Fate

by PancakeFlying

The Kanbayashi were supposed to die, wiped out and never mourned because in the eyes of the world, they never existed. That is not what happens, nor what should have happened. A black alien creature came for them and burned everything they loved to the ground; Sachi, against all odds, survives when she wouldn't have. This will change everything. [Fem!OC] [Fix-it fic]

14. Good Intentions & Disasters

Betaed by Windschatten

CHAPTER 14: GOOD INTENTIONS AND DISASTERS

Nara Shikaku needs advice.

For the first time in his life, he needs a few words of wisdom not even his father can provide. One could argue that the entirety of the Nara are born prodigies, but in truth their slightly above average IQ could be explained by genetics and the training they undergo instead of some sort of bloodline limit.

However, the advice he needed was of the relationship kind.

His best friends wouldn't be much help to him, not when they were men and bachelors to boot. His father was a genius in his own right, being the Clan Head that he was, but Shikaku would rather throw himself off a cliff before asking him. Shikaku's mother, Teate, would have probably been the most fitting had she been alive. She had been a slightly stern mother, ever so exasperated with her crazy husband and lazy son. But she was of sharp wit when it came to the matters of others. Teate had also loved Shikaku, and wanted him to make good decisions. Unlike his father who was equally nosy but liked to see Shikaku squirm.

Which meant, Shikaku went to Ashi.

Ashi was someone dear to him. She had been an older sister figure by proxy since Shikaku had often wandered to the Inuzuka part of the forest to think. She'd always had a knack for finding him when he'd been stuck on a problem for too long; taking time out of her day to help him with whatever he was going through at the moment. He called her a friend, but she held a place far more important than that in his life.

Ashi had been the captain of his ANBU team, making sure he and his friends didn't get themselves killed for their recklessness. He appreciated everything she'd done for him, he truly did. Which made it that much harder when they had started to grow apart after she became a widow.

He had been stricken with guilt every time he thought about her or his friends during his assignment in Tea Country. His father had sent him there to build his character, away from the comfort of his village and its familiar redwoods. That had been a lesson he had learned during his struggle to navigate the complex politics of civilian royal clans; that no matter how much you knew, you could always learn much more. He was deeply grateful for never being near them again, life changing wisdom and all.

However, because of his time away, he now felt estranged from his family and friends. Something which certainly did not help his current situation.

Finally reaching the gate between the properties of the Nara and Inuzuka, Shikaku was just about to pass through when he heard his name being called.

"Ku-chan!"

He turns, seeing Tsume and Kuromaru trotting up to him. Tsume was a friend of his. Difficult not to when they grew up together; ditching the Academy and then hiding in their clans' private forest to pass the time. They weren't as close as he was with Inoichi and Chōza, but close enough for her to call him annoying nicknames.

"Tsu—" She hugs him tightly before he can greet her, making his bones groan in protest. "Ow…"

She slaps his back. "Stop complainin', I barely touched ya!"

"Thanks. You seem well."

"'course I am," she grins. "You're a bastard for not comin' earlier. Heard you were in the village, not visitin' though."

"You were pretty busy then," he says, watching for her reaction.

Tsume frowns. "Ah, right! You haven't met her, have ya?"

Shikaku wants to say he has, but then Kuromaru adds. "I told him to come see Hana."

Ah right, Tsume's daughter.

"Hmph, we can work it out real quick," she shrugs. "Wanna see her?" Shikaku really doesn't. Not because it's Tsume's child, but because children in general were exactly the matter he was trying to avoid. Tsume doesn't wait for him, however, letting out a sharp whistle that could probably be heard across the entire village.

While Shikaku is still rubbing his ears, Kuromaru's tail starts wagging when he sniffs a familiar scent. Shikaku hadn't exactly bothered to try and picture Tsume's daughter. But when a girl with purple hair came jogging with a laughing toddler on her shoulders, he couldn't help but see the resemblance.

The girl had light brown hair, styled into two pigtails. Brown eyes and a smile that was all her mother. "'gain, 'gain!" she giggled tugging at the older girl's hair.

Shikaku is startled to see such a fond look on Tsume, a woman that he had seen tear apart throats with her teeth. She was a prime example of an accomplished kunoichi, strong and successful, and yet she had chosen to be a mother when her career was seemingly much more compelling. It was enough to almost make him turn around and bolt for the hills.

"Here you are, you little brat," she says, taking her from the hands of the unnamed girl and planting a loud kiss on her cheek, making her give a cute excited 'eep!' "Hana, love, say hi to Ku-chan."

The girl's big eyes stared right through his soul, sending him into a panic that rooted him on the spot. Had Kuromaru not brushed against his hip, Shikaku would have stood there, continuing to watch the child with silent horror.

"Hi there…" he says, raising a hand to distract her. Hana sniffs at it, curious, before retreating to the safety of her mother's arms. "Cute kid."

"Don't need to sound so awkward 'bout it," Tsume teases, having noticed his hesitation. "She's small still, sensitive to stuff, but she's good," she insists. "She's mine, right?"

Right. Shikaku's mouth was suddenly very dry. He knew he should feel happy for his friend for having a child; especially after he hadn't been able to support her along the way. But he couldn't. Because he was in no position to be happy at the moment.

The purple haired girl, whom he had pretty much ignored until then, makes a sound low in her throat. It sounds a lot like a growl, which surprises him, considering she was not an Inuzuka. Shikaku knows Sachi, or at least how she looks, and that girl was not her. And yet, there she was, glaring holes at him. "I'll take Hana-chan back, Tsume-san," she says, holding his eyes.

"Ha? What for?"

"I'm taking her to play with Unari-kun today. We don't wanna be late, right Hana-chan?" The little girl blinks at her babysitter, beginning to laugh again while making grabby hands at her. "See? You're also busy, Kasui is waiting for you at the clinic."

The mention of Kasui puts a thoughtful pout on Tsume. "Right. We're gonna be busy today." She hands her daughter to the unknown girl, who is not bothered in the least. "Be careful with her, 'kay Anko?"

"'kay!" she says, and then the girl, Anko, takes a chakra-fueled jump and disappears between the canopies.

Tsume isn't worried, watching her for a second before focusing on Shikaku again; whatever her notion of careful meant, he wasn't sure. "Sorry there, Ku-chan. Busy season all along."

"You can come to play with her," Kuromaru comments. "It will be good for her to know your scent."

Shikaku wasn't sure about that.

"Anyway, I gotta go. Nee-chan's in her office, so you know," Tsume says, too off-handedly to be a coincidence. He doesn't acknowledge her hint outwardly, but still nods his thanks to her. She pats him on the back, this time gentler, before leaving, presumably towards the clinic.

The trek to the Inuzuka Main House is short, although Shikaku takes his sweet time. His heart was beating hard in his chest; so much that he is convinced that any of the Inuzuka clansmen he passed could hear it loud and clear.

He taps on the frame of the back door, the polite thing to do when entering a ninja household, before letting himself in. Shikaku and Ashi do not need to play the politics game this time. Her office is right in front of him, and Shikaku steels himself by taking a deep breath before entering.

"Hello to you, Ku-chan," Ashi greets, remarkably in a better mood than last time he saw her. "Anythin' on your mind?"

Still just as sharp. Shikaku decides that it's not worth skirting his way around this issue, so he drops on a cushion near where Haiiro was lounging and says "I need advice."

Ashi, who is seated behind her low desk, nods once. "Okay. What 'bout?"

"I got a girl pregnant."

The silence that follows is just as heavy as the feeling sitting at the bottom of his stomach. Ashi hums, which almost makes Shikaku angry for her lack of reaction, before she reaches over her desk and unseals a bottle of sake from a scroll.

"There, drink it up."

"I don't think I can talk about this drunk," he says, catching the bottle. "This is serious."

"Yep, it is. But you're shaking in your pants and you're too caught up in that pretty head of yours to think straight. So, drink it up."

Shikaku does. The sake hits, the bitter kind, and Ashi doesn't speak until Shikaku can feel his nerves being smoothed over by the alcohol. His panic is still there, but numb, letting him breathe without feeling as though he was drowning for the first time since he received the news.

"Now we can talk. You got a girl pregnant, she from the village?"

He nods. "When I came back Inoichi and Chōza dragged me to celebrate my return and…"

"And you hooked up with a girl," she resumes, blunt. "Were you too drunk?"

"I drank, but I knew what I was doing."

"And the girl?"

"She… she was more sober than I was."

"You both consented to it, then. You know her?"

"I… her name is Kitoku Yoshino, chūnin, in ANBU."

"You know her battalion?"

"Cryptography."

Ashi considers it for a minute that feels endless. "Did she approach you?"

"Ah… yes. I went to HQ to… get my mask back, when she told me that she was… um…"

"Pregnant, yes," she finishes for him, Shikaku meanwhile taking another swing of the bottle. "Did she tell you anythin' else?"

"She was… angry at me, put a kunai to my throat. She… told me to take responsibility, and that she was going to… cut my bits if I didn't."

Ashi tries to hide her smirk by sipping her cup. "Well, at least she was direct. Did she tell ya if she wanted to get rid of it? If she wanted to keep it?"

"I can't have a kid now," he says, his voice shaking. "I can't…"

"I asked if she wanted to keep it or not," she repeats, her voice commanding. "So?"

"She… she didn't say. She was just angry at me; told me that all major clans were the same… I think she was more afraid of me leaving her in that situation and raising a bastard, rather than having it or not."

He had enough time to think about it, having taken everything from their conversation apart until everything was neatly categorized in his mind. It didn't help, but Ashi's presence was enough to calm his anxiety, along with aid of the alcohol.

"Kitoku… Doesn't ring any bells."

"Merchant, silks," he provides. "Kitoku is a merchant family, big enough that they let Yoshino go into the ranks."

"Paid the fee, hm?"

Merchants, mostly those that wanted to settle in the village, were not forced but heavily encouraged to have at least one child in the ranks. The advantages of having a ninja in a merchant family were appealing since it would put the entire family in another tax bracket, as well as have some connection with the military part of the village. Protection, leverage and profits; all were very tempting to have, but the price still stood.

A child. Merchant families, or civilians in general, depended on children to continue their business and take care of their elders. Ninja didn't have a great life expectancy, a risk not all of them could afford. When the family was big enough to balance such a loss, their attitude shifted.

The Kitoku were in the latter group, Yoshino offered as a sacrificial lamb was just an example out of many. All were aware of it happening, regardless of what they thought about it, and they knew it wouldn't change. Leaf was a hidden village, and they needed a constant influx of soldiers. Ninja clans weren't put in that position, since they were expected to join. Although the contrary happened, children from ninja clans were being introduced to other trades that would serve their clan well, such as accounting, politics or permanent bodyguards under notable civilian families.

"Yeah…" Shikaku says, not sure how to feel about it; how to feel about everything really. "What should I do…?"

