A/N: sorry about Nick.. I hate myself, but it had to be done.
………
it's just the car that we ride in
a home we reside in
the face that we hide in
the way we are tied in
and life carries on and on and on and on
life carries on and on and on
-Peter Gabriel
………
Sara made her way down the hallway, pushing through the heavy swinging door of the OR corridor, falling behind in pace with the nurse who had come to retrieve her. The portly woman entered the OR, only to pull the door shut, sealing its contents from the distraught woman making her way down the hallway. She watched Sara closely, her heart breaking as the younger woman steeled herself, drifting away from the wall she had been halfway leaning on for support.
"They've put him in here, until someone from downstairs can get him." Sara nodded quietly, wrapping an arm around her stomach, sifting fingers through her wild curls. Sara stopped a few feet short of the door, ignoring the concerned looks from the nurse. She closed her eyes, collecting herself before inhaling and exhaling deeply.
"There'll be tubes and-"
"I know." Sara lowered her gaze to the sterile white floor, unable to look at the older nurse, who was holding the door to a small room off the side of the recovery room open. "Did he." She couldn't bring herself to finish.
"Not greatly. They started an IV in the ambulance, he was coherent until he crashed in the ER. Was comforting your daughter, is what the EMTs said." The older woman placed a hand on Sara's shoulder to steady her. "Maybe this isn't a good idea."
"No. I. I want to see him." The nurse nodded, and silently stepped back, allowing Sara passage into the side room. Fresh tears welled in her eyes at the sight before her, blurring her vision, but not enough to alter the reality. She heard the soft click of the door shutting behind her, and suddenly she was alone. "Oh, Nicky." Not an hour and a half ago had she pushed him out of the layout room, so she could get work done.
She slowly made her way to the gurney, stopping when she was inches from its crisp white sheets, dotted with a cryptic message of Morse code spattered in his blood. She tentatively reached out, running a finger along the muscles in his forearm, now still. She dropped her fingers to his hand, taking it gently in both of hers, preserving the precious body heat that was leaving his body almost as fast as his soul. Body heat she would never feel beside her in the middle of the night, muscles that would never flex in a desperate attempt to get away from her as she tickled him. Rigor mortis was far from setting in, she curled his fingers around her own, before reaching up and running a hand through his hair. She laid her palm softly against his cheek, tracing the laugh lines by his eyes ever so delicately with her finger.
"Nick." She squeezed his hand, finding only heavy weight instead of a squeeze back. "Nick, don't leave me." Her plea tumbled off her lip in a whisper, but it echoed off the walls in the side room. She didn't bother wiping the tears from her eyes, and they fell from her cheeks, littering his arm with droplets. "What do I tell Lauren?" She burst into sobs, holding firmly on to his fingers, already cooling to the touch, and pressed a teary kiss to the back of his hand. "Come back to me."
She sat on the stool by the gurney, folding her arms around his hand, and resting her head atop his arm, staring up at his face from his side. She had held this sort of vigil over her father's body, silently pleading him to come back, wishing for him to open his eyes. It was different now, Nick was a better man than her father had ever been, but she had had twenty years to dwell on his faults. Nick was the perfect father, the perfect would-be husband. He had been so happy about Lauren, even when Sara had spent days crying herself to sleep over the pregnancy.
"I have to talk to you."
"You can always talk to me."
"About the other night-"
"Oh. Yeah. Listen, I'm really sorry, I-"
"I'm pregnant."
"What?"
"We're, I'm. Pregnant. I'm pregnant."
"Sara-"
"I understand, if you don't- I mean, it was only a one-time thing."
"A baby, in here?" Nick's whole face lit up, his smile broadened, as he touched her for the first time since their debauchery with Jack Daniels. "Really?" His excitement made her smile, and he pulled her into a tight hug just as her tears began to fall.
