Note: This is my answer to Stealth Dragon's "Why the infirmary sucks" challenge, in which I'm trying to show why John hates the infirmary so much. Please pardon medical and military mistakes – there's only so much information you can get on the internet.

Disclaimer: As you well know, I don't own or have any rights to any of this stuff.

Infirmary Nightmares – Chapter 1

"Colonel Sheppard, the new men from the Daedalus have finished unloading, sir."

Sheppard went from walking fast to jogging as he reached up to his radio. "Thanks, Lorne. Ronon and I are almost there, so just hold where you are."

"No problem, sir."

"I told you we'd be late," offered the Satedan as he hurried along beside Sheppard.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Everyone's a critic." Sheppard stopped as he reached the door to the pier where the Daedalus had docked and took a deep breath, smoothing out his clothes. He caught Ronon smiling at his attempt to look unhurried, even as he sucked in air a little too quickly to have walked at the leisurely pace he was trying so hard to indicate. "Don't say a word, Chewy."

Sheppard opened the door and strolled out onto the open deck, the sight of the large ship giving him the same shiver it always did. People had congregated into three distinct groups. Crews from the Daedalus were already unloading boxes and crates of supplies, which were then hauled off by Atlantis staff. A group of scientists were being organized by Radek and a botanist he could never remember the name of. The third group was the one he was looking for. Major Lorne was standing beside a mixed cluster of marines and Air Force personnel.

Sheppard made eye contact with Lorne as he walked across the pier, resulting in Lorne calling the men to attention. As he arrived to stand in front of the group, Sheppard immediately put them at ease.

"Welcome to Atlantis, our base of operations in the Pegasus Galaxy. I'm Lt. Colonel Sheppard, the military commander of Atlantis, as I'm sure you have been informed. I see you've met Major Lorne. This is Specialist Ronon Dex, and he'll be assisting us with your training. Don't let his teddy bear appearance fool you, he's tougher than he looks." Between the glare Ronon was giving him and the confused expressions on the faces of the new people, Sheppard had to bite his tongue to maintain a straight face.

"We will have two orientation sessions and I expect everyone to be at one of them. Those of you who are pilots with the ATA gene will need to meet at 0800 in the morning. Everyone else will need to attend the session at 1300 tomorrow. Major Lorne will direct you to a table where you can pick up your room assignments. We have personnel assigned to take you in small groups to show you your quarters and other places you'll need to know about in short order, like the mess hall, the infirmary, and where the orientations will be held. We should get most of your questions answered tomorrow, but if you need something between now and then, just ask anyone who looks like they know their way around. Atlantis is a big place and much of it is unexplored and can be dangerous, so you are to stay in the inhabited portion of the city. Dismissed."

Many of the new personnel immediately made their way over the table set up near the wall, indicating Lorne had already told some of them what was to occur while they waited on their late commander. Those that looked confused descended on the major, who proceeded to point them in the right direction. Sheppard almost felt guilty about dumping babysitting duty on Lorne. Almost. He got all the headaches of a command position, so he might as well take advantage of the perks.

"I guess they'll give just about anyone a command position any more, won't they?" Sheppard's eyes widened in surprise at the loud voice, obviously projected their way. Ronon frowned as he studied the crowd for the source. Several of the men looked around nervously and even Lorne had paused in his explanation to scan the throng of people.

A tall man, about Sheppard's height but several pounds heavier stepped forward. His thinning dark blonde hair was cut short and he wore a broad grin, full of teeth.

"Collin?" Sheppard said, uncertainty in his voice.

"Hey, Shep. It's been a while." The stood staring at each other for several seconds while the crowd around them appeared frozen and silent, afraid to move or breathe.

"You old pirate, what are you doing in the Pegasus Galaxy?" Sheppard rushed forward and the two men grabbed each other in a bear hug. Collin rubbed his hand across the top of Sheppard's head, resulting in the colonel punching the other man in the upper arm.

"I told you never to do that. You leave the hair alone."

Collin grinned as he stepped back. "I see it still defies gravity."

Sheppard chuckled. "Hey, at least I still have mine. Looks like some of yours went on vacation without you."

Collin rolled his eyes. "Still a funny guy, I see. How in the heck did you make colonel? Last I heard, you were on your way out of the Air Force, permanently."

