Chapter 13: Demons

Three weeks. Three weeks of training with Petra, and no sign of Sephiroth anywhere. No messages, calls, nothing. It's like he was a ghost that just up and vanished without a trace. Bastard. I almost hated him for what he did, but festering that feeling just left a bad taste in my mouth, so I just poured myself into my training, more than I did when he was still my mentor.

Is this how Zack was feeling? Betrayed. Forgotten. Empty. No wonder he hasn't been home at all.

That didn't help me cope either, him never being around. I was beginning to resent him as well, and that also left me with a bad taste and a stomach ache. I hated feeling this way, like everyone was abandoning me with no explanation. Like I never meant anything in their life or held any sort of significance. Which isn't true at all and I know that. Cloud and Noctis still talked to me daily, but I didn't want to pester them with my issues.

It certainly didn't stop them from pestering me about what was wrong though. If I stopped concentrating for a second, Cloud immediately noticed my smile fall, then Noctis would notice, and then came the questions. I huffed a quick sigh as I thought about all of this.

What a mess.

Zack was in the middle of the common area, doing squats like he always does.

"Zack!" I called.

He stopped mid squat, waved, then continued his squats again. I sat down on the steps near him, resting my elbows on my knees.

"Feels like I haven't seen you for months. You live here now? Take up one of those extra beds in the dorm rooms?" I asked jokingly.

Zack continued with his squats, "No, I've just been really busy picking up some slack around here. Haven't had much time to just stop home."

"Not even to visit with your baby sister?" I pouted.

Finally, he stopped his squats and gave me a sad look.

"I'm not ignoring you, Sen, it's just-"

"Just?" I interrupted, "Zack, you're never home, I can tell you haven't been sleeping, and you're barely eating. This whole situation sucks, but you gotta take care of yourself too."

"It's not your job to worry about me, Sen." He crossed his arms over his chest and looked away from me.

"You're my brother." I said softly, "I'm always going to worry about you."

"Well, you're old enough to start worrying about yourself. I can't be around constantly for you." He said suddenly with a defensive tone.

"I'm not asking you to be, and Angeal is old enough to make his own decisions as well you know!"

That did it. Of all the things I could have possibly said to him, I just had to stick my thumb in an open wound. His neck tensed, the veins popping out and pulsing furiously beneath his skin. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose.

"You don't understand, Senna." He said lowly.

"You don't understand." I laughed, "You're going to say that to me? Of all people. Me!"

Zack's face flushed as he realized what he said.

"You can't save everyone, Zack." I said seriously.

"Doesn't mean I can't try." He stormed off down the hall to who knows where. I didn't chase after him.

Once again, I felt sick to my stomach. The first time I'd seen him in weeks, and we fought. We never fight! And me telling him he can't save everyone… what the hell is wrong with me? That's one of his best qualities. He never gives up, he sees the good in everyone, and he always gives 100% for them. It was one of the many qualities I admire about him, and something that I tried to initiate in my own personality. I strived to be just like him. He's my hero.

"God dammit, Senna." I mumbled and hid my face in my arms.

"Taking a nap already, kid?" Petra was standing next to me when I raised my head, arms crossed over her chest and a smirk across her face, "Didn't the day just start?"

"I'm alright." I said and stood up to face her, "Did we have training today?"

"No. I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would check up on you. You seem a little flustered." She sat down next to me, pulling a pack of gum from her pocket. After taking a piece out for herself, she held the pack towards me.

"Uh.. No thank you." I said.

With a shrug, she put the pack back into her pocket.

"You've been doing great in training. Not that I expected anything less from Sephiroth's former pupil, but with a few more exercises and a couple missions together, I think you'll be well on your way to 1st." she said, clicking the piece of gum.

I could only stare at her in disbelief. It felt like ages ago when Sephiroth told me he was considering me for 1st, and the excitement I felt with that had been overwhelming. This time, my stomach just dropped, and I felt like crying. Would they be happy tears?

I huffed a laugh, "Your timing for this absolutely sucks right now."

She chuckled in return, "Yeah I have a habit of doing that. You'll get used to it though, it's one of my many quirks."

She put a reassuring hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. The sympathy in her eyes told me that she had heard the argument between Zack and I. This must have been her way of trying to cheer me up.

'Disgusting.'

A shock went through my body, making Petra take her hand off my shoulder.

"You good?" She asked with raised eyebrows.

