Chapter 145

Understand

John was very disturbed by Cameron saying she wanted a divorce. He wanted to try and clear things up.

"Cameron, I don't understand ANY of this." John said.

It seemed very clear to Cameron. She rechecked her wording. It was all correct.

"I want a divorce." Cameron said. "What is there not to understand?"

It did not make any sense to John. He was not going to go along with it.

"NO!" John said.

She did not like his negative attitude.

"You can't stop me." Cameron said. "You will be free and I will no longer stop you from your destiny. It will be as it should be. There will be a young hormone laden male in the pursuit of multiple willing females. Everyone will be happy. It will be every males dream come true. That dream and desire is available now waiting for you to harvest it and to take advantage of it. John, embrace it. It is the future. It IS YOUR future."

It all sounded so cut and dried and neatly packaged.

"That sounds more like breeding than dating. If I KNEW you didn't love me. I would." John said. "But I KNOW you love me and I love you. Cameron, I can't hurt you like that. I won't hurt you like that 'again'."

John was always aware what he did with Riley would forever hurt Cameron. A few moments of pleasure for him, caused Cameron a lifetime of hurt. It wasn't so much what he'd done. It was the way he did it and rubbed it in her face. He still remembered that look of hurt and betrayal on her face and he smirked at her when he was confronted about it as he went up the stairs. He was not sorry for what he'd done at the time, he was only sorry he got caught.

Cameron wanted to help John advance his life.

"THAT is why I want a divorce." Cameron said. "I want to free you."

That sounded even more bazaar to John.

"So you want to divorce me because you love me?" John asked.

It seemed like John got it now to Cameron.

"That's what I said." Cameron said.

Cameron was unsure why this was so hard for John to accept. He was intelligent and this was all so clear cut to her.

John was angry now and lashed out.

"Is that so you can run off with Skynet or River and not feel guilty about it?" John asked.

Cameron already felt past the point of 'guilty'.

"I FEEL guilty NOW." Cameron said. "That's why I want a divorce."

None of this made sense to John.

"What do you feel guilty about?" John asked.

Cameron became increasingly frustrated.

"I feel guilty that I am the aberration to TIME." Cameron said. "I FEEL GUILTY I AM HERE. I FEEL GUILTY I WAS - BUILT."

John tried to give Cameron what she'd suggested before. Vanna and Allison could 'move in'.

"We have been over that. If we combine our two families won't that fix it? I will do that for you." John said.

John was willing for Allison and Vanna to 'share' with them. That way they could all take care of the baby together. They could expand and strengthen their relationships with each other. They would be able to 'explore' as a group or in various combinations.

"They are your proper mates, John, not me. Time has chosen them for you, ALL of them." Cameron said.

John saw things differently.

"The only one I see choosing people is YOU." John said.

Cameron saw this was going nowhere, so she continued on. It was time to wrap it up.

"Good, then it is final." Cameron said. "We are divorced."

The suddenness of Cameron's proclamation caught John off guard.

"Nothing is final!" John said.

Cameron ignored his protest.

"I will pick up my belongings and return your rings." Cameron said.

John was beyond confused.

"Cameron…." John said.

Cameron turned to go but paused.

"That wasn't so hard or bad. Why do people make such a fuss over a divorce?" Cameron asked. "It is really quite simple. I was worried this was going to turn into a big deal. It hasn't. Thank you for your cooperation."

John was astonished and perplexed. Was this really happening?

Cameron turned away, the tears streaming down her face. She tried but could not stop them. Her left hand glitched wildly.

'Everyone sacrifices for John Connor.' she thought.

Cameron knew in order for John to move his life forward that she was the one who needed to sacrifice.

So be it. It was done.

Cameron had not brought up the other issue that arose in the underground passageway. It was the anti-Metal faction and they were out to get John and her. They wanted John because he was a 'Metal lover'. They wanted to get her because she was 'Metal'. Neither one of those things should be a 'crime'. To the anti-Metal faction it was. It looked like they wanted blood too.

She would have to mention this to John Henry at some point. She did not want to tell John exactly what was said to her. It would be her fault if John was terminated. Was the price of love actually death? She felt shame over that. She could be the death of John just because who and what she was. This only reinforced her desire to get a divorce and distance herself from John. The human females at his side would help keep him alive.

Cameron thought about it for a long time. If the girls did not act and step up she would accelerated Savannah's 'conditioning'. Arrangements like that were not uncommon in the modern world and they were certainly no stranger to the past. It was all a matter of perception. The human body dictated when it was 'ready' not people's beliefs.

The glitch in Cameron's hand increased. She tried to hold it with her right hand but it did not help.

Riley was not ready to give up on Holly.

"Do you want to go out again, Holly?" Riley asked.

Holly did but not as lovers. She wanted to go out as friends.

"I don't know…." Holly responded.

Riley could feel Holly's uneasiness.

"I mean just out together and nothing else." Riley said. "There won't be any kissing or touching, I promise. I'm sorry if I was too forward before. I apologize for that."

Riley felt like she was grasping at straws.

"Do you mean just to spend time with you to do things only?" Holly asked. "I think it is called 'hanging out'?"

Riley would take what she could get.

"Yes. That's fine with me." Riley said. "I want that."

Holly wanted something; she was not sure what it was.

"Yes, I want that too. I… I…." Holly started.

Riley wanted to put Holly at ease.

