Chapter 162

I Can't

Cameron spent some quality time with John after spending most of the night out with the girls. The main focus of that was to get Gail and Jesse 'together'. That seemed to work out just fine. She'd passed by Jesse's room a few times before she ended up with John. It sound like things were pretty wild in there. It seemed Jesse could not get enough.

There was a big problem that would need to be dealt with soon. The issue that would develop with Vanna and Allison was yet to happen. That was sure to come back to her at some point. The question for her was if she was going to lie about what really happened or not. If she lied she could manipulate Allison into being with John. That was not what happened with Duplicate Allison.

John was asleep now. She carefully got out of bed. She was naked as was John. She pulled the sheet up on him and put her clothes on. She considered a shower to clean herself off but did not do it. She was afraid it would disturb John. Sometimes she would walk naked to another room and do it there. It did not bother her if anyone saw her naked. She always liked when everyone would look a second time at her.

There were several times when she was 'distracted' that she ended up in Savannah's room somehow. She was not sure how that happened. She did not do it consciously but still ended up there. Savannah would come to the edge of the door to her bathroom and watch her in the shower. Savannah always loved her as a 'person' and it seemed seeing her naked caused Savannah to love her in other ways too. She would only be aware she'd been in Savannah's room after she left. She was sure there was 'something' in her programming that was responsible for that behavior. She could not find what it was. Savannah never once mentioned it to her or anyone. It was all very strange and in-explainable. She was sure there were other actions she did at times that she was 'unaware' of. It always made her wonder what they were.

She considered going out to hunt down potential Grays or Scavengers to pass the time. She went to the lab instead and worked in there for a few hours. She decided to go back and see John again. She felt more of an 'urge' to be with him since her return from her 'day trip'. She was not sure why. John was always more than willing to accommodate her. She allowed him to do everything he wanted. That include areas were there were no 'pleasure' receptors for her. She was pleased to try new things because John liked to go 'around the world'.

She carefully got up and covered him with the sheet again once he fell asleep. She wanted to spend the night with him but she refused to go into standby again. Those nightmares still haunted her. She grew bored at staring at the ceiling in the darkness.

She considered going out to hunt down potential Grays or Scavengers to pass the time. She went to the lab instead and worked in there for a few hours. She did not realize this was repetitive behavior. There did not seem to be a whole lot of choices.

Vanna and Allison spent a nice evening together and shared with each other in the night. Allison wanted to give Vanna some comfort for whatever it was that ailed her.

It was morning and the girls were up.

Vanna finally got up the courage to talk to Allison about what Savannah asked her. She sat across from Allison. She took her hand and looked her in the eyes.

This made Allison extremely nervous that there was this level of 'seriousness'. This was going to be something big. Maybe it would be mind blowing.

Allison knew Vanna loved her and cared for her as she did Vanna. For Vanna to act like this, it seemed that something very serious happened.

Vanna looked at Allison. She knew what she needed to say.

"Allison, Savannah asked me when you were going to have your 'baby'." Vanna said.

Allison was not sure if this was a joke or not. It was very confusing.

"What?" Allison asked. "What baby?"

Allison's other hand moved and rested across her lower mid section.

"That would be John's baby with you." Vanna replied.

Allison looked at Vanna in silence and then her mouth dropped slightly open. She looked as if she had been slapped hard. The reality of the situation sunk in.

"Are you saying the Duplicate version of me was 'pregnant'?" Allison asked somewhat shocked. "Duplicate Allison was knocked up?"

"Apparently." Vanna said.

Allison wanted to get the facts straight.

"It was with John? It's John's baby?" Allison asked.

Vanna let out a sigh.

"That is what Savannah asked me." Vanna said. "Told me…."

It sounded like an honest question from Savannah.

"I don't think Savannah would joke about that." Allison said. "You wouldn't lie to 'yourself' would you?"

Time for the people at the base was longer for everyone than it was for them. They'd skipped fifteen months.

"No, but it appears we don't know everything that happened around here during our 'day trip'." Vanna said. "I guess a lot can happen in fifteen months…."

Allison felt 'dirty' and uncomfortable. Soon tears and anger raged within her. She felt guilty now.

"I can't believe I made love to John with Cameron 'alive'. I can't believe I did that and I - my Duplicate self was still alive." Allison said. "I think that Cameron would terminate me."

Allison felt ashamed of 'herself', even if it was not 'her' that was guilty.

Vanna could see Allison's discomfort and wanted to reassure and remind her of one important fact.

"It wasn't actually 'you'." Vanna said.

It did not seem to make Allison feel any better.

"It was a version of me. It could have been me. It was a Duplicate version of me in every way." Allison said. "We all started from the same Allison. It was not an alternate but a Duplicate of 'me'. That means we were 'identical' and that is even worse than an alternate."

Vanna was glad it was not her Duplicate that was the one that was pregnant. This all sounded like it was going to be a problem.

"Since no one is talking about THIS, do you think we should 'ask' anyone or just drop it? It would seem there is a lot of tension over it since no one said anything to us about it." Vanna said with concern.

There was a deeper concern that Allison felt.

"I don't know. Cameron has all her files during that time period now. It worries me that she never said anything." Allison said.

Allison briefly wondered if Cameron was going to terminate her. She then decided if Cameron was going to do that, she already would have. They would not be out spending quality time together.

Vanna wondered about how it was done.

"Do you think you may have 'done it' secretly?" Vanna asked.

That gave Allison a 'sick' feeling inside.

"I can't believe I would do that. I would never do that to Cameron. I love her, Vanna. I LOVE her." Allison pleaded.

Vanna did know Allison loved Cameron. If Vanna did not love Cameron herself it would have actually bothered her more. Vanna KNEW how Allison felt. No one could be around Cameron and NOT love her.