I looked around the area for the cause of the voice.

"Did you hear that?"

She raised an eyebrow and looked around as well.

"Hear what?" She asked, clearly very confused.

"Nothing. Guess I'm just imagining things." I said quietly.

Petra laughed and stood from her spot on the steps, "Maybe you should take a nap. Can't have you going crazy on me, hearing voices and everything."

"Maybe I should." I laughed in return as she walked away with a wave, but I couldn't shake the concern growing in my core.

It was like that nightmare of the creature sitting on my chest. I was still debating with myself about whether or not that was real. The voice was the exact same, and those golden eyes were burned into my memory. I will never forget those eyes for as long as I live, so full of hatred for the situation it was in as if it was my fault. But how could it be my fault?

I need coffee.

On my way to the stairs, Zack walked out of the Briefing Room, followed by a black haired Turk with a ponytail. He glanced my way, shrugged his shoulders at my confused expression, and continued on his way to the elevator without so much as a smile. I'll apologize to him later. Being stuck with a Turk on a mission probably put more of a damper on his day.

Some Turks I didn't mind, mostly the ones that actually took a moment to cut loose and enjoy life, but the stuck up pricks that look down on everyone… not high on my list of people I want to talk to. If there was any section of Shinra to be called dogs it was them. They'd lick the president's boots, no questions asked, and enjoy it.

Poor Zack. Hopefully he got stuck with a decent one.

One hot cup of coffee later, I found myself aimlessly wandering the building. Technically, I should have been in the Briefing Room volunteering for missions, but the motivation just wasn't there at the moment. I had an overwhelming urge to just walk around, but I had no idea why. Shinra employees and tourists gave me odd looks as I wandered, my boots clicking on the tiles with a very satisfying click clack click clack. My eyes wandered everywhere as if I had never seen this place before, and I felt strangely out of place.

'These lights are too bright.'

I stopped dead in my tracks, causing a temp behind me to almost crash his tray of drinks into my back and give me a dirty stare as he continued on his way. I didn't care about that, it was the voice again. That sweet as song sounding voice that sent such terror through my bones. I swallowed a lump of air, my throat going dry as the desert outside the city. My stomach threatened to return my lunch, so I took off to the nearest bathroom, making it just in time to heave up everything into the toilet.

What is wrong with me today?

I slumped my way to the sink and rinsed my mouth out with some cool water, also splashing some of it on my face to wipe off the sweat. When I looked up to the mirror, I was met with a reflection that was not my own. I blinked once, twice, three times, but still.. those were not my eyes staring back at me.

Hair as white as snow, skin so pale that the veins beneath were visible as if covered only by tracing paper, and those eyes… those golden eyes that have haunted my dreams for months. My heart raced, every sensor in my body warning me of danger, but I couldn't move. I squeezed my eyes was a dream, it had to be. Right now, I was at home, asleep in my bed, and dreaming.

"This isn't real." I whispered, "She's not real. It's just a dream."

"Oh… how adorable. You still think I'm just a figment of your imagination?" Her voice caressed my ears, full of amusement and joy.

"Wake up, Senna." I shook my head, still refusing to look back at the mirror, "Wake up dammit."

"You could try pinching yourself." She laughed, "That seems to be a common practice you humans do to convince yourself you're asleep."

I gripped the edge of the sink, counting backwards from ten. Ten seconds to calm down and assess. Ten seconds to realize this was a dream. Ten seconds to open my eyes and see my own reflection staring back at me. Ten seconds, and everything would be normal.

"Eight…seven…six…" I breathed in through my nose and out my mouth. The reflection of the Mare laughed softly, but said nothing as I continued. "Four…three…two…one…"

I opened my eyes, seeing nothing but my own reflection looking back. I took a deep breath of relief, noticing movement next to me.

There she was, sitting on the counter, one leg crossed over the other, and long white hair covering her naked torso.

"Ah!" I yelled and fell back against the wall.

The Mare stared boredly towards me. She sighed and examined her claws.

"Are you done?" She asked.

"You're not real." My voice cracked.

"You keep saying that, but yet here I am." She slid off the counter and crouched in front of me, "I think it's time you start believing I'm here, because as interesting as it is to watch your life through your eyes, I'd like to start living again too."

Words refused to make their way to my mouth. I sat there frozen, like I had so many times before. The Mare slightly cocked her head to the side and reached towards my face. She grabbed a lock of my hair, and twirled it through her fingers.

