Chapter Four

Kara frowned as she followed Lee through the trees.

She hadn't expected their reunion to be like this. She'd thought it might be awkward; after all, the last time she'd seen him they'd had a fierce argument about his decision to resign from the fleet.

But she'd thought that under it all he'd be pleased to see her.

Maybe not. He hadn't returned her hug, and pulled his hand away from hers as if it were poisoned. Hadn't shown any emotion at all, except for anger when she'd tried to comfort him about Dee.

That had hurt. Sure, she hadn't much liked Dee, but it had been nothing personal. She knew that she wouldn't have liked anyone Lee had married, no matter how pleasant they were.

She could still remember the shock and unexpected pain she'd felt when Adama had told her about the marriage. It had taken her completely by surprise. She'd thought Lee had only taken up with Dee because he was annoyed about her and Sam, but obviously it had been more than that.

Underneath the hurt had been pure anger. Lee wasn't allowed to get married. He belonged to her. Always had.

Unfortunately she'd never told him that. Told him exactly the opposite, in fact.

Kara stumbled over a tree root and cursed under her breath. She stared at the shadow of Lee's back, barely visible in the gloom.

The last nine months without him, not knowing if he was alive or dead, had forced her to admit that she belonged to him as well. That being with him, however much it scared the crap out of her, was infinitely better than being without him.

Unfortunately it didn't appear that he felt the same way.

Of course he didn't. His wife had just died. What the hell was she thinking? He was mourning, and she should be thinking about him, not herself and her selfish needs.

Gods, she was such a frakking idiot when it came to him.

----

When they finally stopped at the base of a cliff Kara breathed a secret sigh of relief. After so long on board ship the trek through the woods had been harder than she'd expected. Irritatingly, Lee didn't seem the least out of breath. She scowled at his back as he fished a torch out of his pack and flashed a signal.

From up in the treetops a tiny light flashed back.

Lee put the torch away and headed towards the cliff. A figure stepped out of the shadows to greet them, and after a murmured exchange of words, stood back to let them pass.

Kara saw a faint glow of light in front of her, and realised there was a narrow fissure in the rock hidden behind thick bushes. She followed Lee through the narrow space, which soon widened out into a fairly sizeable cave, lit by a mixture of lanterns and torches.

"Welcome to our humble home," murmured Lee mockingly, turning to face her.

Kara had a sharp reply ready, but as she took a good look at Lee, the words died in her throat.

He looked – awful. There was no other word for it. He was painfully thin. The bones of his face jutted out sharply from under his skin. His eyes were sunk into their sockets, with bruised shadows underneath.

Ever since he'd first spoken, back at the landing site, she'd felt a sense of unease, of something not being quite right.

Now she knew something was definitely wrong. The change in his appearance might be simply due to physical hardship and strain, but the look in his eyes wasn't. She had never seen those brilliant blue eyes look so dull and lifeless.

She took a step towards him. "Lee-"

She was interrupted by pounding feet and lifted voices.

"Starbuck?"

She turned at the sound of the familiar voice to see Hot Dog approaching, Racetrack a step or two behind him.

"Starbuck? Is that really you?"

Kara grinned. She reached up and slapped him on the shoulder. "Yes, it's really me. Large as life."

"Then – that must mean-" Racetrack's mouth was trembling. "The fleet's back?"

"We certainly are." Kara smiled at her. "You didn't think the Old Man would just leave you here, did you?"

"I-" Racetrack broke off abruptly, her face crumpling. "Thank the lords of Kobol."

"Starbuck!"

Kara looked up at the sound of her name and saw more people approaching. The Chief, Cally, Doc Cottle, Tigh – she'd never thought she would be glad to see him of all people.

She found herself face to face with him after she finished hugging the Chief and Cally. She nodded warily. "Tigh." At least she didn't have to call him sir any more.

"Thrace." He looked years older than the last time she'd seen him; the lines on his face looked graven into his skin. "How's the Old Man?"

"He sends his regards," said Kara neutrally. "He's been busy trying to figure out how to get you all out of this fix."

