Authors' Note: Sorry we've been so bad about updating. Blame Howard, blame her completely. She's been overly obsessed with her new LotR fic (that might or might not be posted and not anytime soon (maybe tomorrow, e-mail Howard for more info wink)) and Grima Wormtongue? Hm…weird. Anyway, we both feel terrible about not giving all our adoring fans what they want…it's a crime, truly it is. Well here's chapter five! Wow. Five whole chapters…go us! Oh and by the way, if at all possible…would you guys visit our super cool website? The link is on our profile, but here it is incase you're lazy or have no idea what we're talking about:

2006 Edit: Cite no longer exists, sadly.

Isn't that special? Mmhmm. Anyway! Love you guys and don't forget to REVIEW DAMMITT! Just kidding…Oooh peer pressure! –Howard & Porta, AKA: Emilee & Anna

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When Legolas knocked on the door of his father's study, he found the King bent over his desk reading a book with an intent look on his face.

"What are you reading father?" Legolas inquired with a smile as he leaned on the doorway.

Thranduil looked up, "There and Back Again."

"Oh? Bilbo's?"

The King nodded, but then shook his head and shut the book, sitting back in his chair and motioning his son over, "I need to speak with you."

Raising his eyebrows, Legolas walked in and took a seat across from his father.

Thranduil sat forward again and studied Legolas, "Son, I think it's about that time…"

When all he got was a blank stare, Thranduil tried a different approach.

"Son, I think it's about that time in your life…to find that special lady.."

Legolas groaned and stood up.

"Or at least start looking!" Thranduil called as Legolas headed for the door.

"Father I'm not just going to walk around looking for a wife!" Legolas whined, turning around, "It doesn't work that way."

"Of course it does!"

Legolas frowned, "Did you wander around aimlessly searching for a wife when you met mother?"

"I never said to wander around aimlessly-"

"You might as well have!"

"SON! Stop putting words in my mouth!" Thranduil yelled. The silenced Legolas and as his son dropped his hands to his sides Thranduil's tone softened, "Just keep that in mind."

Legolas still looked irritated as he bowed shortly to his father and left.

The prince was still steaming when he stormed back to his chambers. He turned the corner entirely too sharply with entirely too much speed when he slammed into Calen.

"Legolas!" Calen yelped.

Legolas frowned, it looked like Calen was holding Vebor's 'llama'.

Calen pushed on a forced smile, though she looked like she was about to crack up laughing, "Hello…"

"CALEN!!"

Calen's eyes widened as Dim's voice screamed from down the hall. "I should go." She said in a tiny voice through her teeth, then bolted down the hall.

Legolas blinked, then sighed. "Valar help her."

His grin was fixed as he walked by Dim's room, trying not to laugh. Dim was limping out of his room with his hand on his back. When Dim saw Legolas coming he made his act even more pathetic.

--

CLANK CLANK CLANK!

"Oh no, not again…" Legolas mumbled as he walked into his room.

This time Gimli had his helmet on and was banging on the frying pan that he and Legolas took on his travels. The reason the dwarf was clanking was beyond Legolas…

CLANK CLANK CLANK!

This is the part where Legolas' elvish gift for patients runs out…

"By the Valar, Gimli! Do you ever stop CLANKING?" He yelled, "Day in day out all I hear is your miserable CLANKING! It's enough to drive me mad, you hear me? Mad!"

The clanking ended immediately as Gimli stared, dumbfounded, at his usually calm companion, not quite sure to yell back or not..

But Legolas solved this problem by doing some more yelling of his own.

"Why the devil are you hitting that pot anyway?" Legolas exploded.

"…fly…" Gimli grumbled, squirming nervously.

"What?!"

"There was a fly…so I…hit it…"

"A fly?" It was Legolas' turn to be dumbfounded, "You attacked our frying pan with that great hammer of yours because there was a fly on it?"

Gimli squirmed again and set his hammer next to the bench on the floor. He glanced up at Legolas worriedly, "…and I just wanted summat to hit…"

Trying to regain as much of his composure as he could, Legolas took a few deep breaths and turned from Gimli, then fell face first onto his bed.

It isn't my fault. I'm not to blame for that explosion. Elves aren't supposed to loose their patients but I'm the only elf in Middle-Earth who has to constantly deal with that loud dwarf! He'd drive the most tranquil of our kind to insanity. It isn't my fault. Calm down Legolas. Calm…

Legolas' thoughts were interrupted by a poke in his shoulder. "What's wrong, Elf?" Gimli's gruff voice had a hint of worry in it.

When Legolas didn't respond, Gimli shuffled and frowned at his friend's back. "Look, I apologize for the clanking, will you please get off the bed!"

Gimli hobbled back over to his bench when Legolas rolled over and sat up. "I'm sorry Gimli."

"Think nothing of it." Was Gimli's grunted answer, though he was still about hurt from the 'day in day out never stop clanking' comment. Gimli had always thought Legolas enjoyed the clanking. It always made for a good conversation replacement when neither could think of anything to say.

Must be a dwarf thing.

See! Gimli thought. Now would be an appropriate time for clanking, but Legolas doesn't like it.

Oh bloody hell, now I have to think of a conversation starter.

I always knew clanking was good for something.

Haha! I bet the smug elf is regretting himself now! Without the clanking we could sit here in silence for hours, nay, days!

Well maybe just hours.

Definitely not days.

All right, maybe not hours either.

Dammitt all!

What to say what to say?

…ahah!

"So what did your father have to say?" Gimli asked awkwardly.

Legolas sighed, a dark expression coming across his blue eyes, "He wants me to take a wife."

Gimli chuckled. "there's one thing dwarves never do. My father would never-"

Legolas cut him off, clearly snappy. "Yes well, that's probably because you can't tell dwarf men and women apart anyway."

"Legolas…" Gimli warned. "I understand your anger, but I wouldn't push my luck if I were you…"

There was silence. Gimli polished his axe.

But Legolas was still bitter. So he put on a friendly smile, "Had any dreams about Galadriel lately?"

Gimli looked up, surprised, "Legolas? Do you realize that I am holding, in my hands, a newly sharpened AXE?"

"What are you talking about dear Gimli? It was merely a q-"

"LEGOLAS STOP TALKING ABOUT IT OR SO HELP ME…" Gimli exploded.

Silence.

Legolas tried not to laugh.

"So help you what?" Legolas inquired smugly.

"LEGOLAS!"