They're not mine! Stop rubbing it in!

I.13. You've Got Two Choices

They lay there for a while, Ray eventually succumbing to his fatigue. Neela however, stayed awake. The more she thought about those two girls and the little boy she had seen, the more upset she became. Her confusion between Ray and Michael had become even more complicated tonight and that certainly didn't help. Finally, she decided she couldn't take it anymore.

Very gently removing Ray's arm from her middle, she slid back to the edge of the bed. She ran her hand under the bedside table, then remembering it wasn't there, stood up, frustrated. The sudden movement of the bed startled Ray and he woke up unbeknownst to her.

Where did she go?

His eyes scanned the room trying to find where Neela had disappeared to. They settled on her frame running her hand along the underside of her dresser top.

Oh, God, no. Please no.

"What are you doing, Neela?" His voice startled her, both because she thought he was asleep, and because he sounded angry. Plus, she had a guilty conscious.

For all he knows I am getting a shirt from my dresser.

"Nothing Ray, go back to sleep." She tried her best to sound casual—failing miserably.

Not 'nothing' Neela, tell him you were getting a shirt!

She really is the worst liar ever.

"Neela." He was louder.

"It's fine Ray, just go back to sleep." Instead he stood up and started walking over toward her.

Shit.

Shit.

"Really, Ray, lie down and g—" He had reached the dresser and grabbed her arm to push her to the side. "Stop it Ray!" He had forced her over a few feet, so she was no longer standing in front of the dresser, instead standing up against the wall. Using his other hand, he ran his own fingers along the lip as she had been doing earlier.

Please let there be nothing here. Let this be a false accusation from me being over-protective.

Neela slid her back down the wall, pulling herself from his grasp until she was sitting on the floor. Ray's hand felt a piece of tape beneath his fingers.

Damnit.

Knowing what he had found, he ripped the tape off, letting the blade fall into his hand. He moved his eyes down to Neela with a look of disappointment, though he was disappointed in himself as well. Then he quickly left the room.

Okay, let's try a different tactic.

Neela didn't change her position—knees pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around her knees, and her head bowed down. She was too upset to yell at Ray, or move, or even cry. She just sat there.

How could I be so stupid?

Ray came back into the room holding something. He walked over and sat down in front of Neela. She raised her head enough to acknowledge his presence, but quickly dropped it back down so she didn't see him move. He reached out and dragged her to him, sliding her balled-up body over the smooth wooden floor; and wrapping both arms around her small body, pulled her into his lap.

Don't do this to me, Neela. I know it sounds selfish, but please don't do this to me…

They sat there in total silence until she lifted her head to get some fresh air and saw the box Ray had brought in. There was very little light in the room, so she couldn't tell what it was.

"What is that?" Her ignorance of what he had brought in worried her, and made her somewhat angry.

"It's a sharps container, Neela." He was very matter of fact. "You are going to put all of them in here." He pulled her away from his chest to look at her face. "Every. Single. One." She merely dropped her head back down.

I'm doing the best I can here Neela. Please let me help you.

What the bloody hell do I do?

"Neela, you've either got to let me help you, or I'm calling Psych at County and they'll help you. And I am going to make you decide right now. Neither one of us is going to sleep tonight until you make a decision."

Is it stupid to let her decide? Is that the whole problem here—that she is not making a wise decision? Think back Ray…think back to college, freshman year. Did you wish you'd had a choice? Yes.

"Goddamnit Ray." She was angry—angry at herself for letting this happen, and angry at him for being so persistent.

I don't want to go to County. But Ray did what, three weeks in psych rounds? And that was two years ago, and he hated it. But I trust him. How did I let this go so far?

"I'm serious."

And if she does pick me, am I fucking both of us over? I did barely three weeks in psych rounds, that was two years ago, and I hated it.