"As much as I'd love to just keep feeding on your fear and pain from the background, it seems the normal route to freedom isn't available to me. I was hoping that the serum those white coats injected you with would have started to wear off by now, but it seems pretty potent." She noted my confused expression and dropped my hair, resting her arms on her knees. "Oh! That's right! You don't remember. Oh well, there's more important things to focus on right now and that's me freeing myself from your life force. The sooner the better. What do you say?"

Her words buzzed around my head like a swarm of bees. I didn't know whether to be confused or afraid. Questions started swarming my mind, mixing with what she told me, and giving me a headache.

Voices echoed outside the door, two women laughing about some random gossip. They were getting closer. The Mare noticed this and glared towards the door. With a sigh, she reached out to caress my cheek, like she had done before.

"We'll continue this conversation later."

She disappeared, leaving a faint black mist behind her that dissolved as soon as the women opened the door to the bathroom.

"Oh my." One of them gasped when she saw my shaken form on the floor. I recognized her as one of the receptionists in the main lobby. Great… "Are you ok? What happened?"

I quickly gathered myself and stood up.

"I'm ok. Just ate something that didn't agree with my stomach. Excuse me." I said quickly and walked past them out of the bathroom.

They didn't follow me, thankfully, but I doubt my lie convinced them that I was ok. No more excuses, I needed to get checked out. I fought to keep up some form of composure instead of running through the halls to the infirmary. As I turned a corner I ran face first into someone rushing just as much as I was. The impact knocked me on my butt.

"Senna!" Noctis quickly helped me to my feet, "Are you ok? You look like you just saw a ghost."

I'm not so sure I didn't… "I'm ok, just running late is all."

I tried to step past him when he blocked my path.

"I got a message from Astrid that she saw you in the bathroom and you looked terrified." He said with concern.

"I'm just not feeling well." I didn't look at him and tried to walk past again, "I'm alright, just-"

"You're not alright." He blocked my way again. I was starting to get aggravated. "You haven't been alright for weeks, and that's understandable considering what's been happening."

"Nothing has been happening. I'm fine!" I yelled. Just trying to get away politely wasn't working out well for me.

"You keep saying that, but it's obvious that you're not. It's ok to feel stressed and angry, Senna." He kept calm, not raising his voice at all.

"I have nothing to be stressed or angry about." I said through clenched teeth.

"It's ok to be angry at Sephiroth for dropping you as a student, it's ok to be stressed about whatever direction SOLDIER is taking because of Genesis leaving, and it's ok to be angry at Myrna for leaving with him."

Something in me snapped and I couldn't stop myself from smacking him across the face. The impact echoed through the empty hall as Noctis and I just stood there staring at each other. His eyes filled with sadness and pity, his cheek developing a red hand print that spread to his ear.

"Don't talk about her." I hissed, "If I say I'm fine, then I'm fine! I don't need you to try and fix me, or give me a shoulder to cry on, or talk me into thinking I'm going through something when I'm not! Now leave me alone, Noctis!"

I didn't look back as I walked away from him, I couldn't. My hands shook at my sides, and the palm of my hand stung from slapping him. Why did I do that? Why did he have to keep pestering me? Why couldn't he have just let me walk away and be done with it? Going to the infirmary completely left my mind as I made a beeline for the front lobby. I wanted to go home.

The streets were busy, delivery trucks going in and out of the front gates, citizens on buses coming in for a tour of the facility, or to visit the museum, and employees coming and going like they always do. I kept to myself as I walked down the sidewalk. The amount of pedestrians alone was bound to be enough to keep the Mare from appearing, as well as the sunlight. Then again, she appeared to me under the bright florescent lights in the bathroom. Would the sun be enough to keep her away? Only one thing was certain, she wanted me alone, so staying in the crowded streets as long as possible was my only guarantee of safety.

I thought back to the night of my sleep paralysis. She mentioned how draining it was to possess a body, and that she was tied to my life force. If she was possessing me, could she hear my thoughts? Could she control my body at any waking moment and make me watch as she terrorized the people in my life? Was she watching through my eyes right now? I remembered her saying she never sleeps. Just thinking that the Mare had been watching every instance of my life without me knowing… gave me chills. Was she watching when Cloud and I almost…

Stop thinking about this. It's not doing me any favors and I stopped paying attention to where I was going long ago. Where was I? Surrounded by brick buildings, that's where I was. Great. At least there were still people around.