Sheppard winced and rubbed his jaw. "Yeah, well, stories of my career death were greatly exaggerated. I had no idea you were in the Stargate program. How long have you been involved?"

"Oh, about five years now. You?"

"Only about three. Do you have the ATA gene?" Sheppard didn't bother to hide the hope in his voice.

"I do now, thanks to the wonderful world of gene therapy. How about you?"

"Yeah, that's actually how I got here. Long story."

Collin's eyes lit up and his mouth dropped open a bit. "That was you, wasn't it? There was a big discussion going around about three years ago, right before the expedition to this place left, that they'd found some flyboy with the strongest ATA gene anyone had ever seen. Some of the scientists were really excited and wanted to do more studies, but they said the expedition leader had snatched him up before they had a chance to even ask. That was you?"

Sheppard smiled grimly and looked down at his feet, uncomfortable with the information. "Uh, yeah, that was me. I was stationed at McMurdo doing VIP shuttle duty when General O'Neill took me down to the outpost with him. I sort of activated some technology accidentally and that lead to an invitation to come to Atlantis."

Collin shook his finger at him. "Yeah, you sat in the weapons chair I heard and lit it up like a Christmas tree. Very cool, Shep. You always had both the best luck and the worst luck of anyone I ever met."

"Sounds like some things never change," said Ronon.

Sheppard looked up, slightly startled. "Oh, Ronon, I'm sorry. Ronon Dex, this is Major Collin Prater. We served together my first tour of overseas duty back on Earth. Collin, this is Ronon Dex, from here in the Pegasus Galaxy. He's from a planet called Sateda that was destroyed by the Wraith. Now he's a member of my team."

Collin nodded at Ronon. "Nice to meet you, Ronon. If you've been watching Shep's back, then you've had your work cut out for you."

"I see you know him well," said Ronon and they both smirked at Sheppard.

"Two against one, now that's not fair," complained Sheppard.

"Who ever said life was fair?" asked Collin.

Ronon couldn't help but notice the sad look that passed across both men's faces. It quickly faded and then Collin was looking down.

"Hey, no limp."

Sheppard made a face and then sighed. "No, no limp. Not any more. Let's get you to your quarters and maybe we can catch up at dinner. We've got some things to do before then and I've got to check in with Caldwell."

Collin nodded, his expression more serious now. He hadn't missed the quick change of subject. "Okay, can do." He looked at Sheppard as if he wanted to say more, but finally just shook his head and picked up his bag. "Catch you at dinner, Shep. It's good to see you again."

Sheppard smiled. "Likewise. Catch you later."

oOo

"How many have the ATA gene?" Sheppard asked Lorne as they turned the corner to enter the mess hall.

"Ten with the gene and six of those are pilots. We came out pretty good with this group. We needed more pilots so some of the guys can have some down time every now and again. I take it you know Major Prater?"

"Yeah, we go way back. We did a year overseas together and we were pretty tight for a while. Haven't seen him in years though."

Just as the two men turned with their food trays to find a seat, laughter erupted from one of the tables. Sheppard sighed and blew out a long puff of air as he saw who was seated at the loud table. "That can't be good," he muttered.

"What?" asked Lorne as he followed Sheppard's line of sight. Teyla, Ronon, Rodney, Carson, and Elizabeth all sat together with Collin Prater and everyone was rolling with laughter.

Sheppard swallowed hard and walked over to the table. "Okay, Collin, what kind of fairytales are you spinning over here?"

Rodney stopped laughing long enough to answer Sheppard's question. "He's just been . . . telling us about the time . . . the two of you stole a jeep in the middle of the night."

John rolled his eyes, knowing he was going to take a ribbing for this one for quite a while.

"Sir . . . you stole a jeep?"

Well, crap. Lorne was still standing there. Sheppard shook his head as he looked down at his tray. "We didn't exactly steal it . . . we sort of borrowed it for a while. We brought it back." Sheppard noticed that Lorne took the empty seat at the other end of the table. He guessed that wild stories about your CO were just too good to pass up.

"Minus a door," added Collin, still grinning as he leaned back in his chair.

"That was so not my fault," said Sheppard, poking his potatoes with his fork.

