass on the hill overlooking to the dormitory. The moonlit night was beautiful. And as she stared up at the clear, deep-blue sky, her eyes softened. Closing her eyes, she could hear and feel the breeze. Her hair brushed across her cheeks. Her arms were wrapped in air. Her shirt pushed up against her body. And as the wind died down, she opened her eyes again.

"Hey, you," Naru said, staring at Kitsune directly in the face.

Startled, Kitsune jumped back for a second. Looking slightly relieved, she slumped over, rolling her eyes. "Way to scare the crap out of me in the middle of the night."

Naru took a seat next to Kitsune. "Oh, don't worry. If I were going to jump you, I'd at least be nice and say, 'Please, give me all your money or I'll kill you,'" Naru laughed.

"Thanks. And I thought the world was far less considerate nowadays." Kitsune giggled back at her, shoving her slightly with her shoulder. "So, what brings you out here in the middle of the night away from Keitaro and to where potential, but polite, muggers might be?

Naru grumbled and pulled her knees up to her chest. Resting her chin on her knees, "We had a fight. It was just, ugh… bad."

"Really? What happened?" Kitsune asked, tilting her head toward Naru.

"Actually, we fought about you. You and Motoko, to be specific," Naru said calmly.

Kitsune turned away from Naru. She lay down on the ground, staring up at the stars. Sighing, "So what happened that you out here?"

Naru lied down next to Kitsune, "He just said stuff. Like I didn't care about you guys. He was like, 'Oh, you don't care at all about Motoko. Kitsune's all you care about and that's it. You don't even want Motoko to be happy. Blah, blah, blah.' It was pretty ugly."

Kitsune shifted in the grass, "I-I don't think he meant it." She waited for Naru to perhaps say something. However, the girl next to her didn't even seem entirely focused. "You're really out of it," Kitsune said after waiting in silence.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess," Naru said. "It's just that this is, like, our first real fight, you know? I mean, sure, we fought about stuff like, 'Oh, you saw me naked,' or 'You kissed Mutsumi,' or 'You looked at me funny.' Nothing serious, ever."

"This is bad… how?" Kitsune asked sarcastically.

"You know what I mean. It's just that, shouldn't we be getting along and stuff?" Naru asked.

"Couples fight. Ask Shinobu's parents; they could fight about anything. You could ask them about, like, paper towels and they could fight over that," Kitsune said bluntly. "At least the last little fights you got in were before you were dating. And, now, your first real fight. At least make it good, you know?"

"What do you mean by that?" Naru asked innocently.

"Well, couples don't joke about make-up sex for nothing," Kitsune giggled.

Naru whipped her head over to Kitsune's, eyes narrowing, "Yeah." She relaxed again, plopping back down on the ground, "And besides, we haven't even, you know, done it."

Kitsune propped herself up on her elbows, "Really? Like, seriously? Ever?"

"I mean, we tried once. But it just turned out all weird." Naru looked over at Kitsune. "Does that sound weird?"

"Nope, not at all. He was probably just nervous," Kitsune giggled.

Naru sat up as well, "Wait, no, not that! I mean, he was, you know. But, like, stuff got in the way. Like, stuff that wasn't humanly possible. And I stress human."

Kitsune shrugged, "Oh well. It'll happen eventually." Kitsune relaxed on the ground again, her hands behind her head. Naru did likewise.

"Wait, what about you and Motoko? Have you guys even had the talk?" Naru asked.

"I don't know what universe you're in, but she and I have barely been dating. We've been trying to stay together longer than we have time to talk," Kitsune sighed.

Naru looked at Kitsune, "What's going on there? I heard there was some kind of badness or something?"

Kitsune's voice softened, "I kind of did the stupid ultimatum thing. 'Tell me you love me or else,' kind of thing, you know? I don't even know what I said anymore."

Naru sat back up, tucking her knees up to her chest again, "Did she ever tell you that she loved you?"

