Chapter 131

Not Ready

Sarah, Kyle and Derek all shared a good time at the airport and museum. The aerial 'drag race' was a hit with everyone. What was almost as good was both planes came back around again and 'cut the grass'. The P-51 was first. It dropped down in a dive. It did a low altitude high speed flyby. It seemed to be well over four hundred miles an hour to Derek. If one of the Terminator that was 'watching' over them was closer he would have ask them.

"Damn, that was fast." Sarah said.

The F-86 did the same thing about thirty seconds later. It was really moving. Derek bet it was going over six hundred miles an hour.

"That was even faster." Kyle said. "I'm impressed with everything we witnessed here today."

They started towards the car. They heard some of the people with radios say that the planes were coming back together.

They paused and waited a few minutes.

The two planes returned flying side by side at a much more moderated speed so everyone could get a good look at them. They were greeted with waves and cheers from the crowd below.

It was time for the trio to leave.

Based on their current location, it gave Kyle an idea for something he liked.

Vanna knew she needed to make John understand what the problem was and what was at stake here. This was a very serious episode for Cameron. She knew exactly what the problem was. She laid it out for John and what was necessary to 'fix' it.

"I don't understand it, Vanna. It is an obsession with Cameron. It is an absolute obsession." John said. "It's driving me crazy."

From what she was able to observe, Vanna felt Cameron was already there.

"It has driven her 'crazy', John." Vanna said. "To her it is all about the 'Natural Order'. She sees herself as having disrupted the 'Natural Order' of time."

John frowned.

"I really don't know what to do." John said. "I thought I almost lost her recently, you know."

Vanna did know. Everyone knew.

"I really thought she was going to leave with River, John." Vanna said. "Everyone did."

Vanna believed that Cameron's inability to 'fix' the 'Natural Order' in this timeline was literally tearing her apart. She was aware that if Cameron would have gone with River that it would have 'solved' her problem. When they emerged in River's future timeline, everyone she knew would be dead for hundreds of years.

John didn't know where to go with this. Everything seemed like a no win situation.

"I thought so myself. I think if I would have gone back in the TDE room that she would have stepped into the energy bubble." John said. "I could feel it. I think that is what she wanted me to do so she would feel justified in doing it. I think it would have been a form of 'payback' for what happened with Riley, the dead one."

Vanna was sure it was only because River 'told' Cameron to stay that she did.

"River explained to Cameron that this was her home and she was needed here with us, with you." Vanna said. "She told Cameron it wasn't her time 'yet'."

It was the 'yet' part that bothered John. It was that and hearing Cameron cry.

"You did not have to listen to her cry, Vanna." John said. "You don't know how it broke my heart to find her like that, day after day. She was shattered. She saw it as River rejecting her. Cameron can not take any more rejection."

Vanna understood that Cameron wanted to be anywhere else. It would have been what she wanted to be 'free' in a further future.

"She really believes if she is 'gone' that the 'Natural Order' will be restored." Vanna said. "She believes that, John."

John understood how a 'belief' worked.

"When someone believes something, it does not matter if it is true or not, they believe it. It becomes true, in their mind." John said. "The belief becomes its own false reality."

Vanna knew what needed to be 'done'. She was ready. She may not have been ready for herself but she was ready for Cameron.

"The emotional filter that River helped Cameron with has done a lot to ease her pain of some of the past events." Vanna said. "It was killing her to feel everything again like it just happened, over and over and over. There was nothing to dull the hurt."

It was obvious to everyone that River was a positive influence on Cameron.

"I know River helped her a lot, she could share Cameron's pain literally." John said. "It bothered Cameron that she could not share River's pain equally. I'm pretty sure they will find a way to interact again, in the present or the distant future. Somehow I think they will, in the past also."

Vanna noted there were some options available to Cameron.

"Her power cell will outlast your lifespan." Vanna said. "Unless she is terminated she will be around long after you are gone. That's assuming you live long enough to die of old age."

John could have done without the 'terminated' part of her statement. That was an all too real possibility.

"I am aware of that." John said.

Vanna was sure John's termination in any way would lead to Cameron's termination.

"She could not survive without you, John." Vanna said.

She didn't want to say it out loud but she knew Cameron could leave and be with River at that point.

John could think of two directions that Cameron could go at that point. One was forward and the other was backward.

"Well, there is a solution for that then, when that time comes." John said. "She can go into a further future or the past again."

There was a nagging question in Vanna's mind. It was related to what John just brought up.

"John, what if that already happened?" Vanna asked.

That question confused John.

"What do you mean?" John asked.

Vanna was aware Cameron thought that already happened.

"What if she already lived with you from now into the future until you died?" Vanna asked. "Cameron thinks she may have already done that, more than once."

John thought of where Cameron could go when he died. It was to be with River.

"She could try to reach River." John said. "She could live out River's lifespan with her."

Vanna saw it for what Cameron thought she may have done.

"What if Cameron came back in time and 'replaced herself' with herself in 1999? What if she has done it twice already?" Vanna asked.

That concept was bazaar to John. It was actually a mind trip.

"Do you mean that she lived two lifetimes with me and started over from the 'same spot' each time?" John asked. "Each of those would be a separate timeline at some point. There is no way everything could have happened the same every time."