"Woah, there. Change that question, darlin'. I'm not here to tell ya what to do, but rather what can ya do."

He would take anything at that point, not trusting his own mind anymore. So he drinks more sake. "What can I do?"

"I would tell ya the same thing I did to Tsume, keep it or not, but with ya it is a little more complicated."

Shikaku wasn't worried about a child, he knew he probably would have one at some point. He was more concerned about how this was going to change his standing within the clan. The Nara, like the Inuzuka, didn't have to worry about continuing a bloodline. They had secret techniques that virtually anyone could perform if taught, but they were a major ninja clan. Meaning, politics.

"You researched her family, which is nice. Anything 'bout 'em that sticks out?"

"She doesn't keep in contact with them, but I've heard they're trying to set her up with another merchant family that wants to get in the village."

That was another use for a civilian ninja. They posed a very valuable bargaining chip and could serve as the entrance ticket for new families outside a hidden village in order to get a foot in the door. Gaining the trust of the Hokage was difficult, and often took too long, which in turn was not good for their business.

To have one of them married to an active ninja gave them enough standing to allow them a chance to enter a hidden village.

"The woman's trapped."

"Her? What about me—?"

"Darlin', she's the one with her career on the line," she stops him sternly. "You know what it means for a kunoichi to get pregnant, especially one with a civilian background and no support? Can you tell me with a clear conscience that you have it worse?" He bows his head. "I get what you're worried 'bout, but don't forget there are two, possibly three, of you involved in this mess."

This is why Shikaku went to Ashi. Her no-bullshit demeanor was enough to put him in his place. "Yoshino… she has my child, and if she is to be married to that other merchant she won't be able to take care of it."

"Bastard children don't have easy lives." Yoshino would need to maintain her shinobi work in order to retain her value in the eyes of the settling merchant family. Those retiring to take care of a child that wasn't her husband's wouldn't survive for long. "She could choose not to keep it… but then…"

Yoshino then could realize how much power she held over Shikaku. Bastard children, not unlike civilian ninja tied to their families, meant a useful tool for manipulation. Yoshino was in control of her body. It was up to her to decide whether to keep it or not, and Shikaku wouldn't be forced to care or support the child if he didn't want to. However, having a child with Nara genes could turn against their clan, or be used by others for that very purpose. The Nara might not have a rare bloodline, but they still had enough still had enough wealth to comfortably live off; something which unfortunately didn't always benefit the child itself.

"You're frowning a lot, Ku-chan. Don't faint in my office," Ashi snaps him back from his thoughts. "Politics are shitty, you know it first hand, but don't let them get to your head."

He sighs. "I just got back from dealing with bastards and royal scandals. They were… sharks."

"Civilian politics, royal ones especially, are cutthroat. I don't envy you, Ku-chan, but I think I'm speakin' for anyone that we shinobi don't wanna deal with them. Yoshino won't be too different."

Shikaku rubs his face, his hands a tad uncoordinated because of the sake, but it gives him a little comfort. Ashi was right, Yoshino was a kunoichi, and his intel told him that she had quite the feud with the family that practically gave her up at birth. But with no support—

"That woman has the choice to keep it, which is why it's troublesome for ya, but what 'bout you? Do you want it or not?"

That was the question. Shikaku was young, only twenty seven years old and at the peak of his career. He was also the son of the Clan Head, and even though the Nara weren't an unilineal clan, he had the lead in the competition to become his father's successor. Not by his own efforts, but judging by the way he could feel his clan's eyes on him, Shikaku's own unwillingness would make little difference.

For him to gain an heir so early would only put more votes on his side. "I'm not ready," he says, but his voice is strained. "I can't have a child so early…"

"You keep sayin' that you can't, but Yoshino's pregnant, ya'know?"

"... I know."

"I can scent the fear on ya. Kids are quite the commitment, and they're scary to deal with. You don't wanna be Clan Head, I get it, I didn't wanna be one either and here I am. But, Ku-chan, you can keep runnin' but reality is what it is. The old man Rō, and the rest of the Nara already consider you the next Head." Shikaku takes another swing. "You know this, just as you know that your other two friends are gonna take the lead in their own clans."

Of course they knew. They had known the moment they were all introduced to each other under the excuse of having playmates. Meritocracy was a fine concept to choose your leader by, but it was in their best interest for their respective branches to keep the line going.

"Damned politics," he mutters, Ashi nodding in understanding.

"Yeah, yeah. We have our own shitty politics. You're smart, Ku-chan, and I know you don't like playin' people games like you do with shogi, but you're gonna need to step up someday."

"Not so soon…"

"It's gonna happen, want it or not." Ashi shrugs, not coddling him nor chiding him.

Shikaku didn't want to be Clan Head, didn't want to deal with politics in spite of all the training he went through, all the lessons, all the games. He would like nothing more than to remain a regular Nara clansman, expected to be smart but not take the lead, remaining in the shadows as he should. The reality was different, and Shikaku couldn't deny it any longer.

"And Yoshino…?"

(In another timeline, Ashi, still grieving and bitter, would have told him differently. Having one of her friends come for advice, knowing the pain of what it was like to have a partner and lose them, she would have chosen to spare him the pain.

But this was not that timeline.)

"You could marry her."

The realization hits him like a kunai between the eyes. "Ashi—"

"Hear me out first, darlin'. You don't trust her, but you hardly trust anyone. You're paranoid, more so than others, but you hide it well from those that don't have my nose. The time of you hiding in my forest is long gone, Ku-chan. You're gonna need to go out there and use your voice, make gambles, commit mistakes and do things that are gonna leave you feeling dirtier than killing some bounty for the money."

"I fucking know—"

"Shut it," Ashi growls, and Shikaku hears the order loud and clear. "Being Clan Head sucks, but someone's gotta do it. They tell us that the village comes first, but the village can't be if the clans aren't there. You gotta take care of the clan, and you fuckin' know why you gotta do it."

Because there were shadows they couldn't trust, because their village had deep roots, but some were rotten. But which?

"I don't know about her, but I know that civilian born ninja have it hard, and that they can't just go back to being civilian. The Kitoku might be influential or whatever, try and twist that woman's hand with money, land or the fuck civilians are trading with nowadays, but she's a kunoichi. No civilian husband is gonna understand what she is, what she does, no matter how much of a saint he is." Ashi bares her teeth, showing her disgust. "Yoshino's trapped, and between family and duty… You can help her."

"Why?"

"The sake's hittin' you hard if you can't figure what it is," she says, and Shikaku leaves the bottle beside him. His body could get numb, but not his mind. "Clan Heads can't trust many, sometimes not even their clansmen."

True. There were those that had other goals that didn't lay with their village, with their clan. But who were they? Who—?

"Make Yoshino your ally," Ashi advices. "She has one marriage of convenience already, but why not offer her a better one? You have a clan, you have support and prestige in this village. You can give her the freedom those civilians can't." She sits back, showing her fangs. "You're smart, Ku-chan, but you're gonna need someone you can trust by your side. Inoichi and Chōza are your friends, as I am, but we can't help you from inside your clan."

Yoshino…

"I see," he nods. "And the… child?"

Shikaku looks at Ashi, finding her still when his surroundings are swimming all around him. She's like an anchor, and Shikaku can't help but hold onto her. Ashi has always known what to say to him, what to do so he could work out the answer to his problems. He would listen to her, he would always do so, because he trusted her.

When Ashi takes a moment to gather her thoughts, Shikaku uses the time to go over his. He wasn't opposed to having a child, it was expected to produce an heir someday, but he didn't want to hurry. If he were to marry Yoshino, if she accepted the deal, it would rush his appointment to Clan Head. Bringing a child so early… How would he manage? The Nara would undoubtedly put him to trial, to test if he was worthy, and dealing with a newborn on top of his duties—

"You know? I don't have a clue," she says, letting out a dry chuckle. "My time for kids of my own died with Isamu, and I—" Ashi stops, shaking her head.

Isamu had been a good man, the best for Ashi. Shikaku had trusted him with his life, and his death had weighed on him; but not as much as it had on Ashi. And it hurts her still, and Shikaku is powerless to do anything about it.

(He had failed her, again and again.)

"After he died, I continued being Clan Head and nothing else. But then…" she sighs, but she's smiling. "Life's funny like this, Ku-chan. It gives you choices and you gotta take 'em, and you won't know if they were the good ones or not. When I met Sachi… I was the one that would decide if she would live or die, just like you now."

That shocks him mute, so much that the alcohol in his veins suddenly drops. He won't pry, but he has seen enough of Sachi to understand that her case was not an easy one. Ashi did not want children of her own without Isamu as their father. But Ashi adopted Sachi regardless, and—

"I don't regret it," she confesses. "I hadn't thought I would grow to love her, but, ya'know, she's mine now. Sachi is my daughter, and I love her," she chuckles, and Shikaku doesn't hear grief. "The other two as well."

"The other two…?"

"Ah, yes. Kasui and Anko, you might see 'em around here. I sponsored them, they are Sachi's teammates," she explains. "I couldn't stop at one, so now I have three."

That is another surprise, but more shocking is the happiness in her words. "Why…?"

"Because I chose to do it," she answers easily. "You are never sure with this kind of thing, children change you. If I have to give you advice from my experience, they change you for the better."

"... are you sure?"

(Ashi would have told him that children were difficult and a liability. Tsume was his age and had a child, but it was hard to take care of a daughter on her own on top of the clinic and missions. Shikaku having a child would only chain him.)

Ashi gives him a sharp glance. "I haven't been so sure in my life, Shikaku." She's completely serious. "You need proof? Be 'round Tsume for a while. She's a kunoichi and she has the clinic, but she loves her daughter to bits. Difficult not to, when she's the sweetest little thing. She's only a year old, but she's already speaking. Well, most of it is babble, but I'll be damned if she's not gonna be one of our best."

Ashi was proud. Ashi was happy. "Oh, we have quite the litter this year. Kasui is Tsume's right hand in the clinic, and that boy is going to take over if she isn't careful. Anko? You know our senile ninken? Well, she has them wrapped 'round her finger. I don't know what she did to 'em, but Sage's balls—" she laughs loudly. "Sachi, well, she's a headache most days but that's her charm."

Shikaku wonders when Ashi had changed. He wonders because he can't see the stress or the sadness in her eyes; because even though she lost someone dear to him, she had come to love again. She had three children now, was Clan Head and ANBU Captain and she had just become a mother. Ashi embraced the choices she made, and Shikaku couldn't find an ounce of regret or disappointment in her.

Ashi had changed for the better.

"Anyway. I can't tell ya to keep it or not, but don't let that head of yours filled with shadows hold ya back," she smiles at him, and it's kind and gentle. "For what it's worth, I think you are gonna be a good dad. You have kept Inoichi and Chōza out of trouble for most of your lives, a baby is not gonna be much worse. But that's the sap in my talkin'."