"Haven't we all," muttered Tigh. "Roslin's organised a meeting tomorrow so you can fill us in on the plan, Captain."

"Actually, it's Major now." Despite everything, Kara couldn't help savouring the look of surprise on his face. Petty, maybe, but when everything was falling apart around you, you had to take amusement where you could. "I'm also the XO."

"He made you the XO?" The look on Tigh's face amply repaid every insult he'd flung at her over the years.

"He did," said Kara smugly. "The job's not half as hard as you made it look."

Tigh scowled at her, but whatever retort he was about to make was interrupted by Laura Roslin.

"Captain Thrace," she said, taking Kara's hand warmly. "It's so good to see you."

"You're behind the times," said Tigh sourly. "It's Major Thrace now."

"Really?" Roslin smiled. "Congratulations, Major. It's nice to hear some good news for a change, and I hope you bring more."

"So do I, Madam Pres-" Kara broke off, pulling a face. "Sorry. Old habits."

"Don't worry about it." Roslin said. "You're not the first."

"Hey, you're still President as far as I'm concerned," said Hot Dog, smiling. "Even if it is just of these caves."

Roslin laughed. "That's very kind of you, Costanza."

Kara looked round at them all, taking a deep breath. It was so odd to see them again, after so long. There were changes. They were all as thin and shabby as Lee, and looked just as strained and exhausted as he had. Roslin looked even more burdened than she had in her early days as President, and there were deep shadows on Tyrol's face that hadn't been there before. Even Hot Dog looked grave when he wasn't talking, and that was a word she would never have used to describe him before.

Cally was the worst. Kara found it hard to believe that the pale, harsh-faced woman she saw now was the same person as the cheerful, bubbly deckhand she had known. She hadn't seen this Cally smile once, and she had barely spoken a word when Kara had greeted her.

At least Doc Cottle hadn't changed, she thought with relief. He had greeted her with his usual gruff manner and was now busy scolding Lee, who had retreated to the shadows of the cave during the reunion.

Cottle pulled him into the light, scowling. "You've opened those stitches again, haven't you? Don't try brushing it off, lad, I can see the evidence." He pointed at a spreading dark stain on the side of Lee's jacket.

"It's fine," Lee protested, but now that Kara looked at him properly, she could see he was favouring his left side. "I'll change the dressing-"

"And make a pigs-ear of it," snapped Cottle. "Come with me and I'll fix those stitches before you damage yourself further."

Lee grimaced, but he followed the doctor without further protest. He didn't look at Kara as he passed her, and she looked after him with flooding anxiety.

"Is he all right? What happened to him?"

"Close encounter with a Centurion," said Hot Dog, grinning. "Two of them, in fact. You'll love the story, Starbuck – it's as crazy as anything you ever pulled-"

"Save it, Costanza," Tyrol cut in sharply. "Let Starbuck get some food and rest before you start boring her with your stories."

Kara was about to protest – she wanted to know exactly what kind of crazy things Lee had been up to – but Roslin interrupted her.

"That sounds like a good idea. I know we have a lot to talk about, Kara, but I'd like to leave the briefing till morning. You probably need some sleep, and I know I do. I'll see you and Saul in my office at ten tomorrow morning."

"Just the three of us?" Kara was surprised. "Not Apollo?"

"No." Something flickered in Roslin's eyes. "Saul and I run things around here. We'll talk privately first and then brief the others later."

Roslin and Tigh ran things? Kara blinked, startled. Lee wasn't involved? But he out-ranked Tigh – okay, so none of them were in the fleet any more, but she would have still have expected him to be one of the leaders of this resistance movement of theirs. It was the way Lee was made – give him a crisis and he led and organised, sometimes even despite himself. She couldn't believe that nine months could have changed him all that much.

All her earlier anxiety about his behaviour in the woods came rushing back. Something was definitely wrong with him, and she was going to get to the bottom of it. And she knew exactly who to ask.

