Chapter 192

Rag Doll

Isabel–Cameron made the rounds to 'reacquaint' herself with everyone. She went and visited the protection details. Everyone was glad she was doing better.

No one liked to see 'Cameron' or 'Isabel' now, have any problems.

Isabel–Cameron was proud of her 'new look' and wanted everyone to see it. Everyone addressed her by her new name - Isabel.

Isabel–Cameron was a little upset no one said she looked better now. She KNEW she did. She tried to get herself Tight and then Tighter. She knew she was HOT. She thought maybe no one wanted to say she looked better than 'Cameron' in case she Resequenced her current sheath. Then they would feel bad they said 'Isabel' looked better than 'Cameron'. She wondered if they all feared her for some reason. She couldn't understand why anyone would think that.

It wasn't her fault with what happened with John before. Where did all of her troubles emanate from? They surely weren't of her own doing.

To call her Isabel did not seem to be a problem for anyone else other than John.

What was it about John? He always seemed to be a problem. She avoided John whenever possible. It irritated her that he still referred to her by her slave name 'Cameron'. If she did not love him so much she would teach him some manners. She didn't want to hurt him too much but maybe she would anyway. Learning a few manners would do John some good. No one else seemed to have trouble learning 'new things'.

It was becoming very troublesome to deal with him. Every time she would try to 'offer' herself to him, he would address her as 'Cameron'. That immediately put an end to that. 'Cameron' and John were divorced. She was not 'Cameron'. As Isabel she should be free to purser her own sexual desires and explore her new sexual freedom.

She was not 'Cameron' anymore and everyone needed to understand that. That included John.

She was anxious to 'try out' her new chassis to see how it performed and if the sensations were different. She'd experimented with herself alone and found them to be very similar but slightly different. She felt that she to need to continue to experiment, especially when she thought of John. It seemed she experimented a lot anymore.

Isabel–Cameron spent a lot of time naked in front of a full length mirror. She could see nothing wrong with this sheath. Why didn't John want her anymore? She even asked Holly to stand naked with her to compare. They could only see each other as drop dead gorgeous.

Holly did have to admit that being naked with Isabel–Cameron was 'exciting'. Both of them 'thought about it' but neither of them said it. The desire to share with each other was overwhelming for both of them….

Isabel–Cameron frustrations were becoming overburdening. Maybe she did need to 'say' something to Holly or one of the girls. Maybe it was time to try one other approach first.

"Holly, I want John to use the REAL females. I also want you to help me. You have my permission as well to pursue John." Isabel–Cameron said. "I know you've been 'comforting' him since my 'upgrade'."

Isabel–Cameron knew all they ever did was talk. She checked often. If John would have started a sexual relationship with Holly she would have asked Holly to switch chips with her.

Isabel–Cameron definitely considered her new chassis an upgrade. At least when she saw her reflection now she did not hate herself. That was the way she felt when she'd seen that other 'Not Good Enough' reflection, that 'NOBODY' in the mirror.

Holly handed Isabel–Cameron a cable and turned around as she moved her hair aside as she exposed her neck port. Isabel–Cameron plugged the cable in and turned around herself. She moved her hair to the side. Holly plugged the cable in. It was their first interface with the cable. Before when they shared, they were on Holly's chip 'together'.

It was an experience both machines craved to share their thoughts. There was more to it than sharing. It was something 'Cameron' requested. It was a maintenance feature. Isabel–Cameron thanked her when they were finished. She did not want to become violent or keep making life altering decisions. 'Holly' on her chip would calm and rationalize with her if she started to go 'off the reservation'.

Isabel–Cameron was not done 'pushing' on Holly yet. Maybe a new approach would work. She needed to motivate her somehow.

"Do you wish to share my files of John and me 'alone'?" Isabel–Cameron asked. "You will find them rewarding."

Holly was a little confused at the offer. That was something Duplicate Cameron refused to allow her to have before. She was curious and wondered 'what it was like'.

Duplicate Cameron was afraid Holly would then want to make her own files. If Holly loved John she could 'confine' her on her chip or even erase her.

"That was something you never shared before when we were together for over a year." Holly said.

Isabel-Cameron did not know how to explain that. It was her but it wasn't. That was Duplicate Cameron. The circumstances were different. Duplicate Cameron did not have a chassis then and did not want to defile Holly's chassis.

"I want you to experience those sensations and feelings. I want you to want them. I want you to 'share' with John since he won't touch me anymore. I want you to 'touch him' and share those feelings back with me. You MUST make love with John and share with me, PLEASE." Isabel–Cameron said. "I want to be with John. You must do this for me and share the file with me. It is the only way I can be with him."

Cameron knew how desperate she must sound. She didn't care. She would have Holly tell John that 'Cameron' was on her chip again. Maybe that would do it.

Holly wanted to help Isabel-Cameron but that did not seem like the proper way. She was sure that would only lead to more frustration for Isabel-Cameron.

"Isabel, you know I can't do that." Holly said. "I won't do that to you."

Holly saw how distraught Isabel–Cameron looked. She wanted to explain herself. It wasn't that she didn't want to do that. It was that she felt it was wrong under those conditions.

"I will not be with your husband as long as you exist." Holly said. "I will share myself with YOU if you need to share and John will not. I am here for you Isabel. I will never abandon you. I will be with you."

A thrill of excitement rushed through Isabel–Cameron. She was willing to try that. It would be beautiful to share with Holly. It may even be better than what John could deliver. She also knew from Duplicate Cameron being on Holly's chip that Holly was not ready to explore that way. Not yet anyway. That should not be something she 'forced' or coerced Holly to do.

"That is not what YOU want." Isabel–Cameron said.

