Chapter 7: The Epic Cosmic Discovery

It's difficult to think how someone could get tired out in a weightless environment, but Inuyasha found a way. Despite the fact that he was merely floating and not exerting himself in any way, he still managed to have seventeen heart attacks throughout the rest of the day (which was a Friday actually- the day he always looked forward to because his furry porno mags always arrived on that day, but not that it mattered anyway in a time before the earth even existed and there was no living species in the universe yet (save for the civilization that had risen and fallen (and the remains of which still existed) under Inuyasha's stomach rolls) and the concept of night/ day didn't even exist for there was nowhere FOR it to exist.)

Pondering this complex and confusing concept gave Inuyasha another heart attack. He 'fixed' it the way he always does- by punching his chest until his heart starts back up again, in its lazy four beats a minute routine. That usually does the trick- except for the times it doesn't- in which case Inuyasha will pass out and as he does- the weight of his layers of fat will fall onto his heart in sequence, sort of acting like a respirator, and will start it beating again. So in fact- Inuyasha lives in a sort of semi-invincible state where his heart will keep beating no matter how much it wants to die.

So despite being in this horrendously boring state of floating around endlessly, with no food or entertainment, Inuyasha's stomach had enough food stored on reserve to keep him alive for years for years. The only benefit to this was the fact that he also had excess gas on reserve so he could unleash a sequence of farts which would change the direction he was floating and send him to different parts of the universe which was slowly filling up with stars and planets.

He would constantly complain to himself about House of Carters, Kagome, how Quentin Tarantino is overrated and other things of that nature for no one else to hear, like an internet nerd's blog. Inuyasha had no idea what part of the universe he was in, where he would end up and IF he would ever get there.

Days went by…

Weeks….

Months? Years? He couldn't tell, he had lost all sense of time. It was impossible to tell in this timeless and ageless universe…

Each one of his bladder and bowel movements would fill an empty part of the universe with life. Even with no food, the amount of weight he lost was minimal- but Inuyasha was still proud of it. He still couldn't see his wiener but if he dug through his fat rolls he could see to the 9th roll down, which he was SURE was the one just above his penis. But regardless of that, the time finally came when Inuyasha spotted something in the darkness. It was long and tubular and seemed to shoot off endlessly into the universe.

Inuyasha made sure every one of his following farts was correctly delivered to propel him in the direction of this tubular object. With lots of effort and countless heart attacks, Inuyasha was finally able to fart his way across the universe until he finally reached:

"A magic fucking well!" He yelled out with surprise, 'Fuck YES!" He blasted one more fart and entered the well headfirst. Once he was inside, the magic of the well took over and he began falling again. This trip through the well was just as painful as the last one- with Inuyasha constantly smashing into the stone sides of the well, scraping and bruising up his body and face. One brick wasn't built into the side of the well correctly and it was sticking out a bit. Inuyasha smashed his eye on this extruded brick giving him a severe black eye.

"Who the fuck built this well and left that brick like that! Who the fuck built that- I'm gonna drop a diarrhea donkey in their ear! Wait, how the fuck was this built anyway." Inuyasha had another heart attack as he fell thinking about this, but the smashing against the well resuscitated him. In all the panic Inuyasha released a waterfall of diarrhea which filled the well.

Meanwhile Shippo was walking around a nice grassy area enclosed by a fence. A few trees littered the yard and there was also… a stone well. As Shippo was skipping around like a down syndrome child with no feet, he heard something rumbling in the well.

"Oh gee- I wonder if this is another magical person from a far off land-" he poked his head over the edge of the well and was immediately blasted in the face by an erupting geyser of diarrhea. This was followed by the enraged bellowing of an obese man with ears. Inuyasha flew upwards out of the shit storm and hit the ground next to the well with the impact of a meteor- nearly pulverizing Shippo. "Oh Jiminy strudels! It's Inuyasha!" Inuyasha looked up slowly- face battered and broken, covered in numerous layers of his most disgusting bodily fluids.

"You" he pointed at Shippo. "Shitpop. Where the fuck are we- I've never seen this place before."

"Silly Inuyasha!" he replied, "This is your backyard!"

"Back-what?"

"You're backyard! And that's your house!" he exclaimed pointing to the house. "Hey Inuyasha! Where were ya man! And why are you so poop covered? And where are your pants?" Inuyasha moaned, turned around and sat on Shippo, who uttered his last scream with futility.

"Shitpop is so fuckin gay. What a shit character," he said to himself and made his way towards the back door of this house. He didn't in fact believe it was his house until he entered it and saw Kagome still lying on the kitchen floor naked and possibly dead. This was mildly shocking but the main thing going through Inuyasha's mind was- 'banging a possibly dead Kagome would be too difficult right now,' so he just beat off onto her face and then went into the living room and fell asleep on the couch.