She fixed Roslin with a firm stare. "All right, but before I sleep, I'd like a word with you, Laura. In private."

For a moment Laura looked like she was going to refuse, but then she met Kara's eyes and whatever she saw there seemed to make her reconsider. She nodded slowly.

"Very well, Kara. Come with me."

----

Laura took Kara Thrace back to her office, sighing inwardly. All she wanted to do was get some sleep. She had been on edge all evening waiting for Lee to return, and she had no doubt tomorrow would be an exhausting day. Once news of Kara's presence and the fleet's return spread, she would be besieged with questions and concerns.

If she thought she could get away with it she would tell Kara to wait till tomorrow, but the stubborn look on the younger woman's face had told her there was no chance of that.

Once they entered the cave and Laura had drawn the rough curtain across the entrance to give them relative privacy, Kara wasted no time. Laura had barely sat down before she spoke.

"What's wrong with Lee?"

Straight to the point, thought Laura ruefully. Kara really hadn't changed.

"Wrong?" she said slowly, trying to decide how best to answer her.

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about," Kara snapped, eyes flashing. "You know damn well, that's why you asked the Old Man to send me down here, isn't it?"

Laura didn't answer for a moment, slightly taken aback. She hadn't expected Kara to be quite so perceptive.

"Isn't it?" Kara pressed angrily, when Laura didn't reply.

Laura took a deep breath. "Yes, it is."

Kara seemed appeased by the admission; the tension in her body relaxed, and her face softened slightly. She took a seat opposite Laura.

"Why?"

Laura sighed. "Because Lee needs help, and he won't accept it from any of us. I thought you might have more luck with him – I know how close the two of you are." She remembered watching their reunion on the Astral Queen, the utter relief and joy that had shone in both their faces, the way Lee had completely lost his usual reserve and kissed Kara right in front of everybody.

"We used to be close." A shadow had fallen across Kara's face. She looked down at the maps on the plank of wood Laura used as a desk, avoiding Laura's eyes. "But – things have changed. Even before the Cylons attacked, I hadn't spoken to Lee in months."

Laura knew that. Bill had talked about it to her once. He'd been upset by the rift between them, and wanted her opinion on whether he should interfere and try to get them to reconcile.

Lee had been days away from marrying Anastasia Dualla at the time, and Kara had been happily settled with that pyramid player of hers. Laura had remembered that kiss on the Astral Queen and advised Bill to leave well enough alone. It was never a good idea to get involved in that kind of emotional quagmire.

She smiled wryly. Pity she couldn't take her own advice.

This was a different situation, though. She'd been helplessly watching Lee drift away into himself for months, and she was desperate enough to try anything to stop that. She owed him – and Bill – that much and more, after everything they'd done for her since the Colonies were destroyed.

"But you were friends for years before that," she said encouragingly. "You must know Lee better than anyone else in the fleet – except Bill, of course."

"I suppose so," said Kara softly.

"What makes you so sure something's wrong?" asked Laura curiously. "You've picked up on it very quickly."

Kara shrugged awkwardly. "He's just seems – I don't know – remote, distant. Uncaring." Her voice trembled slightly. "He's just not acting like his usual self. And when you said he wasn't helping you run things round here – that's not Lee. He always has an opinion, always has to get involved." She smiled slightly. "Even when you wish he wouldn't."

Laura couldn't help smiling back. "You're right there. Right about everything, in fact. Lee was running the resistance – he was the one who set everything up. He found this place to use as a base, recruited people, led raids to get weapons – I was the one who was helping him, initially."

"So what changed?"

Laura sighed, bracing herself. She wasn't looking forward to telling this story; the memories still hurt.

"It's something to do with Dee, isn't it?" said Kara quietly. She was staring at the maps again. "With how she died."

Laura was startled. "How do you know that?"

"Because Lee got upset when he talked about her."

"He got upset?"

"Yes." Kara looked up at Laura's tone, and frowned. "Why are you looking so pleased?"