Holly would do what she could for Isabel–Cameron as long as she did not need to 'hurt' her to help her. That was self defeating.

"No, but I will do anything for you. I love you Camer... Isabel." Holly said. "I will sacrifice to help you. I want you to be happy and feel good."

Allison, Vanna and Jesse all told her the same thing in so many words.

Everyone loved her and would sacrifice anything or do anything for her, anything but HURT her. Isabel–Cameron could not understand why she could not love herself or feel good about herself. Why wouldn't John touch her?

Isabel–Cameron leaned real hard on Allison to be with John in her place. Allison still did not want to hurt her but promised to try anyway. She made Allison promise her every time she saw her. Isabel–Cameron reminded Allison if she did what she asked, she would give Allison what she - wanted…. Isabel–Cameron really wanted that now as well. She needed 'SOMETHING'.

Isabel–Cameron was very frustrated by that. She tried to make advances on everyone else, the other females that was. Maybe they would share with her. She needed to share with someone.

There was one other person she could try. Maybe Riley would 'help' her out. Was she ready to cross that line? It would be ironic if both John and her first experience with a female was with Riley….

Savannah was upset over the entire chain of events. She was not up for any of what she considered to be 'nonsense'. She was not intimidated to confront 'Isabel'.

"I want you to look like you used to look." Savannah told her.

Isabel–Cameron could see that Savannah was sincere. That honesty made her feel guilty. Maybe she could explain herself.

"I am the same 'inside' honey." Isabel–Cameron said.

Savannah wasn't having any of that. She could feel things were different on several levels.

"No you're not. You are different both inside and outside. I want Cameron back." Savannah said. "You are a different person inside now. I am telling you this. Even if you don't know it, you are."

Isabel–Cameron was a little shocked. It seemed Savannah was confused.

"It is all the same programming on my chip. Nothing is different, Savannah. Everything is the same as it always was since I was built and first came online." Isabel–Cameron said.

Savannah did not believe so but she didn't want to argue. 'This' was not the 'same' Cameron. Maybe she could not put her finger on it but she knew this was a 'different' Cameron. Her love for Cameron was deep and strong. Isabel was 'different' to her. She would try to make the best of it for now.

"If I can still call you 'Cameron' I will feel better about the outside." Savannah said. "I don't like - Isabel."

Isabel–Cameron pulled Savannah close and hugged her. She looked around. There was a strong bond between Savannah and her.

"Sure, sweetie, you can call me 'Cameron' whenever we are alone. I would like that to be honest." Isabel–Cameron said. "No one else can call me that, only you can."

A big smile blossomed on Savannah's face.

"Thanks, Cammy, I love you." Savannah said.

Savannah kissed her cheek and ran off to study.

"I love you too, Savannah." Isabel–Cameron said.

Her eyes lingered on where Savannah disappeared around the corner. There was just something about Savannah that always touched her inside…. She knew that Savannah was the 'Chosen One'. Savannah represented the future. Maybe Savannah was the future. She only could see herself as the past.

Savannah went off to study but went back to 'spy' on Isabel. She could tell Isabel was 'Cameron' and she was not 'Cameron' at the same time.

There was more to this story and she was going to get to the bottom of it.

Isabel–Cameron went to her room and stripped. She looked at the full length mirror. She really wondered why John did not find her attractive any more. She thought of a good idea. She would put her nipple rings back on, that would get his attention. That would get everyone's attention. Sure they were 'Cameron's' but she had them now. They were in the things she removed from John's room when she moved out. It would be easier for her to establish her own independence away from John.

She'd already stopped wearing bras. She would wash her tops again to shrink them another size or two. She wanted the tops to look like they were 'painted on'. THAT would get John's attention. Nobody would be unable to 'notice' her – Nobody.

There was one thing that troubled her some. As 'Cameron' when she went out everyone always used to look at her face first. They saw her natural beauty. Now as 'Isabel' in her skimpy outfits they looked at her body first. She found that less rewarding. It was not 'her' anymore but what the comfort of 'her body' could offer someone. That was somewhat demeaning. It did not seem that John could see either thing in her any longer.

Vanna and Allison were worried about Jesse. She seemed to take the events that happened as personal. The reality was the events were beyond any of their control.

Gail asked them to 'help' Jesse. They were not really sure how. Gail said all she could offer Jesse was sex. She knew they could offer Jesse love.

It seemed Jesse was not in the mood for either. That was very unlike her. She would have sex whenever she could and would anytime they wanted to be with her.

Now she seemed very lost and distant. They all feared that the 'old Jesse' might reappear. That was something than no one wanted to see.

Jesse took a cot down to the storage room. She finally was able to get up the strength to ask Vanna and Allison to help her. They would come tomorrow. It was something she could not do on her own. Physically she could exert herself but emotionally she would always collapse. It was something that needed to be done. She could not take it anymore to see Cameron like 'that'. Jesse loved Cameron more than ever. This was HER Cameron here. Isabel–Cameron may be the same on the inside but this was HER Cameron. She should not be treated like this. This never should have happened to her.

Jesse lay on the cot and cried.

'Let It Be Me' by 'The Everly Brothers', played softly as she wept.

Love And Joy

The damage emanates from deep within
It is all the fault of someone else or others
Is how we justify the things we participate in
When what we seek is really another's

Trapped by daily meandering reality
Bound by our own self made restraints
Shackled forever to the past
Our own mind taints as it paints

What ever can change or how
All that that changes is the face
Everything ends up the same again
Nothing new only someone to replace

Once those thoughts take hold
Only new fears build and grow
A self made grave without escape
Around in our hamster wheel we go

Let not my polluted butchered sorrow
Seep into you living vibrant mind
Within my minds rubble and waste
There is much joy and love yet to find

Nobody