Vanna could see the reality in that.

"Yes." Vanna said. "She knows she has time traveled at least four more times than she should have but she has no files to prove it. I think it may be more times. I believe River knew that and that is why she told Cameron her place was 'here' as she has relived it already, possibly multiple times."

This all started to 'click' for John. It may not have been an 'obsession' with Cameron after all. It may have been what already happened in one or more alternate futures.

"So something happens that shows I need a descendant before Judgment Day? Do you think this is where the obsession comes from?" John asked.

Vanna nodded.

"I do." Vanna said.

This was all a mind trip to John.

"That is some pretty 'heavy' thinking." John said.

Vanna decided to tell it as she saw it.

"She wants Allison to have your child." Vanna said. "She will take me as second place and Jesse as third place if she can't get her way."

John knew the 'game' was never over for Cameron until she 'won'.

"She only plays to win…." John said.

Vanna decided to leave out the part that Cameron would go after Savannah next if they failed to act. She was aware what Savannah 'promised' Cameron. She was well aware what Cameron MADE Savannah promise.

"That's the problem. She will raise the stakes to achieve her 'goal'. She is going after Riley next." Vanna said. "John, I am sure that is where she was going when this 'event' happened. She was on her way to ask Riley. A few moments before that happened, I told her I couldn't do what she wanted. She BEGGED me not to make her have to ask Riley. She begged me, John. I believe that is why she has shut down. It is too big of an emotional 'conflict' for her. She has gone out of her way to treat Riley nicely and make her feel loved. She was found outside Riley's room. I believe she has put herself into a type of 'coma' over this. She has 'retreated' into some kind of a deep maintenance cycle."

John was perplexed. It was like they didn't know more than they did but they did.

"So what do we do?" John asked.

Vanna looked at John. She looked into his eyes.

"We need to do what she 'wants'…." Vanna said. "If we all really want to 'help' her that is what is necessary."

John shook his head slightly in resignation. There did not seem to be a way around it.

"She only plays to win…." John said again.

Vanna was ready to act if there was no other choice. She wanted some feedback from Allison and Jesse. Every option related to this was a life changer.

"Let me talk with Allison and Jesse." Vanna said. "One of us needs to do it for Cameron. We can't make her ask Riley. I know it is a different Riley but we can't make her do it anyway. It is 'killing' her. I would rather have Cameron hate me or even terminate me and not have her need to ask Riley."

John still did not like Cameron 'pressuring' someone to 'compromise' themselves for her.

"I do not want to MAKE anyone do anything they do not want to do or are not ready to do by their own choice." John said. "I don't want someone forced to act because of 'Cameron's choice'. Even River came to me 'for Cameron'. I knew she did not want to be there. She wanted to 'help' Cameron. River could feel her pain. She was willing to 'sacrifice' for Cameron."

River's actions proved that sacrifice was the true test of love.

"When I told River to go, Cameron came in and took her by the hand and walked away without saying a word." John said. "That is when I knew I'd 'lost' her. She looked so devastated and defeated. I only left her with one more option. I really thought she would leave with River because of that. I could not go back inside the TDE room to watch her go with River. I know she would have."

John felt if he'd watched Cameron leave with River that he'd witness both of their terminations, even if they were both still 'alive'.

They stood in silence. The time grew longer and the silence grew louder.

John could only see a bigger problem at least in the short run, if not the long run on top of it.

"I don't want to do this, Vanna. I know that no matter how much Cameron wants this, it is going to hurt her." John said.

Vanna saw it as the lesser of two evils. It all came down to two poor choices. One seemed worse than the other to her.

"Which is better, a 'hurt Cameron' or a 'terminated Cameron'?" Vanna asked.

John lowered his head in resignation.

"I would have to say a 'hurt Cameron'." John said.

Vanna reached out and took John's hand. She was ready to step up. She would 'sacrifice' for Cameron.

"I want to do this for Cameron, for you and for myself." Vanna said.

John knew it was a big step. It was a big step for all of them. He just hoped it was not a step too far for Cameron.

"As long as it is what you really want, Vanna." John said. "There is no turning back once it is done."

Vanna thought of an 'old saying' but twisted the words some.

"Better 'Bed' than Dead." Vanna said.

A faint smile crossed his face. John nodded.

"If I did not feel like throwing up right now, that would be funny." John said.

Vanna looked at the lab door.

"Maybe I need to go back and check on her." Vanna said.

John looked at the lab door.

"I guess we do." John said. "Nothing gets done thinking about it."

They walked back into the lab to together to check on Cameron.

Cameron was still lying there immobile.

Gail made her look peaceful and Tight.

John knew everyone loved Cameron - except Cameron herself.

He really could not understand it.

Nobody could.

I Really Don't Know Why

The words keep coming
I can't make them stop
Why can't it end
Why can't I drop

Through life's daily slog
I now speak like Underdog
Blinded by light that is night
Yet trapped in a fog

This is where they come from
This is how the words flow
The hope and joy that was within
Has again lost its glow

With each new word
I fall deeper and deeper
There is no way out
The path grows slippery and steeper

I keep getting ANGRIER
As each second goes by
People only understand pain
I really don't know why

Nobody