Chapter 180

Would You

Slowly the word spread around the base about Cameron's latest antics and what she'd already 'done' to herself.

"Did you hear what Cameron has done?" Vanna asked. "It is hard to believe or comprehend."

Allison understood the severity of it all. She'd been able to help Cameron restore her right breast with a new infusion of her DNA before. It did not look like that would help this time.

"Yes. She's attempting self termination again. Kyle told me she's altered her DNA and her body will no longer look like mine." Allison said. "She will not be able to use my DNA to restore herself."

The fact that Cameron wanted to alter her anatomy was a real head shaker to Vanna. She knew it was to 'force' Allison and her to act now. Once she understood the nature of the alteration she wished that was something she could have done growing up in the Wastelands. It probably wouldn't have matter much; they just would have flipped her over. They'd done that a lot anyway.

"I can't understand it. It appears she did that to alter her chassis 'function' as a female." Vanna said. "She is forcing John away from her by doing this. He will need to seek 'sexual comfort' elsewhere now."

Allison wanted to do something for Cameron. There must be some way to help her mentally. Maybe she was beyond reason at this point. The severity of her actions seemed to indicate that.

"How can we help her?" Allison asked. "Can we help her? I want to help her."

It really made her wonder about all the files future John erased from Cameron. Maybe there was more to that than erasing her sexual history if there was one. Maybe it was something like this. It sure seemed like there were some files that needed altering or erasing in Cameron right now.

"We can't. She's encrypted the files with the same unbreakable code as the TDE." Vanna said. "She needs to have files deleted and erased from her system. I don't know how else to help her stop these thoughts."

Allison thought that was extreme. It would alter the 'Cameron' that they knew. It wouldn't be the same 'Cameron' at that point.

"That would change who she is and who she's become. It would create a different 'Cameron'. Can't she see how this must be hurting John?" Allison asked. "It has to be killing him. It is hurting us as well, all of us."

Vanna knew how they blindly followed Cameron before when she tried extreme behavior. That led to a lot of things happening. Now they were too late. Cameron already started things into motion. It was the finality of it that bothered her.

"What's worse is that she wants to replace her chip with a standard one. She wants a new one without 'her' programming on it and to destroy her chip. It would terminate her as we know her, while changing the appearance and function of her body. Everything will be different. It will be the same chassis but with a different 'inside and outside'." Vanna said. "Cameron would be 'gone'. She needs help."

Vanna wanted to get a hold of Cameron's chip before she crushed it. She would go through her program and try and 'fix' her.

"Where does that leave John?" Allison asked.

They both knew the answer to that one.

"It leaves him right where Cameron wants him, with US." Vanna said.

Allison was willing to follow Cameron anywhere before. Maybe it was time to do what she wanted them to do. It went against what little moral fabric she had but if it would 'save' Cameron she would do it. She was ready to act even if Vanna wasn't.

"It's a total obsession with her." Allison said. "Vanna, maybe we need to do what she wants. Maybe we can bargain with her, tell her we will be with John in his bed and at his side if she promises not to terminate herself. I will do that in a heartbeat if we can prevent her from self terminating. I will do ANYTHING to save her."

Vanna understood that was one aspect. There were other factors that still needed to be addressed or erased.

"She can't get past Future John sending her away. She sees that as being thrown away like trash. She can't get past OUR John rejecting her and choosing Future Riley before. She sees that as being replaced again and being discarded like rubbish." Vanna said. "Those thoughts torment and haunt her. Everyone goes down the path she is on at some point. We are able to filter out what we need to, to go on and move ahead. She sees things 'differently'. Time can't dull her pain."

Vanna briefly thought of her past and what was done to her by so many. She thought of death to escape too. She was able to push those thoughts away most of the time now. Time gave her some distance. She really wondered what it would do to her if she could not and they were all in her mind like each one just happened. She would feel just like Cameron.

Allison wondered why some things didn't seem to matter that should.

"But she has John NOW." Allison said. "Why can't she accept that?"

Vanna knew it was because of her program.

"Because she can not forget the past and relives it like it just happened, over and over." Vanna said. "Every event is like it just happened, one after another."

Allison reflected on a lot of the 'bad' things that happened to her. She did not want to even go there again.

"I can't imagine that." Allison said. "I would go insane if that happened to me with every 'bad thing'."

It seemed to Vanna that to get the things you wanted weren't always good enough or led to additional issues.

"How does that saying go?" Vanna asked. "'Be careful what you wish for, you might get it'."

The word 'wish' triggered some new worries for Allison.

"It's her 'one wish' that bothers me." Allison said.

Vanna knew Cameron's first poem well.

"It's the wish to never have existed by not being born or built?" Vanna asked.

Allison remembered the extremes they went to before. What was the real final product of that?

"Yes, that's the one. We blindly followed her into the future to help her achieve that goal." Allison asked. "Are we in some different future or alternate timeline too?"

Vanna thought of this herself. She also contemplated some of the possibilities. Some of them were quit intriguing as well as appealing to her.

"It's possible." Vanna said. "If you came across your Duplicate or an alternate version of yourself – would you?"

The smile on Vanna's face gave away the true nature of her question.

Allison laughed. The question really was would she be with 'herself'?

"Maybe, if I wasn't a Total Bitch." Allison said. "Before Cameron clarified what happened with my dead Duplicate, I thought she was a Total Bitch. That thought made me feel like a Total Bitch."

