Chapter 158
Did You
Cameron left the lab. She'd been in there a long time.
No one was surprised when they did not see Holly. No one asked. Everyone knew what was 'coming'. It was inevitable. Holly would be terminated for 'being there' for John. She'd done what Duplicate Cameron asked her to do and now she would pay the price for keeping John alive. It did not seem fair to anyone.
Cameron went in search of John. She wanted to ask John herself. She needed to hear what John told her and how.
John spotted Cameron coming. He was sure there was going to be a confrontation at some point. He was caught off guard where the conversation started.
"Tell me about River." Cameron asked.
John did not know all the details.
"She was from a further future than where you came from." John said.
That did not tell Cameron much. She wanted to know more. Maybe there was a 'little more' that John needed to confess to. She would prompt him to 'help' him out.
"Were you two lovers?" Cameron asked.
John said nothing.
"Did you love River?" Cameron asked.
John said nothing.
"Were you and Unit 710 - Holly, lovers?" Cameron asked.
John said nothing.
"Were you and Riley lovers?" Cameron asked.
John said nothing.
John and Cameron just looked at each other.
Cameron had a million questions along with a million fears. John didn't help her much with any of them. Maybe she was being too hard on him. She was the one who left, not John. For all practical purposes it would seem as if she'd been terminated in the nuclear blast. The girls all perished too. What was left for John at that point?
"I know I should not have left, John. It's all my fault." Cameron said.
John thought there was a factual record as to what actually happened. Holly was with him much of the time. The events should be recorded on her chip. He was saddened to see Cameron emerge from the lab alone. That most likely meant Holly was terminated. How could Cameron do that to her? Holly was so nice to him and there when he really needed someone.
"Did you review Holly's chip before you crushed it?" John asked.
"No." Cameron said.
John felt some sadness for what Cameron must have done to Holly. She'd only tried to help him. Holly helped him when he was so 'alone' and Cameron was 'terminated'. He knew Holly probably saved his life more than once and now she paid for that good deed with her own 'life'.
"Did you have to kill her?" John asked clearly upset.
Holly and Gail walked out of the lab.
"Kill who?" Cameron asked.
She didn't know what John was talking about. She hadn't killed anyone since they left the jungle.
Earlier:
Cameron opened her fist and looked at Holly's chip. Who was she to decide who lived and who died? Where was she at when all of this happened? It was her fault, not the fault of someone else. She put Holly's chip back in.
Holly rebooted. She ran a quick diagnostic. She was surprised at the results.
"I am still the same." Holly said. "You did not terminate me or change my files."
Cameron owned up to her transgressions and failures.
"It was my fault I was gone. It is my fault everyone died. I will not terminate you." Cameron said.
Holly laid out the facts to Cameron. They were life altering in more ways than one.
"I have all your files on my chip. Plus I have those from the day you left and came back two months later until the day before you were 'terminated'." Holly said. "You asked me to save them for you and look after John. I did as you asked. I have spent much time with John. He has never touched me. I am still 'untouched'. He never tried to kiss me or anything. We only talked, like you and Future John. You are in here with me, YOU asked me to allow you to share my chip. I did it for YOU. You are here with me now. I promised to keep you 'alive'. You live within me. I have a copy of your chip on mine."
That meant Cameron could get those missing files from what happened in the period she was out of the timeline. There was a record of 'her life' and what she did. There would be a record in her program on Holly's chip of everything that happened.
There was one other thing that worried her. Holly's long term 'exposure' to John would mean that she grew to love him.
"Then you love John now, like I loved Future John." Cameron said. "It happens when you are around them all the time."
Holly knew that was true and could not 'help' it. She did feel she'd exhibited good self control even when she wanted to move the relationship forward.
