Chapter 151
Day Of Loss
John wondered if this was a dream.
He knew it wasn't.
He oversaw the repairs done to the Terminators that were damaged in the three different battle zones.
John felt guilty.
He was relatively unhurt. That was because Bob, Jim and John Henry all protected him. They ALL protected him. There were others that were less fortunate.
John felt guilty because he survived. There were others that didn't - people died.
Cameron was - terminated.
John was heartbroken.
Cameron was - gone.
Allison, Vanna and Jesse were – gone. Each of them perished when a Terminator's power cell exploded. All of them died fighting.
Much of their Metal was damaged.
Cameron defeated Skynet but at what cost? At what price?
Was this the price of victory?
'Not all victories are sweet.' Cameron once told John. Now he understood.
Billions of people were saved, while they lost four. Five actually if Allison's baby was counted.
Was that a fair price to pay?
It didn't seem like it.
The cost seemed too high for the 'reward'.
No one could talk about it, any of it.
Once Gail was relieved and the Young Detail was reinforced. Gail chose self termination. She was unable to cope with the loss of Jesse, her beloved. Jesse perished when she came to help her and to save her.
Savannah pleaded with John not to allow her to self terminate. It was decided to remove Gail's chip and deactivate her, even against her wishes.
There was simply no way to move forward.
It was over.
John was being crushed inside.
Holly came to comfort him. She would just sit with him. Sometimes for days at a time; sometimes never a word was spoken. She dealt with the outside world for him. John would see no one.
"Holly, are you - Cameron?" John would ask.
Holly's face remained neutral. It always did.
"No, I am Holly, Cameron asked for me to watch over you and be there for you. I am here for you." Holly said. "The girls were to be at your side, not me. I am not Cameron's replacement, I am here to help. I will help you with everything and - anything. It is my function to keep you 'functional'. I am the final back up."
John looked at her for a long time.
"Go away." John said.
Holly gave him a faint smile.
"I will not do that. I will not leave your side until you are able to function." Holly said. "That was my personal promise to Cameron. I intend to keep it."
John felt a little irritated.
"Are you afraid I will kill myself?" John asked.
Holly tilted her head slightly.
"No, I'm not but Cameron was. It is my duty to make sure that event does not happen." Holly said. "I promised Cameron. I will not fail."
As time passed John started to see his mother and family again.
Holly helped him with everything. Soon they were able to continue the fight to search for the remains of Skynet or any of is illegitimate offshoots.
No one could ever talk of the girls. It was too painful to even think of. Without Cameron, everyone was crushed. The loss of the girls only made it worse.
It seemed to hurt Savannah as much as John.
"They are not dead. They are all coming back and so is my mother." Savannah would cry. "They have to come back. I KNOW they will. I KNOW IT. Cameron will fix Gail too when she comes back. Cameron will fix everything."
Sarah and Kyle would try to comfort her as best as they could.
"Not this time, honey." Sarah told her. "Maybe your mother will be back. All you can do is hope. It is all any of us can do."
Savannah was very adamant.
"I have faith they will all come back." Savannah said. "I believe it."
Sarah knew faith and belief happen in a persons mind. Sarah possessed neither….
Savannah would look everyone in the face when she told them what she believed as fact and truth.
"Cameron is invincible." Savannah said. "Cameron is eternal."
Savannah's faith was unshakeable.
Her love was like no other. She believed in Cameron.
Every night Savannah would promise to keep her promises to Cameron. "I PROMISE, Cammy, I PROMISE…."
Savannah wished she was older…. She could provide John with the comfort and companionship he so desperately needed. She was determined to do just that at the earliest opportunity that presented itself. She knew where her place in life was to be. What was the point in waiting?
Sarah in time gave birth to a daughter, Jan. Now Jan Connor would grow up in the wake of John Connor. She would be a second Resistance leader in the making.
John was determined he would hunt down Skynet. He would search for any version of it and any of the Grays associated with it. Skynet cost him too many people he loved and cared about. No wonder he pushed everyone away in the future. He was ready to do it now. He was doing it now but Holly would not let him. Holly became his rock.
Then there was Riley….
The TDE remained encrypted. John Henry said unless River comes back or they build a new one, there was no breaking the code.
John wondered at what point do you stop trying to change the past and move forward? Was there even a forward? John could not see it.
Holly was at his side for everything. Holly never let him slip or fall. John could see Holly's beauty, both inside her and outside.