Shikaku bows. "I'll… think about it."

He still doesn't know, but then a memory flashes in his mind, a woman so beautiful that kept his eyes on her the whole night. Even with Inoichi and Chōza getting drunk by his side. A playful glint in her dark eyes, and that smile that made him follow to her small apartment. "Let's see what you're made of," she'd told him, and then had given him a night to remember despite his hangover.

Maybe, just maybe—

"You do that." She gets up, Haiiro coming out from his nap to stand beside her. "You wanna stay for lunch?"

The sake had filled him enough. "No, thank you."

"Another day," Ashi promises, getting up with Haiiro at her heels, the old hound giving a wink that was too human for a dog. "I'll walk ya out."

Shikaku follows her like a puppy, very much like he did whenever he got lost in the forest at night and she had to come and help him out. It did embarrass him a bit that as a grown man he still sought comfort in her presence, but Ashi's smile made all his worries fade away.

She hadn't solved his problem, but she had listened and truthfully told him all he needed to know. Shikaku could rely on her experience, her input, and then work the rest out for himself.

"Ah, pup," Haiiro says, making Shikaku turn towards the end of the hallway. Sachi was there, approaching once she noticed them.

Ashi's expression when she sees Sachi is as soft as Tsume's when spotting her daughter. So full of fondness and warmth that lights a spark of jealousy in him. "Having company?" Sachi says, but the first thing she does is lean over to Ashi and let the woman bump her forehead with hers. Tsume did that to Hana too, and Ashi did it to Sachi; they were family. "We're about to have lunch, Kasui's cooking. Do I tell him we have a guest?"

"Nah, not today," Haiiro grumbles, and that is another surprise for Shikaku; to know that the dog cherished their adopted pup too. Sachi pats him, letting her hands run through his fur until his tail wags. "Right?"

"Right," Shikaku answers, feeling Sachi's eyes on him. He wasn't in the right mind to analyse her gaze, but the only thing he needed to know is that Sachi loved Ashi and Haiiro just as much.

The image of their happy family puts a seed of hope in his heart. If Ashi, who had lost so much, could love again… Why couldn't Shikaku do so much? Why wouldn't he not have the same, a good partner he trusted and a child he cherished? Shikaku was a shinobi, but he was also human. He wanted comfort too, he wanted to be happy.

"Lunch is ready!" Another voice calls, a boy with round glasses and sandy colored hair peeking around the corner where the kitchen was. When he spots him, he adds "I made more, just in case."

Ashi laughs, amused by how everyone was keen to feed him. It's a laugh that reminds him of easier days, back when Isamu was just a boy pestering her and she shamelessly flirted with him for fun. Ashi was happy, and that moved him enough to take her advice to heart.

"Go on, help Kasui set the table," Ashi prompts, her daughter nodding and bouncing over to the blonde boy, the one that could very well be her brother. "They're good pups, mark my words."

"Yeah, they are," Shikaku agrees. Ashi was confident that they were, and Shikaku didn't need any more reassurance. "Thank you, Ashi."

"Happy to help," she says, and then, just to let him know that it wasn't a debt for him to owe, she hugged him just as tightly. Perhaps even more tightly, than Tsume had. "There. Do come by. I'm sure you have a lot of stories to tell, might as well do so over somethin' tasty, don't ya agree?"

Shikaku gives in. "Yes, okay, I get it. I'll come here to get fat."

"Sure. We always have food for one more," Haiiro comments, adding. "Or two. Or three—"

"Don't scare him," Ashi defends him, letting go of him. "Whatever you decide, don't regret it darlin'."

Shikaku mirrors Ashi's smile. "I won't."

.

"How… endearing," a feminine voice hisses.

Sachi is already awake; the traps on her window are completely useless to stop the being that is now curled around her bed frame. Kasui and Anko are sleeping in her room, both of them draped over her and mooching off her body heat. They didn't hear her come, as Sachi didn't the first time she met her, and since then crafted a seal for that very purpose.

Yasu was one of Orochimaru's summons. A deep purple snake with copper colored eyes that shine bright in the darkness of the room. The snake is looking directly at Sachi, the girl with a seal at her fingertips in case she tries to do something to threaten her or her teammates. Sachi knows that Yasu is wickedly fast, and has a poison that would kill her within seconds if not instantly. But the reptile also knows that she isn't welcome and that is enough to draw a line between them.

"Old-blood baring her fangs at me." Old-blood, that is what she calls Sachi. "You are quite away from your den."

"What are you here for?" Sachi asks instead, feeling her teammates stirr.

Yasu did not smile, she was a snake, but her black tongue slipped past her scaly lips, conveying something akin to a smirk. "He is calling you."

Orochimaru had a mission. In the past months their sensei had begun training them in earnest. It was still hard, bruising their bodies as well as egoes, but it wasn't anywhere near the torture he had put them through during their first days. He had given them increasingly difficult missions; up to C5-ranks which meant they were often sent outside of the village to do more complicated gigs. Like protecting caravans, delivering important messages to the outposts or satellite villages and even sabotaging whoever the client decided had to suffer.

It wasn't the first time Yasu or one of the other snakes woke them up to pack for a mission in the middle of the night. Yet Yasu was the only one who had known Sachi that she was a Kanbayashi the moment she'd set eyes on her. Which was not great at all.

The snake was smart enough to keep her mouth shut, but who knows for how long.

"Careful," Yasu warns, her eyes appearing amused in the dim light. "Better answer, he does not like to wait."

The summon doesn't disappear in a puff of smoke, instead slithering across their bodies without a sound, pressing her weight to make a point. Sachi is pinned by Kasui and Anko, but she would rather endure it than risk Yasu running that split tongue of hers.

Yasu winds across her room, climbing the window and then opening it without setting off any of the traps Sachi had reinforced again and again. With a sigh, Sachi looks up at the ceiling, her teammates still fast asleep. They trusted her.

(She was lying to them.)

She wakes them up, and from there it takes them five minutes to leave the compound. Orochimaru gave them less than ten minutes to prepare themselves and then track him down to whatever gate he had chosen as their meeting point. Thankfully, they had learned the hard way to prepare scrolls filled with a month's worth of supplies; everything from clothes to food in case he surprised them with a mission. They left a note for Ashi so that she didn't expect them for meals or put them in the clan roster for chores.

They take exactly seven minutes to appear at their sensei side, who in turn doesn't even nod to acknowledge them. "Follow," is all he says and they do.

Their sensei had changed his mind in training them personally, which they didn't complain about. He was strict and severe, and even Sachi had learned to follow his orders or suffer because of it. He didn't have any problem punishing Anko or Kasui whenever she overstepped, which was enough to keep her in check.

Orochimaru was brilliant. Sachi was interested while at the same time concerned about how much he knew. Especially in biology related subjects. His knowledge was extensive and his curiosity cold but sharp. He had made some comments about the effects of cellular regeneration and chakra conditions that made her very suspicious, but Sachi wanted to believe that it was just his overall demeanor.

He was a prodigy, that much was true, and his jutsu arsenal was downright ridiculous. One of his preferred methods of teaching was one-vs-all battles, which without a doubt left Team Two completely wasted by the end of it. He was fast, smart and didn't pause to question himself whether his attacks on the genin were morally questionable or not. Nothing was out of the question, and that alone put a healthy fear in them.

Tonight he sets a fast pace, not even thinking if they could keep up or not. Sachi was grateful that Orochimaru didn't rely on physical punishment as much and had dropped her ninjutsu training altogether. But that didn't mean that she or her teammates were off the hook. He had decided they were smart enough to train by themselves, and they were responsible to train and condition their bodies by their own standards. He then showed them what they did wrong in the next spar, all with very painful methods, but in the end they were improving immensely.

"Stop," Orochimaru orders. They are tired, but not exhausted, and when he looks at them he isn't disappointed at what he sees. "Make camp."

They scatter. Living together gave them the advantage to work around each other. Sachi was in charge of building the camp and setting the perimeter, Kasui providing a water source while Anko hunted for their food. They all had rations and packed meals, but Orochimaru had made it very clear that they were to fend for themselves without using anything else but their skills.

They knew what he was teaching them; how to act in case of need, how to hide their presence and the camp, what and what not to eat and how to hunt it without attracting too much attention. How to get water, and what to do with it besides drinking or washing; water was a bait like any other, as well as a weapon, and they soon understood how poisons were very useful to use in these situations.

"Good," he commends when they finish making camp within fifteen minutes. "No rabid deer this time."

That hadn't been a fun time, Anko accidentally bringing to eat a sick animal that she had somehow missed was foaming at the mouth when hunting at night. They had gone hungry that time. She had caught rabbits, one for each one of them. "What do you do with the skins?" he asks.

Anko snaps the neck of the rabbit in her hands, then its limbs before proceeding to skin it. They had learned how to skin an animal in the Academy under the guise of 'camping trips' which took place in the wooded backyard of the school. The teachers had handed them a small prey animal for them to 'take care of'; forcing those that were too squeamish or too naive to get over it or starve for an entire week.

Neither of them had problems with it, Kasui regularly euthanizing bigger and meaner animals than a simple rabbit. Orochimaru had been… oddly pleased that they held no hesitation to kill for their meals, which they weren't sure to take pride in or not. "Burning is not an option. The smell will cling to our bodies, and it can attract the attention of predators or enemies," Sachi answers, disemboweling her rabbit. "We leave it along with the bones as carrion for the forest, or we can shred it and use it as red herrings in case the enemy is tracking blood or remains. Burying it is fine too."

Orochimaru looks at her, his eyes a shade or two too dark to pass as a Kanbayashi, with a slitted pupil that contracts when she finishes her explanation. "Do you sell it?"

Kasui shakes his head. "The quality of the fur isn't worth a ryō. Our skinning skills are not good enough, and rabbit pelts are not sought after. Carrying the pelt of an animal without a retaining scroll would alter your scent, making you a target."

"It would also raise questions. If you aren't familiar with your surroundings, poppin' in a village that does not know you, carrying a few pelts that aren't processed correctly and obviously not dressed properly as a hunter, would only give you away as someone not to be trusted."

He hadn't let Anko use her affinity to make a fire, which Sachi had sparked by knocking the correct stones together. Similar to how Kasui hadn't been allowed to extract water from their surroundings; instead searching for subterranean water, which they were now boiling to kill any bacteria while they cooked their meal. "Good. When on a stealth mission, you hide your remains and do not use chakra," Orochimaru says, his baritone voice quiet as night falls around them. "Why?"

"Tracking specialists," Anko says, having learned the tricks from the Inuzuka themselves. You looked for food, waste or hair. They were often overlooked, but Tsume had told them that 'everyone eats, but they ain't eatin' everything; everyone takes a piss or a shit, but they don't cover it up; and even a bald cunt will leave hair behind'.