"Yes, I could not help it. I spent a lot of time with him. We shared a lot of things. They are all on my chip and the copy of your program I possess. I am sorry for that. You may still terminate me. I would accept that. I do not want to hurt you or cause a 'problem'. I did everything for you. I did it for YOU, Cameron. You are part of me until you remove your files." Holly said. "Please retrieve your files and you may erase mine from the time you loaded your files into my chip. I will never know any of this happened. I will do anything you ask or accept whatever fate you choose for me."
Cameron looked at Holly. She wondered if she would have done the same for one of them.
It was clear that Holly loved John and her. Holly was willing to sacrifice everything. Sacrifice was the true test of love and Holly was willing to sacrifice it all for John and her, even now.
Cameron gave Holly a kiss on the cheek.
"Thank you for everything." Cameron said.
Holly smiled at her and touched her cheek.
Cameron turned her attention to Unit 645. She was not willing to have her terminated over personal and emotional issues.
"How can we help Unit 645 - Gail?" Cameron asked.
Holly was not sure how to explain it.
"I don't know. This Jesse will not have the same memories as 'Gail's Jesse'." Holly said.
Cameron heard whispers when she arrived. This confirmed it. She wanted to be clear.
"Jesse and Gail were 'lovers'?" Cameron asked.
Holly felt they were more than lovers.
"Yes, they were in a committed partnership." Holly said. "It was a very strong and deep love. That was why Gail could no longer function. She pleaded with us to let her terminated when we deactivated her. It was very sad. It bothers me to think about it."
These were all 'feelings' Cameron could understand. It was time to get things straightened out. She was back now and she was the one 'in charge'.
"Do you wish to keep all your memories as they are?" Cameron asked.
Holly cherished all her files.
"Yes." Holly said.
Cameron was a little worried about one thing.
"That means you will still love John." Cameron said.
Holly thought she'd exhibited good self control.
"Yes. I will love him as Allison and Vanna do." Holly said. "Cameron, you MUST retrieve the files you downloaded onto my chip. There is something very 'important' for you there."
Cameron frowned. She thought she'd figured out the truth about something.
"Do you mean about John loving River?" Cameron asked.
Holly looked Cameron straight in the face.
"Cameron, it is you who loves River, not John…." Holly said.
Cameron was shocked to hear this.
Holly laid out a little more of what happened.
"Cameron, Allison was pregnant. John was the father…." Holly said.
Cameron was even more shocked.
All of this news was truly a 'Future Shock' to Cameron.
Holly and Gail said 'hello' to everyone. No one understood how Gail was OK now. Gail saw Jesse and the other girls. It was as if nothing ever happened….
Cameron worked her 'magic' again. It seemed she was always there to help others…. It was only herself that she was unable to help at times.
No one was happier than Savannah.
'Always have faith.' Savannah thought.
Savannah KNEW Cameron would come back and fix everything. Cameron was invincible. Cameron was eternal….
Savannah's love never wavered or faltered.
She felt very proud of Cameron and that she'd fixed everything. Well, except one thing. Her mother was not back.
Savannah's love for Cameron only grew….
Earlier:
Cameron reviewed Holly's chip and downloaded 'herself' back into her own chip through her port. She removed her files but left Holly's untouched.
She was shocked to learn how she felt about River. It was all part of her again as if it always was. Her program was reunited. The blanks were filled in. She knew everything now.
Holly filled in the last two days of 'Duplicate' Cameron's life and the events that happened. What hurt Cameron the most was the death of Allison with John's baby. Her foolishness caused the deaths of 'herself', her dearest friends and John's baby. She felt very ashamed of herself, even if it was fault of her 'Duplicate'. They were all one now.
Cameron would need to forever bear the burden of those acts. Hopefully they would serve as a reminder to avoid such folly in the future.
Cameron reinstalled Gail's chip and she rebooted.
Gail opened her eyes and looked Cameron. She was aware Cameron was terminated. That is what she'd sought as well. It looked like she'd accomplished it. She did not know there was an existence after termination. She was aware that many humans believed that.
"There is a machine afterlife?" Gail asked.
'Spirit In The Sky' by 'Norman Greenbaum', popped up in Cameron's mind at this question.
