Chapter 191
Destroyed
Holly watched in horror. She could not believe what Cameron, now Isabel-Cameron, wanted to do to her former chassis. It bothered her greatly when she kicked her former chassis in the face. It was personal at that point.
Isabel–Cameron handed Holly the M79. She was done with it.
Isabel–Cameron was pleased at what she'd just done.
Isabel–Cameron picked up the Thermite grenade and pulled the pin….
Holly did not want to watch, she turned her face away. She could not watch as the tears streamed down her cheeks. How could Cameron do this to herself? She wondered how Cameron could hate herself so much, when everyone else loved her so much - HOW?
It seemed the more everyone loved Cameron, the more she despised herself. It was like some inverse negative effect instead of the positive effect that it should be.
Now they were left with Isabel. Cameron even refused to use her own name.
Moments ago:
John Henry and John watched the security feed. They tracked them to the storage area and its thick concrete walls.
John was a little upset they'd lost visual contact.
"What are they doing in there?" John asked.
John Henry did not like what showed up on his server.
"Cameron has disabled the security feeds and the fire suppression system." John Henry said. "That is a major safety concern."
There was another concern for John. It was the weapons that they carried. They did not need that weaponry on the base.
"Why is Holly carrying ordnance?" John asked.
John Henry did not see many choices. All of them were bad.
"I don't know." John Henry said. "Unless…."
John could not believe what they'd witnessed so far.
Cameron was out of control.
John was afraid they were all going to blame him for this. He figured they all did anyway. This would simply be the icing on the cake.
He thought back to being with Riley on the bus and in the honeymoon suite in Mexico. The night they spent together in the truck was beautiful. Cameron caught him the next morning. It was that look on her face that still haunted him. He wanted to rub it in Cameron's face then. He'd always stood up for Riley over Cameron and took Riley's side. He'd even made fun of Cameron with Riley. All of that stabbed Cameron's 'heart'. Now it all came back to haunt him.
Maybe he should not have been so defiant and mouthy to Cameron a short while ago. THAT encounter seemed to be what triggered this latest event.
At this point he was sure they would all 'blame' him for this latest folly on Cameron's part.
Isabel–Cameron took the M79 from Holly. She returned it to the arms locker. There was a giant smile that beaming across her face. She was very content right now. She was the victor. She was the one who 'won'.
Holly remained outside the storage room. She would prevent anyone from entering as instructed by Isabel–Cameron.
Isabel–Cameron wanted to 'hide' what she'd just done. When she was ready she would allow them to see. It would ALL depend on John and his resolve. It was his fault again.
'Now whose face is going to get rubbed in it?' Isabel–Cameron thought with a smile.
At this point Holly would rather shut down or go into standby - indefinitely. She knew she was a machine but she felt 'sick'.
She did not know how much Cameron hated 'herself'. Holly did not know anyone could hate themselves that much, especially a - machine. Cameron, now Isabel, was clearly beyond any normal machine or even human emotions.
Holly wondered if a machine could go 'insane'.
What was sanity or insanity? Who was the judge? Who made the rules? What some thought of as sane today may be viewed as insane at a later date. The reverse also applied.
Was Skynet insane? Did it go insane? Did Cameron drive it insane?
John approached Isabel–Cameron. It was time to face the music. He was very displeased with 'Cameron'. He disliked the name change immensely as well.
Isabel–Cameron spotted John headed for her. He looked steamed. She wanted to show off her 'new found' perfect chassis and sheath. She slowly turned around in front him.
"Well, do you like it?" Isabel–Cameron asked.
John looked her over. It was impossible not to like. The trouble was that he liked Cameron better in every aspect including her name.
"Do you want the truth? No. I liked you the way you were." John said. "Did you have to destroy 'it'?"
Isabel–Cameron frowned a little at the mention of Nobody.
"I threw out the trash. Nobody is 'gone." Isabel–Cameron said proudly.
