Ah the smell of burning lumber. It was a pity that in order for a fire to burn trees had to die, reducing the harmony and life of the forest, but what the hey, Legolas was warm, happy and snuggled up in his blankets by the fire. The light of the morning had barely come over the trees, but it was bright enough to wake the peacefully sleeping elf and make him squint in the fresh sunlight.

Sunlight…or a flaming tree?

And by flaming we mean, on fire. Not…y'know. Gay.

"Gimli calm down. Perhaps he won't notice."

"Won't notice a tree a blaze?! He is an elf Calen, not a troll. He has enhanced senses."

"Well I wouldn't say enhanced…"

"Legolas is going to kill me. Goodbye Calen."

"Stop being so dramatic. I shall handle this. Go sit in the corner or something, I shall handle this."

"You'll handle this?"

"Yes, Gimli, I shall."

"You said go sit in the corner. We are in a forest, how do I go about sitting in the corner?"

"Gimli!"

"Right. Over there. Corner."

This obviously was not a good situation. Legolas was unaware of what Gimli had done that he was so certain Legolas would kill him for, but apparently it was quite traumatic. At least the fire was going good.

Legolas opened his eyes. He couldn't seem to find anything wrong with the setting. Gimli was sitting across from where he was lying, staring at him. Gimli's face alone made Legolas worry about what was going on. He looked like he'd lost one of his stone boots.

Behind Gimli was Calen, she was looking directly at Legolas as well, grinning knowingly and pointing over Legolas to something behind him. Eyes darting back to Gimli, who had a suspiciously guilty look about him.

Legolas turned around, a frown crossing his face as he looked to what Calen was pointing at. Directly behind him there was an enormous tree. On fire. Very much on fire. Jumping to his feet, Legolas gawked and pointed.

His eyes were huge.

Spinning around, Legolas looked pleadingly at Calen and Gimli, "Do something! Do something! Put it out!!"

Calen looked like she was about to start laughing, she had stopped pointing at the blazing tree and was now pointing at Gimli accusingly. She coughed, "Ahem ahem, Gimli, cough cough…"

"Are you well?" Gimli asked Calen, turning around to look at her. Calen rolled her eyes, wandering off into the forest and Gimli frowned, looking back at Legolas and jumping at the expression on the elf's face. "I am so sorry, Legolas."

"GIMLI! What in Eru's name did you DO!?"

"Set the tree on fire. I was cooking see, and it kind of….well it….there were flames all around…and I was frightened…so I ran off for a while…and when I came back it was worse…so I awoke Calen and she laughed. And so…then you woke up and now…you are asking me what I did. And I just told you."

Legolas gaped at Gimli, looking as if he wasn't quite sure what was going on. "CALEN!?"

"Eh?" Coming back into the conversation, Calen walked back into the clearing. She had an innocent look on her face as if to say 'I wasn't laughing over there behind that tree.'

"You should have been watching him!"

"I am not my brother's keeper."

Legolas ignored her and kept yelling. Which is odd, because Legolas hardly ever yells, and he has yelled a lot on this little adventure. "You know good and well that Gimli's like a four year old."

"Am not!" Gimli grunted, slamming his arms across his chest and pouting just like a four year old.

"Why am I getting blamed for this?!" Calen shouted, still being ignored.

Legolas was livid. He glanced at Calen but ignored her and started circling Gimli. "You set the TREE on FIRE! The whole forest could burn down because of YOU!"

Looking every bit the four year old, Gimli was about to cry as he stood there pouting.

"Suddenly I'm supposed to be in charge of what the dwarf does?! If that were the case then I would have stopped him from picking his nose for half an hour strait last night!!!"

"DID NOT! I HATE YOU!"

"Father is going to kill me! He sends me into the forest to do one thing, and I foolishly take YOU with me and burn up Mirkwood!"

"Don't you mean burn down Mirkwood?"

"Calen!"

"She's right you know."

Calen threw her hands up in the air, stomping off and glaring at the tree. Then she noticed that the tree had started to move. Frowning, she moved a bit closer, the tree's branches were swaying, and it was obvious that it wasn't the wind. There was no wind.

"Legolas…"

"AND AS FOR YOU! I'm taking you home! Pack your things!"

"YEAH! You're a pain in the arse. My arse. The TREES arse." Gimli put in, trying to get on Legolas' good side again. He gestured wildly to the tree, then noticed that it was…

"SWEET JESUS!!!!!!!!!"

The Ent, had just realized that he was ablaze.

Gimli and Legolas' eyes widened, their jaws dropped. Suddenly there was a flaming Ent running around the clearing. This was bad.

And Calen fell to the ground laughing.

"WHAT IN THE BLAZES!? I'm ABLAZE!" The Ent was running around like a chicken with it's head cut of…or rather a walking tree on fire.

Legolas had a helpless look on his face and Gimli was about to cry. What are you supposed to do in a situation like this one?