Vanna tried to deflect her feelings.

"Maybe you three were 'together'." Vanna said.

Stab.

Allison did not like the implication.

"Or maybe it was ALL four of US." Allison responded.

Stab back.

The two girls eyed each other. They both knew that they loved Cameron as much as each other.

"I don't think we should ask anyone." Vanna said.

The two girls sat in glum silence.

Allison felt terrible.

"I'm going to apologize to Cameron." Allison finally said.

That seemed like a bad idea to Vanna.

"Do you think that is wise?" Vanna asked.

"Cameron knows I was with her. It was not 'me'." Allison said with tears in her eyes.

Allison hated herself for such betrayal. She tried to tell herself it was not actually HER. It did not do much to comfort her. A version of her was a 'Bitch Whore'. It was plain and simple.

Vanna tried to soothe her.

"Maybe that is why this has not come up and no one talks about it. I think we should drop it unless John or Cameron brings it up." Vanna said.

Allison was very angry now. She was angry at herself and she was angry at John.

"Maybe…. No, I am going to ask John how the 'real thing' compared to synthetic. He must have wanted to find out." Allison said. "It took TWO of us to do it."

Allison got up. She was ready to storm out of the room. Fire burnt in her eyes as anger flared in her heart.

Vanna held on to her.

"No, Allison. Please don't, please." Vanna said.

Vanna clung to her with pleading eyes and did not let go of her. Their love was still strong, even if 'fractured'.

Allison sat back down.

"I'm sorry." Allison said. "I am sorry, Vanna. Please hold me. I love you."

Allison was lost deep in thought. The same thing echoed through her mind over and over.

'A baby, A BABY…. What have I done? I am so sorry, Cameron….' Allison pondered.

Cameron was back from her 'mission'. Savannah seemed to be waiting for her. She quickly replayed what happened last night. She hadn't used Savannah's shower.

"Cameron, where did you go? Did you go to look for my mother when you were away?" Savannah asked.

"That was part of the plan. It looks like three different things happened. I know of two of them. The third thing and about your mother remain unknown." Cameron said.

Savannah wanted to know more about Allison's baby.

"When is Allison going to have her baby? Is that why she was gone? Did she have it already?" Savannah asked. "Where is it? Was it a boy or a girl?"

Cameron's hand glitched, it was an involuntary reaction. It was a girl…. Duplicate Cameron picked several names for her, such as - April, Clover, Scarlet, Autumn or Summer….

Savannah noticed Cameron's hand and took it in her own. The glitch immediately stopped.

There was a warm feeling that passed through Cameron. She always felt something 'special' around Savannah. It was love so intense and pure. It was not clouded or driven by anything physical or physical actions.

Cameron wanted to keep this as simple as possible.

"Allison is not going to have a baby anymore, at least for now. I think it best if we don't talk about it." Cameron said. "It can cause people to feel bad inside."

"Why?" Savannah asked.

That was an honest question so Cameron gave an honest answer.

"Death is painful to humans and machines who love them." Cameron explained.

Savannah remembered what Gail experienced.

"Is that why Gail was 'broken' for so long when Jesse 'went away'?" Savannah asked.

"Yes." Cameron answered.

"Gail is better now. I want her and Jesse to study or play with me." Savannah said.

Cameron knew everyone like to spend time with Savannah. She was the only one at the base without a glum attitude about life.

"They will, honey." Cameron said.

That left another question about Cameron.

"When are you going to have a baby, Cameron?" Savannah asked.

Savannah felt Cameron tense up.

Cameron felt the words stab her heart and mind. They were innocent words but there was agony associated with them. She started to cry.

"I can't. I'm a machine. I'm - worthless…." Cameron said.

Savannah knew her words did this to Cameron.

"Cameron, I'm sorry." Savannah said.

Cameron looked at Savannah.

Savannah hugged Cameron with all her might. She tried to comfort her. She was aware she'd hurt Cameron deeply, even if it was accidentally.

Savannah was very aware what the future would yield.

"When I grow up, I will be able to have babies, Cameron." Savannah said.

Savannah looked at Cameron and with pure sincerity and spoke her heart.

"I can have them for YOU when I get a little older." Savannah said. "I can do that for both of us."

Cameron knew the burden she laid on Savannah about wearing her wedding dress for John one day. This was really the only next logical step. It was something that she wanted.

"You would do that for me?" Cameron asked.

Savannah smiled at Cameron.

"I will. I promise, Cammy." Savannah said.

"Thank you." Cameron said as she hugged Savannah.

"I promise, Cammy." Savannah said.

There was nothing Savannah would not do for Cameron - NOTHING. Savannah knew it was not that far away before her body would 'tell' her it was time to act. She planned to do that as soon as she was able to. It happened all the time in the third world and its local extension, the inner city. She watched the news. She was educated. She knew her 'duty'.

Cameron cried, then cried some more. Savannah tried to comfort her and share her pain. She felt darkness 'come' for her.

Savannah kept the darkness from 'taking' Cameron. There was a deep unspoken bond between them. Savannah always kept the darkness from taking Cameron….

'House Of The Rising Sun' by 'The Animals', played in Cameron's mind.

Darkness

Darkness, empty, cold, hopeless
Creep into one's tender soul
Things that now seem a mountain
Were once only a small knoll

On the ragged journey through life
Before one is the intersection
Of Nowhere, Dead End and No Outlet
Depriving one of affection and protection

Out of the cold fog and blinding darkness
There is a gentle guiding helping hand
To softly wipe away the tears of life
Without command, remand or demand

Everyone tries to make their own path
Wanting but trying not to remember
A blazing inferno can erupt
From a single smoldering ember

Everyone still has life and beauty
Raging fires can grow cold
Each day is soon gone forever
Live and share before everyone grows old

Nobody