John wanted to find some way to reach Cameron. She seemed so defiant. Why?
"Cameron, I don't understand any of this." John said. "I really don't. I want to work to resolve this."
Isabel–Cameron felt agitated already that John did not use her correct name.
"My name is Isabel." Isabel–Cameron said.
John felt just as defiant now. He spoke with anger.
"Your name is Cameron. That is how I will call you." John said.
Isabel-Cameron became enraged. She wanted to strike John. Something inside of her 'touched' her. There was a feeling of calmness that flooded her. It prevented her from striking John. She would have done it otherwise for disrespecting her again. Who did he think he was?
She controlled herself and wanted to clear things up for John so he could better understand and comprehend. She still felt the need to be stern and dominant.
"You will address me as Isabel. I will not respond to that other 'slave' name. That unit was 'not good enough'. Everyone she loved threw her away like trash and replaced her." Isabel–Cameron said. "Now I've replaced her. I'm the one who terminated her. I DID. Don't push me."
John could see this was not going to end well. He wanted to apologize for his transgressions and sins. He wanted to try and clear the air. He even apologized for things 'he' hadn't even done yet, for things Future John may have done.
"Cameron, I'm sorry about what I 'did'. I'm sorry that I sent you away in the future." John said. "I'm sorry about Riley."
The mention of Riley almost set her off as much as using the 'other name' of Nobody.
"You will not address me with that 'Bitch Whore' name again." Isabel–Cameron said.
The urge to strike John returned and then was suppressed. It was time for a simple reminder. It was time to restrict the only thing she felt John 'needed' her for.
"I will get the rest of my things and establish my own room. You need to remember that we are divorced." Isabel–Cameron said.
John remembered that incident. It was not real to him at the time. Cameron could not make some 'divorce proclamation' on her own.
"That was not even a real 'divorce'." John said. "You know that."
John knew it was not even a real marriage either. Who can marry a machine?
"It was a real 'divorce'. It was that terminated 'Bitch Whore' that you think you were married to." Isabel–Cameron said. "This is the new me - Isabel. You must accept the new reality."
John just looked at her. Words were useless at a time like this.
"Until you get an attitude adjustment, you can just wonder what this body would be like in bed." Isabel–Cameron said and stormed off.
John wondered how this was all happening. There was one thing he wanted to know. He did wonder how Isabel's body would compare to Cameron's and Riley's. Isabel was a total knock out.
He was ready to break her in. Maybe that's what she needed. A little sack time should straighten her out. He smiled when he realized it would 'straighten' both of them out.
Jesse was in the background for all the 'events' that seemed to just happen. She did not want to anger anyone. She had her own feelings to contend with.
She waited until Holly left the storage area and then entered the room. She'd waited for this opportunity and she'd checked daily.
She tried to harden herself before she entered the room. As hard and cold as she could be were not enough to 'protect' her. The raw emotion in her leaked out. The visual impact almost staggered her.
Jesse saw - it. She knew what she thought she was going to see - but THIS? What kind of insanity was behind this?
"Oh, love, what have they done to you?" Jesse said as she cried.
Jesse cried and cried and cried some more. She cried until Gail came and carried her to her room. Gail cried too as she took Jesse away.
It saddened Gail to see Jesse reduced to 'jello' as much as it did to see 'Cameron'.
When Holly did the chip swaps for Cameron, she wanted to make sure that Cameron was able to control herself as Isabel.
As Isabel-Cameron's anger grew and irrational thoughts flooded her, there was a calming influence that would come over her, soothing her, saving her and helping her. It was 'Holly'.
Holly copied her program onto Isabel–Cameron's chip to help her and prevent her from doing 'stupid things'.
When Isabel–Cameron thought of extreme behavior, there was 'someone' inside of her to reach out to her and guide her.
There was one issue that seemed to bother her. Where did the urge to strike John come from and where did it go?
The copy of Holly on her chip stabilized her.
Allison and Vanna spotted Jesse. They could see she was distraught and seemed to have been crying.