John would look at her and wonder if Cameron was inside Holly but there was never any indication. He would even talk with Riley on purpose in front of Holly. He hoped to see Holly's hand glitch or intervene in their association. She never did. NOTHING ever happened to stop anything. Holly never tried to touch him or kiss him.
Whenever John talked with Riley, Holly would later indicate she would do whatever he 'needed' or 'desired'. He knew that Holly was 'offering' herself to him. She did - nothing on her own but made it clear she was 'available'.
"It is my promise to Cameron and my part in the Resistance to do whatever is required or needed of me. It is my primary function to protect and 'serve' John Connor in whatever 'manner' that may be necessary." Holly said. "I will fulfill my 'obligations' whatever YOU determine or indicate them to be…."
Holly would see the way John would look at her sometimes…. She knew what he thought and felt. She could feel what he wanted…. She would also see his grief for Cameron overtake him and prevent him from ever acting. She made no effort to encourage or discourage him. Holly knew that John knew that she was there for 'anything'….
Holly believed it was John's choice to make. She felt the way Cameron did. She too wanted to be 'chosen'. It was not her place to intrude or take.
Cameron made Holly promise to be chosen first. She knew that only when John was ready to choose that he would he be able to move forward and get past her demise. If he was at the point he could choose Holly; that meant something bad must have happened to the girls, all three of them and Savannah was not yet mature. She tried to cover all the bases. She made sure everything was lined up and in play before she 'left'.
The biggest comfort to Cameron was that she knew without a doubt that Savannah would keep her promise when she was old enough.
John grew lonelier and lonelier. Holly at his side gave him 'comfort'. She was beautiful and she was 'there'…. John sought 'companionship'….
The hardest loss for John after Cameron was Allison's baby, his baby. To see his younger sister Jan would always remind him of that and how much Cameron wanted that for him and for herself.
Everyone knew Holly and John spent a lot of time alone together. No one ever asked about it. Cameron and the girls were – gone. Companionship was needed by all of them to get through this. They deserved each other….
The fight drudged on and the hunt for Skynet continued.
John Henry was able to track down a few more future Grays. Derek and Kyle would be sent to handle the 'problem'. Bob and Jim would go with them.
Holly monitored all the communications and information whenever John was asleep. She picked up on this latest find by John Henry.
She sat by John's bedside and waited for him to wake up as she did everyday.
John opened his eyes and jumped a little. He hated when his mother used to do that. He did not like it when Cameron did it either. Holly did it everyday. He still did not like it but he was used to it by now. She meant well, they all did really when they did it. It was their way to show a sign of affection.
"Good morning, John." Holly said.
She smiled at John.
John could not help but to smile back. It was nice to be greeted by a smiling face for a change when he woke up. It was nice to have someone at his side too when he awoke.
He noticed that Holly was nicely dressed. It seemed she always was. There was always a fair amount of 'sheath' showing too. Sometimes it was more than others. Today it was more.
Holly had her own room but she seldom was there. She'd moved some of her things into John's room. They hung next to Cameron's things. Nothing of Cameron's was ever moved or changed. That was one thing Savannah was adamant about that they not mess with Cameron's things because she was coming back one day. Maybe nothing was changed so Savannah was not 'hurt'.
Sometimes when John was asleep Holly would try on some of Cameron's clothes. Most of them were too tight around her bust line. None of Cameron's bras could come close to fit her.
John sat up in bed and Holly handed him his cup of hot coffee. It was there everyday for him when he woke up. Holly always took care of him with everything before he knew he even would need something. Sometimes she was very much like Cameron other times she was very different. She was very pleasant to be around. He needed to remember sometimes that Holly was a Restorator and not a Terminator. She'd never done Skynet's bidding. She'd done Mrs. Weaver's bidding.
"Thank you." John said as he took the hot coffee.
Holly's smile grew.
"You're welcome." Holly said.
Holly usually briefed him on any events that happened while he was asleep.
John noticed his combat gear was laid out this morning. There were two sets of clothing, vests and their associated gear.
John sat up further and became combat aware.
"What's happening?" John asked. "Do we have contact? Is it Skynet?"
Holly smiled and touched his shoulder.
"It is nothing important." Holly said. "A future Gray has been identified and located."
John had not been in combat since the 'Day Of Loss'.
"We need to get a team together." John said.
John finished his coffee and Holly took the empty cup from him.
"It will be just us." Holly said. "Bob and Jim will only serve as a backup."
John did not know if he was ready for this. He quickly realized that is why Holly was doing it this way. It was to make him ready and get him back into the fight.
He got up and attended to his personal needs. When he came out of the bathroom to get dressed he only wore his undershorts. Holly was in her underwear. She held her neatly folded clothes in one hand.
