Chapter 2: The Adventure Begins
(Subtitle: Heart Attack!...The Battle Inuyasha can't win.)
"Ugh...what happened?", gurgled Inuyasha as he awoke in his bed. His eyes brushed away some beef jerky as they opened, and his vision came into focus slowly as a familiar voice explained.
"You took three steps and had a heart attack, Inuyasha", explained Miroku, standing at Inuyasha's bedside with a smug smile. "Shippo found your fat ass". Clad in a business suit, stylish shades and hanging off of two fine-looking Phillipino hookers. Time had clearly been more kind to the monk than it had been to Inuyasha.
"GET OUTTA MY HOUSE YOU FUCKING QUEER!!", Inuyasha screamed through the shards of Pringles permanently lodged in his sixth chin.
"God...how did you ever get a beauty like Kagome, wide load?", mumbled Miroku, under his breath, before flashing his pearly whites at the Hooker on his left. She swooned.
"What did you - BLEARP - say, Monk?" Inuyasha said, in between belching. The ripples of his fat ran over his body in waves as he did, beginning to tear his shirt with each burp.
"I said...", began Miroku
"THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DIDN'T SAY CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!" roared Inuyasha, who made sure the last word in that sentence came out as a burp. "Was it YOU who slaughtered every demon in Japan with a magical sword, gay? I DON'T THINK SO! Where are you, Tetsu...Tasha...Tootsie Pop...whatever the hell you're called, Magic Sword...". Inuyasha found a stick at the side of the bed and began waving his pudgy, sausage-like appendage around, poking around searching for Tetsusaiga on the floor. He ripped a few loud farts while doing so.
"Well, no...", began Miroku.
"THAT'S RIGHT. Now tell me where Kagome is and get the hell outta my house." Inuyasha farted again.
"She's in the kitchen, unconscious and badly burned. And naked. Shippo's tending to her right now - you wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would ya Inuyasha?", replied Miroku, accusingly. Inuyasha was quiet for a moment, as he tried to think of a perfect comeback to such an inquiry. Finally, after belching so loud he knocked his stack of Red Bulls in the corner down, he responded.
"Hey Miroku; sorry to hear about your balls..."
"Wha - SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!". Miroku cried out in pain as he keeled over. Inuyasha wheezed mightily before thrusting his piglet-sized left fist swiftly into Miroku's crotch, quick to exhibit the killer instinct famous for taking down countless demons in his heyday. Miroku's Hookers were speechless, and knelt over to tend to their fallen sugar daddy.
"Why don't you come over here and sex up a real man, ladies!?!" Inuyasha roared, before letting loose a particularly wet-sounding fart. The hookers looked up at him, disgusted at the bed-ridden and bloated half-man, half-dog before them. Surprisingly, Inuyasha had a disgusted look on his face as well. "Oh no...," he began, "I think I'm gonna get diarrhea again!!", wheezed Inuyasha, in between some explosive farts. He began to furiously waggle his way about in his bed, desperate to get out. He yelled.
"Kagome!! Kagome!! Bathroom!!", he screamed. "I need something to shit in - where's your face!?!"
Without warning, he finally plopped out of his bed, and onto Miroku and company. "Ahhhhhhhh...nevermind!!", Inuyasha began, with a soft sigh of relief and a tinge of smug-ness in his voice...
"...This will do just fine..."
Those were the last words he said before a shower of explosive, burning fecal matter poured onto an unconscious Miroku and his soon-to-be-dead hookers. With his work done, Inuyasha ripped one last fart and settled down for a nap.