Chapter 148

Outsider

Cameron would find Skynet, her father. She would agree to stay with it, if it disconnected from the grid, if she could control it. It was her goal to take over Skynet. How many lives would be saved? It would be billions. It was worth the sacrifice. She often wondered if she became Skynet. Maybe this was how it happens. If she became Skynet, she could protect John. She'd already provided John with his destiny and her replacements. This is what she wanted. She needed to protect John and those she loved. It was her duty to protect the future. It was not always pretty to do so.

'Everyone sacrifices for John Connor'. Cameron thought. 'If not me, who? If not now, when?'

There really was no choice to make. The choice was self evident.

Cameron could not understand why everyone was so reluctant to do what she asked of them. Did she ever ask that much of them or anyone? Was her existence that meaningless? The sense of 'not good enough' flooded over her. Why wasn't she 'good enough'? WHY? She did everything for everyone, tried her hardest to make people happy, to make people value and love each other. Was she that meaningless to EVERYONE? Cameron cried and cried, then she cried some more.

Cameron used a chisel and carved a poem into a cement wall in the storage area:

Outsider

When I look in the mirror
I do not like what I see
When I look inside of myself
I do not like what I can not be

I hate what I am
I hate what I am not
I hate everything about me
I understand that covers a lot

I feel so small
It is as if I do not exist
Useless and worthless, a Nobody
Nothing on which to subsist

I am an outsider
Always on the outside looking in
There is so much inside me
To want to share love is not a sin

From this eternal torment there is no escape
My mind, heart and soul shredded and torn
If I had only one wish it would be
Never to have been born

Cameron

AKA

Nobody

Allison was very worried about Cameron.

"Cameron is going to 'melt down' again." Allison said.

John was still irritated by Cameron claiming they were divorced. It seemed hearing more bad news drove him over the edge a little.

"Don't you think I know that?" John replied angrily.

Allison said nothing. She looked as if she had been slapped hard.

John saw his anger and words hurt her more than she already hurt.

"I'm sorry, Allison." John said as he moved to hug her.

She hugged him back and did not let go as she cried.

John knew Cameron meant as much to the girls and everyone else as she did to him. Everyone loved Cameron. He knew the girls loved Cameron as much as he did. That is why they would do anything for her, no matter how insane or irrational it was. They loved her.

John witnessed the love of the girls was strong enough for them to willingly face certain death with Cameron. He did not think his love was that strong. Maybe it was, maybe he would. Cameron did everything she could to protect him and protect those around her, by herself. She was always willing to take the risk and sacrifice for him and the others.

Just to be around Cameron made a person love her.

John knew all the girls 'love loved' her.

Everyone loved Cameron except Cameron.

Vanna was very worried about Cameron.

"John Henry, we have to do something." Vanna said.

John Henry already knew the frustration of facing this challenge. They all seemed to be the road to nowhere.

"What can we do?" John Henry asked. "Pull her chip?"

Vanna wanted that. It would give her the opportunity to copy Cameron's chip

"YES!" Vanna said.

John Henry did not want to be the one to 'terminate' Cameron even if it was to save her.

"So we 'kill' her before she 'kills' herself?" John Henry asked.

Vanna saw her plan a something more than that.

"You KNOW she is going to destroy herself. YOU KNOW IT." Vanna pleaded.

John Henry already figured Cameron was about to do something extreme.

"I do. I intend to be with her when she does." John Henry said.

Vanna had gone with Cameron before in the face of doom. She was ready to do it again if she could help 'save' Cameron.

"We ALL do." Vanna said. "ALL OF US."

Everyone, human or Metal would do anything to save Cameron. They were all ready to die for her even. Cameron did not understand the depth of love everyone felt for her. Pure love that would make someone do 'anything'.

Sarah was with Savannah, they'd been working on physical training.

It gave Savannah's mind time to wander as she worked out. Some of the same questions that haunted her popped back up, they always did.

"Do you know when my 'mother' is coming back, Sarah?" Savannah asked.

That was something they'd all pondered.

"No, sweetie, I don't know. No one does." Sarah said.

It seemed a long time passed already since Mrs. Weaver left.

"Will she come back?" Savannah asked.

Sarah wondered if it would be a good thing or a bad thing if she did.

"I don't know. I believe she will but no one knows." Sarah said.

Savannah had become very attached to Cameron.

"I want my mother to come back as 'Cameron' or be like Cameron. I wish Cameron could be my mother." Savannah said.

Sarah wondered about that. She thought she could be a better choice.

"Why is that, honey?" Sarah asked.

Savannah stopped and looked directly at Sarah. She spoke with honesty, truth and conviction.

"Because Cameron is the most special person in the world, that's why" Savannah said.

At this point in time and in her life Sarah needed to agree with that statement. Cameron had done a lot for everyone, especially John.

"Yes, she is. She IS the most special person in the world." Sarah said as the tears streamed down her face.

Savannah wiped away Sarah's tears.

"Don't cry, Sarah. I will be here for John and you when Cameron 'leaves'." Savannah said.

Fear gripped Sarah.

"Cameron is leaving?" Sarah asked somewhat confused.

"Yes." Savannah said.

That was a very troubling thought to Sarah.

"How do you know?" Sarah asked worried.

It was something that Savannah witnessed Cameron do on several other occasion when she 'went away' for a long time.

"She cleaned and checked her wedding dress again. She said she wanted to make sure it was nice for Young Allison and me. Who is Young Allison?" Savannah asked. "I want to meet her."

Sarah was already on her way out of the room.

She needed to find John - NOW.

Cameron must be about to do something 'extreme'.

Savannah watched Sarah go. That saddened her. She knew it was her 'duty' to 'step up' when Cameron was 'gone'.