"Sensor nin," Sachi adds. "Using a jutsu, no matter how great your control is, will leave a chakra trail that any sensor nin would be able to pick up, even hours later."

"Yes. No clones for nightwatch duty," Orochimaru says "No seals either."

Anko and Kasui look at Sachi, and they nod at the same time. It was a serious mission then, potentially dangerous. They have done survival training before, but this time it felt real. They take extra care in covering their marks beforehand, in case they need to leave in a rush, and they don't keep the fire going during the night. It's cold, but they endure it by huddling together and sharing warmth. It helped that Sachi was a human oven, so they took turns to watch over their camp until dawn. Their sensei always left them alone, which made it feel even more genuine; as if they were on their own.

"Follow," he tells them upon his return and they do.

They end up in an inconspicuous village nearing the flank with Hot Springs; the scent of sulphur already making their noses tingle. The redwoods quickly begin to thin due to the acid which prevents the giants from growing. It's a natural phenomenon and yet it puts them unreasonably on edge.

"Read this," their sensei orders them, handing over a scroll. They butt heads to read it before it ignites, dissolving in their hands.

"An A2-rank mission…" Kasui whispers, looking to their teacher for confirmation. "Is this for us?"

"No," Sachi is quick to answer. "It's an assassination mission."

They fall silent, the realization smothering. "Yes. This is my mission," Orochimaru says, putting their minds at ease for exactly one second before knowing that he wanted them to learn. "You will watch."

They cannot refuse. "Yessir."

.

Sachi, Kasui and Anko disguise themselves; altering their appearance with makeup and clothes that will make them appear as poor children to anyone who looks at them. They stay in a small hole in the ceiling of the inn where Orochimaru's target is staying. Kasui cursed their sensei because it was cold and his glasses were freezing, all the while Orochimaru was enjoying the hot springs.

The target was a woman featured in their Bingo Book. All of them had memorized each and everyone that was put in it, including the books of other countries as well. She was from Waterfall, A3-rank missing nin. 'Do not engage' was written in ominous red under her portrait, along with her strengths. Ninjutsu and kenjutsu combined with an earth affinity. They had caught a peek of her while they followed their teacher stalking her. She was a short woman, but with a strong built; carrying a katana by her side at all times.

Their sensei had disguised himself as well as a woman, which he totally pulled off because of his androginous appearance. "You take advantage of everything," he had told them while he applied makeup and chose a fitting outfit for the role he was about to play. "Pride is a luxury for fools."

Orochimaru had tracked the woman for a day, not engaging her but keeping an eye out for anything noteworthy. Meanwhile his students were scared beyond belief, knowing that if any of them slipped, the woman might detect and possibly kill them. What if she had already? Was she waiting for the opportune moment to kill them? Would their sensei help them if they messed up? Or was this another lesson for them to learn?

From their spot they watched as their target got more drunk by the moment; a voice in the back of their minds horrified at knowing that it was going to be her doom. They continue watching as their sensei, enjoying a drink himself a few tables away, gives them a warning that they would have missed had they not been paying attention. They struggle to contain their chakra even more, Sachi activating the seals she had etched into her clothes to absorb any of her outbursts just in case.

They wait until the target becomes pale, and then green. Poison? Did he poison her? But the woman jumps up and rushes outside. They change their position, looking from beneath the tiles of the veranda, which no one is using because of the cold, as the woman doubles down over the railing and throws up everything she had ingested during the evening.

They see their sensei slip outside of the shadows without so much of a stir of the air, such confidence and skill that the blade doesn't even glint when he takes it out and then—

"Argh…gurghl—" a quiet gurgle is heard, a steady splash of blood gushing from the neck.

The blood doesn't stain the veranda, falling to be washed away by the river below. Orochimaru continues cutting the neck with one fluid motion, taking the head for himself and pushing the headless body into the water.

It's done.

Their sensei had just killed someone in front of them, so clearly and so quickly that it didn't hit them until he appeared in front of them, the head still in his hand. They're so out of it that they turn to look at him, only to see the frozen shock on the dead woman's face.

All three of them follow her earlier example and throw up.

.

The journey back happens in complete silence.

Orochimaru can't say that he doesn't appreciate it, since his students tend to get very loud. Especially when Anko and Sachi start arguing and Kasui refuses to split them up. Ever since completing the mission however, the three of them have been quiet and averting his gaze. He supposes it was a normal reaction, Jiraiya having had the same expression when their sensei showed them how it was done for the first time. Orochimaru hadn't felt much that time, nor when he killed his first target. The mission today had just been part of a routine.

But he understood that his genin were different from him; burdened by emotion as they were. Catatonic, if he was to describe them since they hadn't uttered a word after leaving the target's location. Quite pale too, with little appetite as they bit numbly into the meat of the rabbit they had for a meal.

"This is the way of a shinobi," Orochimaru tells them, not quite sure as to why he was explaining himself. "You don't use redundant jutsus that have more of an appealing aesthetic, but subtle skills to manipulate your environment until it's favorable. Why did I use an emetic instead of a poison?"

It takes some time for them to answer, and even then it's Sachi, always first. "Because… using a poison would draw too much attention. If… if the woman dropped dead in the bar it would've been chaos," she explains, her voice uncharacteristically small. "She had a few drinks herself, and the other customers knew she was a ninja or a mercenary… Because of that no one wanted to get involved with her or clean her vomit and it was very cold outside…" she stops, looking at her hands. "It was the best option."

Sachi sounded resentful, but she had analyzed the situation and had reached the same conclusion he had. Orochimaru could have used a slow acting poison, one he knew for sure would kill his target in roughly a day, enough time for him to make his cover-character disappear and then wait for her to die. If he had, they wouldn't be so shaken, and they would probably be excited with their serious training.

But they needed to understand.

"Ninja do fight open battles, but subterfuge remains the best ally for a shinobi," he reminds them, his voice devoid of any inflection.

"... the woman was in the Bingo Book but…? Was she… a criminal or something?" Kasui asks, surprised at himself for doing so.

"Doesn't matter," comes the cutting answer, his students flinching. "It doesn't matter if the target is a bloodthirsty murderer or a soft spoken nun. The target had a bounty and I was requested to dispose of her, which I did."

It was that simple.

"B-but…!"

"You need to stop regarding your targets as humans," he cuts Anko off, cold as ice. "A second of hesitation will get you killed quicker than a well aimed kunai. They aren't humans, they aren't people, they are targets. The only information you need to know about them is their weaknesses and strengths." They listened, heads bowed low. "Empathy or sympathy is useless to ninja; just because you are unwilling to kill them does not mean that they won't kill you."

Orochimaru sees them pale, seeking comfort in one another. "The emotions you are experiencing will only hinder you. You will need to learn to kill them first, before you can even hope to kill another."

The night is frigid, so much that they are keeping the fire going. The crackle of the cinders slowly dying to keep them warm was the only sound to be heard, except for the breeze that whistled through the frozen leaves of the trees. Orochimaru doesn't mind any temperature, although winter is not his favourite. But he could acknowledge how miserable of a set up they were in.

"...what makes us human, if not emotions?" Sachi asks quietly.

"You're a ninja," he reminds her sternly. "Ninja are not humans. You live in a hidden village, and have seen the more humanizing facets of your comrades. But the majority of the world population regards ninja as murderers, cold blooded killers. Monsters."

This is why Orochimaru loathed having rookie genin under his tutelage. They didn't understand how the world worked, and what place they had in it. Up until that point they had lived with relative normalcy, with mundane worries and goals. They didn't wonder if they were villains, if they could be the enemies people would hate for no other reason than living. Ninja were freaks, free of the constrictions of morality and the consequences of committing sins, so much that they were paid for it.

"This will be your future."

Anko, Kasui and Sachi don't say anything, merely bundling closer. But it's not only the cold that drives them together. They are frightened, they fear him. Orochimaru refuses to feel the pang of disappointment. They are not Tsunade or Jiraiya, they are children, they are different from him.

"You're useless in your state," he tells them, managing to sound bitter. "I will take first watch. Rest, if you can."

Orochimaru leaves them behind, seeking the darkness.

.

Are my methods too harsh? Orochimaru thinks, not sure of the answer. He prefers his students to hate him and live, rather than worship him and die.

Senju Nawaki, Hayate Gisei, Kohitsuji Eimin; those were his first students, Team Orochimaru. He had… cared for them, taught them slowly but surely. Nawaki was —had been— Tsunade's little brother, the one that she had entrusted to him because she believed there was no better teacher than him, not even Jiraiya or Dan. He had been a bright boy, too happy-go-lucky but with the same determination as Tsunade. He had had a dream, a goal, and he was not going to stop until he achieved it. Orochimaru had liked that ruthlessness in him, and he had nourished it the best he could by teaching him his best jutsus, his most coveted tricks.

Gisei… that boy had been a disaster. His sense of direction was absolutely horrible, and Orochimaru had spent too much time tracking the boy down because he had managed to get lost again. But, for all his faults, he was unmatched with the sword. Orochimaru can still remember how the boy's hooded eyes hardened the moment he unsheathed his katana, and how he seemed as if he was dancing anytime he yielded it. Orochimaru had taught him how to move with his blade as if it was another part of him, and the boy was sure to grow into one of the best swordsmen that Leaf had ever seen.

Eimin, that sweet, sweet girl. She had been shy, almost painfully so. But she'd had a talent for stealth that Orochimaru had never encountered before. Her ability to sneak anywhere at any time had often been irksome, but so useful in her career. She had been the closest to him of the three, the boys often going ahead to behave recklessly while she stood behind and watched intently with her mismatched eyes. She had been the only one that could and would come to his home to visit him, managing to bypass the traps he laid purposely to deter her. Chuckling with a laughter that sounded like the chimes of bells when he expressed how annoying she was.

They were dead.

It was his mistake. He had coddled them, had been too soft; teaching them theory, how to use their bodies and flashy techniques. Ultimately failing at showing them the essence of being a ninja. Blood and gore.

Orochimaru had let himself be dragged down by his own emotions; had dared to cherish young soldiers instead of sharpening them like the tools they were. It had been the only time he had done so, his very first genin team. But it was enough to remind him of the kind of world they lived in. When the war started they were still his students, too inexperienced, too innocent. They died because of him, because he hadn't taught them what he ought to.

He can still feel the stickiness of Nawaki's blood on his hands, and the realization that not even Tsunade could put together the pieces that had once been her brother. Gisei had died before he could take out his sword, and Eimin's eyes popped out like marbles because of the force of the explosion that took their lives. A faulty explosive tag, one that he should have detected after spending so much time near Jiraiya but hadn't and ignited the moment he passed over it. He had avoided getting hurt, but his students, who had been running behind him, were caught in the middle of it. The ambush was next, because he was always hunted, yet the only thing that had worried him was not his imminent death, but why his students weren't by his side.

