Disclaimer: I do NOT own KH OR Harry Potter. Okay? Okay!
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"Okay, fools!" Demyx called. "How many of you actually managed to memorize your lines from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone to Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince?"
Only Zexion raised his hand, since Roxas was off barfing in one of Marluxia's flowerbeds. (He was reading book six, remember?)
"Zexy got it memorized!" Axel yelled, pointing at the Cloaked Schemer. Everyone ignored him.
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" Demyx asked calmly. Ahem.
"You told us to memorize the whole series!" Saïx complained.
"Well SCREW YOU!" Demyx said. He must be going insane. "Anyways, there's been a cast change, it appears Roxas isn't as gay as the fangirls think so rather than being Harry Potter and kissing Axel, he gave the role to Zexion and coughed in technicolor in Marluxia's flowers."
Marluxia screamed and ran from the room with his arms out in front of him and eyes wide.
Zexion, unfortunately for him, overlooked the fact that Harry kisses Ginny and promptly sat on the floor, sucked his thumb and rocked back and forth mumbling 'I'm straight, I'm straight, I'm straight." over and over.
"Okay, what do I have to work with here…" Thought Demyx, looking around. Axel was jumping up and down (too much sugar in his coffee), Lexaeus was attempting to eat his books (and succeeding) and Marluxia had returned with a mostly green Roxas.
"LOOKAME I'M SUPERMAN!" Xigbar screamed in a high pitched voice running around the room with a blanket tied around his neck.
"Xigbar, you're not superman! You're Ron! Men..." Larxene muttered. Xigbar looked at her like she was mad, and continued to run around the room screaming "RON'S SUPERMAN WOOHOO!"
Roxas muttered something incohert while Axel ran around the room. Lexaeus proceeded to eat his 3rd Harry Potter book.
"Okay…let's start out with the very first page of Harry Potter!" Demyx said. "Wait... we need a Vernon Dursley."
"How about Luxord?" Xemnas asked.
"He's not fat enough." Demyx replied, deep in thought.
"But we're all freaking skinny! I mean, look at Axel…" Vexen muttered. "He's like the Flurry of Dancing Toothpicks."
"WHAT DA HELL!" Marluxia screamed. He then covered his mouth and muttered a quick sorry for ''swearing''.
"I'm straight, I'm straight, I'm straight…"
"EVERYBODY, SHADDUP! I HAVE AN IDEA!" Demyx screamed, somehow making a light bulb appear above his head.
Silence, except for Zexion, who seemed to think that it didn't apply to him. Of course, he appeared to have not heard. He was still trying to convince himself that he is one of the few straight men in the Organization. It was rather difficult seeing as he was sitting between Xemnas and Marluxia.
"Well?" Vexen finally asked.
"LUXORD CAN BE VERNON DURSLEY! AHAHAHAHA I'M SO SMART!" Demyx danced around the room.
Silence.
"OKAY!" Everybody agreed. So Luxord would be Vernon. He should be insulted.
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"Hello Vernon. How are you this ev-en-ing?" Xemnas said in a monotone to Luxord, who just stared at him.
"…What am I supposed to say again?" Luxord asked Demyx, who was sitting in his magical director's chair.
"You say 'I'm good tonight Dumbledore. Why is this stupid baby on my doorstep?' okay? Alright!"
Everybody ignored the fact that this is not how the book starts, it is actually Dumbledore, McGonagall and Hagrid dumping Harry and leaving.
"Oh, okay. Let me try again." Luxord cleared his throat, while Xemnas said his line again…for the 35th time.
"Hello VER-NON. How are YOU this EV-EN-ING?"
"Uh…oh right. You say I'm good tonight Dumble-dore. Why is this stu-pid bay-bee on my door STEP? Okay? Alright!" Luxord managed to say in one breath, in a monotone.
"CUT!" Demyx screamed. "GAH YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY SUCK ASS!"
Everyone stared.
"I'M DIRECTOR I CAN SWEAR IF I WANT!" Demyx screamed as one of his eyes twitched.
"Ahem."
"It's not OUR faults. We're freaking Nobodies, not award winning actors." Xemnas said angrily.
"ACTRESS HERE!" Larxene yelled at Xemnas.
"Yeah but you're portraying a guy, so it doesn't really matt- OUCH-EE MAMA." A lightning bolt had suddenly appeared out of nowhere and had struck Xemnas, causing him to scream OUCH-EE MAMA. What the hell?
"CUT! KAZERI I FUCKIN' SAID CUT!" Demyx screamed at the authoress.
"OKAY! JEEZ!" Her voice boomed down upon him.
A/N: Yeah, I know it was sad, but I really wanted to update. And the part where Luxord and Xemnas are acting, well…I just made that up so it sounded stupid. Lol. Hey, don't blame me, its past midnight…
I'd like to give a LOT of credit to my friend Lynn for starting out this update and editing it. Thank you!
Yeah, and it's Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone because the original British name was Philosopher's, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone makes it sound like it was any wizard's stone and because Lynn said so. So there.