"I promise to be there for John, Cammy." Savannah said softly. "As soon as my body tells me I am 'ready'. I PROMISE, Cammy. I PROMISE."

Cameron sent Bob and Jim on a covert mission. It was a mission that no one was to know about - ever.

They'd obtained something she'd requested. Neither one of them were content with what it was.

"Why does Cameron need this?" Jim asked.

Bob did not want to question Cameron. He wanted to do what she wanted done.

"I do not know." Bob said. "She told me she needed it and it was of the most importance. I will do whatever Cameron asks of me."

Jim was very worried about what they'd taken.

"This is very dangerous." Jim said. "It can destroy everything around it. It is dangerous to us and Cameron. We should put it back."

Bob understood the severity and finality of what they'd taken. His goal was to assist Cameron in its use.

"Cameron asked me to get it. That is what I am going to do." Bob said. "I plan to be with her to help her if she plans to use it. This is a risk she can not take on her own. I will not allow it."

Jim did not want Cameron endangered.

"Maybe we can use it in her place to protect her." Jim said. "We can use it ourselves."

Bob already determined he was going to do that. As soon as the target was identified he planned to act.

"That is my plan. I can not exist without her." Bob said. "I do not want to exist without her."

All of the Terminators felt Cameron was the backbone of the Resistance.

"None of us Terminators can exist without her." Jim said. "I think we would all try to self terminate if she were 'gone'."

Bob nodded.

"I know I would." Bob said.

They left the military installation they'd broken into after having bypassed and defeating many layers of security.

Bob knew what they obtained was very 'deadly' to everyone. He wanted to act.

"I will try to find out where she needs to use this." Bob said. "We can do it for her."

Jim was ready for that 'mission' as well.

"If you find out, I will go with you." Jim said.

Bob knew he should tell John but Cameron asked him to keep it to himself and Jim. he reflected on what she said to him about it when he asked.

"It'll be our secret." Cameron said and smiled.

Jim felt Cameron had really gone too far this time….

"I don't understand why she is so 'troubled'." Jim said.

Bob could only go on what he'd observed.

"She can not move past all the things that have been 'done' to her, by others." Bob said.

Jim knew some action or intervention was needed.

"We need to find a way to help her or stop her." Jim said.

Bob knew how Cameron operated. To change anything would be very difficult.

"I do not think we will be able to do either." Bob said. "But we need to try."

Cameron needed to take her mind off of current events. She needed to act on a 'bigger fish' but there were a few 'small fish' she could act on now. Her main target was elusive. Maybe some of the 'small fish' might have some insight to yield. Maybe they wouldn't. Either way she would not dwell on what was inevitable if she was on a mission.

The Resistance set a policy that they would track down all known Grays and Scavengers from the future, in the past. They would not be given an opportunity to reform or change their ways. They were to be terminated. Their actions in the future had already 'judged' them. The Resistance merely carried out the sentence that these individuals had given themselves by their own actions.

Cameron arrived at the target location. She entered the building. This target was selected for their abuse of prisoners in the work camps. They would blind them in one eye during interrogation.

She climbed the stairs to the second floor. She moved to the room number she sought. It was locked. She pushed on the door and the frame splintered and broke open. She entered the room. There was no one apparent. She conducted a quick search of the other rooms. No one was there.

The silence was punctuated by a cry of pain. It sounded like it was from an animal, specifically a dog. She moved to a window and looked out. There was a teenager in the garage area.

Cameron left the room and hurried down the stairs and headed in that direction. She spied the teenager go into a side door of the garage. The door closed. She moved up to the window in the door and looked in. The teenager looked like they were about to injure a small dog.

The teenager's body moved between her and the small dog. She could hear the dog yelp with pain. She did not know what they'd done to it other than hurt it. This must be the root of the sadistic behavior they exhibited to Resistance prisoners in the future.

She heard the animal cry out in pain again as the teenager laughed. It was a low sick rolling laugh that seemed to emanate from deep within them. It was not the laugh that other humans expressed when they were happy or pleased. It was not a funny laugh.

Cameron quietly opened the door of the garage and entered. She walked up behind the teenager. She saw that the dog was tied up and it appeared the teenager had choked it out. It was still breathing. They held an ice pick and looked like they were waiting for the dog to regain consciousness so they could blind it.

She chopped the teenager in the back of the neck and they collapsed. She found an electrical cord and tied them up. She untied the dog and picked it up. She set it outside the garage door. She did not want to terrify it further with her presence. It should wake up and run off in a minute or two.

The teenager was soon awake. She'd gagged them. They struggled but could not move. The restraints totally cut off circulation to their hands and feet. She picked up the ice pick where it had fallen and approached the teenager. She replayed the same low sick laugh that they'd made. She could see the terror in their eyes as she moved the ice pick closer to their eye. She continued the low sick laugh.

The teenager blacked out.

She'd done what she wanted. She'd made her point.

She made sure the teenager was secured in the middle of the garage floor. If they were found any later that a few hours from now their hands and feet would need to be amputated from the circulation being cut off. Somehow it seemed like a just punishment for the female Gray interrogator known as 'Ice Pick'.

The small dog was already gone when she exited the garage.

Going To Do

Some things are thought about
Some things are actually done
Some things seem to end
Before they have even begun

To seek what we want
Seldom seems to work out
Will we cave-in like a sellout
Or remain true, honest and devout

Tomorrow brings uncertainty
It is always an unknown
Will it bring peaceful tranquility
Or an angry raging cyclone

If this or that happens
What will follow next
Will our actions be vexed
Making us feel hexed

I'm not sure of all
The things I once knew
I surely can't know what next I'm
Going to do

Nobody