He refused to let that happen again.

Sometime later he hears Sachi approaching. She is deliberately loud, letting her feet make noise as she climbs the tree to the branch where he was keeping watch. The light of the fire doesn't reach, and he doesn't turn to look at her when she sits beside him, exactly one foot away from him.

She spends a good while looking up at the sky, or how much can be seen through the leaves and branches. Orochimaru doesn't know what to make of her, the girl an enigma he isn't close to solving. She was perhaps the worst possible candidate for a shinobi life, with all the obstacles and conditions that slowed her down, and yet she continues. With her fūinjutsu skills —and wasn't that a mystery on its own— she could be set for life, but pursuing the path that would give her more grief than any other. Was she stupid or stubborn, it differed from day to day.

Orochimaru wasn't fooled by her puppy personality, always happy and ready for mischief. Not when he had seen her vicious side. The kind that had been a little too visceral to be considered a singular incident.

"Have you killed many people?" is what she breaks the silence with.

"I do not keep count," he answers honestly. "It depends on who you are comparing me with. I have killed many more than you have. Unless you have a habit of massacring people in your free time."

It makes her smile a little, strange as it might be. "I haven't." And before he asks her what she is doing here with him, and why she isn't resting instead, she asks "Do you regret ever killing someone— a target?"

Orochimaru has to stop and think. There had been kills he wasn't particularly proud of, and others that came out of necessity and pure survival instinct rather than orders. His late genin team flashes in his mind, but he buries them as deep as he had during their funeral.

"Killing is not something I regret," he settles with. "Every kill has ensured that I myself continue living. I will not regret any kill, or it would be an insult to those that have died by my hand; their deaths would have been in vain."

Sachi ruminates on his words and stays quiet. This had been one of the many pieces of advice his teacher had gifted him with when the same question arose in him. Orochimaru didn't hold any religious beliefs, valuing reason over mystical explanations and thus he doesn't care too much about the dead because they are dead. His sensei had been very serious when he told him that the last thing they can do for those that they must kill is to make it quick.

That was what made them different from monsters, setting them apart from those that prolong the death of another just for the sake of inflicting as much pain as possible until there is nothing left in them. Orochimaru tells her so, giving her more food for thought, and remains silent for another stretch of time.

Orochimaru lets himself meditate as he was doing before Sachi interrupted him; focusing on the flow of his energy through the clones he had sent to guard their camp. He wouldn't have considered taking guarding duty, but they were in shock, and it would only make their condition worse if he pushed them further.

"Thank you."

"What for?" he asks, intrigued. He had done nothing worthy of gratitude, the contrary actually. Him and Sachi clash the most, which is something he considers shameful because she was two decades younger than him and managed to push each and every one of his buttons.

Sachi had a petty streak on her that would someday be the death of her. The scorn she had for the slightest of offences baffled him, and what she considered adequate to pay back even more so. No matter how many laps he made her run around the village, she continued to cross him, not caring about him in the least.

Which is why when Sachi tells him "You're a good teacher," he has nothing to say back.

Sachi gets up, patting the dust from her clothes. She wasn't one for empty flattery, as shown by continuously insulting him anytime she disagreed with him. Orochimaru doesn't know how to take that comment, but there is a strange tension in his chest. "Rest. We will have endurance training tomorrow, taking a direct route to Leaf. I will not tolerate tardiness."

She chuckles, and it's not the same gentle chime of Eimin, but it's genuine nonetheless. He stops himself before drawing any more parallels, and watches her jump to another branch, descending to where her teammates are sleeping.

Orochimaru feels the edge of a sword slide over his yugular, a black cloaked figure responsible for the death of his clone. He chokes on the sudden rush of memories from all the clones he had scattered around, and a familiar sense of dread goes through him.

"Sachi—!" he yells, too slow, because he sees the exact moment a flash hits her on her side, making her slip and fall with a yelp of pain.

That is the last thing he sees before he is forced to face the attackers, surrounded and unable to do anything but let his students die once more.

.

The pain makes her shriek, so unexpected that she fails to reach the branch and begins precipitating several feet to the ground. She twists at the last moment, Orochimaru's guide to how to fall without killing yourself a blessing when she rolls away without breaking anything.

"Fu—" she begins, stopping herself and realizing that it was not a drill, it was not a lesson.

It was real.

Her teacher is fighting up in the trees, at least three figures with him but it was too dark to see anything. A shadow blocks her vision, and Sachi feels a shiver run down her spine so fast that the only thing she does is turn around and run.

She doesn't get far. The figure, the enemy, is sweeping at her feet with a sword. She feels the edge cutting her calves, trying to cut her tendons so she can't run anymore. The panic is bitter and blistering inside of her, rushing her through a forest that, if she doesn't pay attention to, would bring her down with its roots. Why? Why were they attacking them? Why hadn't they noticed them? Who were they—? Sachi scrambles through her brain to find something, anything, to save herself.

He hears Orochimaru's voice echoing in her terrified mind, reminding her to kill her emotions before killing a person. Sachi isn't sure if she can kill, but the figure is persistent behind her no matter how fast she runs or how many turns she takes, and she's so sick of being hunted and doing nothing. This time there isn't anyone to save her because Sumi is dead, Ashi is far away, her teacher is fighting the enemy and her teammates—

Oh no.

Kasui.

Anko.

Sachi suddenly feels another kind of fear, remembering that her teammates were still sleeping, left behind because she thought they were safe. What if they attacked them first? What if they were dead? She had promised them that she would protect them, that she would help them become jōnin. Everything that her teacher had warned her against surges through her; anger, fear, hate—

The figure slashes at her feet once more, Sachi rolling away to avoid getting cut, and when she's rising up a strong arm curls around her middle and a sword presses against her throat with the dull side but so tight that she cannot even swallow the bile in her mouth. She's going to die here, she's going to die and then Kasui and Anko are going to die too. She was a coward, always running away, never fighting back.

And in the middle of the chaos, a cold sense of determination takes over, so much that she isn't in control of her body anymore. The figure chokes her, but she can take off her gloves where her Dark Release marks are ready to be used. She slaps a hand behind her, touching the torso of her assailant. She activates her bloodline limit and pulls.

She absorbs as much chakra as she can endure, the pain of foreign energy slipping into her abused pathways more painful than the shallow cut the enemy inflicted when they stumble down. They fall together, an arm holding her still, but Sachi fights it with scratches, kicks and punches. She gets enough space to twist and then the blood that gathers in her palms is enough to make a seal that paralyses them.

Sachi doesn't even think about not taking the sword, angling it over her head and bringing it down directly into her enemy's belly. "Agh!" The figure spouts, unable to move as Sachi stabs them again and again and again, slashing so deep that she can feel the metal glide past the bone of their spine. When the body stops moving, Sachi drops to her knees and vomits until her head is dizzy and the hot pain inside of her is the only thing that keeps her conscious.

"My… my teammates…" she says, breaking from the adrenaline rush and getting up on wobbly legs.

She has two senbon in her arm, but she doesn't take them off, focused on making out where the fuck she was, and how was she going to go back to her team, to her sensei. She takes deep breaths, listening to the sound of battle behind her.

She hears a scream and it's Anko's.

.

On the other side, Anko and Kasui sleep tangled together. They are cold because the fire is very small and Sachi wasn't there with them to keep them warm. At the same time, they feel unsettled. They hadn't expected their teacher to kill someone so bluntly in front of them and they were processing what they saw and what it meant for them. They couldn't sleep, not a wink, but they were too tired to pester their teacher.

When Anko opens her eyes and notices the fire casting shadows that weren't supposed to have human shapes she reacts quicker than Kasui. He scrambles for his glasses and they have exactly one second to dodge a kunai aimed at both of them. They run in different directions, the reflexes that had been drilled into them by Orochimaru serving them well.

Anko has half a mind to regroup when Kasui finally puts his glasses on and they jump together to a branch in search of higher ground. Kasui finally gets the memo that they are under attack and he makes a water bullet, spitting it towards their attackers, only managing to snuff out the fire; their only light source.

They adapt the best they can, their eyes getting used to the thick darkness while they run in search of Sachi and their sensei. Where the fuck were they? What happened? Were they okay? They do not linger, and Anko takes out her weapons to throw them at their enemy with her crazy accuracy. She hits one of them, and in the split second of respite she takes a deep breath and lets out a fireball.

It lights up the forest, casting shadows that confuse them until they catch sight of a hooded person coming after them. Anko's jutsu is snuffed out by a water technique, the hiss of steam creating a misty curtain that makes them lose their pursuer's location. Kasui throws a few senbon where he last saw the man, but none of them connect.

"Regroup!" Anko yells, realizing that Kasui wasn't by her side. She hoped that her voice carried through the forest, and that Orochimaru or Sachi were still alive to hear it. "Come on!"

Anko takes out the purple scroll Sachi gave her, and even in the night she knows where she had sealed the tags. Sachi had created all manners of tags, just in case, and Anko was thanking her in her mind as she tied the tags on the last kunai she had on her. She feels more than she sees Kasui, and when he touches the branch where she is, she says "Get out!"

Kasui uses a shunshin the moment Anko releases the tagged kunai, and even when they are several hundred feet away, the explosion is deafening. The forest creaks and complains, the giant trees that were obliterated by Sachi's tags going down and taking a myriad of branches and leaves with them, slowing their tail down.

It is not enough. A blade hits the tree right in the middle where they stood, Anko seeing herself in the reflection of the sword; when she looks up, she sees the dead eyes of a monster.

Anko drops down immediately, the figure giving chase and Kasui yelling for her. She makes another fire jutsu, getting desperate and reckless when she feels the earth rumbling beneath her feet, one sinking up to her shin.

Fuck.

The enemy with a sword is going for her, moving in for the kill, but her attacker needs to dodge a kunai aimed straight at their back. Anko takes the distraction to gather as much chakra as she can and engulf the figure in thick, greedy flames. A moment later the ground that had her trapped turns to mud, a hand snatching her by the collar and pulling her up.

It's Kasui, and Anko feels as if she wants to cry but instead just follows him to get away. They gasp at the same time, the air forced out of their lungs when a column of hard rock shoots up from the ground and hits them squarely. They're thrown into a tree, reminded of how fragile their ribs are.

Blindsided by the pain, they can do nothing but crawl their way up to their feet. Anko is the only one that does, because Kasui had lost his glasses, and she knew that he was practically blind without them.

They were going to die there.

"Get up!" Anko wants to say, but it comes out as a breathless hiss.

Kasui turns to her, eyes wide, skin marred with soot, dirt and tears. He knows that they were going to die too, and the next second the figure that she had burned, came at them with their sword held high. They were going to kill Kasui, slash his head right off, right in front of her—

Anko uses a body flicker without thinking, inverting their positions in a split second. The surprise of her jutsu is cut short by the unholy sting inside her chest. She looks down and a sword is sticking out of her body.