"'Loved' is the correct word to use there. I mean, I don't know. I guess, maybe, yeah. I don't even know if she meant it that one time. She just sorta said it," Kitsune said, taking up the same sitting position as Naru.

Naru looked at Kitsune, "Do you think that maybe you just sorta said it?"

Kitsune looked back at Naru. She clutched her legs and rested her head on her knees. Her eyebrows furrowed, eyes saddened. "I'm not too sure."

Naru smiled, "I'm sorry. You probably just said that because I asked."
"Well, that's the thing. I'm not sure anymore." Kitsune turned away from Naru, feeling her throat choking up.

Naru put a hand on Kitsune's shoulder and pulled her close. Kitsune rested her head on Naru's shoulder. "Don't say that. You've always been sure, Kitsune. You're one of the few people that I know that never makes a mistake about relationships. I mean, you got the Keitaro and me thing before anyone else did. And you knew it was good from the moment I started kicking his ass," Naru laughed.

"But, this is me. I'm good at seeing everyone else's stuff. My relationships suck. Do you even remember my last boyfriend?" Kitsune asked, her voice quivering.

"He was also a jerk, which, by the way, seems to be a trend around here. Except for Yumi, or something. I hear he's a good guy. Shinobu's gonna be lucky," said Naru.

"Shinobu?"

"Yeah, apparently Motoko and Su are setting her up. I mean, Shinobu had that one Keisuke guy, remember? Guess they're trying to cheer her up."

Kitsune straightened up her neck, rubbing one side of it, "Ugh, my neck hurts now."

"I guess it helps if you do that with someone taller." Naru left her hand on Kitsune's opposite shoulder.

"I bet Motoko would've been a great person to do that with," Kitsune said.

Naru giggled, "Aww, you're becoming all romantic. You used to give me a lot of crap about that, too."

"It's because you got so cutesy," Kitsune laughed. After some silence, Kitsune sighed. "I would've killed years ago to be like this, you know, with you," she said shyly.

"Uh, what?" Naru asked, blushing.

"Oh, shut up Naru. It's not like you're even available now. Besides, it's like some typical gay joke that you tell your best friend that you wanted them," Kitsune giggled.

"Ah, oh, okay," Naru responded shyly. "Well, I could've been an awesome girlfriend for a girl, you know. I mean, you know, the best friend thing."

"There's that. Also, you're the nicest person I know." Kitsune paused, thinking, "Also, 'nice' is such a crappy way to describe people, don't you think?"

"You mean, like, 'I really don't know what you are, so you're just nice.'"

"Yeah, something like that," Kitsune giggled.

They sat, quietly, until Naru felt the urge to at least have some sound, "So… wanna stay out longer?"

Kitsune nodded.

"Good talk?"

"Yup."

- -

Shinobu had woken up very early that Thursday morning. What she believed was a quick nap was, more or less, a full night's sleep. Considering that it was laundry day, it was far much worse for her to do that. "I should've set an alarm or something. The clothes are still all wet," she thought to herself as she hung the clothes out in the early morning on the top floor deck.

She grabbed a few of the sheets out of the laundry basket, shaking them out and straightening them slightly. There were several baskets of clothes, seeing as how she'd somehow let most of the clothes start piling up. She sighed, recalling why everything got so screwed up in the first place.

From the basket, she pulled out one of Naru's shirts. The chest of the shirt seemed stretched, forming Naru's shape on the cloth. "Why couldn't I be the hot one? Girl's got like, back problems or something. Oh, no, wait, she doesn't. She just magically has a great body and no problems," she told herself sarcastically. She grumbled, staring down her own body.

Su, who had been sitting on the railing, watched Shinobu as she did her chore. "What're you looking so blah about?" Su asked, jumping down from the railing.

"Naru's, like, amazing. She's got a great guy. She's got a great body. She's smart. She's got everything. And, then, there's adequate, old me. I'm boring. I'm sorta blah as far as looks go. I'm not as smart as she is. And my last boyfriend was whatever." Shinobu tossed a sheet up on the lines.