She would never forget the feeling of his warm, calloused palm against her stomach, or how he had kissed her and told her it was going to be okay, held her tightly as she cried, smiled softly at her and had shown her how happy he really was. They never got around to getting married, although she figured his mother had something up her sleeve for their next trip to Dallas, which, incidentally, was only six weeks away. She shifted, pressing her lips against his wrist as she cast her gaze to the lower half of his body. He must have crashed suddenly, they hadn't even bothered cutting away his jeans, untying his shoes.
The coroner's assistant found her there, on assignment to retrieve Body Number 967, Nicholas Andrew Stokes. He didn't expect to find who he assumed was Mrs. Stokes crying softly into Mr. Stokes' side. Deciding not to intrude on her goodbyes, he made his way down the corridor, to the waiting room on the other side of the doors.
Greg held a now-sleeping Lauren Stokes in his arms, the child had sobbed herself exhausted, and had fallen asleep against his shoulder. He continued to rock her gently as he paced up and down the hallway. He turned at the noise of the heavy door swinging open, and felt a pang of disappointment that it was a hospital worker, and not Sara. She had been gone a good chunk of time, and he had begun to worry about her, alone beyond those doors.
"You with Nicholas Stokes?" The hospital worker had come closer, and Greg could see that he worked for the coroner, and had probably been sent to retrieve Nick's body from the OR.
"Yeah." Greg tightened his grip on Lauren, careful not to wake her from her restless sleep. "My, my friend Sara, she-"
"I need to- I don't want to disturb his wife. Can you help me?"
"Of course. Hold on. A second." Greg inhaled deeply, entering the waiting room and walking over to Warrick, whose head still hung in his hands, tears sliding silently down his cheeks in a leisurely procession. "Warrick." Greg waited for the older man to look up at him before he handed him the sleeping little girl. "I have to- Sara." Warrick nodded, cradling Lauren in his arms, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she snuggled into him. Greg left them there, and silently made his way to the hall.
"It's just this way." The coroner's assistant gestured for Greg to follow him, and Greg passed through the heavy doors on the man's heels. He led Greg a ways down the hall, stopping at a door leading to a small room. Greg pushed past the man, swinging open the door slowly. Sara sat crouched over Nick's side, her slender shoulders shaking gently with every silent tear. Greg blinked back his own tears, trying not to think of his friend and co-worker lying motionless on the gurney. He had to concentrate of Sara. Be strong for Sara. Worry about Sara. Grieving for Nick would come later. With that, he closed the distance between them, and gathered her slim frame into his arms, gently prying her from Nick.
Sara wasn't aware of whose hands were on her shoulders, and she let herself be pulled away from Nick's side, her fingers remaining tightly woven with Nick's.
"No." Sara's voice hitched in her throat, pleading softly, and Greg blinked away the tears that were blurring his vision. He leaned over, gently prying Nick's cooling fingers from Sara's grasp, and lay Nick's hand beside his hip on the crisp white linens.
"It's okay, Sara. I've got you." He whispered against her curls, but she fought against his arms, trying to pry herself from his grip.
"No, please, Nick. I can't leave him." Greg tightened his grip around her waist, and led her out of the room, leaving Nick's body in the care of the coroner's assistant. To the other man's credit, he waited until Greg had coaxed Sara to the other side of the heavy door to the other hallway before he rolled Nick out to the corridor and towards the elevator.
…………
Greg pulled into the driveway of Nick and Sara's house, turning the Denali off, and glancing a look at the woman beside him. Lauren, safely buckled in the backseat, was the first to speak, breaking Greg's train of thought.
"Uncle Greg, can you stay?" Greg turned his attention toward the backseat, meeting Lauren's tearstained gaze.
"Let's get Mumma into the house, okay, baby?" Lauren nodded, unbuckling herself and waiting for Greg to open her door before climbing out. Greg shut the backdoor of the Denali, and caught up to Lauren, who was waiting patiently for her mother to climb out of the front seat. Greg opened Sara's door wider, and held out a hand to his longtime friend. Sara had walled herself off from emotions, determined not to let her daughter see her a mess. Sara gripped Greg's arm for support, making her way up the walkway to the house that she had moved into almost six years ago, at Nick's nagging, after she had told him they were pregnant.