Far away she hears a scream.

It's her own.

.

Kasui hears Anko's scream, so close and yet so distant; then he feels something warm and wet splattering his face. It's her blood, a voice tells him, but he doesn't believe it. Kasui can't see anything, only feel and hear, the shadows closing in on him as his ears keep ringing. He wonders if he heard Sachi calling to him, but he's already moving by then.

He reaches over, holding Anko's body as she falls into him, and then touches the fabric of a cloak that doesn't belong to any of them. The figure is startled, Kasui sticking an explosive tag on them and channels his chakra into it.

He is dragged back by someone, everything a blurry sort of darkness, but he isn't frightened by the one that is at his back, and the familiar buzz of Sachi's seals gives him a vindictive satisfaction when he counts down the second it takes for it to activate.

Another explosion makes him momentarily deaf, focusing on the feeling of more wet substances hitting his skin, accompanied by the sharp pieces of what he knows are shards of bone and the mushy sensation of soft tissue. He is so lost in that feeling that he doesn't realize he is on the ground and someone is yelling at him.

Slap.

" —to me! Kasui, listen to me!" Kasui blinks, not seeing Sachi but recognizing her voice.

She had slapped him, bringing him back to reality. What comes after is much worse than the blissful numbness from before, panic and fear making him tremble because—

He had killed someone. He had just killed someone.

"You have to heal Anko!" Sachi continues, shaking his shoulders until he remembers that Anko had a sword inside of her chest, that she was dying. She gets so close that he can discern her eyes, distorted as they appear to him. "Heal. Anko. Now."

Sachi is ready to slap him again, Kasui raising his hands to stop her; she catches them, and puts them onto Anko's chest. It is barely going up and down, and he knows what that means. "Now."

Kasui's hands are sticky and drenched in what he tries not to think it's Anko's blood. He channels his chakra, imagining that Anko is just a dog, just a dog— He can feel the deep gash of her wound, Kasui didn't need to use his eyes to know it doesn't look good at all. He hears Tsume's lessons, and he discovers that the blade has punctured her lung but not pierced the heart.

A small relief that gives him a moment of clearness to continue healing her. He controls the flow of his chakra, only using Yin and Yang as if Anko was just another animal that couldn't take an elemental affinity; he prompts the cells to start replicating and knit together, levelling his breaths to synchronize his energy to Anko's and avoid her body rejecting him.

It works, but even though he thinks of a dog, dog, dog, the difference is clear. It takes too long, and it's too difficult, and he isn't good enough. "Take the… the sword slowly."

Sachi listens to him, Kasui sticking his hands directly into the wound while he wills his body to use all his chakra to heal Anko, his teammate, his sister. He couldn't let her die on him, she was not going to die on him. As the blade is pulled out he rushes to heal the damage, trying not to think about the sponginess of Anko's lung beneath his fingertips, and how he was trying to make it inflate again.

"Yes!" he cries, feeling the organ fill with air as the last inch of the sword is gone from her body.

And then a spray of blood hits him in the face.

An artery.

"No, no, no, no—"

He panics, because he doesn't have an ounce of chakra left in his body, and his hands are cramped up and shaking because of using so much abrasive chakra. "Don't stop!"

"I can't!" he yells back. "My… my chakra—"

"I'll take care of it, just… just don't stop."

Kasui wants to curse at her, because doesn't she fucking listen to him?! He didn't have any more chakra, Anko was bleeding to death and they couldn't do anything. Sachi slashes his shirt at the back, and puts her hands on it.

"Wha…" he chokes out, feeling an influx of chakra directly into his third and fourth gate. It floods his system, and his gates start circling it into his pathways. It's stable enough for him to get hold of, and then he continues healing Anko.

He has healed hemorragies before, he had healed major injuries in animals before, and Tsume, who had taught him what to do, what to look for, was enough for him to find and gently heal the artery that was cut. Anko takes a deep breath, and Kasui is worn to the bones.

She was alive.

Sachi's presence at his back was still present, but he was beginning to feel it burning his skin when he tried to seal off the wound. "Sachi…?"

Anko is holding on, her skin beginning to feel warmer to the touch, but she is still in danger. However, when he turns to ask Sachi why she wasn't answering, why wasn't she saying anything— she dropped to the ground.

"Oh, no, no, no!" Kasui leaves Anko to help Sachi, already burning up so much that he knows she's having a heat seizure.

Whatever Sachi had done to him was only momentary, and when he tries to channel some of his chakra he finds that none of it is left. He's tired, hurt, scared and afraid; both his teammates are dying, and he can't help them.

Kasui howls into the night, asking why, why, why.

.

Orochimaru is finishing killing the last ninja when he hears the explosion.

It was exactly the same, the day when he lost his team. Genuine fear rushes through him, a feeling he hasn't properly experienced in years, and it sours his mind. He was so close to losing control, all because he committed the same mistake.

If he had to bury three little caskets again—

He summons the wind in his rage, cutting cleanly through anything near him that the forest is left barren where he had stood. He doesn't care, and he spreads his senses as far as they can go, trying to detect where his students are, where they—

There.

Orochimaru uses a body flicker, enough to surprise another of the ninja that had a kunai in their thigh. He kills them so quickly that he doesn't even register the movement of his sword until it hits the trunk of a tree. Up ahead another explosion rings out, although muffled, but then another one is coming from him.

He kills the remaining ninja, not caring about how his strength hurts his body as much as it hurts his targets, the ire in his chakra is so venomous that it's enough for those low life amateurs to freeze in fear. They are dead before they know it.

He pushes past their destroyed camp, seeing the clear signs of a struggle all around him as he tracks his students down. He senses Kasui's chakra shining like a beacon before dropping suddenly; Anko's presence is dim at best, and Sachi's is all over the place.

"Kasui!" he calls, hearing the shrieks of panic coming from the boy.

Kasui doesn't hear him, and instead pulls a kunai that he doesn't hesitate to aim at Orochimaru with deadly force. He sidesteps it easily and catches his hands, pushing him down and subduing him. "Let go! Let go! Why, why, why—?!" he rambles, out of his mind.

The motive as to why the usually calm and aloof Kasui was having a breakdown was because Anko was bleeding from a half-way healed wound on her chest, and Sachi was shaking uncontrollably. Orochimaru knocks Kasui out; Anko was stabbed, but alive; Sachi was having a seizure.

Oh for fucks sake.

"Yasu! Kōshoku!"

The snakes answer his call instantly, taking the last of his chakra. Yasu's metallic eyes lose their amusement when she sees the state of his students, and she slithers underneath them without him telling her to. Kōshoku, the white one, does the same.

"Take them to the village," he rushes to say, teetering on the edge of his own sanity. "Now"

Orochimaru straps his students to his snakes' bodies and urges them to go. He wasn't going to let them die, he was not going to lose another team like this.

.

"It's pretty quiet today, huh?" Tsunade gapes at Dan. "What?"

"What did you say?" she repeats, already feeling the wrath of the universe upon her. "Did you really say it's quiet… in a hospital?"

He chuckles. He had stolen a few minutes from shadowing the Hokage to pay her a visit under the excuse of a paper cut. Tsunade had forgiven him for doing something so corny because he brought her a sandwich, which she gladly accepted.

"What? Is there something wrong with saying that?"

"You never ever say it's quiet in a hospital, or during a mission; it attracts bad luck."

Dan raises a brow at her. "I didn't know you were this superstitious."

"I'm not. It's scientifically proven that anytime you remark on how good things are going, they will immediately turn bad."

He shrugs, pointing to the empty break room. The morning had passed without any problems, only minor injuries that Tsunade hadn't needed to oversee. Allowing her to complete her rounds and check on the admitted patients to write up on their progress. This is how Dan found her, lounging in the break room while enjoying a cup of coffee.

"If you say so…" he teases, clearly in a good mood. "Listen, after you finish your shift—"

"Tsunade-sama!"

She immediately gets up, surprising Dan who had turned to regard the nurse. She had an expression of horror. "What happened?"

"The— the entrance! Three genin, unconscious and unresponsive!"

Tsunade is already out of the door before the nurse finishes the sentence, sprinting across the hallway to the entrance where a commotion had broken out. Nurses were yelling 'stretcher, stretcher, stretcher!' and amongst them, a figure stood out.

"Orochimaru!" Tsunade calls, grasping him by the shoulders. "What—"

"Ambush," he grits, pushing a girl into her arms. "Tsunade… heal them…"

Orochimaru, the man who could not be found without a hair out of place was the closest to haggard that anyone had ever seen him. Bloodied, disheveled and with a foot in the grave, Orochimaru had brought his students back in the worst state possible.

Tsunade doesn't stop to chat, instead taking Anko and ordering her team of medics to take over and bring them all to an operation room. When she passes Dan, she glares at him "I fucking told you."

.

It looked worse than it was. Not easy to patch, but not that complex. Tsunade had healed Anko first, the girl having caught an infection because of how badly the wound had been closed. She was surprised, since Orochimaru didn't have an ounce of healing chakra in him and although sloppy, it had saved the girl's life. Surviving a stabbing to the chest, puncturing a lung and an artery was not something anyone could boast about.

Kasui was suffering from chakra depletion, which was easily solved with rest and some supplements. Tsunade had experienced healing Sachi, the most difficult thing avoiding the others seeing her scars or seals.

They all had bruises and cuts, the severity of their injuries lying in the fact that they were too young to be caught up fighting for their lives. Out of all of them, Orochimaru was the most wounded, nearing a coma because of chakra depletion.

And he was going to be much worse after Ashi finished him.

"You," she growls, catching sight of his sorry ass after she checked up on her kids. "You fuckin' asshole."

"Ashi-sama," Tsunade warns, the medic stepping between them before she could get to him. "You need to calm yourself down."

It didn't help, and for the first time Ashi felt the very compulsive need to tell the hime to fuck off. "He nearly killed my pups," she grits out, her nerves raw and her blood pressure through the roof. All because a messenger had to tell her that not one, not two, but three of her wards were in the hospital with very serious injuries. "How you fuckin' dare—"

"Ashi-sama," Tsunade repeats, more sternly this time. "I don't want you to escort you from the premises."

"Fuckin' try," she bites out, the force behind her words actually managing to make her flinch. "I've seen 'em come home beaten up to a pulp every damn day, and I didn't say shit because he was supposed to take care of them! They are children! Not even a year out of the fuckin' Academy, and where do I find 'em? In the hospital!"

Orochimaru was hiding behind Tsunade, slouched on a bench because of his own exhaustion. Not that Ashi paid it any mind. She was livid. The Uchiha incident had made her nearly lose it and now Anko had been impaled by a sword and Kasui was still unconscious after an alleged psychotic break. That is, without considering Sachi's already damaged body taking another hit that could very well put her in a grave for good.