Collin frowned while maintaining the grin. "You could have warned me, you know."

Sheppard looked up, his eyes wide with disbelief. "I yelled truck coming. How much more warning did you need?"

Collin eased his chair to the floor and shook his head. "No, no, it doesn't count to yell warnings after the truck takes the door off the jeep."

Rodney shook his head in wonder. "How in the world did you two keep from getting court-martialed?"

Elizabeth looked shocked at the wild story about her military commander. "A better question is who thought it was a good idea to get these two together again? Maybe we should lock up the jumpers."

Sheppard pointed his fork at Collin in the most menacing way he could. "Look, buddy, it's not too late to pack your butt back up on the Daedalus and send you back to Earth."

Collin grinned mischievously. "But then they'd never get to hear about the time you ran naked through the camp."

Rodney rubbed his hands together. "Oh, this could be good." Ronon and Carson grinned, while Elizabeth and Teyla shared an apprehensive look.

"I was not naked and I do have an equal number of stories about you, you know!" There was no missing the building frustration or the edge to his voice. His cheeks had also gathered a bit more color than usual.

"That little towel hardly counts and you know it's impossible to embarrass me." Collin continued to grin defiantly, obviously not taking any of Sheppard's threats seriously.

"Oh my gosh, are you blushing?" asked Elizabeth, laughing out loud as she covered her mouth.

Sheppard let his head drop and closed his eyes. "Collin . . . I hate you."

Collin chuckled as he looked at the smiling faces. "I wouldn't have it any other way, Shep," he declared proudly.

oOo

Sheppard stood at the edge of the gateroom, waiting on his team to assemble for their mission. He'd arrived early so he could see Collin off on his first mission as a team leader. Collin had been going off world with either Sheppard's team or Lorne's team for the last five weeks, training and learning his way around the Pegasus Galaxy. Due to his rank, his previous experience on an SG team on Earth, and his performance, he'd been given his own team and this was their maiden trip, so to speak.

"Waiting on a date?"

Sheppard grinned as he turned and saw Collin approaching, checking his vest as he walked. "More like waiting on a screw-up."

"Ha, you wish," Collin smirked.

John returned the smile briefly before sobering up. "No . . . I don't wish. Don't take chances out there today. If anything hinky comes up, you hightail your team back here."

Collin grinned and nodded. "Yes, mom. Should I look both ways before crossing the street?"

Sheppard's expression remained serious. "In this galaxy, definitely."

Collin nodded, the smile fading without his expression becoming too serious. "I'll be careful, Shep. This isn't my first off world mission you know."

Sheppard nodded and rubbed the side of his head. "I know. I just don't want to have to break in anyone new right now. You've been enough work."

They stood in silence for several minutes before Collin broke the moment. "You still feel responsible for everyone, don't you?"

Sheppard looked up from the floor to meet his friend's eyes. "It gets worse with command."

Collin nodded knowingly. "I figured. That's why you can keep your command. I'll bet you don't sleep, do you?"

Sheppard smiled, but it was forced and they both knew it. "I sleep . . . when I need it."

Snapping fingers broke the moment and they both jumped a little as McKay walked noisily up to them. "No more reminiscing, we have work to do. Major, get your team out of here so we can go do our job. Come on ladies, let's move."

Sheppard's eyebrows went up and Collin laughed. "I think you're having a negative effect on Dr. McKay, Shep. But he's right, I do have to get out of here. Thanks for the advice and concern, mom." Collin waved as he headed out to the center of the room to join his team. A few minutes later, they disappeared through the gate.

"They'll be fine," said McKay, watching Sheppard look worriedly at the gate.

"Yeah, I know." He turned to look at McKay, glancing around behind the man. "Where's the rest of our team?"

"We are coming, Colonel," said Teyla as she and Ronon came up behind the scientist.

Sheppard nodded. "Okay, let's move out . . . ladies."

"Very funny," said Rodney as he rolled his eyes.

Sheppard grinned as he turned his back to McKay and walked off. "I thought so."

oOo

Collin walked up behind Elizabeth as she leaned on the railing and stared down at the gate. His team had come back from a nice, boring mission that discovered nothing almost two hours ago. They'd already been cleared by the doctor and debriefed with Elizabeth.