Laura smiled at her puzzled face, blinking back a sudden rush of emotion. "I'm sorry, it's just – for months I've been talking to Lee, trying to get him to show some sign that he still feels something, cares about something, and now you spend a few hours with him and-" She had to stop and collect herself. "It looks as if I was right to ask for you after all."

Kara was looking at her searchingly. "You really care about him," she said slowly. "Why?"

Laura smiled. "That first day of the attacks – from the moment I met him, he gave me unwavering support. He stood next to me when I was sworn in as president, gave me advice when I needed it, stood up for me and my decisions against his father – I've never forgotten that. And then when I came to know him I grew to like him for his own sake. He's been a good friend."

Kara watched her intently as she spoke. When Laura finished, she nodded, as if satisfied. "He's a good friend to have," she said finally and smiled.

The smile made Laura blink. Open, warm, without a hint of reserve – she'd never received such a smile from Kara Thrace before.

That was just it, she realised suddenly. It was a smile from Kara, not from Starbuck. A smile of acceptance, and of friendship.

She smiled back, letting her own reserve slip away, and their eyes met in understanding.

"So," said Kara finally. "Tell me. What happened to Lee?"

"Well, as I said," Laura began, "Lee set up the resistance. He got out of New Caprica town the same day the Cylons landed, before they rounded everyone up. He stayed out in the woods until he found this place, coming into town after dark to recruit or get people out."

"And Dee was with him?"

Laura shook her head. "I expect you know that Dee was working for Baltar before the Cylons invaded, alongside Felix Gaeta. Well, after the invasion, when it became apparent Baltar was going to do everything he could to co-operate with the Cylons-" She couldn't help showing her disgust at that. "They both decided they could help our cause best by staying in their posts, appearing to collaborate, and passing on all the information about the Cylons they could."

Kara nodded, looking grave. "Good for them. But doing that must have been incredibly dangerous. Especially for Dee, being Lee's wife. How did she manage to convince them she wasn't working with him?"

"She told them she thought the resistance was doomed and she wanted no part of it," said Laura. "Then Lee arranged for a raid on the President's office when she was on duty. Dee made sure she was near enough to the explosion to be injured, so that the Cylons would realise Lee didn't care about her safety and there was no point in using her as a bargaining chip against him." Laura paused awkwardly. "To be honest – they hadn't been getting along too well just before the invasion, so anyone the Cylons questioned about them would have supported the story that Dee would put her own welfare before loyalty to Lee."

"How convenient," said Kara, with a gleam in her eyes that Laura couldn't interpret.

"Anyway," said Laura hurriedly, " Dee passed on a lot of useful information. Locations of supplies, the timing of Cylon patrols, gaps in their security – we'd never have got the resistance running successfully without the help of her and Gaeta. But eventually, her luck ran out."

"Someone realised what she was up to?"

Laura nodded. "We never found out who or what betrayed her, but the Cylons discovered she was working for the resistance. They didn't arrest her immediately though. Instead they followed her to see who else she might lead them to. And unfortunately she led them to Lee, the next time he came to the town to meet her."

"Oh, gods," said Kara. "The founder of the resistance? The Cylons probably couldn't believe their luck."

"They certainly didn't waste it," said Laura grimly. "They arrested them both on the spot. Unfortunately it took several days for us to realise what had happened. Lee was often away for days at a time, visiting contacts, and it wasn't until Gaeta raised the alarm about Dee and we tried to trace Lee that we realised what must have happened."

She could still remember the horror of that discovery, and it must have shown in her voice, because Kara's eyes widened in sympathy.

"You must have been frantic. Lee must have known more about the resistance network than anyone else."

"Exactly," said Laura flatly. "And Dee knew most of the people who were posing as collaborators and working for us – gods, she'd recruited most of them. For them both to be captured – it was an utter disaster. I knew they'd both hold out under torture for as long as they could, but I couldn't rely on them staying silent. Something had to be done."

"So what did you do?" Kara was leaning forward, caught up in the story.

Laura took a deep breath. Even now, she still couldn't quite believe she'd done what she had. "I ordered an attack on the prison."