She was ready to kill someone.

"Ashi, the pups are fine…" Haiiro tried in vain to calm her, pressing into her hip to avoid her taking another step.

"Shut up," she reprimands him, not interested in his attempts at telling her that she was the crazy one for reacting this way. "What the fuck happened, Yamata?! Tell me or I will get it out of you."

He regarded her almost as if she wasn't there, which made her hands twist into fists. That soulless bastard—

"I was teaching them a lesson," Tsunade turns sharply to her teammate, telling him to stop or he would make it worse. "We were ambushed."

Ashi takes a deep breath to steel herself. She was a kunoichi, she knew that missions could turn bad in an instant. She didn't like his tone though, detached, as if it wasn't entirely his fault that her children had to fight for their lives that very day. "What kinda lesson?"

She wanted to know exactly what happened, and why the fuck were they ambushed. Those kinds of attacks were unheard of in times of peace, only nearing the borders which were more lax with authority. But they had gone on a simple mission, right?

"How to kill."

Ashi moved before anyone could react, punching Orochimaru so hard that he was thrown out of the bench before Haiiro took hold of her jacket and pulled her away. "You bastard! They are children! Children! How could you take them to an assassination mission! Are you insane?!"

She was going to kill him. She had endured enough of seeing them with too many bruises to ignore, and now with all those missions— Assassination, how could he? How could he teach them how to kill so early? To break them? To give them unnecessary trauma? To make them just like him?

Seeing red, Ashi is moments away from taking out a kunai and killing the fucking asshole who did that to them. She hadn't taken them under her wing just so they would be killed not even a year after they graduated from the Academy. Just because their sensei was a heartless demon who didn't care about them at all. They were hers, and he dared to lay a hand on them—

"Ashi-sama." Another voice intervenes, older and far calmer than he had any right to be. "We can discuss this in my office."

"Hokage-sama," she greets through bared teeth, the sight of her leader not enough to dispel any of her anger. "You approved of this."

He doesn't say anything, but now even Haiiro was pissed off, his fur standing on end and licking his fangs. "Be reasonable, Ashi-sama."

"Reasonable?! They almost died!" she howls, uncaring of how many heard them. "He took them on an assassination mission, and you let him! No genin is allowed near an A-rank mission, much less one that involves killing."

"Orochimaru didn't have any intention of harming your wards, Ashi-sama. The life of a ninja is perilous, and unfortunately, they were caught in—"

"Don't give me that bullshit. This is not the first time," she reminds them all. "Everyone knows what happened to the late Senju boy—"

Tsunade's temper flares up, matching Ashi's killing intent. "That is uncalled for."

Ashi meets her straight up, she was going to tear her to pieces if she didn't step down, princess or not. She was an alpha, Haiiro dropping his head in a very threatening pose. "My children are in the hospital because of him. Anko nearly died, and Kasui and Sachi weren't too far away, all because he decided that literal children were fit to tag along in an execution."

"They are ninja."

"But they are young." Ashi sends a blistering glare at Orochimaru, still on the ground. "You failed to see this, and because of it they nearly died. What can you say for yourself?"

Orochimaru doesn't utter a word, Ashi scoffing at him. "I see how it is." Turning to the Hokage, she adds "We need to talk."

The Hokage acknowledges this with a nod of his hat, and Ashi reluctantly leaves with Haiiro at her heels; not before cursing them all.

Tsunade lets out a sigh, heavy as the air around them. "Get up."

Orochimaru does, however not without a struggle and he touches his eye gingerly. "She is angry."

"Of course she is!" she yells, not helping herself. "Orochimaru, for fuck's sake, what were you thinking?"

His silence irks her too, but she's too tired to argue. She hated when he was like this, so… cold, far away from her. The mention of her brother had left her powerless, because Ashi had been right. Orochimaru had come to deliver the news that her little baby brother was gone, and that he failed to protect him.

Now, the story repeats itself. One is a coincidence, but two is a pattern, and Tsunade is too hurt to even manage to unpack all of the implications. Orochimaru himself only stared at her, hollow as if he were a puppet, and Tsunade didn't know if she was dealing with a human or just a cheap imitation.

"They needed to understand what it means to be a ninja," he says.

"And showing them how to kill was the best way to do it?" she pleads, searching for warmth in his eyes. There is none to be found. "Orochimaru…"

"Are they dead?"

"They are alive," she sighs again. "All of them. Orochimaru, this… this was bad."

He nods. "I know. This wasn't supposed to happen."

"If this was your way to make sensei understand that you don't want a genin team—"

"I failed to protect them," he says, and only then Tsunade realizes that Orochimaru is hurt too, so much that he hadn't even bothered to heal himself. "Again."

"Oh, you moron," she complains, grabbing one of his arms and making him sit down painfully. "Sit still. You're pathetic like this."

"You're tired—"

"Shut up," she warns, starting to close his wounds. The idiot had rushed to the village so fast that he didn't even consider his own injuries, which were plenty more than his students put together. "Don't even begin with Nawaki, okay? He's dead, it wasn't your fault. That's it."

It had been a frequent argument between them after the funeral. Orochimaru isolated himself out of blame when she needed him by her side the most; he never was a touchy-feely person, and even in grief he dealt with it alone. It hurt her, she would openly admit, but she cared for her teammate enough to know that he hadn't had any fault in her brother's passing.

That was just how life was. Nawaki, as well as his teammates, were three out of many premature deaths that war brought upon them. Orochimaru had mourned them, in his own logical and rational way, but the memory of him having to bring their bodies to their camp haunted him still. She had seen the look of despair in his eyes, so alien and yet not the first time it gazed at them, which made her more mad about the whole ordeal.

Such rotten luck. She was beginning to think they were cursed.

"There," she says, making sure she hadn't missed any other stab wound. "Go and see them. It will do you good."

He shakes his head, worn out. Knowing him he would crawl into his lab and never resurface again, believing himself unfit for being near other people in case a tragedy broke out again. She knew it was ridiculous, but Orochimaru's mind gathered facts, which this time weren't in his favour.

Tsunade couldn't look at him anymore. "Go."

.

Hiruzen exited his office, a splitting headache throbbing around his entire skull; all because of his discussion with Ashi. He respected that woman, he truly did. Especially since she had helped him more than she would ever know by bringing not only Sachi, but also Anko and Kasui under her protection. She still delivered reports from time to time, which, though redundant by that point, showed that she still honored the role she played in the Kanbayashi affair.

Yet Hiruzen had underestimated just how much Ashi loved her wards. He had gotten a glimpse during the Uchiha incident, and how he had to make a deal with Sachi because Ashi was set on punishing those that had wronged one of her own. A truly commendable Clan Head.

And yet, she had chewed him up by telling him, in very colorful words no less, how disappointed she was in him as a person for even considering letting Team Two go out in the field on an assassination mission.

"You will be paying for their hospitalization fees, as well as the best Yamanaka shrink this village has to offer!" she had demanded, Hiruzen nodding along to appease her.

He was lucky he was the Hokage, but Ashi hadn't held back on delivering very painful verbal jabs. Hiruzen was willing to admit that perhaps letting Orochimaru take his team on a mission of this caliber hadn't been the best decision. At least not that early, but he had understood his student's reasoning behind it.

"I cannot teach them teamwork," Orochimaru had told him, after having surprised Hiruzen late at his own home. "They will not grow if they are not humbled."

Hiruzen had been moved by Orochimaru reaching out to him again, so much that it may have clouded his judgement. Team Two was helping his troubled student, of that Hiruzen was certain, and he had allowed Orochimaru to take the mission because he trusted him to protect them.

Ashi's rage was justified, there was no doubt, and Hiruzen couldn't help but wonder if he was too indulgent towards his student. He understood why Orochimaru made that decision, Team Two still walking a very fine line regarding insubordination, but Hiruzen knew he wouldn't have given anyone else the chance to do what Orochimaru attempted, and subsequently failed at.

Which troubled him. Hiruzen had no particular fondness for Team Two, Sachi proving to be a problem more often than not, but he was lenient with Orochimaru. Hiruzen didn't want to play favourites, but Orochimaru had always been the one that shined the brightest from his team. He had no right to feel like this, but Orochimaru was like a son to him. To finally see him come out from his solitude hadn't been what Team Two needed. Three young children nearly died because of Hiruzen's tolerant attitude towards his student's rather unorthodox methods. They were ninja, yes, but they were still young. Just like Ashi had continued to yell at him for half of the last hour.

He was the Hokage, supposedly objective, but his own bias had hurt three of his subordinates. Was it fair? Was it just? He had allowed it, he had a hand in it.

Thus the headache.

"When you said you had something planned for them, I hadn't considered premature death." Hiruzen stops in his tracks, a familiar face stepping out from the shadows nearing the staircase towards the basement. "Hokage-sama."

"Danzō," he says, careful to keep his exasperation at bay. "Do you have something you wanted to address?"

"I would have done so if I desired it," Danzō says, expressionless as ever. "We have just crossed paths, and I thought I could use this opportunity to offer my thoughts on the newest matter at hand, nothing more."

Hiruzen is not in the mood to deal with him. "Gossip, Danzō? Since when?"

The other man lets out a huff, leaning on his cane. "You have made a mistake, Hokage-sama."

"Is that so?" he counters, mild. "I am now responsible for unexpected attacks from our enemies?"

"Not ours, no, but rather the individual that is held accountable," Danzō strikes back, just as toneless. "The Yamata boy is a poor choice for being their jōnin sensei."

Danzō had fallen quiet back when the teams had been announced, which made Hiruzen believe the topic had been put to rest since then. It struck him as strange for Danzō to be so insistent, making Hiruzen suspicious by default.

"Orochimaru is a pillar of this village, both in research and shinobi work. He has many skills to pass down to the next generation."

"Assassination being one of them, yes," Danzō says, not missing a beat. "But those soldiers are still driven by emotion. You are aware of my opinion on sentimentality, and you cannot disagree after seeing the outcome."

Ruthless as ever, age had only sharpened Danzō's tongue.

"You speak as if you had a better alternative."

Danzō doesn't react, but his scowl deepens. "Those soldiers have potential, but they will not reach it as long as they are tutored by an inadequate superior. You hold your students in high esteem. But humoring them at the cost of prospective future assets will cause this village to crumble. Surely you understand."

He did, but it was Danzō who did not. "I will not speak of this matter any further. Team Two remains under Orochimaru's tutelage."

"Orochimaru is not suitable. He won't be able to raise the next generation of Sannin."

That puts fire through Hiruzen's pathways, not amused at being taunted. "I have decided he will."

"He has far too many enemies."

"Ah, so you believe Orochimaru's alleged enemies are at fault?" Hiruzen prods, not budging an inch. Danzō was growing too rebellious; a mad dog ready to bite the hand that fed it. "Curious, as we have not yet finished the investigation about the attack."