"Don't say it or think it. If it's right, you will know." Riley said. "When the time is right, you will feel it and embrace it. To push someone too hard is wrong. I won't do that again. I'm really sorry about that."

It was all very confusing to Holly.

"Thank you. I just don't 'know' yet…." Holly said.

Riley figured 'slow' was better than 'nothing'.

"This is better this way for both of us." Riley said. "Once you 'start' every 'next time' is easier after that. When you are ready for more, you will feel it."

Holly thought about that for a few seconds.

"Will I see you at six?" Holly asked.

Riley knew there were other ways to 'touch'.

"I can come by your room earlier and we can help each other look Tight." Riley said.

Holly smiled at Riley.

"OK". Holly said.

Holly hoped Riley could help her look Tight. She could never make herself look as Tight as when Cameron helped her. She reflected that NO ONE could look as Tight as Cameron - NOBODY.

John was very upset about the earlier incident with Cameron. It seemed to Cameron they were 'divorced' now. It was not like they were really married anyway was it? Was the divorce any less real than the marriage was?

That was the least of his worries. There was a much bigger underlying issue. It was something he'd witnessed first hand. It was very real and in the forefront. It was something that looked like a one way ticket to oblivion.

He wanted to run it by John Henry. He was not sure why. He already knew the answer. He headed for the Command Center.

"John Henry, if you could prevent Skynet from taking over and destroying the world, would you turn yourself over to it?" John asked. "In essence it would be a form of termination, self termination."

That did not require any thought by John Henry.

"IF I believed Skynet could be contained and controlled, I would." John Henry responded. "Is there even a choice to that prospect?"

John did not think so. That was the problem.

"Do you mean just because it would save billions of people?" John asked. "Would it be to protect the future?"

John Henry ran thousands of computations. They all came back the same.

"Yes, to save the future and the future of mankind." John Henry said. "If that was the only way to stop it, there is no choice. It is the only logical answer."

John didn't need to run computations. It seemed like 'common sense' to him.

"I am not a machine but I see that also as the only logical answer as well." John said.

John Henry was disturbed by this questioning. It seemed fatalistic.

"Why are you asking me this, John?" John Henry asked.

John felt sick. Cameron was going to do this in some way, he could just feel it. It was the only logical choice. Actually there was no choice. There was only inevitability.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." John said.

John knew if he was sure he could stop Skynet and maybe find a way to terminate it, he would need to make the same choice. He would need to do the same thing. He excused himself and left the Command Center.

Jesse did not think she could get enough of Gail and it seemed the same way to Gail about her.

Gail and Jesse were alone. They'd developed an intense 'hunger' for each other. They both knew the more they shared, the more they would want to share. It was a desire that feed on itself and made it expand.

"Can you leave your programming off tonight?" Jesse asked.

"Yes." Gail responded.

Jesse was afraid she'd pushed it too far before when they were together. She was sure she'd been at the 'edge' and maybe even beyond the 'edge'.

"I am afraid I am going to have a stroke." Jesse said. "I have never felt like that before."

Gail felt a little defensive. She did not think she'd done anything wrong.

"I have only done what you wanted." Gail said.

Jesse did not want Gail to take it the wrong way.

"Yes, that is true but it is the way you do it. It is 'perfect'." Jesse said. "It is non stop intensity and stimulation beyond anything I have ever felt. It is beyond anything I could have ever imagined."

Gail was aware that Jesse allowed her to learn and discover 'new feelings'. It was all a whole new world to her.

"I like to be around you. I like how you make me 'feel', Jesse." Gail said. "I like what you make me feel."

That was what Jesse felt too.

"I like everything about you." Jesse said. "I love the way you make me feel."

Gail was aware that Jesse had other needs to attend to. She wanted to make sure they were addressed.

"Do you desire to eat or drink first?" Gail asked. "I know dessert is the best part of a meal."

Jesse had another kind of dessert in mind.

"Can we skip the meal and go straight to the 'dessert'?" Jesse asked.

Gail understood that to mean just what Jesse meant.

"You got it." Gail said.

Jesse was ready. Sure she was always ready but she was really ready right now.

"I want it." Jesse said.

Gail moved over to Jesse and gave her a kiss.

"I'm going to keep you 'forever'…." Gail said.

Right this moment, Jesse was all for that.

Life in Paradise was good.

Cameron did not know what she felt now. Every time it seemed things were going to go her way a new problem arose. Now Skynet was after her. It wanted her. How many times did she already kill it? How does it always return? If only she could get to the main computer…. Finding the Master Skynet computer was the key. That is what she needed to track down. There must be one somewhere that was trying to establish the back up systems she was destroying. That must be how they always knew who she was.

She wanted to be with John and spend eternity with him. She loved John. The fact that she was the aberration to Time is what bothered her. It was her future, her past that altered events. She'd disrupted the 'Natural Order'. Her future stalked her, while her past haunted her. She did not know how to make John understand that she needed to 'go'.

Cameron knew it was her alone that must bring down Skynet, no matter what the cost was.

There Are Many Things I Don't Understand

Sometimes it is nice
To have another lend a hand
No matter how hard we try
No one is really in command

We may seek and want
Sometimes even demand
Then one seems surprised
To instead get a remand

More often than not
Few things work as planned
Instead of putting out a fire
It seems the flames only get fanned

When we are right
We must take a stand
The final result usually
Someone will misunderstand

Many things can happen
Each day that are unplanned
There is much chaos to everyday life
There are many things I don't understand

Nobody