"Well, boyfriend thing aside, you're pretty much wrong about that stuff. I mean, you're not boring. I'm enjoying watching you put up the clothes on the line. You're obviously smart, don't know how to prove that, but you are. And you really are attractive. I'm sure any guy would want to go out with you," Su said matter-of-factly.

"I don't know about the guy thing. We saw how well that turned out last time."

"I'm not saying it's great or anything. I mean, Keisuke was a special case kind of jerk. I mean, I'm sure there're some nice guys out there," Su walked over to Shinobu, taking a sheet from the basket. She tossed a sheet up on the line along with some of her own clothes.

Shinobu looked over at Su, "Well, whatever. It doesn't really make a difference. I figure I'm not gonna date for a while."

Su whipped her head around at Shinobu, "Wait, what?"

"I've officially sworn of dating. For now, at least," Shinobu said with a nod.

"Uh, what if you were set up?" Su asked slowly.

"You can have him. Whoever set me up with someone, you can just go for me. I'm currently cramming for exams this year anyway. I don't have time for a boyfriend," Shinobu said, taking Keitaro's shirts from the basket.

Su peaked a head from behind one of the flowing pieces of cloth. "Well, Motoko and I kinda set you up," Su admitted bashfully.

Shinobu raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"Well, you didn't look too happy. So, like, we asked if Yumi was available. And, well, we set you two guys up," Su said, backing away slightly.

"Yumi? As in Motoko's pseudo-ex-boyfriend?"

"Yeah, that Yumi. Cute. Smart. Funny. Sorta like Seta." Su moved toward a railing.

Shinobu dropped a sheet to the ground. "And you didn't, uh, ask me?" she asked slowly.

"Well, that's kind of the point," Su responded with a forced smile.

"I-I-I don't. I don't know," she stuttered. She looked around, trying to find something to look at other than Su. She was uncomfortable enough talking about dating. It was worse when Su wanted to talk about it.

"So, you're not going to go?" Su asked, inching closer to Shinobu.

Shinobu slumped over a bit, "Oh, I don't know." She turned away, putting up the last of the clothes on the line.

"You don't have to. I mean, if you don't want him, I'm in need of a guy," Su grinned.

Shinobu, shyly, glanced over to Su, "Would you really?"

"Wait, what? No, I was just kidding," Su laughed nervously. "I mean, you've totally been set up to go. The whole deal. I mean, you have to just show up and that's it. He does the rest."

"I don't really want to," Shinobu said carrying a laundry basket over to Su. "I mean, if you think he's cute, you should go out with him."

"What? How did this turn into my blind date?" Su asked, stunned.

"So you do think he's cute," Shinobu teased, beginning to smile.

"Now, I didn't say that," Su responded blushing a bit.

"But you thought it. And you've totally spied on those two when they were a thing. You think he's cute," Shinobu giggled. "I can tell."

Su rolled her eyes, "I'll go if you tell Motoko."

"Good, I'll tell her when I see her," Shinobu said carrying away a laundry basket inside the house.

"How did she do that?" Su asked herself. "I mean, this was her date. Not mine. She totally manipulated me and I missed it."

Su laughed to herself, "Oh well, I got a date out of it."

- -

Motoko wandered down the steps to the teahouse. It was far too early in the morning for there to be any customers. However, she knew Haruka would be up cleaning the place up for the morning crowd. Motoko hadn't bothered to change out of the shorts and tank top she slept in. Too much was on her mind for her to really care about how nice she really looked.

When she finally reached the teahouse, she moved the curtains aside peeking inside. "No one," she said to herself. She inched inside, scanning the room for Haruka. Carefully, she tiptoed around, looking for any sign of Haruka having started her morning routine. And, from within the kitchen, she heard the shuffle of feet and a kettle.

Motoko crept over to the curtains leading to the kitchen. Pulling them aside, she peeked into the room. Inside, a familiar woman stood in front of a kettle with the usual apron. But, even though Motoko wasn't too surprised, it wasn't Haruka.