Danzō backtracks. "Orochimaru has been taking a great number of missions, which in turn has only increased the number of his enemies, not counting those he had well before the Second War started. After all, they are the reason the Senju heir perished."

Senju heir. Danzō had clear views on who was to inherit the Senju's role. There had been a reason why Tobirama had listened to Hiruzen's advice and chose Orochimaru to take care of Nawaki.

(History repeated itself.)

The death of Nawaki had only raised some mild annoyance in Danzō, instead of the deep mourning the whole village went through. Tsunade and Nawaki were the last from the very soul of this village. The same clan that decided to let its people merge with the other founding clans to help it grow from within. The Senju had not disappeared, but rather fused with all the roots that the other clans represented. Tsunade and Nawaki were the last to carry the Senju surname, and everyone had had their eyes on the young boy.

Tsunade, who was already a kunoichi by then, had been seen as too brash and temperamental to lead. She had refused to surround herself with politics. And ever since she'd had a voice of her own, Tsunade had stated that she was not to be used as breeding cattle; further reinstating her decision by rendering herself infertile.

That… had caused an uproar. So much that the Council had been ready to disown her from her own clan. Tobirama however had quickly shut them off, finding the notion ridiculous in and of itself. Yet the dispute had merely shifted the pressure of the expectations of the Senju clan towards her little brother.

Nawaki was still young, so very young. He wouldn't have had an easy life, seen as heir and pushed around by everyone around him. Only Tsunade, and by proxy Jiraiya and Orochimaru, would have been a good fit for guiding him without grooming him for any sort of nefarious schemes.

His death hadn't been kind on Orochimaru, a flawed individual that was already ostracized and then blamed for letting the Senju heir die. Some said it was done on purpose.

(It was.)

Hiruzen could only guess what the village was whispering about his student, the circumstances of this hapless situation only feeding the rumours because of its similarity with Nawaki's end.

"Enemies come to those that are known. Speculating about who is at fault here is injudicious. Especially when we do not have all of the facts, or the actual motive."

Orochimaru did have a lot of enemies, present in every Bingo Book ever conceived during his lifetime, but so did Hiruzen and Danzō. They couldn't have predicted such an attack, and although eerily similar, it was a happenstance. Or so Hiruzen wanted to believe.

"You might not agree, but Orochimaru has taken to them. He has taught them how to defend themselves, ridden with emotion or not," he says, making sure to let his chakra rise just enough to make Danzō take a step back.

"Death or disgrace, it seems those are the only viable options for them."

Hiruzen didn't need to hear names to know who he was referring to.

"Are you implying that there is going to be a next time?"

Danzō bows his head. "I'm sure there will be."

Hiruzen does not like the sense of foreboding that comes with his words.

.

Kasui is the first to wake up.

He sits up quickly, breathing heavily as he looks around without actually seeing anything. His glasses. He was missing his glasses. His heart hammers inside his ribcage, tender and bruised as it is, and Kasui feels his world spin.

He could still hear the screams in his head. And how it had felt to—

"Stop."

He freezes, the command hard as stone. He squints his eyes to his side. He is in a bed, and besides him there is a shadow that sends his mind into another panic. Was he going to die? Was he going to kill someone else? Was he going to be tortured for what little information he had?

"Breathe."

He does, and after a while of doing just that, his mind clears enough for him to ask. "Sensei?" he squints, making out a blur of what he supposed was black hair and pale skin. "Is that you?"

"Yes."

He lets out a breath of relief. "Thank fuck."

If sensei was with him, he was safe. He falls into the bed, which is plush enough to make him realize just how bad he was feeling. Tired was an understatement, and even thinking was coming to him slowly, as if he was threading through thick mud. Nevertheless, his sensei's presence took the edge of anxiety, allowing him to breathe.

He was safe. He was safe. He was safe.

"Do you know where you are?"

"Hospital," he guessed from the scent of the room. It was bright, but not too much, probably close to afternoon. He could distinguish how high the windows were, close to the ceiling, which meant they were in intensive care or in the flight risk wing. Fitting, because Kasui wanted to crawl out of his skin and run until his legs gave out. "Leaf," he decides. Sensei wouldn't be so at ease if they weren't.

"Good," he praises, sounding empty to him, forced.

"Sachi? Anko—?" he asks in a rush, remembering that they had been so close to dying.

If his teammates were dead he wouldn't be able to live with himself. He couldn't lose them; not now, not ever. He had healed Anko badly and he couldn't do the same for Sachi because he had run out of chakra. What if he hadn't been enough? What if they died because he was weak, and stupid and slow—?

"Alive," comes the even answer, breaking his rushing thoughts. "They are by your side, both of them."

Kasui turns, seeing the silhouette of other beds but he couldn't make out if there was anyone on them. He leaned over, so much that the hand he was leaning on gave out and made him fall. He didn't, feeling the cold hands of his sensei on him.

That surprised him. Orochimaru didn't touch them unless necessary, and even then it was mostly to beat them up. "S-sensei?"

"You're still weak," he says, sounding soft which made Kasui nervous. Orochimaru wasn't kind, he wasn't gentle, he wasn't lenient. He should be punishing him for failing his teammates, not helping him back into bed. "Rest."

"My teammates. Are they okay? Is it bad?"

The pause makes him choke on bile. "No. Tsunade healed them both, you too. Sachi is resting in the bed closest to you; Anko in the other."

Kasui can't keep still, his body complaining when he moves and leaves the bed. He stumbles immediately, undermining the state of his body. He pushes on, however, and with sensei's hand on his back he shuffles awkwardly the few steps around Sachi's bed.

He knows it's her because of her warmth. He pats the mattress until he touches her hand. She's slightly damp to the touch, and when he taps her body he finds ice on her armpits and neck. Only a heat seizure. That eases his worry a little, her pulse steady where he checks it, and her breathing even and deep.

Anko was worse. She was hooked to different machines that Kasui had to be careful not to get tangled in. She's alive however, and even though he feels many bandages, her skin is hot and she's breathing on her own. "Thank the Sage…" Kasui murmurs, laying a hand on her belly to feel it rise and fall. "You're alive…"

"She is."

That breaks him. Kasui heaving for breath as a bout of nausea hits him. He doesn't puke, although he wants to, and the bitterness at the back of his tongue is a reminder of what he went through, what they all went through. They nearly died, oh gods, they nearly died.

Orochimaru's hand on his shoulder is reassuring, oddly so, but he can't feel any comfort from it. "Are… a-re they dead?"

"Yes."

"Good," he bits out, the fear becoming anger. "They fucking deserve it, all of them. Look at what they did—"

"Kasui," he warns.

"I killed someone," he confesses quietly. "Stuck an explosive tag on them, put as much chakra as I could to blow 'em to teeny, tiny bits."

Wet and mushy, that was what a soup made of humans felt like. Warm and disgusting, smelling of a steak too overdone and sharp, where the bones cracked and imploded. Kasui liked knowing that the bastard who tried to murder Anko in front of him died in such a way. They deserved worse, much worse, and he wishes there had been time for him to do the things he wanted to do to him.

"They are dead," Orochimaru repeats, the hand on his shoulder gripping it tightly. It hurts. "They won't rise again."

He snaps his head to where his sensei stood, not seeing anything that would help him understand what face he was making. Was he proud? Was he disappointed? Mad, disgusted, happy—? "I would do it again," he says, dark whispers at the back of his head. He would kill anyone that dared to touch his team, make their deaths as painful as possible. Because no one, no one would ever touch his sisters like that again—

"... edgy."

Kasui lets out a croak when he hears her voice. "You!" he shrieks, his voice but a ragged whisper because of how hoarse it was. He bears the pain and the dizziness that comes with moving so quickly, but then he is at Sachi's side again, and she is awake. "How dare you—!"

"My head," she whines, Kasui's anger dying down instantly. "You seem well."

"S-shut up," he chokes out, holding her hand tighter. "We… Do you remember what happened?"

"Yep," she says, rubbing her thumb over his. "Not pretty, but we are alive. 's okay."

"Okay? Sachi, I let you die…!"

"Uhm, no. You saved us," she says, Kasui almost hearing the smile in her voice. "Anko wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."

"But…"

"It was good enough," she decides, and that is final. "C'ere, you look like shit."

Kasui wants to argue, but he is tired. He climbs into bed with her, pressing against her side as she wraps one arm around him. Her scent is the same, fresh, if not a little strong because of the sweat. "You're clammy…"

"That's because of the ice," she explains, Kasui envying her at how fast she recovered when he was still a mess. "Sensei, thank you."

"Sachi," he acknowledges. "What for?"

"You didn't let us die," she simply says. "We're alive thanks to you too, which, y'know, I'm thanking you for."

"I'm your sensei."

"That you are. You don't look too good," she comments.

"Yeah? What happened to him?" Kasui asks, having noticed nothing.

"A black eye the size of an orange, and assorted bruises," she provides, which Kasui can feel how it annoyed their sensei. "How did you get those? Were those bastards that good to get you too?"

The silence that follows stretches impossibly long, so much that Kasui almost falls asleep before he answers. "Your… guardian disagreed with my teaching methods."

"No way… Did Ashi sucker punch you?" Sachi asks, full of awe. "I wish I had been there to see it."

"You're recovering fast," he comments dryly. "Do you believe it was appropriate?"

Kasui lifts his head to peer at him. "Since when do you ask our opinion, sensei? Did Ashi-san hit you that hard?"

Sachi snickers, a crackle of chakra promising him a world of hurt when he gets out of the hospital. "Sensei, no offense, but that was a stupid question. It's not like it was our fault that we got attacked. You… you made us go on that mission to learn how to kill, and defend ourselves. We lived, so in my humble opinion, it was fine."

Kasui couldn't say he agreed with Sachi, but he was too tired to say anything else on the matter. "I… see."

Sachi combs Kasui's hair, lulling him to sleep. "I killed someone too."

"Yeah?"

"Gutted them in the forest," she says, rather ruefully. "Wasn't a clean kill."

"You're still young. All three of you."

"The difference between monsters and murderers is the pain of the kill, right?" she says, hitting a nerve inside of Kasui. "I'm already a murderer, but I don't wanna be a monster."

Kasui holds Sachi tighter, focusing on her warm body and how she was alive, alive, alive. He was ready to kill anyone that would hurt her, but he didn't want to become a monster either. The sensation of adrenaline rushing through him when he realized that his enemy was dead had been… exhilarating. So much that he was terrified of ever experiencing it again. But he knew, deep down, that he didn't regret it at all. He wanted to live, he wanted his team to live, and if that killing is what it took…

Sachi plants a kiss on his forehead. "Go to sleep. You're fine now."

Kasui falls asleep instantly, feeling safe and loved, but still afraid.

.