"Just move in."
"What?"
"Move in here with me."
"Nick, I-"
"I want to be a family, Sara, I want this baby, I want you in my life."
Sara shuddered at the memory, and fumbled with Greg's keys for the spare they had given him to their front door. They were alone now, her and Lauren, he had left them all alone, in this little house that seemed so empty, so sad. Lauren leaned on Greg, and he picked her up effortlessly, as Sara pushed the key in the lock, and turned the handle. The Nevada sun was setting in a menagerie of reds and purples behind them, the lamp in the window that Nick had set on a timer clicked on.
"You okay, Sara?" Greg's soft whisper was right at her ear, and she turned to him and gave him the faintest hint of a weary smile. No, She's not okay. Nick is lying in a morgue, Lauren is traumatized, the life that they so carefully constructed out of accident has crumbled in hours out of accident again.
"Lauren needs to change out of her ballet clothes." Sara tried to smile at her daughter, and failed miserably.
Greg knew walking into the house would only put Sara into near hysterics, the house had been Nick's before Lauren, he was everywhere still. Sara, even after nearly six years of living here, had not rid the house entirely of his bachelor things. What he was not expecting, was Nick's high school baseball sweatshirt to be thrown haphazardly over the back of the couch, or a half empty glass of iced tea on the kitchen counter, or a laundry list of things to do over their day off, written in Nick's lazy scrawl. He blinked back tears that had threatened to fall, and set Lauren down.
"Go change out of your leotard, baby." Lauren nodded, and made her way down the hall, running her little fingers along the wall in the hallway, disappearing around the corner. Greg watched her go, and turned to Sara, who was standing in the middle of the entranceway, hand over her mouth, trying to keep herself together.
"I'm sorry, I." Her voice hitched and she let her gaze land on Nick's running sneakers by the door. "I didn't think about all of this, all of him. Everywhere." She choked back a sob, and Greg gathered her in his arms, rocking her slowly as she tried not to cry into his shoulder. He stroked her curls ever so gently, rubbing a soothing hand along her back, whispering calming words of reassurance into the crook of her neck. He let her cry softly for a few minutes, desperately trying to hang on to his stoic composure, trying to be strong for her. She pulled back after a few minutes had passed, and wiped her eyes childishly. "I should call Nick's parents."
"Grissom called them, they're on their way." She nodded, breaking away from him fully, and reaching for Nick's sweatshirt on the couch. He didn't bother wiping away the drops that rolled down his features, as he watched her touch the worn and faded fabric of the sweatshirt, turning it over in her hands.
"I was so selfish, thinking this fairytale could have gone on."
"Sara-"
"No, I just," She sank into the couch, burying her tears in Nick's sweatshirt. "This is all so sudden." She hung her head in her hands, tears dripping to the carpet. Greg sat down beside her, pulling her sobbing body to his, holding her against him comfortingly. "I've never dealt well with his family, they're so big, there are so many of them. I-I never left Nick's side whenever we went down there. They're going to blame me. If I hadn't enrolled Lauren into ballet, Nick would have been processing that scene, not be a part of the evidence."
"No one blames you, it was an accident." Greg pressed a kiss to her hair, sighing away his own tears. "Accidents happen, Sara."
"Don't I know it."
"Mumma?" Sara climbed out of Greg's soothing hold to face her daughter, holding her hands out to the little girl. Lauren scrambled into Sara's lap, wearing one of Nick's tee shirts and a pair of shorts. Sara rocked her daughter, holding her tightly against her slight frame. "I want Daddy, Mumma."
Lauren's whispers broke Greg's heart, and he did nothing to stop the tears from streaming down his cheeks, holding Sara's hand when she reached out to him in grief.
………
A/N: I officially hate myself for killing my favorite character… more to come. Lots more, actually. Let me know what you think, I'm wading in uncharted waters, for me at least.