"Good morning," Kitsune looked up and greeted Motoko. "Did you need something?"

"I was, uh, looking for Haruka. Is she here?"

"Actually, she's sleeping in. I get to open today. Something I can do?" Kitsune offered looking away from Motoko.

"Oh, no. I mean, it's not important. I can wait." Motoko backed away from the room.

"She'll be up later," Kitsune said. "But, you can stay here. We could, you know, talk."

Motoko stopped. She walked slowly over to the island in the middle of the room where Kitsune poured another cup of tea. As they drank, neither said a word.

Kitsune poured herself another cup of tea. Uncomfortably, she looked up at Motoko, "Um, do you want another?"

"Sure, I guess," Motoko said.

Upon finishing pouring, Kitsune decided to continue speaking. "We should talk about us."

"Huh? Us?" Motoko asked, bewildered.

"Yeah. I mean, we haven't had a chance to talk since I gave you that stupid, idiotic ultimatum. I mean, I should've never told you that."

"Well, I guess not. It's kind of hard to make a decision," Motoko responded.

"Why's that?" Kitsune asked.

"I mean, I need more time. It's a lot to think about in just a few days, you know?" Motoko said.

"I understand. But, like, you can't figure it out?"

"What? Of course, not? I'm not even sure if I can feel the same way you do," Motoko said.

"I'm beginning to feel doubtful myself," Kitsune admitted.

Motoko looked up at Kitsune, "Really? So, do you want to like, extend the deadline?" she laughed.

Kitsune's expression remained the same, "I'm not saying I don't want to be with you. I'm just saying I'm not quite sure I'm as ready as I thought I was for a lesbian relationship." Kitsune tried convincing herself this in her head. Inside, and uncontrollably, she felt herself becoming tenser.

"Oh, well, I don't know much about relationships in general," Motoko said, trying to smile.

"I mean, I do know I want to be with you. Just, I'm not sure if the original 'forever' idea is what I want. I just know that this is what I want now," Kitsune said.

"I'm not as sure as you. I need more time," Motoko repeated. Likewise, she felt her body begin to tighten.

"You can't even make a temporary decision?" Kitsune failed to mask a slight annoyance.

"So, you think the ultimatum was a bad idea. And, you still want me to decide a future, even a short one, with you? In other words, it was bad idea, let's keep it?" Motoko's eyebrows furrowed.

"Why're you getting mad at me? I just don't want to be strung along here. I mean, I want to be with you," Kitsune calmed herself down.

"You think the ultimatum is dumb. Why do you want me to keep it? I can't make a decision like this, Kitsune," Motoko stood up from her seat.

"Wait, hold on. Let's just talk about this," Kitsune said, trying to calm both of themselves down.

"No, I don't want to talk about this. You keep telling me you love me and you won't even give me space? I need room to breathe, think. You want me to make a decision I'm not sure about. This doesn't help us at all. How fair is it to you to stay in this and I might end up in a different place?" Motoko asked.

Kitsune looked up, her eyes beginning to tear up, "Why does it matter? Even if it's for a short time, it's going to give us time to be sure. Know what it's really like to be together."

"I'm not even sure I want that Kitsune. And I really don't appreciate you wanting to keep me chained down to a certain day to decide. This is hard enough as it is," Motoko felt herself wanting to let a tear loose.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't be like this," Kitsune said. She quickly stood from her seat and ran out of the room past Motoko. She darted out of the teahouse, bumping into a young couple as she ran back up the steps to the house.

Motoko stood in the kitchen, slightly dumbfounded. "Why did I say that? Why did I act that way? Why did I just treat her like that?" she asked herself. She felt her body resign. Everything loosened. She felt weak standing in the empty kitchen. "Maybe I'm useless for her."

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Spent a long time working out the end of this chapter. A lot of that is sort of a real conversation. It was something that I remember was just painful and scary. People begin to change their minds about things. Blame themselves for everything. And, really, it's kind of true. They hurt the person they love because they can't love them. It hurts too much to love them. Maybe that's what this section really means.

SS