Gail asked them to come and speak with Jesse. She knew the girls could help Jesse.
Jesse ran to Vanna and Allison when she spotted them.
"They did it. They really did it." Jesse got out between sobs.
Vanna did not like it but she understood some of the reasoning behind it.
"It was what Cameron wanted, Jesse." Vanna said. "This way she has a chance to live and to survive."
Allison did not think all the doors were closed yet. There were still a lot of options out there.
"Cameron can always use my DNA to resequence herself if she ever wants her former appearance." Allison said. "Or she can use Vanna's or yours, Jesse."
Vanna lacked the courage to see Cameron. She thought she lacked the emotional stability to see the results. She did not think she could. Maybe it was time.
"Do we even want to see her?" Vanna asked.
"If you feel like crying your heart out you do." Jesse said.
Allison was gripped with fear at the thought of seeing her.
"Maybe we will go later." Allison said.
Vanna and Allison both felt like throwing up at this point.
Allison and Vanna talked it over in their room. They felt they owed it to Cameron to see her. She was everything to them. This was not the time to abandon her. That was something they swore they would never do.
They went to the storage area and stood outside the door.
Allison and Vanna looked at the wall.
There it was. Cameron's poem was etched in the concrete. It was her first poem.
The two girls needed each other for strength. This is where their love stood true and bold. They were one.
Allison and Vanna took each other's hand as they read it aloud together.
Outsider
When I look in the mirror
I do not like what I see
When I look inside of myself
I do not like what I can not be
I hate what I am
I hate what I am not
I hate everything about me
I understand that covers a lot
I feel so small
It is as if I do not exist
Useless and worthless, a Nobody
Nothing on which to subsist
I am an outsider
Always on the outside looking in
There is so much inside me
To want to share love is not a sin
From this eternal torment, there is no escape
My mind, heart and soul are shredded and torn
If I had only one wish it would be
Never to have been born
Cameron
AKA
Nobody
Both of the girls knew the pain that was behind that poem and the hundreds that followed. Cameron's pain was the type of pain that never went away or dulled. It only seemed to intensify in her, torment her, haunt her and terminate her.
The girls were strong. This was tougher than dealing with the dead in the future. This was someone the girls loved above all others.
"Are you ready?" Vanna asked.
Allison felt weak. This needed to be done.
"No, but I want to see her 'one last time'." Allison said.
They opened the door and entered the room.
Both women burst into tears as they looked at 'it'. No, as they looked at her – Cameron. They collapsed against each other in the deepest sadness and pain.
'Rag Doll' by 'The Quick', seemed appropriate for the 'condition' that Cameron was in.
Deepest Sadness And Pain
The very emotions that cut to the bone
As they savage the heart and brain
Creating beautiful poetry that comes
Out of the deepest sadness and pain
As those we love and worship
Shower us with traumatic rejection
It is something we never understand
No matter the time lost in reflection
Being cast aside like living flotsam
Is doubled in the agony of replacement
Knowing what it is like to be tortured
The heart and minds absolute defacement
Not good enough
NOT GOOD ENOUGH
NOT . GOOD . ENOUGH
N.O.T_G.O.O.D_E.N.O.U.G.H
Screams and cries haunt the heart and mind
Growing only louder with the echoes of time
What we once were excruciatingly expires
Leaving only a trace in an insignificant rhyme
As we capitulate our meaningless existence
Leaving life to the living we chose to abstain
Formulating picturesque verse that comes
Out of the deepest sadness and pain
Nobody
Freedom Seems Easy
What is the point
It's the same old crap
We think it gets better
That is the trap
Look all around
Is this it for you
Life would dictate
It was the best we could do
There has to be better
There has to be more
It fixes nothing
If we walk out that door
There is nothing we can do
There is no way to win
To seek what we desire
Is nothing but sin
What does it take
To get a true hug
Freedom seems as easy
As pulling the plug
Nobody