Part 2
(Note: this is a fictional adaptation of Christmas at Hogwarts in Harry's 5th year. Having read all the books, I am aware this does not occur. MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS. You have been warned.)
It was another year in Hogwarts since the fateful Christmas party. This was the fifth year for Harry, Ron and Hermione (among others) and they were presently starting the fifth year Christmas party (of course, the rest of the school came too, because they had one every year.). They had believed that Umbridge would cancel the party, but Umbridge seemed especially into the holiday spirit for once in her life. Draco and Snape had been saved due to some serious magical surgery (or by way of a plot device, if you prefer) and everything was as it should be…except that Umbridge was still alive, that is.
"Hem, hem." Said Umbridge quietly. There was instant silence in the hall. A cricket chirped. "Who dares defy me? Of with his head!" "With pleasure." Filch smiled gleefully, and ran of to decapitate the cricket. Harry and Ron eyed each other and nodded. Wordlessly signaling the others in the D.A., they all nodded to each other. One way or another, tonight Umbridge was going down.
"Now," Umbridge said. "Let the feast begin!" before sitting down and stuffing her face as fast as she could. "Do you think decapitating a cricket is necessary, Delores?" questioned Fudge, who was invited to the feast. "Oh, absolutely, minister. They have to learn discipline, or else the little snot wipes…I mean, the dear children might believe they can get away with anything." She said with false sweetness. "Have some eggnog, won't you?" said Flitwick handing her a filled goblet. "Why thank you, professor." She said, before downing it all in one gulp.
At the Griffindor table, Harry was already thoroughly smashed. He had tried to wipe out of his mind the complete mess he had made of his relationship with Cho. "…And so," Harry hiccupped drunkenly, "now people think got me this scar because of voldymort." He looked around fearfully. "Shh…don't say his name!" he whispered. "Uh, Harry, weren't you suppose to lead tonight's operation?" asked Hermione, concerned. "Hic…Naw…they can handle the little guy." He said really loudly. Ron and Hermione covered his mouth. When they realized everyone else was too preoccupied in their own conversations to be listening, they released him. "Anyways, what really happened was that I was accidentally dropped on my head as a baby and the evil green fairy killed my parents because it was all my fault!" he said, before bursting into tears. Ron and Hermione exchanged disturbed looks. Hermione shrugged. "We'll have to check on him later." She told Ron.
Back at the staff table, Snape noted that Umbridge could defiantly not hold her liquor well. He eyed her warily as she waved her arms to gesticulate some point or other, nearly knocking over his cup. Due to his…incident… with eggnog and wizard crackers last year, Snape had decided not to drink any this year. Umbridge, on the other hand was totally plastered and slurring her sentences. " Oh Fuddgge, you guys are the mostly ha…hic…handsome old man I ever see." She said, hanging onto Fudge's arm, while Fudge looked thoroughly disturbed. She giggled crazily, before crossing her arms and laying her head on the table.
Harry looked thickly across the hall to the Slytherin table and saw Dumbledore with a strange grin on his face, looking in the window at the Slytherin eating in front of him. "Hi Dumbble…. uh…dumbly…uh…dumblesomething." he whispered to Dumbledore from across the hall. Dumbledore just put his index finger to his lips and Harry imitated the gesture, nodding stupidly at him. Then he giggled shrilly. " She was a funny big lady, she was!" he said loudly, thinking of Madame Maxime. Seamus eyed Harry with concern and walked over. " Maybe you should lay of the eggnog for a while, eh mate?" he said. "Get back to work, you sss…. shlacking bum." Harry hissed in reply. Seamus shrugged and walked off, knowing what alcohol could do to a person. He and his dad often had drinking contests to see who could hold their liquor best. Harry looked back to where Dumbledore had been and vaguely wondered why the Slytherin was gone.
Meanwhile Cho walked up to Umbridge, wondering why the poison Flitwick had put in Umbridge's goblet hadn't taken effect yet. It had been ten minutes since she had drank it. "Professor Umbridge?" Umbridge squinted at her. "Hic-yesh, ch…ch…choey?" she looked glassily at Fudge. "Her name is ch…ch…choey, -hic- right, fuddge?" He stared at her uncomfortably for a moment, before answering. "Yes…I believe so." "Go onwards choey." Said Umbridge. Cho glared at Umbridge, before saying: "I have something to show you." " Oh I love something! Where is it?" she asked, getting up so quickly that she knocked over her chair. "Now, don't get exited choey. You'll get to show me something. Where is it?" she squinted as she looked around the room. "There are two of everything, so we can all share!" She declared, before following Cho. As they walked across the hall, a chandelier fell and hit Umbridge squarely who lay under it, deathly still. A silence fell over the room.