Kara stared at her. "But that's-"

"Foolhardy? Risky? I know," said Laura. "But I was desperate, and I couldn't see any other choice. We had to stop Lee and Dee from talking, one way or the other. If they did and we lost our base and our inside contacts, we were done for anyway. So I sent a team into the prison to rescue them if they could-"

"And kill them if they couldn't?" said Kara accusingly.

"Yes," said Laura, meeting the young woman's outraged eyes calmly. "This kind of war allows no room for sentimentality, Kara. They wouldn't have blamed me for it."

After a moment the accusing light faded out of Kara's eyes. "I know." She sighed. "So what happened?"

"I arranged a diversionary attack on one of their arms depots. It drew most of the Cylons away, and Gaeta managed to find an excuse to visit the prison and let our people in. They managed to get Lee out – and a few of our other people, while they were at it – but it was too late for Dee. They'd already killed her."

Kara went pale. She closed her eyes and murmured something under her breath that sounded like a prayer.

"She didn't give them any information, though," said Laura, not trying to hide the pride in her voice. " Gaeta and our other agents kept their cover."

After a moment Kara looked up. "And Lee?"

"He hadn't told them anything either, although they'd beaten him badly. Between that and losing Dee, Cottle was afraid he wasn't going to pull through for a while. He did, though."

"Lee's tougher than he looks," Kara muttered. "Always has been."

"In some ways," Laura said quietly. "Physically, he's recovered fully, but mentally – he's not been the same since. He barely eats or sleeps. He doesn't speak much, and when he does it's strictly business – fighting the Cylons is all he seems to care about now."

"It's only natural he should want revenge," said Kara slowly.

"It's more than that," said Laura. "He seems obsessed with it. When he's out on a raid and he sees a Cylon, he doesn't stop until he takes them out – even if it's highly risky to himself. Saul and I had to stop him leading missions – he's too reckless and his judgement just isn't reliable any more. I only wish I could stop him going on missions altogether, but I can't afford to - we just don't have enough people with military training."

"That injury he had," Kara said. Her hands were clenched tightly together. "Hot Dog said it was a close encounter with a Centurion-"

Laura told her the story, and Kara went even paler. "The damned idiot! Does he want to get himself killed?"

"I'm afraid he does," said Laura, finally voicing the thought that worried her most. "The way he's withdrawn from everything – everyone – he doesn't seem to care about living any more."

She was half hoping that Kara would disagree with her, say she was imagining things, but the other woman didn't.

"You might be right," she said, finally meeting Laura's eyes. "It – it wouldn't be the first time." She flushed slightly at Laura's look of surprise. "I wouldn't normally say anything about it, but-"

"Don't worry, I understand," Laura hastened to assure her. "Helping Lee is the more important than keeping confidences. And you can be sure I won't repeat anything you tell me."

"Thank you," said Kara. She sat in silence for a moment, frowning. Laura watched her curiously.

Finally Kara spoke. "There must be more to it than that."

"What?" Laura was confused.

"There must be more to this than Dee's death."

Laura stared at her. "You think his wife's death isn't enough reason for him to act like this?"

Kara didn't seem to notice her sarcasm. "No. Lee's lost people before – his brother, his mother – and he's coped. Why would this be different?" She frowned thoughtfully. "Do you know exactly how Dee died?"

"No." Laura grimaced. "I didn't ask for details."

"Who would know?"

"Gaeta, I suppose. He was the one who found her."

"I'll ask him, then." Kara looked at Laura's puzzled face and half smiled. "Trust me on this one. I know Lee. For this to be eating away at him so badly, there must be something more to it."

"If you say so." Laura wasn't convinced. "So I can leave Lee to you then?"

Kara nodded soberly. "I'll do my best. And Laura?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for getting me down here." Kara's eyes were wide and sincere. "I don't want to lose him - especially not to himself."

Laura found herself smiling. For the first time in weeks, she actually believed that they wouldn't.

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Author's Note: Sorry this chapter is so long, but there was a lot of backstory to get through.