Chapter 132

I'm Ready

Vanna thought about what needed to be done on her way to find Allison. She was ready to step up herself, even if Allison was not. Cameron needed to be protected and she knew what to do.

Vanna explained everything to Allison. It was what they really both knew all along and deep down inside. She made it clear that one of them needed to act and do it now. Allison said if it would save Cameron's life that she would do it and face whatever consequences that followed.

They were still both unsure if Cameron would 'snap' and terminate them. They knew what she said but there was no way to know what would really happen. They both agreed that Cameron's well being came before their own well being and future for that matter.

Vanna wanted to make sure everything was clear to Allison.

"Are you sure Allison?" Vanna asked.

Allison was beyond thinking about it.

"Yes." Allison replied.

Vanna pointed out it could be complicated.

"It's a lot of responsibility." Vanna said.

Cameron came first to Allison.

"I'm ready." Allison said. "I don't care about the risk to myself. I need to help Cameron."

Vanna already made up her mind to 'step up'. The girls would give each other strength and support.

"I'm ready as well." Vanna said. "I also will face any risk if I can save Cameron."

There was still a third factor to consider.

"What about Jesse?" Allison asked.

Vanna briefly discussed it with Jesse on her way to see Allison. The results were a little cloudy.

"She will wait to see what 'happens' with us first." Vanna said.

Allison took that to indicate what it sounded like.

"Do you mean she will wait to see if we are terminated?" Allison asked.

Vanna knew that was part of it. Jesse was troubled by her past on several levels. It was not only what was done to her but what she'd done to others as well. It was also because what she'd done to others at the time was something she enjoyed doing. She took pleasure in other's suffering.

"Maybe, Jesse is afraid she would not make a good mother." Vanna said. "We do need to keep in mind it will be a risk if Cameron goes berserk, on a rampage or reverts."

Allison knew there were risks with everything. It was a risk to cross a street.

"Cameron may not understand at first or become angry. It could happen." Allison said. "Cameron needs us to act now. The time for us to worry and be afraid of our shadow is over. "

"I am willing to take the risk." Vanna said.

Allison took Vanna's hand.

"I am as well." Allison said.

The long time lovers shared a kiss.

"OK, so it will be both of us then." Vanna said.

"It will be both of us. We are both in the 'window'." Allison said.

There was still another worry for Vanna.

"What happens if Cameron does not reactivate or 'forgets' that 'THIS' is what she wanted?" Vanna asked.

Allison figured they would get a real first hand look at motherhood then. They would manage. Everyone else seemed to be able to do it. There was still the possibility of a terminal side to it.

"We have a lot of diapers to change for the next few years by ourselves. That is only IF we are still alive." Allison said. "It is the right thing to do at this time for Cameron."

Allison and Vanna both made promises to Cameron before about this. The fact that Cameron MADE them make those promises was irrelevant. This was something they each promised to Cameron on their own.

Now it was time for them to keep those promises.

This was something they both wanted for a long time. Now it was going to happen. John was on board this time.

They decided they would both go to him together. They shared everything. This was no different. This should be something beautiful for all of them.

Cameron still lay motionless in the lab.

Two Terminators were always at her side as well as the visiting humans.

Savannah spent the most time there. She liked to go there alone. Well, the Terminators were still there but they gave her total privacy with Cameron. Sarah was there with her now.

"Cammy, I want you to wake up. I miss you. I want you to study and play with me." Savannah said. "Cammy, you always come back, I know it. Please come back now."

Sarah was touched by Savannah's genuine concern and love.

"She will when she gets better, sweetie." Sarah said as she touched Cameron's cheek. "John needs you, Cameron, I need you, we all need you."

Savannah saw it as a little more definitive. She wanted to make it clear.

"Cameron is invincible." Savannah said. "Cameron is eternal."

Sarah could see Savannah truly believed that.

Sarah got up to leave. She saw Savannah was not done yet and wanted a moment of alone time with Cameron. Sarah left.

Savannah looked around. She indicated for the two Terminators to shut down their hearing for a few seconds and look away.

Savannah placed her lips against Cameron's ear.

"I promise, Cammy. I promise. I will do everything I promised as soon as I can. I will do it for you. I love you." Savannah said.

Savannah gave Cameron a soft kiss on her cheek. She nodded at the Terminators and left.

"I'll be back." Savannah said as the door closed.

The two Terminators looked at each other.

Jesse came into the room followed by Riley. It was time for both of them to check on Cameron again. Jesse often came alone. She spent hours holding Cameron's hand and just sitting with her. Sometimes she talked about her past. She was very ashamed of it at this point. That included what was done to her and what she'd done to others.

"Oh, love." Jesse said.

Jesse gently touched Cameron's face.

Riley could see it was a loving touch. This was her first time to visit Cameron since she'd recovered from her injuries. She was not sure what would happen.

"Hello, Cameron." Riley said. "Can she hear us?"

Jesse's eyes filled with tears.

"I hope so." Jesse said.

Riley could see Jesse was in deep, real deep.

"Do you love her?" Riley asked.

A faint smile crossed Jesse's face.

"Yes." Jesse said without hesitation.

Riley nodded. She could understand that.

"I guess everyone does. I do too." Riley said.

Jesse looked at Riley. She was a little surprised at that statement but they all knew it happens. They could see Riley falling in love with Cameron. It was the same thing that happened to all of them. It happened to everyone who was around Cameron for any length of time.

"Cameron is like no other." Jesse said.

Riley could see the love on Jesse's face.

"Do you love – love her?" Riley asked.

The faint smile on Jesse's face broadened.

"Yes." Jesse said. "Yes, I do."

Riley nodded.

"I think a lot of people do." Riley said.

The love flowed with Jesse's statement.