The day life in Midgar was almost a complete 180 compared to the night life that I was so accustomed to. Instead of the usual drunken citizens stumbling their way home, there was a group of kids kicking a ball around, parents idling close by, and random pedestrians that just seemed happy about life as they walked in the sun. What it must be like to feel that kind of serenity. I turned away from all of them and tried to retrace my steps to a more familiar area.

Oddly enough, I ended up wandering to LOVELESS Ave, which was just as busy during the day as it was at night. Cars honking their horns as traffic piles back, people crossing the street without daring to look for an oncoming vehicle, restaurants were near full capacity. I got some odd stares as I wandered down the street. That's when I realized I was still in my SOLDIER uniform and my sword was still hooked to my back. I had left the building in such a hurry that I didn't even think to change into my street clothes, which means that I have to go back at some point to grab my bag.

"Might as well." I sighed out loud, and turned to go back to Shinra.

I had barely made it to the fountain when I saw a head of spikey blonde hair running my way. My stomach immediately curled into knots as Cloud approached me. He stopped and took a moment to catch his breath.

"There you are." He gasped, "I was looking everywhere for you."

"If this is about hitting Noctis-" I wrapped my arms around myself and looked away from him. My mind washed over with shame and guilt as the memory flashed.

"What? No, it's not that. Well… yeah it kinda is about that, but I was just worried about you." He spoke quickly, but I still couldn't bring myself to look at him. I could look in his eyes and see the relief in them when I felt so ashamed of myself. "Noc said you took off so fast after… uh…it doesn't matter. He said you looked sick, scared out of your mind, and I'm not sure what else, but just not the normal you."

"I'm sorry." I hugged myself tighter.

Cloud put a comforting hand on my arm and bent down to look at my face.

"He's not mad at you." He said softly, and still I avoided eye contact with him. "I'm not mad at you either. We both understand you're under a lot of stress right now."

If you only knew… I thought sadly.

He put a finger under my chin and moved my head up to make eye contact. His eyes were so soft, so open, and warm. There wasn't an ounce of hate or malice, just the beautiful blue that reminded me of the sky. The knots in my stomach untangled, replaced by a swarm of butterflies. I fought them down and averted my eyes away from him again.

"I'm so sorry." I said, "I'm such a burden on everyone these days. I'm not fit to be SOLDIER."

"You're not a burden on anyone. Not me, not Noctis, or anyone else you interact with throughout the day. Noctis and I, we want to help you. We… well, I want to be here for you in whatever way I can." His voice trailed off, and when I finally looked back at him he had that light pink shade across his cheeks, "It's a lot to feel like you're alone, and I don't want you to think that you are. I'm here for you."

My eyes burned as tears threatened to fall from them. I sniffed and forced them back.

"I don't deserve someone like you." I laughed a little to hide my sniffling.

Cloud laughed as well and shrugged his shoulders.

"Mind if I walk you back?" He smiled and held out his hand. I smiled back and laced my fingers through his. We walked back to Shinra in peaceful silence.

I felt more at peace getting home tonight then I did this morning. Cloud neglected to tell me that he skipped out on his job duties to find me, which made me feel awful. I should really do something nice for him. He deserves it for everything he's done for me.

When I closed and locked the door, I realized that I was now entirely alone. No pedestrians around to rely on as a witness for any strange events, or safety from the Mare. There were no whispers from her, no odd feelings to suggest she might be peering through my eyes. She never sleeps, so I wondered where she disappeared to when all was quiet. Maybe she was waiting for me to fall asleep to appear to me. My chest thundered with my heartbeat as I imagined being immobilized again while she spoke to me.

Taking a deep breath, I walked to my room and closed the door. Swallowing my fear, I glared at the full body mirror, seeing only my reflection glaring back at me.

"You wanted to talk so bad." I said loudly.

With each blink, my reflection took on more and more traits of the Mare, staring with my eyes turning that flashing golden hue. My skin grew paler, clothes disappearing, hair growing longer, down to my waist, and turning white as snow. In a matter of seconds, the Mare was standing before me in my mirror, her sharp white teeth glinting as she smiled that wicked ear to ear smile of hers. I forced my body not to tremble at the sight of her, my nerves remembering all to well the terror she inflicted upon me in the cave. I would not show her fear, I would not show weakness. I am 2nd Class SOLDIER Senna Fair, and I am not afraid.

"Let's talk."