Disclaimer: Go to my bio.
A.N.: I know, I know, I'm being a bad girl and I should be working on a continuation to Comfort Food... but since inspiration struck- which is very rare- I had to write this.
Apparently, even if I try to write something fluffy, it always comes off with more than its fair share of angst. Does that say something about the characters, or about me? Oh well...
Inuyasha's thoughts on everything he owns, doesn't own, wishes he owns, or has given away. Yeah... hopefully it makes more sense when you read it.
Shorter than usual, but it's mostly an exercise- my muse needs to get back in shape if I ever want to update my other story (I just mentioned it by name and I don't want this to be too much of a shameless plug)...
Enjoy!
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Nine Tenths
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I've never owned much. Sure, I'm the son of a powerful demon lord and a human princess, but I've never known what it's like to be wealthy.
Let's see... I've always owned my fire-rat clothing. And I once had a ball, when I was a small pup, but I don't know where I got it or what happened to it.
That's it.
Don't get me wrong, that's pretty impressive for a half-breed, but it's depressing to most humans, except maybe the peasants. But you've gotta admit there's a lot of them these days. That's why I don't 'open up' to Kagome as much as she'd like. It's not that I don't trust her, but he's not from these times. Or poor. She wouldn't understand. She would pity me. I hate pity.
I know she's not poor- she always carries around way too much stuff in her bag. And there's even more at her house. Way more than any average human in this era, but she insists that it's normal.
Anyway, even though I didn't have much, I never really wanted anything. At least, I told myself I didn't. All the stuff I did need I couldn't carry around with me. How are you supposed to run from angry villagers with a hut strapped to your back? No point in wasting energy daydreaming about what you don't have and are never gonna get.
That's why, when I finally did let myself realize I wanted something, the feeling hit me hard. I wanted the Shikon Jewel. I wanted to become a full demon.
And then, I wanted Kikyou.
For what, I'm not sure. Yeah, some of it was... ahem... physical... not that I know much about... that stuff, with no one but a pervert monk and accidental (well, sometimes not so accidental- if I can get away from the lecher in time, and I can ever get up the nerve to actually look, that is) hot spring glimpses to teach me- and that's recent.
Well, I was lonely, I guess. Not that I'll ever admit it. I wanted a friend. A companion. I wanted a wife. I wanted a normal life- even if I had to be pathetically weak more than just once a moon cycle.
She wanted it too. Normality, I mean. And she could give it to me. She had the power to give it to both of us.
I loved her for it. She could give me everything I wanted. I could give her everything she wanted. We were going to spend the rest of our ridiculously short human lives being not-lonely together. That is love, right? Right...?
Then, she let me know that she had never wanted me. With arrows flying at me. That hurt. Really bad. I don't like being hurt. Being angry is easier.
That's when I realized that something didn't have to be physical for you to crave it. I wanted revenge.
So I went to the village, stole the Jewel out of the temple, and made off with the thing that I had wanted all along.
Just in time to get sealed to a tree.
...Great.
I did get two other things to call my own, though, when I finally woke up.
I guess being pinned for fifty years did have one perk- I've now got a forest to add to the list of possessions I can count on one hand. Well, technically it isn't mine, but it's named after me. And I did mark it as my territory, just so there's no confusion to rival youkai. Human noses can't scent that kind of thing for long though...
The other thing... well, let's just say that if I could have given them back to Kaede, I would have. Maybe not now...
I hate these beads, this... this 'cahller', I think Kagome said. By the way she was teasing me it sounded like it had something to do with dogs.
Yeah, Kagome, you're the first person to have humiliated me like a dog... right. That's so original, wench.
And as much as I hate them and that stupid command (used only for dogs- clever, Kagome, real clever) I still dread the day that it comes off.
Because that means that Kagome will be leaving. For good.
When that day comes, I hope Kaede lets me keep the beads. Just like my fire-rat clothing connects me to my parents, I would like to own something connected with Kagome...
Ugh. Stupid bitch. Now I sound like a woman. Or like the lecher does when he's trying to get one to bear his child.
I own a sword, too. Made from my old man's fang. I had to fight for it a lot at first, but it is mine. It is useful, it is reliable, it is powerful, and it is all mine. I like the sound of that.
Anyway, I've owned so little in my life, I never really had anything to give away, much less worth anyone else wanting- besides the Tetsusaiga, that is.
So when Kikyou said she wanted my life, I was happy to promise it to her. I shouldn't've done that. I don't regret promising her my protection, though, even if it gets a little stressful when I've sworn I'd give it to two people.
My honor is also one of my few possessions, even if it is worthless coming from someone like me; I will keep my word to her if Kikyou desires... eventually. I have to repay her- I promised, after all- but I'm not as blind or stupid as people think. I know it was her arrow that pierced me, even when my claws never touched her. That's why I still want the Jewel.
I can become a full demon, and be above this mess of human emotions and loyalties, if only for a little while- before I go to Hell.
And just like my life belongs to her, her heart still belongs to me... doesn't it? ...I don't really think so- I feel guilty for thinking this, but she's being so cruel, even for someone in her position... I'm not even sure I had it in the beginning...
Did I ever want it? Did my heart ever really belong to her? Did I ever want it to?
I know whose heart I do want.
Kagome once gave me a 'lokit' with our pictures in it- shaped like a heart. I still wear it, even if I'd never let her know I kept it after she tried to give it to me and I refused. I never take it off.
I sometimes like to pretend that she meant something by it. And by the words she said to me shortly after, in Kaguya's castle. But I'm just lying to myself. She was just trying to save me from losing my human heart. She was trying to shock me out of my transformation.
Well, it worked.
I know from whispered and giggly conversations between Sango and Kagome- they should really keep in mind that my ears aren't just for decoration- that neither had ever been kissed. And then Kagome kissed me.
I was the first person she ever kissed. She gave me her first kiss.
I felt just like the bastard I am when I realized that I could never give her the same thing. And I wanted her to have it- Kami I wanted it for her. It was one of the things I actually could give her. She deserved something that special; even as corrupted as it would be from someone like me, it was the best I had had to offer her.
I know from those girly talks that this sort of thing is important to a woman- so I am not going soft, I am saying this strictly for Kagome's benefit: Kikyou unknowingly stole my first kiss from Kagome. And I had wanted Kagome to have it.
I don't know that she even thinks about this, but if she has, she must be feeling pretty low. Kikyou has stolen part of her soul, and part of me from her.
So I've tried to make it up to her.
Kikyou can have my life, but everything else belongs to Kagome.
I have given Kagome my heart.
But I will never have hers.
She is a pure priestess. I am a dirty half-breed. Centuries separate us. Promises separate us. We can't be together. That's just the way it is. It's not fair- but I should know by now that life is never fair. So I will memorize everything about her. I will secretly enjoy every second that I have with her, and I will treasure the 'lokit' she gave me.
I will go through this torturing nearness every day so that I'll always have my memories of Kagome.
And that's all I'll ever have of her.
Owari
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A.N.: Whoa, whoa, whoa, where did that come from? This was supposed to be fluffy, I swear!
As usual, I ask for any (polite- no flamers) OOC alerts. And wow! An Inuyasha P.O.V. without major cussing! Oh, wait, that can't be in character...
Do NOT click that button! Don't you dare! I said no! Get your mouse away from there or suffer the consequences! NO CLICKING!
Reverse psychology. Gotta love it.
Thanks for reading!
Peace and love,
Movie-CaffineAddict