"Are they overdue?" asked Collin as he slid in beside her.

Elizabeth didn't take her eyes from the gate, afraid that if she did, she'd miss when it activated. "As always. They were supposed to meet the Pannatians for a formal ceremony that officially made us allies and trade partners and then come home. They should have returned by now."

"Did you try the radio?"

Elizabeth nodded. "We opened the gate and tried a while ago, but we couldn't raise them. Major Lorne is putting together a team to check it out right now. They should be ready to go in about ten minutes."

"I'm going with them," said Collin firmly.

Elizabeth tore her gaze from the gate to look the officer in the eye. "All right, grab your gear."

He was just turning to leave when the gate activated. He quickly twisted back to look down at the gate as it engaged, swooshing out in the familiar pattern.

"Off world activation . . . receiving Teyla's IDC."

"Lower the shield," shouted Elizabeth as she activated her radio. "Teyla, what's your status?"

The radio crackled with static, making it hard to understand the Athosian. "Comin . . . ard . . . shot . . . we . . . Beckett . . . few minutes."

Elizabeth looked at Collin, fear in her eyes. "Teyla, could you repeat? You're breaking up." There was nothing but static, so Elizabeth tapped her radio. "Medical team to the gateroom, immediately."

A few seconds later, Teyla came through the gate, breathing hard and covered with scratches and dirt. She quickly moved to one side and watched as Rodney came through next in similar condition. A field bandage was wrapped around his upper arm and blood had begun to leak through the outside edge. He stood by Teyla, both of them turning to watch the puddle for the other members of the team. Tension built throughout the room as the gate remained active, but no one came through.

Finally, a burst of motion startled everyone as Ronon came running through yelling, "Close the gate." Sheppard was thrown over his right shoulder, his arms dangling loosely down the big man's back. As Ronon skidded to a halt, Teyla and Rodney moved in quickly to help him lay Sheppard on the floor. Collin and Elizabeth arrived about the time they got the colonel prone.

Elizabeth saw the field bandage, soaked completely through with blood, wrapped around Sheppard's left thigh. She took in a breath sharply, noticing that his BDU pants were completely soaked for a wide area around the bandage. "What happened?" she choked out, barely able to find her voice.

"Apparently the Pannatians have some enemies that live on the other side of the river that don't want them making new friends. They attacked about the time the ceremony was over," explained McKay, his voice wavering with fear and exhaustion.

Sheppard groaned and his head turned to one side, his eyes fluttering open. He blinked slowly a few times, his eyes glassy and unfocused.

"John?" Elizabeth knelt beside him and took his hand. "Carson's on his way, so hang in there. You're going to be fine."

Sheppard frowned, looking confused before letting his eyes slide closed again. Beckett and the medical team arrived then, so they moved to let them do their work. "What happened?" asked Beckett as he checked his patient's breathing.

"He was shot," replied Ronon.

"How long ago?"

"About an hour," said the former runner. "Took us a while to get back to the gate."

"All right, his pulse and breathing are good, so let's move him to the infirmary." Beckett and his team quickly moved Sheppard's limp form to the gurney and took off across the room and down the hall.

"Are any of you injured?" asked Elizabeth, her eyes falling on the dressing covering Rodney's upper arm.

"Dr. McKay has been shot in the arm," said Teyla.

McKay glanced down at the blood leaking through his bandage. "I think it just grazed me."

Elizabeth felt a surge of emotion, pride at Rodney for not over-dramatizing his injury and worry for Sheppard. If Rodney was not obsessing over his injury, then he was very concerned for his friend and that had her uneasy. "Let's get the rest of you checked out and see about John. We can debrief later."

"Mind if I tag along with you guys so I can check on Shep?" asked Collin, his expression more serious than anything they had seen since his arrival.

"Of course, Major Prater, please come with us," said Teyla.

Collin smiled, tight, but genuine. "Hey, I told you to call me Collin. I'm not a formal kind of guy."

Teyla returned his smile and nodded. "All right, Collin. We would be happy for you to accompany us." Teyla took Collin's arm and they joined the group as they headed for the infirmary. She couldn't help but notice the tension causing the normally easy-going man's jaw to clench and she wondered if he was worried about something more than Sheppard's injury.

TBC