"I don't know. I'm not terminated." Cameron said. "I'm not dead."
Gail sat up and looked around. She was still at the base.
Cameron explained to Gail the situation and that 'a Jesse' was alive and well. It was the same Jesse they were Duplicates of each other. This Jesse would not have the memories and experiences of their relationship.
Gail wondered how to move forward. Cameron told her to act as she did before they became 'involved' and see what happened. Cameron explained to her that since 'a Jesse' was alive that the relationship may restart. It was the SAME Jesse.
Gail agreed to give it a try. The fact Jesse - 'a Jesse' was not dead took much of the pain away. The pain of the loss of the relationship was another story….
Cameron promised she would do everything she could to 'fix' it.
Now that Cameron was aware of the baby that Duplicate Allison carried she was unsure how to proceed. That fact in itself presented a whole group of questions and possibilities.
"John, should we tell Allison about the baby?" Cameron asked.
John could see a lot of pain and heartache for nothing.
"I don't know. I don't think so. Why make her feel the pain for something that never happened to HER?" John asked. "She will mourn its loss."
Cameron wanted that baby.
"I think she should know." Cameron said. "When the time is right I will tell her and Vanna."
John could see where this was headed.
"I don't want to talk about it, Cameron." John said.
Cameron pushed the issue.
"John, I want you to do it aga…." Cameron said.
John put his foot down.
"CAMERON, I don't want to talk about THIS." John interrupted.
Cameron did not want to cause an issue. It looked like it was going to be one.
"OK let's talk about us…." Cameron said.
That was something John wanted to talk about.
"I've missed you so much, Cameron." John said. "I understand how Future John felt about Future Allison's death now…. I think the only thing that kept me going was to believe you were 'alive' inside of Holly. I always knew it was you inside with Holly when we talked. I KNEW it."
Savannah did a good job of helping him believe Cameron was not 'gone' one way or another.
Cameron knew how beautiful Holly was. There must have been great temptation on his part. There was on Holly's part.
"I have all the files, John." Cameron said. "Why didn't you ever touch her or even kiss her?"
This was a sore point for John, especially now.
"It was because you would never admit to being in with her on her chip." John said.
Cameron said nothing.
"If you told me you were in her maybe I would have." John said. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Cameron knew there was a lot of guilt and shame that Duplicate Cameron felt over this issue.
"It was not MY body, John. It was Holly's body. It was not mine to 'use'. I did not want to 'defile' her. That should be her choice who she shares herself with, not mine." Cameron said.
John wanted to know more.
"And if I would have pushed it?" John asked.
Cameron was aware what Duplicate Cameron allowed.
"I gave Holly the freedom to choose as well as you." Cameron said.
John wanted to push one more point home.
"And what about your accusation in regards to River and me?" John asked.
Cameron went over these files thousands of times already. She wanted to know why Duplicate Cameron, why SHE, loved River.
"I did not know it was ME who felt the love for another. I am sorry, John. It will never happen again." Cameron said.
John felt a little triumph.
"There are a lot of things that never need to happen again…." John said.
Cameron looked John in the eyes. She was back and she loved him.
"John, please touch me…." Cameron said. "I NEED YOU."
John was glad Cameron was back and he loved her. He was sure this was going to be over real quick the first time. He planned on a few more….
"Not as much as I NEED you." John said.
'Come On Let's Go' by 'Ritchie Valens', played in the background.
Esteem
Things that make us who we are
Honor, dignity, pride and self respect
Can be damaged and stripped away by others
Leaving little of ourselves to protect
Each second, day, week, year
They take, shove, push, demean and destroy
Events that forever echo hollow in our minds
Making us feel like a useless toy
When we cry out in pain
Can nobody really hear
Things we have cherished
Things we still hold dear
Who has come
Who has gone
Who yet still remains
Maybe only as a meaningless pawn
The ones still here
Are the ones that can hear
We can wish they disappear
Or wish they endear
Nobody