Vanna was not sure she would have felt quite that bad but she would have felt bad.

"I would have felt about the same." Vanna said. "I asked Jesse about coming across her Duplicate self once."

Allison smiled again. She liked that one.

"I already know the answer." Allison said. "That would be HOT to watch."

Vanna thought of it as a little more. Maybe it was a little selfish.

"It would even hotter if there was one of her for each of us to be with." Vanna said.

Allison liked that idea but knew her Metal girlfriend could handle Jesse and Duplicate Jesse if there were two of her without a problem.

"One thing is for sure, two of Jesse would not even slow Gail down one bit." Allison said.

Both girls laughed. They needed something to get their minds off what Cameron was doing and apparently already had done. That pain would be back soon enough. Cameron did not understand how she afflicted all of them.

They knew Cameron did not understand they all felt her pain and everything she did to hurt herself, hurt them too.

When they ran out of things to distract them or joke about the pain and sadness for both of them quickly returned. It was very discouraging.

John wanted to take some action about the new threat. It was a challenge to them but it still needed to be dealt with. He assembled a small group to go over the planning.

"We need to go to Tehachapi. We need all our Terminators available. Can I count on EVERYONE here?" John asked.

The real meaning behind that was for Cameron not to tie up two Terminators to 'watch' her.

Cameron glared at John. She knew it did not matter at this point. What was done was done. She did not like the implication that she was a determent to the group on its latest planned action. She thought about doing it all herself. That would be another 'problem' for John if she did. She would work in the established framework.

"I will lead the recon." Cameron said. "Holly and Bob can accompany me."

John looked at Cameron for a few seconds and nodded.

"Good, Dan and Three can be with me." John said.

Bob wondered if a bigger force may be needed.

"What about the others?" Bob asked. "Do we need backup?"

John did not want to get ahead of themselves and commit too many resources. He looked over at Cameron and thought about the 'Day Of Loss'.

"This is a recon. We don't need them yet." John said. "John Henry will monitor our progress and if we need help they can be there within ninety minutes."

John Henry planned to have things ready to go.

"It can be quicker if I have the helicopter on standby." John Henry added.

John looked at Cameron again.

"That's even better." John said. "Make it happen."

Cameron did not like John to look at her like that before he made a decision. His decisions should not be based on her or her personal actions. She hoped to remove that 'problem' from his decision making soon. She would no longer be a distraction to him.

Word of the recon spread throughout the base. Jesse was a little miffed she was not part of the operation. In fact she'd been left out of a lot of operations lately. It did not matter how small they were.

"Gail, they are going on a mission again without us." Jesse said. "We should be going as well."

Gail did not like it but she wanted Jesse safe too.

"John is very protective of YOU as well as Allison and Vanna after the 'Day Of Loss'. You know that. He is also protective of me. He is afraid I will 'malfunction' again." Gail said a little distraught. "I will volunteer myself. I need you to stay to look after Jan and the others."

Gail did not feel she malfunctioned. It was a decision. She wanted to terminate over the loss of her beloved at that time. They deactivated her before she could self terminate. Then later on Cameron reappeared and 'fixed' everything.

Jesse wanted to look out for Gail too.

"If you go, I want to go, love." Jesse said. "We are a team."

Something gripped Gail inside. She did not know it but it was fear.

"I can't watch you 'die' again." Gail said. "I can not. I see it like it just happened whenever I think about it. I know why things torment Cameron so much. You can't imagine how it is. It would be as if all the terrible things that were done to you, happened one after another at the same intensity as when they first happened. You remember them but do not feel them at the same intensity as when they occurred. I do. Time dulls your pain and your mind only remembers the events. It does not force you to FEEL them over again. The pain for you is not the same."

Jesse knew a lot of terrible things happened to her, she also knew she did a lot of terrible things too. At this point in her life she thought those things bothered her more, the things she did to others. None of them needed to be done. They were done to be mean, cruel and hurtful. She destroyed peoples lives and on some of them their sexual future. She purposely took away the ability for them to function or took away the ability to experience pleasure. What kind of a monster had she become? The people here now all helped her find herself again.

Gail moved closer to Jesse and touched her face as she looked into her eyes.

Jesse always felt Gail's pain as Gail relived Duplicate Jesse being terminated. Like Cameron, the events played as if it had just happened, the pain was immense. Jesse knew what to do to help her.

Jesse touched her in return. Both of her hands were on Gail's face.

"I don't intend to die anytime soon, love." Jesse said.

'But one day I will.' Jesse thought.

Jesse knew everyone died at some point.

"Do you promise?" Gail asked.

Jesse's lips touched Gail's. In a second they were all over each other. Their clothes flew in all directions. There was an 'escape' for both of them from their pasts. Their escape was each other. When they shared there was no past. There was only now.

"YOU are mine forever." Gail said.

Jesse managed to hit play on a song she'd selected earlier specifically for Gail.

'Bang A Gong (Get It On)' by 'T Rex', reverberated around the room.

World Of Darkness

From the world of Darkness
I have tried to reach out
I don't want to scream
I don't want to shout

Our dreams should be encouraged
The seeds should be allowed to sprout
When one is needlessly challenged
They become plagued with doubt

One will wonder, what is the point
What is all this for or about
I wanted to do more
Than repeat or spout

Something from the heart
Should not be treated with flout
Must I wear a muzzle
Upon my vision's snout

I am unable to continue forward
In my mind you have created a drought
MY future is dead
I crawl away to pout

Nobody