"I would choose her for my life partner in an instant." Jesse said. "She treats me with respect and dignity. She was the first person who I felt cared about me because it was 'me'."

Riley could identify with that analysis.

"I feel the same way about that also, Jesse." Riley said. "Cameron was able to see deeper into me and find 'me' in there."

Jesse quickly glanced at Riley but looked away as she spoke.

"River told me of Cameron's pain, Riley. How she was mistreated and what some 'things' did to her inside." Jesse said.

Riley felt the 'Scarlet Letter' on her again.

"That wasn't MY fault." Riley said. "It wasn't ME. Do you know how bad I feel about THAT? I didn't even do it 'MYSELF' and I feel guilty about that."

Riley felt the shame for what Future Riley did.

Jesse felt the shame too for what Future Jesse did.

"It was just as much my fault in that timeline. No it was worse. I orchestrated it." Jesse said. "It disturbs me so."

Jesse looked at Riley with determination.

"When we went into Cameron's future to prevent Allison from being captured, I was going to kill you, Riley. I was going to track you down and kill you. That was if it was even the same future." Jesse said as she looked directly at Riley. "Don't look so surprised, love. I was also going to kill 'myself' in that timeline for hurting Cameron as well. I was going to kill both of us. I would have killed both our other future selves."

Riley wondered about the timeline and how it would be affected.

"Then what would happen?" Riley asked. "Would you take that Jesse's place?"

Jesse knew it would end in her death sooner or later. It was probably going to be sooner.

"It would not matter then what I did or what happened to me. I would have tried to die in combat fighting Skynet." Jesse said. "If Cameron was terminated or made us deactivate her, which is what she wanted, there would be no point to live without her."

Riley was confused as to why Cameron allowed the relationship to develop between John and Future Riley in the first place.

"Why didn't she kill the other 'me', Her Riley?" Riley asked.

She was aware that Cameron still could kill her.

"She didn't kill Future Riley because she loves John." Jesse said.

That did not make a lot of sense.

"That seems even the more reason to kill me, I mean her, Future Riley." Riley said.

Jesse could picture the internal conflict of watching the one you love choose another, right in front of you.

"She loved John too much to hurt him. She chose termination rather than hurt you – Future Riley or John." Jesse said. "She let John choose. She gave him the choice."

Riley understood that Cameron sacrificed.

"Sacrifice is the true test of love." Riley said. "I can see that it really is."

Jesse knew Cameron put John first.

"Cameron wanted John to be 'happy'." Jesse said. "She let him have what he wanted."

Riley thought about her spats with Derek.

"That sounds very hurtful and traumatic." Riley said.

Jesse knew there was a way to experience Cameron's trauma.

"There are hundreds of poems in her Poem Book about it." Jesse said. "It is all there in black and white. Those are all fragments of how Cameron felt and still feels."

Riley read Cameron's poems with her permission. John previously read them to her before but she wanted to read them herself. It allowed her to see the depth of Cameron's feelings.

"I have read them. They fill in a lot of blanks into her 'feelings'." Riley said. "I think she feels things even more intense than we do."

Jesse was aware how truly painful that must be.

"That is because every time she feels something or thinks about it, it is as if that event just occurred." Jesse said. "Time can not dull her pain like it does for us."

Riley thought of her assaults and mistreatment at the hands of others. They still 'hurt' to think about but the same emotional trauma was no longer there.

"With things that have happened to me, it would drive me insane if I had to relive them again and again, one after another, at full intensity, like they had just happened." Riley said.

Riley and Jesse both thought of their times in the 'hands' of others and the beatings and pain that went with them.

"For all of us, love, it would drive all of us insane. I would kill myself if I had to relive my life as if each event just occurred, over and over." Jesse said. "Sometimes it is a wonder she can function at all."

Kyle and Derek came into the room.

Jesse bent and kissed Cameron's cheek.

Jesse and Riley left.

Riley and Jesse exchanged a few quick glances on their way back to Riley's room. They'd just shared 'a closeness' on a personal level.

Jesse and Riley arrived at Riley's door.

"Let me help you with your dressing, love." Jesse said. "I see a little blood has seeped through."

Jesse cared for Riley through her recovery after her injuries. She'd seen plenty of Riley's body as she tended her. She liked what she saw but she never exploited it.

Both women felt sad and lonely right now. Both of them could feel the hurt inside. The two women needed comfort now. They both knew it and 'felt it'. They both understood their need and desire.

Jesse was hesitant to 'cross the line' and try and hit on Riley before. She did not want to anger or upset Cameron. She never discussed it with Cameron. She was surprised when Cameron mentioned that sometimes Riley would need a 'friend' to help her get through things. Cameron reminded her that sometimes it was nice to have help. Cameron told her that she could be that 'friend' if she wanted to be. At that point Cameron kissed her cheek and told her she liked it when everyone was happy.

Now Jesse and Riley were at that crossroad. They both knew everything that would follow if they did not back away now. Neither of them wanted to back away. They both needed more right now. They needed the comfort of each other.

Their eyes met and held. They both wanted it, it was time.

Jesse angled her head slightly as their eyes locked.

Riley moved forward and their lips met….

'I Love Rock N' Roll' by 'Joan Jett', played in the background.

I'm Ready

We can see all the others
They act in mass as a group
Is that what we really want
How far or low will we stoop

We can watch from the sidelines
Or jump in and join the game
Will fingers be pointed in blame
Perhaps we will be left in shame

If there is no start
Then there can't be a finish
Acts other than to aid
Only seem to diminish

Do we step up when called
Or do we retreat and fallback
Will we paint the world red or black
As we fend off any unjust attack

The flow of life is like an eddy
The current is strong and steady
Others have acted already
Now it's my time and I'm ready

Nobody