After realizing that running around in circles was getting him nowhere, the Ent ran over to Gimli and Legolas and stopped in front of them, speaking as calmly as he possibly could. On fire. "Could you please direct me to the nearest river? I seem to be on FIRE! WAHHHH!!"

The Ent's calmness seemed to run out and he started running around again. Gimli was trying to point him to the nearest river, but his sense of direction was quite off and he just ended up aimlessly waving his finger around. The more trustworthy navigator (Legolas, in case you're confused) was pointing east. Not like that really matters.

Legolas' mouth opened and closed a few times, then he managed to actually speak very softly, "I am so very sorry. Apologize, Gimli."

"APOLOGIZE!? FOR BEING ON FIRE?! SWEET JESUS!" The Ent screeched, waving a threatening flaming hand over Legolas and Gimli's heads. Then he bolted off in the direction opposite of the river.

"No, not you..the..Gimli.." Legolas offered pathetically. He sighed and glared at Gimli.

"I can get you some steel boots if you'd like! I mean, stone. They're stone boots really." Gimli yelled after the Ent. As if stone boots would compensate for setting the Ent on fire.

Gimli stared off after the Ent. Legolas stared at Gimli disbelievingly. Calen got up and finally stopped laughing.

"Limestone boots, actually. Made of…limestone." Gimli informed the rest of them, after looking back to see the two elves staring at him.

"Limestone crumbles, you git." Calen snorted, rolling her eyes.

"Well…n-not if you put limes in it. Lime juice really. You mix it and it doesn't crumble. I've seen it done. I've done it myself really. The miners do it. And…I'm a miner. It's a dwarf thing, miners. But not like, minors, because…those are young people. I'm 160. My beard shows my age and growth. It's very impressive, really. Has a hint of red in it, see? Come closer, in the sunlight it is very obvious." Gimli beckoned Legolas closer to him, lifting his beard in his hand and holding it up to the sunlight.

Legolas was not in the mood for red highlights in dwarf beards. He glared.

"Never mind…you look like you are going to…kill me. Anyway, about the miners. I'm a miner. To tell you the truth, I'm a very good miner. Mining is my game. Gimli is my name."

Legolas let out a strange high pitched noise. Close to tears, he put his hands out to Calen shaking his head disbelievingly, he turned from Gimli to Calen a few times, breathing hard as if he was having trouble keeping calm. He turned on his heels and stalked off into the woods.

Gimli frowned, watching Legolas as he disappeared into the forest. Good thing he went the opposite direction of that Ent, Gimli thought. He glanced over to Calen, who had moved over to gather her cousin's blankets and stuff them in his bag.

"This is all because I'm an elf, in a dwarf's world!" Gimli grunted angrily, kicking up some dirt as he stomped around pointlessly.

"Gimli, you're a dwarf."

"Beautiful! Throw that in my face as well!"

--

By the time Legolas got back from his calming yoga walk in the woods thing, he came up behind Gimli and Calen sitting on a log by the fire. Gimli was sobbing and Calen was patting him on the back with an understanding look on her face.

"I just can't do anything right!" Gimli bawled, rubbing his eyes and sniffling.

"Aww…yes you are incompetent, and yes you are quite horrible at most things. But you've got a great personality, Gimli."

"Well I just feel so bad and self conscious all the time…"

"Aww, you are not as fat as you look, Gimli…your tunic is awfully slimming."

"Really? It belonged to my father."

"Oh, a hand-me-down. How much do you weigh anyway? It shouldn't be too much more than I do."

"With or without the boots?"

"Well of course without- wait, why am I having this conversation?"

Legolas shook his head. It was going to be a long trip. But he knew it would be even worse if he stayed angry at Gimli the whole time. Apparently the Yoga had worked. The Prince of Mirkwood walked around his companions, standing in front of them and looking serious.

Seeing Legolas, Gimli jumped up and clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder. He had to reach up quite a ways, and he looked really stupid, but it did manage to work.

"You da man, Legolas."

Legolas smiled, putting his hand on Gimli's shoulder, "No, Gimli, you da man."

"No no, I insist, you da man."

Gimli grinned, letting go of Legolas' shoulder and looking pleased with himself. Legolas looked off into the forest, "True dat, true dat. I am da man. After all, you da one who set the tree on fire."

Authors' Note: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was very refreshing to come back and do another wacky episode! HAHA! Just kidding. Anyway, this is the chapter where Legolas and Gimli become black, the chapter where Gimli never shuts up, the chapter where Calen laughs throughout most of it, the chapter where we learn that Legolas does yoga, and the chapter where Gimli kept accidentally sounding like Bobcat Goldthwait. By the way, we have absolutely nothing against gays. I hope nobody got that from our usage of the word 'flaming' throughout this chapter. We're actually gay supporters. Go us! I know you all enjoyed the mental image of Legolas doing Yoga. You dirty little…people. And if you would like to come up with a name for the flaming Ent, who will make another appearance, please E-mail Or leave us a really nice review. OR BOTH! Thanks for your support! –Howard & Porta, AKA: Emilee & Anna