Harry, who was to busy watching Dumbledore to notice Umbridge, looked at the Slytherin table. There was only Draco, Crabbe and Goyle left at the table. He saw Dumbledore staring in a creepy way at Goyle. Harry looked at his hands and told them quietly: "That's the spirit, dumbb…dumble! Now we'll win qui-hic-iditch for sh-hure."
Suddenly, Umbridge's feet curled inwards. "Ding dong the witch is dead." Sang a drunk Draco, who had not learned from his experience with alcohol last year. Megonegal came over to see what the commotion was. "Which old witch?" "The wicked witch." Chorused the students. "Umbridge." Flitwick whispered in her ear. She grinned widely.
Just then, Umbridge opened her eyes, slowly pushed off the chandelier, and sat up. "That was a big something! " She exclaimed. "But I love it! I'm going to hang it on my door!" They heard someone groan loudly. It was Fudge.
"What now, Hermione?" Cho whispered as Hermione and Ron came up to her, after being absent most of the evening. "Plan C!" Hermione hissed back. "We have a plan C? Were you two off planning it?" She looked from Hermione to Ron and back again. "I thought you two were…uh…you know…." She blushed. "Huh?" asked Ron. "Oh." He blushed as he realized what she meant. Hermione glared at her. "Well, we would, but this is more important…. for right now…" she said, glaring at Ron, who gulped and took a step back in fear, before hanging his head in submission.
"Plan C!" she whispered, and waved her arms at the doors. They heard a loud chittering as the doors flung wide open to reveal a virtual army of chipmunks. They scampered inside and started throwing acorns at Umbridge, not caring who they hit in the process, leaping up onto the tables and knocking stuff over and getting into the food and drink. Everything was in chaos. One had manages to leap onto Snape's face. Another was chasing fudge around the room, holding a small fork and making stabbing motions with it. One was drinking eggnog. After about ten minutes, the chipmunks got bored with Umbridge and started chasing each other around instead. Hermione was trying desperately to get them to go back to throwing acorns at Umbridge, who didn't look all that worse for wear, to no avail.
Harry finally noticed the commotion with the chipmunks. His brain vaguely registered the fact that Umbridge was not, in fact, dead yet and that the D.A. weren't having any luck with it. He stood up and swayed a little. He pulled out his wand and waved it around in Umbridge's general direction. "Time to do it my way." He muttered to himself, wondering what his way was. Wasn't it something to do with spells and death? "Whatever." He would figure it out eventually. He stood staring stupidly at his wand for a minute, not noticing a chipmunk that had bitten the toe of his boot and refused to let go. Then it came to him. He drunkenly took a fighting stance and held up his wand. "In the –hic- name of the dumble man, I –hic- punish you!" He yelled at her and waved his wand around before twirling around (a la sailor moon) to emphasize his point. Everybody turned to stare at him. "Um…" he looked around. "Hang on it'll –hic- come to me." He saw a strange red and white ball lying on a table. There was something written on it. He squinted. "pichacu…no…pachika…no…patchacu." He said out loud. "That's it!" he hurled the ball at Umbridge and screamed: "I CHOOSE YOU, PATCHACU!!!!" It hit her on the nose and broke open. A little yellow mouse-like creature burst out of it and landed on Umbridge. It pulled a steak and a stake and stabbed the stake through the steak into her chest. "NOOOOO!!!!!! NOT A STEAK!!!! ITS NOT EVEN COOKED!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!" Umbridge screamed, before bursting into flames. Harry looked towards the Slytherin table and saw that even the Slytherin table and chairs were gone.
The next day Snape was found lying dead in a corner somewhere, having been mauled by a chipmunk and when Madame Pomfrey did a magical anaylisis of the eggnog supply, she found no traces of alchol whatsoever, dispite the fact everyone was drunk, which left her deeply troubled.So deeply troubled, St.Mundungo's refused to admit her and they sent her back to hogwarts.And as Hagrid stopped walking through the forbidden forest, later that day, Fang started pawing at the ground. He dug up a bone and began to gnaw on it. Hagrid looked closer. Was that a piece of a Slytherin robe?
THE END.