"I brought my gear here." Holly said.
John saw it earlier. He knew Holly could have changed while he was in the bathroom.
She set her clothes down, reached back, unhooked her bra and took it off
She set it down and then slid her underwear off.
"I'm not going to wear my nice things in case I'm damaged." Holly said.
Holly stood there naked before John. He'd seen her many times like this. She was always right there for the 'taking'. She never 'made a move' on him. The offer was always there.
"You look beautiful." John said.
Holly smiled.
"I'm here for anything you want or need." Holly said. "I always am and I always will be."
John looked at her large firm breasts and her sweet smooth 'thigh gap'.
Holly could tell John was distracted.
"Let's get you ready." Holly said.
She picked up his pants and handed them to him. She was naked right in front of him.
He took his pants and stepped into them. When he bent forward, his face brushed against her right breast.
She continued to dress him. He put his socks on and then his boots. He was bent over as he laced his left boot.
"I can do that for you." Holly said.
She stepped up close to him.
When John looked up, his face was right at that level of the gap in her thighs and her smooth secret spot. It was right in his face.
"We don't need to leave right away." Holly said.
John was unsure if he could control himself.
"YES we do." John quickly said. "I can tie my shoes."
By the time he finished with his second boot he looked over and Holly was completely dressed and combat ready. It was only like thirty seconds or so.
They updated with John Henry before they left.
The arrived at the location of the future Gray.
John wanted vengeance and he wanted blood. He was sure of it. Hatred and anger had built inside of him. It was something that blinded him anymore.
They waited until a car drove away from the house.
"It's time." Holly said.
She glanced back and Bob and Jim were in an SUV across the street.
"I'm going to kill them." John said.
Holly nodded.
"It's what you want." Holly said. "Follow me."
Holly quietly picked the lock. John thought she would normally force it open.
John held Cameron's Glock in his hand.
"I'm want to kill them." John said. "I'm going to do it."
There was fire and hate in John's eyes.
Holly led him to a rear room. She stopped and listened.
"They are in here." Holly said. "In the future they use Resistance prisoners to clean toxic waste out of vats. They all get cancer and die horribly in a few months."
The hate burned in John's soul.
Holly opened the door and John entered the room with Cameron's Glock raised. He took three steps in and paused. There was a teenage boy sitting at a desk. He turned around and looked at John with wide eyes.
The pent up hatred and anger in John cracked in that moment. He could not pull the trigger. Holly moved past John and chocked the teen out before he could scream.
John still pointed Cameron's Glock where the teen had been sitting. He was on the floor now.
"There is a difference between humans and machines." Holly said. "I think you just found the human side of yourself again."
It was clear to John that this was a 'test' to make him 'wake up'.
"Did he do what you said he did?" John asked.
Holly scanned him and looked at his finger prints.
"Yes." Holly said. "Humans will die horribly because of him in the future."
John moved the Glock over and pointed it at the teens head. The hatred and anger to kill was gone. This was not about avenging Cameron any longer. Now he was ready to enact justice instead of vengeance.
"A leader delegates responsibility and actions to his troops to carry out." Holly said.
John knew that it would still make him responsible even if someone else did the dirty work. His actions had consequences even if he did not do them himself.
Holly opened a pouch on her vest and removed a hypodermic needle. She had several packets of white powder.
"What's that?" John asked.
"Heroin." Holly said. "I am going to overdose him if you don't want to shoot him. He will look like a drug user when they find him. The future must be protected."
John put his Glock away.
"We have a job to do and a future to protect." John said. "Do it."
John watched as Holly administered the overdose. The teen stopped breathing almost immediately.
"He is terminated." Holly said.
They quietly left and returned to the base.
John went straight to the Command Center when they returned and took up his station.
He remembered who he was and what his function was.
It was time to move forward.
Nothing was ever the same again and it never would be.
How could it be?
Only the future remained.
There was nothing good to look forward to.
There was only what needed to be done.
Day Of Loss
Things are not often given
They are never an absolute
What should be an attribute
Is usually only a faint substitute
Change is not welcome
At first things seem worse
They can grow to become diverse
If two can learn to converse
Usually everyone seeks to retreat
They crawl back into their shell
What they perceive as a citadel
Actually becomes a self made Hell
They become stuck and mired
There is no advance or retreat
Life becomes bitter instead of sweet
They embrace failure and welcome defeat
Communication becomes restricted
The past becomes the future's albatross
No shared feelings seem to get across
Everyday soon becomes a day of loss
Nobody